The Atwood Sister: Part 3
by juniormands
Summary: 3rd story in The Atwood Sister series. The Cohens are faced with troubling problems and things take a turn for the worse when a mysterious figure from Ryan and Rachel's past comes to change their lives forever...
1. The Vegas

_**THE VEGAS**_

_Life, finally complete,  
__Back to normal, feeling fine.  
__Should be able to see,  
__That things have only just begun._

_Surface Under  
Age_

"You're kidding," Ryan said looking at the two people before him in complete shock.

"My parents work in mysterious ways," Seth commented tightening the arms which he had placed securely around Rachel's waist, who, at the moment, could not make her mind work enough to process words she had just heard.

The Cohen family sat around the lounge, the younger members on one side, the older on the other. Kirsten and Sandy glanced at each other after seeing the disbelief in both Ryan and Rachel's eyes when they had made their announcement.

"You're looking a bit sick there Rachel," Sandy stated looking at the young girl sitting on Seth's lap with a smile.

Rachel stared back at him for a moment before letting out a small laugh. "You guys can't be serious about this…can you?"

Kirsten shrugged slightly. "We _do_ work in mysterious ways."

Ryan looked over at his sister feeling the exact same thing as she was. This couldn't be true. This was _too good_ to be true.

"I personally have no objections, just for the record," Seth insisted.

Rachel turned slightly to face him. "This coming from the guy who talks to a plastic horse," she joked.

"Hey, there will be no comments made about Captain Oats during this conversation. These things will get back to him," Seth said pouting slightly and causing Rachel to smile at his cuteness. "And you know how his ego is in tatters after his broken relationship with the My Little Pony we saw in the Toys 'R' Us catalogue."

Rachel raised an eyebrow at his comment. "A horse with low self esteem. Now I think I've heard it all."

"When Seth's involved," Ryan began. "You probably haven't."

Seth nodded slightly seeing the grin which grew on Rachel's face as he did. He loved to make her smile, because that was when she looked the most amazing. Her entire face lit up, her eyes sparkled. It was the smile that after first meeting her, Seth had very soon fallen in love with.

"So, when has this all been arranged for?" Ryan asked.

Sandy answered. "We leave here tomorrow night, so you kids don't have much time to get ready."

"Wait," Rachel began. "You never told us why we were going."

Sandy looked at her strongly suddenly realising that she was right. "I have a business conference for the firm there, so Kirsten and I thought to bring the whole family."

Ryan was nodding his head slightly as Seth spoke. "Well, looks like we'd better get packing. I'll help Rach with any heavy lifting of the clothes variety."

"Oh no you don't Buster," Rachel stated. "You touch my stuff and you die."

Seth's expression turned to one of alarm as he stared at her. "Uh-oh."

Rachel's eyes flashed at the thought of him already going through her things before she realised that he was only joking. "I can't tell when you're joking and being serious any more."

"It's my best attribute," Seth insisted not being quick enough to block to playful hit which came his way.

He quickly caught Rachel's wrists in his hands and looked at her strongly.

"There will be none of that missy."

"Just because if we start to fight you know you'll get your ass kicked," Rachel smirked.

Seth raised an eyebrow. "There's always that."

"Will you two get a room," Ryan suddenly spoke.

Rachel laughed slightly at her brothers comment. He always had a way with words, even though he wasn't one to use them around people often.

_Well, around people that _aren't _me,_ she thought.

Over the years it had become more and more obvious to Rachel that Ryan seemed to be most comfortable when they were together, a trait which had shone through many times. He was able to speak out more freely, to offer more in-depth advice, and to just be _himself_ while she was around.

Rachel smiled to herself at the thought. Ryan seemed to keep a special side of himself just for her.

"Packing would probably be a good thing right now," Seth said moving his hands to Rachel's waist and lifting her off his lap, causing her to suddenly snap out of her trail of thought.

"What? Oh, yeah…" she murmured.

Ryan frowned in a deep thought. "What do you take to Vegas anyway?"

* * *

Marissa looked at her strongly, seeing Summer frown slightly at the same time. Anna stood before them, a hopeful expression on her face. She took in a deep breath waiting to hear their answer. 

"I honestly don't think that this is a good idea," Marissa commented.

Summer nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I mean, you're totally going to ruin his vacation."

Anna shook her head in shock. "No, if I tell him once he's gone then at least he will have the vacation to take his mind off it."

She shrugged slightly, unsure as to whether her choice of action was the right one to take. She loved Seth as any friend would love another and seeing him hurt was the last thing that Anna wanted. Especially after everything that had happened between herself and Rachel in the previous months.

"Look, the Cohen's leave to go to Vegas tomorrow night, that gives you enough time to talk to Seth and still have him enjoy the time away from Newport," Marissa stated folding her arms.

Anna looked at her friend sadly. "I don't think I could bare to see him watch me leave. You forget Marissa, I'm not coming back."

"Anna, are you like the most selfish person on the planet? It'll kill Cohen to know that you just up and left without ever thinking about how it might, you know, make him feel and whatever," Summer said.

Anna smiled sadly at the girls before her. "I can't tell him face to face because…that would mean that I have to say goodbye."

"But it's not goodbye," Marissa insisted.

"And that's why I don't want to have to say it," Anna stated. "The more I think about this, the more I realise that I'm right in what I'm saying."

Marissa and Summer fell silent at the comment. They both knew that no matter how much they tried to convince her otherwise, once Anna's mind was made up, it was made up.

"I just hope you know what you're doing," Marissa said quietly.

Anna smiled at the comment. "I do."

* * *

Kirsten stood there in shock staring at her husband who did not seem to understand why she was so upset. 

"It's not like you all won't be busy. You probably won't even realise that I'm gone," Sandy insisted as he threw two pairs of work pants onto the bed.

"What do you mean we will _all_ be too busy?" Kirsten insisted. "The kids are underage which means that they won't be out gambling, they'll probably spend the entire time in the hotel or out exploring the town. And then what am I supposed to do?"

Kirsten looked at Sandy strongly, not being able to grasp what he had told her only moments before. After receiving a rather long phone call Sandy had announced to her that he would be spending minimal time with the family during the vacation, as the business conference would run for longer hours than he anticipated.

This was the first time in too long that the whole family had the opportunity to leave their hectic lives at Newport behind and be together. Kirsten didn't understand why Sandy had to spend so much time away from them when it was his idea to bring everyone along for the trip in the first place.

"You know what Sandy?" Kirsten said. "We're just not going to go, okay?"

Sandy almost laughed at the comment. "What do you mean you're not going to go?" he insisted.

Kirsten whirled on him and made no attempt to mask her anger as her voice rose with every word. "What's the point of going when we can only spend as much time with you that we would if you had left us behind?"

"This isn't up to me Kirsten!" Sandy fumed. "If it was we would be spending every hour of the day together."

Kirsten stared at her husband, seeing the frustration in his eyes and knowing that it would be evident in her own. She turned to leave when she came face to face with Rachel who looked rather awkward at the situation that she had walked in on.

"I'm sorry," she began. "I'll just go."

Sandy let out a calming sigh. "Rachel, what is it?" He asked, trying his best not to sound aggravated.

Rachel turned back to them and smiled slightly. "Um…Seth was just wondering if we could take two cars, just in case we wanted to do something that you two didn't." She was quick to answer her own question. "But don't worry about it, we don't have too."

"No," Kirsten said. "That would probably be a good idea seeing as one of us will _never_ be around anyway." Her emphasis on the word 'never' only made Rachel look away self-consciously.

She had never seen Kirsten and Sandy fight before, at least not as severely as this. Rachel felt completely out of place walking in on a private moment such as this.

"I'll just…" Rachel began glancing quickly at the couple. "Go and tell them." And with that she turned to leave.

As soon as she was gone Kirsten glared at her husband. "See what you've done now, Rachel felt completely out of place walking in on us fighting."

Sandy only looked at her before turning around and resuming his packing.

* * *

"Just think," Seth said kissing Rachel as they stood outside near the Range Rover waiting for the rest of the family to bring out their things for the trip. "A whole two weeks in The Vegas together. We can be completely alone in our own hotel room." He brought his lips to hers again. 

"Seth, we have our own bedroom right here," Rachel stated but this only provoked him to kiss her again.

"Yes, but it's not a _hotel_ room," he commented.

Rachel pulled away and stared at him strongly. "Are you _suggesting_ something Cohen?"

Seth looked at her playfully and raised a single eyebrow before whispering softly into her ear. "Maybe."

Rachel hit him across the arm causing Seth to recoil and give her a questioning glance, which Rachel only smiled at. At that moment Ryan walked out of the front door with two full suitcases in either hand and rolled his eyes.

"Something might be able to be arranged," Rachel murmured to Seth whose eyes only grew wider at the thought.

"Hey!" Ryan called out to the pair causing them to notice him. "How about you two stop flirting and help with the bags?"

Seth turned to Ryan placing his hands on Rachel's waist. "A little busy right now dude, I kinda have my hands full."

Ryan moved up close to Seth and stared at him strongly. "That would be my sister you're talking about Seth."

Seth looked down at Rachel who's eyes were ticking from him to Ryan and then back again. "I'm well aware of that," Seth said.

Ryan put a strong hand on Seth's chest and pushed him away from Rachel. "So am I," he said menacingly. "So how about you _go_ and _help_." The words were a statement rather than a question.

"Fine," Seth grumbled and moved away from the pair after a moment.

Rachel leaned up against the four-wheel drive and soon Ryan joined her, both of them looking back at the house and sharing a quiet moment.

"I haven't seen you around much lately," Rachel spoke.

Ryan smirked. "You've been to busy with your _hands full _to notice," he mocked causing Rachel to glare at him.

"You _know_ that's not what I was heading towards," she insisted.

"Sure."

Rachel playfully elbowed her brother in the side only making him laugh at the gesture. "You love to pick on me, don't you?" she asked. "So where have you been?"

Ryan shrugged slightly at the question. "Around," he answered.

Rachel narrowed her eyes at him. "Around with _your_ hands full of a little thing called _Marissa_?" She looked over at him when she received no response and stretched her arms up above her head. "Ooh, the student has become the master."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "I'm not a student compared to you."

"Lately you have been, it's taken you too long to get back in the dating saddle."

"How do you know it hasn't happened before this?"

"I know you too well Ry', you can't keep anything from me," Rachel stated.

"Who said I wanted too?" Ryan asked causing his sister to stop short at the question as he looked at her.

"Then why didn't you just tell me? And don't you _dare_ say what you want to say."

Ryan shrugged sheepishly and put his hands up in defence. "Things are just going so good right now, I thought I might end up screwing it up."

Rachel placed and arm around Ryan's shoulder. "Telling me won't ruin anything, okay?" Ryan just smiled. "Okay, good, now we'd better go help Seth before he breaks his back with those bags."

"You packed a lot?"

"Just to see if he could carry it," Rachel said innocently.

Ryan laughed at the comment before she took his hand and pulled him toward the house.

* * *

Seth let out a long sigh as the car he, Ryan and Rachel were in finally came to a stop at a red light. Rolling down his window to reveal the noises of the busy city that they had finally arrived in Seth took in the view. 

"Ah, take in that sweet, sweet air," he stated taking in a large intake of air, including the fumes which the truck beside them had just blown out.

Ryan and Rachel simply stared at him and Seth began to cough and splutter, winding his window back up.

"Very healthy," he managed.

Ryan took a quick glance at his watch as he drummed his fingers upon the steering wheel as the light changed and they began to move. "We're gonna be there early," he stated.

"And that matters, why?" Rachel asked.

Ryan looked over at her as she sat beside him leaning back against the headrest. He could tell, even though she was wearing dark sunglasses, that her eyes were closed as the warm wind from her opened window blew her hair lightly across her face.

After feeling that his eyes hadn't left her, Rachel turned her head to look at Ryan who had a half smile planted on his face. She lowered her sunglasses on her nose so that she could see over the top of them and fix him with a glare.

"What?" She asked.

Ryan's smile only grew wider. "Nice look," he said.

Rachel flipped the sun visor down, revealing the small mirror attached and saw that her hair was sitting in a wavy form around her face, giving her the just-gotten-out-of-bed look. Ryan, though seeing that despite the change in her look his sister still looked as attractive as ever, couldn't help but tease her.

Rachel ruffed up her hair until it fell back into its normal place and flipped the visor back up. The smile hadn't left Ryan's face even as he turned back to the road they were driving along. Rachel narrowed her eyes at him before pushing her finger down upon his window control, sending the glass downward as a particularly strong gust of wind came through.

Ryan's hair whipped around his face, despite its short cut and Rachel couldn't suppress the laugh that rose within her as he turned to face her, a mass of disordered hair, mangled around his face.

"Very sexy," she said seriously causing Ryan to scowl at her.

"Ooh, Ryan, I'm loving the sex hair," Seth spoke from the backseat.

"Shut up Seth," Ryan said. "A minute ago your girlfriend was looking the same."

Seth nodded in agreement. "Maybe so, but at least she still looks as hot as ever, no matter what her hair is doing."

Rachel turned her gaze to outside, not being able to help the smile, which tugged at the corners of her mouth. Seth never seemed to find any flaws in her though she knew that they were there. That was something, which made her love him even more.

"Wow…"

Ryan's voice pulled Rachel back into reality and she followed his line of sight to the expansive building which they had pulled up outside.

"Damn…" Was the only word, which escaped her lips as her breath caught in her throat from seeing the sight, which would be there home for the next three days.

Seth looked out of his window to the hotel, which stood towering above the street. He had never been to the town personally but his father had told him enough about it for the sight to not come as so much of a shock to him.

A driver approached Ryan's window and tapped on it lightly when he didn't immediately capture the Atwood's attention. Ryan shook his head as though clearing it before winding down his window and addressing the young man who stood beside the car.

"Would you like me to take it from here Sir?" The man asked.

"Uh…yeah, thanks," Ryan replied switching the car off and stepping out. Soon Rachel and Seth followed suit.

"Come on," Seth said taking Rachel's hand and leading her and Ryan through the expanding double doors and into the hotel's lobby.

Rachel's eyes couldn't take in everything fast enough. There were people moving about everywhere, bouncers guarding the entrance to what looked like the largest casino she had ever seen. She was absently looking about the room even as a doorman came to take them to their suite. It was only after they entered the penthouse did Rachel actually realise that they had left the car.

"Oh…my…God…" Rachel spoke completely taken aback by the palace which she had walked into.

The main lounge area was painted a rich red colour with a fine crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling. To their right was the outdoor entertaining area and to the left was the kitchen, each furnished with what Rachel could only imagine as the most expensive furniture in all of America.

"I suppose we should get unpacked," Ryan suggested, picking up his bags and moving to one side of the lounge. "Hey look," he said disappearing for a moment before coming back with a makeshift sign, his name written in thick black marker on it. "I guess this is my room."

Rachel was standing completely frozen to her spot, gawking at her surroundings when she felt Seth behind her.

"Let's go find our room," he whispered in her ear.

They moved together through the penthouse trying to find what would appear to be the place they would stay. Seth finally let out a small shriek, which could easily have been mistaken for a girls. Rachel laughed as he put his hands over his mouth.

"Okay, that was not meant to come out like that," he said.

"Sure."

Seth placed his hand on the doorknob, which lead into the room they had been assigned to and looked at Rachel who had one eyebrow raised.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

"Too late if I'm not," she replied.

Seth pushed the door open and was instantly confronted with what must have been the most incredibly built room in the history of hotels.

"This is awesome!" He yelled bounding into the expansive room and diving onto the bed.

Rachel watched him as she walked slowly into the room feeling so overwhelmed by everything that she feared she would collapse if she didn't sit down very soon. As she moved over to the bed, Seth began to jump up and down on it like a small child.

"Bouncy bed," he said before leaping off and leaving a confused Rachel in his wake. He ran through into the adjoining room and disappearing from sight for a long time.

Rachel let out a breath and she couldn't help the smile, which slowly creeped across her face. The room in which she sat was at least twice the size of Ryan's pool house and decorated with the most precious of ornaments. China dolls sat proud upon the mahogany draws on the opposite side of the room. Artwork by Van Gogh, Monet and Michelangelo hung from the golden coloured walls. The entire room carried with it a sense of warmth and riches. Candles lined a small shelf, barely three inches wide, which ran right the way around the room. Roses were placed in a delicate vase, sitting upon the hand calved table against the wall.

This would have to be the most incredible thing, which had ever happened to Rachel. She was sitting on the bed of the most expensive suite in the entire hotel, watching her boyfriend run around like a kid in a candy store, and all the while she knew that this was just the beginning.

Suddenly Seth re-appeared a look of utter contentment on his face. "They have shower-caps," he beamed.

Rachel couldn't help but laugh at that. "We have them at home Seth."

"Yes," he agreed. "But they don't have little blue elephants on them."

The smile never left Rachel's face even as Seth went to explore the rest of the room. He moved around in a hurried frenzy, not being able to take in enough. Finally, after what seemed like an age he moved over to the bed and sat beside Rachel with a long sigh.

She simply looked at him for a moment. "Satisfied?"

Seth raised an eyebrow and looked at the room they sat in for a moment. "Not entirely."

Rachel gave him a shocked look. "Should I get the doorman to assist you?"

Seth smiled. "Well considering the doorman is a fifty year old Mexican with a receding hairline I think I'll have to pass."

"You sure?" She asked playfully.

Seth thought for a long moment before shrugging. "He'll surely be missed."

Rachel laughed softly but she was abruptly cut off by Seth's lips against hers. He snuck an arm around her waist pulling her as close as possible to him as she swiftly returned the gesture with a passion.

After what seemed like an eternity they finally broke apart but Rachel's eyes were still closed, prompting Seth to smile at her.

"That was nice," she murmured finally looking at him.

"Welcome to The Vegas."

**_TO BE CONTINUED………_**

(Well I'm back, finally.This story is going to take a different turn to the previous ones, it won't be based to heavily on Rachel's problems but rather the other main characters. Certain characters will make surprise appearances and certain characters will make surprise exits. And also, could you please tell me how you pictured Rachel, my friends and i are having a debate and i would be very interested to know your side. PLEASE REVIEW. Will post soon.)


	2. The Departing

_**THE DEPARTING**_

_They come, they go,  
__Filled our hearts then let them burn.  
__It's only now, it's not forever  
__One day our hearts will be together._

_Hearts  
__Conquered Mind_

Ryan awoke that morning to the sound of Rachel's voice saying his name. He groaned loudly and rolled over onto his opposite side so that he had his back to her. Finally feeling as though he had won the battle, Ryan felt the land of dreams tugging at his mind again. But within an instant it was gone as he was abruptly hit in the head with a pillow.

"I'm not stupid, I know you're awake," Rachel stated.

Ryan only smirked at the comment and battered the object back at her. Rachel could be such a kid when she wanted to be, she knew full well that this was the way to really get his attention, simply act like the true little sister that she was.

"Sleep," Ryan dragged out.

Rachel jumped onto the bed beside him, for the first time being annoyed with her light weight as she was not able to move the bed enough to have a real effect on her brother.

She began to whistle a made up tune, tapping the palms of her hands against the mattress in time to the beat.

"What?" Ryan asked groggily after a while, his back still turned to her.

"Nothing," Rachel answered simply.

The comment made Ryan finally turn and face her with a look of disbelief on his face. "Bull."

Rachel simply smiled at her brother and it was the first time he noticed that she was fully dressed and ready to leave the hotel. Ryan rubbed his eyes roughly and stared at her, waiting for an answer.

Rachel answered in an obvious tone leaping onto her knees before him. "Ry', we're in _Vegas_, staying in the most _expensive_ hotel money can buy, with the _greatest_ family we've _ever_ had and you're just lying around."

Ryan gave her an I-already-knew-that look and remained silent.

"So," Rachel continued. "Get off your ass and make the most of it."

"I'm making the most of the hotel," he stated bluntly.

"And I'm going to be making the most of that pillow again if you don't stop being so boring and get out of bed." Rachel couldn't help the joking tone, which crept into her voice. "So get up, get ready, and we can take it from there."

Ryan let out an annoyed groan before sitting up and climbing out of bed mumbling about how he would get her back for this.

Rachel propped herself up against the headboard of the bed and waited, noticing that Ryan's room was very similar to hers and Seth's. Though some of the furniture was different, more modern looking compared to the antique feel of her own room.

She jumped in fright when his cell-phone suddenly rang.

"Can you get that?" Ryan asked from the bathroom where he was freshening up.

Rachel rolled her eyes before getting off the bed and picking up the phone. "Hello?"

There was an eerie silence on the other end of the line.

She tried again. "_Hello_?"

The line was instantly disconnected leaving Rachel standing there looking rather shocked at the phone which she still held in her hand. Ryan walked back into the room bare-chested with a new set of jeans on, hair a little tamer than it had been prior to him getting up.

"Who was it?" He asked letting out a long yawn before picking up the shirt he had hanging on the doorhandle and throwing it on.

"I dunno," Rachel answered. "They hung up."

She looked up at her brother who only shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

At that moment they heard Sandy yelling at an annoyed Kirsten out in the lounge. As usual it seemed to be about Sandy's work schedule, as Kirsten continuously brought up 'the kids' in the argument. Rachel didn't understand why she kept using them as the excuse, all that she had to do was tell her husband that she wanted to spend some time with him. It seemed so simple.

Rachel looked over at her brother who gave her a small smile. "They've been doing it since before we left," she said. "I've never heard anyone fight like that before, not even us."

Ryan nodded. "They're married, what do you expect?" He asked playfully trying not to get her worried. "Go get Seth, then we can get going."

Rachel let on a small smile before leaving the room, hearing Ryan let out a tired sigh as she did. She stopped short suddenly in the hallway, which lead to the lounge and turned back around.

"Hey," she said catching Ryan's attention again as she stuck her head into his room. "Thanks."

Ryan just smiled, he didn't need to answer as she left. He knew that Rachel appreciated him spending time with her, it was something that they had seemed to be doing less and less of lately. Since his relationship with Marissa had become more serious it was as though they never saw each other outside of the regular family time over dinner.

Guilt washed over Ryan as he thought of this, and how his attention had been redirected as of late. Rachel was the closest person to him, she was not only his sister, but also his best friend and he loved her dearly. She was his other half, the side which kept him grounded, the side which had stopped him from going over the edge countless times.

Ryan stood quietly as he let these thoughts go through his mind.

His little sister was his world.

* * *

"Sum?" Marissa asked as she noticed her usually talkative friend being particularly quiet. "Are you alright?" 

They sat together on the sandy beach of Newport, soaking in the early morning sun while watching the smooth waves as they crashed above the shore

"I hate my life," Summer suddenly said.

Marissa looked strongly at her. "Don't say that."

Summer let out a dramatic sigh. "It's totally true though. I mean, look at me," she began. "I'm beautiful, and rich and I'm sitting on the beach with my best friend because I'm _single_. What kind of a guy would leave a girl like me single?"

Marissa couldn't help the confused frown which creeped along her features and she turned to face her friend. "This wouldn't have anything to do with what happened with Seth, would it?"

Summer let out a laugh. "Cohen? Pfft. Who cares about him?"

Marissa had nothing to say to the comment. She knew well enough that Summer was still upset about her loss of Seth to Rachel, even if it had been almost three months since it happened. But Marissa then realised that it had not only that Summer bowed out gracefully after meeting her defeat in the beautiful girl from Chino; it was also the whole fact that Seth seemed uninterested in her now.

"But I mean," Summer continued catching Marissa's attention again. "This is a guy who used to worship the very ground that I walked on and now he is totally over me. How is that, like, possible?"

Marissa let out a long breath and diverted her eyes to the ocean waves as they broke out in the distance. "People change Summer, the grow and they move on. I'm sure Seth still likes you, but he's found someone now, maybe you should be happy for him."

"I am happy for him. I am _totally_ happy, it's just that, what about me?" Summer asked turning to face her friend. "I mean, sure I have all the qualities that make guys melt but they aren't exactly falling at my feet right now."

Marissa looked closely at Summer who's eyes seemed to be glazed over slightly as though she was thinking about something. "This isn't just about Seth, is it?"

Summer frowned but finally spoke. "Okay, no."

"You miss Anna."

"No!"

Marissa looked strongly at Summer.

"Okay, yeah, maybe I do. She might have been annoying, and totally throwing herself at Seth, but she was nice and sweet and she cared about people."

Marissa smiled at Summer's open honesty. "You'll be able to keep in touch with her. And you and Seth can stay friends, you never know, you might form a really nice relationship."

* * *

"Hey, are you ready to…?" 

Rachel stopped short as she entered her hotel room. She saw Seth, sitting on the edge of their bed staring at his phone, which sat slack in his hands. She was instantly drawn to his expression, one of sheer sadness, but also annoyance, if it were in any way possible to put the two together.

"Seth…?"

Rachel stepped into the room and moved over to where he was, tucking one leg under herself and sitting down beside him and waiting for a reply. When none came she hesitantly placed her hand on the phone that he held and took it from him, dropping it on the bed beside her.

"Seth…" She tried again, hoping for some sort of acknowledgment.

Ever so slowly Seth began to speak, but his voice was not his usual bubbly self, using every word in a joking manor, it was quiet and sad.

"She's gone," he whispered.

Rachel frowned at the comment, not understanding what he was talking about. "Who's gone?" She asked. When she receive no reply, Rachel placed a soothing hand on Seth's cheek and turned his face to hers. "Who's gone?"

Seth simply stared at her for a moment, not saying anything, just looking into her eyes as though they brought some relief to what he was about to say.

"Anna," he finally spoke. "She's gone." Rachel remained silent as Seth explained. "She just called then, said that when we get back she wasn't going to be there."

Rachel couldn't help the shock which came over her face, despite everything that she and Anna had been through, they had managed to form a loose friendship for Seth's sake in the passing months. It didn't surprise Rachel that she had finally left Newport to return home to her family, but what did shock her was how she had broken the news to her closest friend.

"It's okay," Rachel soothed. "You haven't lost her, you can still talk to her, and maybe even go and visit sometimes."

Seth frowned at her comment and pulled away from her touch, standing before her with an angered expression. "How would you know? It's not like you liked her or anything, you're probably happy she left."

"Seth, I'm not happy, I just think that if that's what she wanted to do then maybe it is the best thing," Rachel insisted.

"Don't talk like you know her!" Seth yelled. "You didn't know her, you didn't see the person she really was, and you don't know what it feels like to know someone you care about has left your life – possibly forever – and you never even got to say goodbye."

Rachel sat in silence while Seth yelled, knowing that he was simply trying to deal with the hurt that he was feeling at that moment. When he finally stopped and simply stared at her, Rachel spoke up.

"Yes I do," she stated.

Seth remained silent at the comment with a confused look on his face, not only because of what Rachel had said, but because of how he had just attacked her as well.

"How do you think Ry' and Trey left?" She asked simply. "Do you think the cops let them come back home and say goodbye to their family, and tell them that everything was going to be alright?" Her voice was filled with an almost mock sarcasm. "I never saw Ry' the day that they went to boost the car. I never saw him or Trey that morning because they left before I woke up. Not that afternoon because by the time I figured out what was going on it was too late, and I sure as hell didn't see them that night when they had their ass' hauled into jail."

Seth was only staring at her in shock of what she was saying. Though he had wondered on many occasions why Ryan had never brought his sister with him to Newport in the first place, he had not wanted to press the matter too much out of fear of hurting them both. Now he suddenly realised what had happened.

"The last time I saw Ry' we fought about what he was about to do," Rachel continued. "We said things that…you just…regret them forever. I made him promise that he wouldn't go because I knew that Trey wouldn't care if he didn't, Jesus, he was so screwed up by that point I don't even think he realised what he was getting them both into. But when I woke up and found that Ry' was gone, you have no idea how I felt. This was someone who had been there for me my _entire_ life, he was probably the only reason why Mum's boyfriends hadn't started beating on me as well."

Rachel could see Seth's expression changing with her every word. She could see the shock in his eyes from finding out an extra piece of her life's puzzle, something she very rarely exposed to him out of fear of what she was seeing now. The sheer disbelief and pity he felt toward her.

"I know what you're going through Seth, because it happened to _me._ When I found out that Ry' was going to Orange County I flipped. I couldn't deal with the fact that I was going to loose him and that's why mum packed up our things and we left, because she didn't want me to see him. She didn't want me to leave with him. We went back to Chino after I found out that he had gone to stay with you, by that point things were so bad that I couldn't deal with it any more. So I called him, and the rest…"

Rachel finished her story with a slight smile on her face. "You never know what's going to happen Seth, you don't know if you guys will meet up again tomorrow or in ten years from now. But something that you have to remember, is that when you do, it'll all seem like you were never apart."

And with that, Rachel stood and left, leaving Seth to think about what she had just said.

* * *

Marissa sat alone on her bed staring at the wall across from her but not really seeing it at all. Things seemed to be so perfect at the moment, her relationship with Ryan was at an all time high, her family life finally felt like she knew it should and the summer holidays had brought more than sun, surf and sand. They were giving her the time to sit back and take everything in, something which she was rarely able to do. 

The departure of Anna back to Pittsburgh however, had been the one setback that she felt was coming. Nothing was ever perfect in Newport, in her life, Marissa had come to learn that quickly. With the good came the bad.

Not having Ryan with her only made the situation worse and despite Summer's continued attempts to fill the void of her absent boyfriend, it just wasn't the same. She wasn't him. She didn't have the same ability to make her feel as wanted and loved as Ryan did. Marissa knew why he was Rachel's strong hold, her backbone, it was because to feel love from Ryan was to feel like nothing in the world could ever hurt you.

Some part deep down inside Marissa wished that she and Ryan had the relationship that he and his sister had. The closeness between the two was undeniable, even to the least observant. Though she was indescribably happy with the bond the two shared, at times it felt as though she was second best when it came to the females in Ryan's life.

Rachel would always come first, there was no denying that, but Marissa just wished that at times she didn't feel like this particular fact was such a negative one. His sister knew him like she never would. Rachel knew the whole Ryan, the Ryan which had lived in Chino for all those years, the Ryan that had been through hell and back and was still standing, the Ryan who was the older brother.

Thinking of this did not only leave an aching within Marissa's chest, it also left her wandering if she would ever truly be as close to Ryan as she wished she was.

* * *

"You broken anything yet?" 

There was no 'hello', no 'how are you?' as Luke answered his cell-phone to hear the voice of Rachel on the other line. He smiled at her question and its bluntness.

"A couple of wine glasses and your favourite stereo," he replied.

Needing someone to watch the house while they were gone Sandy had asked Luke if he would do the honour's after Jimmy had reluctantly declined the invite, saying that he wished to spend some time with Marissa.

The job was an easy one, even by Luke's standards. He lived in the house, ate the food, swam in the pool and made sure nothing went wrong.

"You don't drink wine, Luke, I'm not that gullible," Rachel laughed.

"You were worried there for a bit," Luke joked, practically hearing her smile on the other end of the line. "How's Vegas?"

"How's my room?" She asked.

Luke dropped onto the sofa and turned on the television flicking through the many channels before finally answering. "You have some pretty boring stuff in there, nothing even _half_ interesting."

Rachel smirked at the comment. "Really?"

"Yeah," Luke continued. "Not even in your underwear drawer."

"Okay, that's too far."

"I was thinking the same thing." He finally stopped surfing the channels and leaned back comfortably into the cushions. It was only then that he heard the noise of a crowd through the phone. "Where are you?"

"At the first moon landing. You?"

"Somewhere between _Martha Stuart Home Living_ and _E True Hollywood Story_," Luke answered throwing down the remote in frustration.

Rachel laughed softly. "Sounds like a hard choice." She let out a long sigh and Luke heard what sounded like her changing the phone to her other ear. "Well, if you really want to know, I am currently standing in front of the most expensive clothing I think I have ever seen, having an internal debate over whether I buy something and _feel_ like a million bucks, or I don't buy something and get to _keep_ my million bucks."

Luke smiled at her good natured humour. Lately it seemed like she was finally becoming more comfortable inside her own skin, being able to be more like she wanted, instead or what people expected.

"Go bet that million bucks on a game of poker and try to double it," he said.

"Ah, problem there is the fact that I am kinda lacking in the million dollar department." Rachel began to whistle softly.

Luke was frowning now, not understanding why she wasn't occupied doing something with Ryan and Seth. "Where are the others?" He asked.

"Ryan's buying a new watch and Seth is getting a temporary tattoo." When she received no reply Rachel finished with a simple. "Don't ask."

"I wasn't planning too," Luke answered. "And you're calling me, why?"

"Can't I check in on a friend?"

"Don't you mean check up on a friend who also happens to be living in your house at the moment?"

"There's always that."

Luke was nodding his head knowingly. "Well, everything is fine."

"Wine glasses?"

"Not broken."

"Stereo?"

"Still working." Luke couldn't help the grin, which had crept, along his face at her questions, wishing that she was with him so that he could see the playful look upon her face.

"You really wanna blow a whole in my pocket, don't you?"

Ryan's voice was heard faintly in the background as there was a pause in the conversation. Luke figured that he had seen Rachel looking at the clothing with a little _too_ much interest.

"I'd better let you go," Luke said.

"Yeah, you probably shouldn't witness my brother murdering me because he's jumping to conclusions," Rachel replied knowing that her friend could practically see the amused look she was giving her brother. "Bye Luke."

"Bye Rach."

* * *

After a long day out on the town, exploring some of the many sights and sounds of Las Vegas with Rachel and Seth, and having a near heart attack when he caught his sister looking at designer labels there was nothing more Ryan wanted to do then to crawl into bed and get some sleep. He had noticed lately that he had been feeling unusually tired despite not doing anything overly strenuous. 

Just as he kicked off his shoes to prepare for some much-needed shut-eye, his cell-phone rang. Grumbling slightly as he fished it out of his pocket, Ryan flipped open the device and said hello.

"Ryan, sweetie, how are you?" The voice was painfully familiar.

"Okay," he replied simply, feeling his chest begin to tighten at the sound of the person on the other line.

There was too much pain attached with the voice. Too many times when it had brought a near end to both he and his sisters life. It was the very voice, which was the reason why he and Rachel now lived in Newport, away from Chino, away from their old lives.

It was his mother.

"What do you want?" Ryan asked trying not to use a harsh tone but at the same time not caring if she heard the anger in his words.

"I just wanted to check in on you and my baby girl," Dawn said.

"Her names Rachel, _mum_." When he spoke her name it was filled with a venomous tang. Ryan had no objection to her calling to speak to him, but as soon as she mentioned Rachel he felt like throwing the phone across the room.

"You're both good? Having fun in Vegas?"

Ryan fell silent at the question, not knowing what to say. Her voice was filled with a genuine concern for the two of them, how could he not feel for the woman who had lost all three of her children to other carers? Trey to the prison guards and he and Rachel to the Cohen's. But on that thought Ryan remembered why they were there in the first place. It was because she had disowned him; it was because her boyfriends knocked him around. And it was because Rachel felt safe in his presence rather than hers.

"How did you know we were here?" Ryan asked.

"Theresa," Dawn replied. "Rachel had been in touch with her. You must be having fun, Rachel always wanted to go there."

Ryan couldn't help himself. "And you promised her you would take her when she was ten," he said dryly.

"Look, honey, I didn't call to fight," Dawn insisted.

"Well that's a hard request," Ryan replied not knowing where he was building up the courage to be so sly toward his own mother.

"I called to tell you that you won't be able to get a hold of me in Chino any more."

"That's what you said when you left the first time, but Rach seemed to find you pretty easily."

Dawn let out a long breath. "Ryan, please listen to me. I'm leaving Chino, for good this time. AJ and me are moving to Ohio," she stated.

Ryan instantly fell silent at the revelation. How could she just leave like that? It didn't matter that her children weren't being cared by her any more, it was the fact that she was in reaching distance of them if they one day truly needed her – though Ryan knew that would never happen.

"How can you just leave? Where are you going to get the money?" He insisted.

"I know some people."

"Oh, you know some people!" Ryan yelled sarcastically. "You mean AJ knows some _con-artist_ who will give you dirty money and then you'll owe him afterward!"

"Ryan please calm down."

"I'll calm down when I want to calm down!" Ryan screamed.

At that moment Rachel walked into the room awoken by the racket with a look of concern on her face. "Ry', what's wrong?"

Ryan tried to ignore the fact that he was fuming at his mother on the other end of the line and spoke calmly to his sister. "Nothing, go back to bed."

Dawn was now silent and it was only then that he realised that she had heard what he had said to Rachel.

"Is that your sister?" Dawn asked urgently. "I want to talk to her."

"You're not going to go near her," Ryan growled.

Rachel was staring strongly at him now, instantly knowing whom he was talking to simply by the fury in his voice when he mentioned her. It had to be their mother; there was no one else in the world she could think of that Ryan wanted to keep her away from more.

_Maybe Kurt, _she thought, feeling a shiver travel down her spine.

"Ry'," Rachel spoke quietly, moving up to him and placing a hand on his shaking arm. "Just hang up."

Ryan turned and looked down at her, standing there before him, a soothing hand on his flesh, wanting him more than ever to not let Dawn win the fight. Rachel knew how he felt whenever he thought of the woman, how rejected and unwanted, and hurt she made him feel.

"Ryan? _Ryan_?" Came Dawn's frantic voice but he wasn't paying attention.

The phone slowly slipped down from Ryan's ear as he moved his hand down to Rachel's outstretched palm. When it finally touched her flesh she hit the 'end' key and the line was disconnected.

She remained standing there however, her hand still resting on Ryan's arm as she spoke.

"Are you okay?"

Ryan didn't know how to reply. How was he supposed to tell his baby sister that their mother, the very woman who was the root of all the problems they had ever faced was leaving their lives forever? Finally he thought that the truth – as he had always believed – was the best thing for her.

"She's leaving," he said though his voice was soft and low.

"I know," Rachel replied calmly and explained when he gave her a curious look. "I spoke to Theresa." Rachel ran her hand up and down his arm in a comforting manor. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"

Some would have found the question to have been an odd one, especially coming from a girl who had been the one needing comforting in previous times. But Rachel didn't care that it seemed unusual, maybe even ego crushing for Ryan to hear her, his little sister, ask if he wanted her to stay the night.

Rachel knew that out of the three Atwood children, Ryan had been the one hurt the most by their mother. She had seen less and less of Trey the older they became and being the young girl, Rachel herself on more than one occasion had been protected from the harsh reality of their family life.

Ryan had always been there to prevent anything from happening to her and at the same time causing only worse things to happen to him. He was not only disowned by his own mother after being thrown in jail, he had been beaten on by AJ, had suffered numerous times under her drunken state and was looked upon as the failed child.

"I'm okay," Ryan finally said. "Go get some sleep."

Though in reality he could have used her comforting presence Ryan didn't want to worry Rachel in any way. He knew well enough that she was aware of what their mother did to him, even if he could only hear her voice, but at the same time Ryan wanted to fight the pain himself. He didn't want to feel as though he had to rely on someone else to help him through it.

Rachel nodded slightly. "Okay," she said running a soothing hand over his cheek. "We've gotten this far Ry'…"

Ryan forced on a smile before giving her a light kiss on the forehead. "I know."

Rachel smiled up at him, "'Night."

**_TO BE CONTINUED………_**

(This is something that I am hoping to start doing for this story and that's writing back to your reviews, so I am able to show my appreciation for them and also answer your many questions and queries. Please keep in mind that I will answer all of the reviews I get _before_ posting the next chapter and hopefully answer the other ones in the following. The next chapter begins the full plot and basically kick starts the entire storyline. It sees the entry of two new characters, one, which is familiar in the OC-verse, but one that is a new face for everyone _but_ Ryan and with good reason too. Please Review.

**SparkiMonkey** : Thanks for description. I'm happy to be back too and I luv that you luv the flirty thing, I just thought it might be a bit cute considering their relationship always seemed to be so serious and neither of them really wanted that. After all they are both two people who are out to find the happier side of life, especially when they live in a place that is constantly surrounded by drama

**Kitotterkat**: Wow, that was scary, you know reading your impression of Rachel was like someone had gone into my mind and pulled out all of the ideas that I had of how I wanted her to be. That is so cool that I have been able to get that across in her character. And the whole, Ryan is her rock and Seth is her heart, that is the simplest way to put it. Ryan is the one she falls back on and can rely on to be there for her no matter what, he is the one who keeps her grounded and in control because he knows and loves her the most. And Seth is the person she has always needed in her life, the person who loves her for who she is and keeps her together. I totally get how you were saying when they aren't around things seem to turn bad. I think that's just because when they are cut off from her life Rachel feels as though she has lost the most important part of herself. Why is it that you think Seth and Rachel will break up? Obviously their relationship seems a little too good to be true but…interesting thought. And sorry, but I don't want to ruin anything which I have planned so you're just going to have to wait. Aren't I evil?

**Bobbo**: Ok you guys are starting to creep me out, you're thinking in the exact same way as I am. You know I was actually going to take Marissa to Vegas too, just so it didn't seem third-wheely, but then I thought about what I wanted to happen in Vegas and I realised that it would not pan out the way I hoped if she was there. Believe me, you'll understand later. :)

**angel40689:** It is great that you luv that they have gone to Vegas. I thought that it would be a good time to get them out of Newport and into a new environment just to get the plot and the story started. But don't think that just because they are in such a cool place means that nothing will go wrong. Vegas kicks starts everything that will happen in the story.


	3. The Forgotten Faces

_**THE FORGOTTEN FACES**_

_I wanna know the truth  
__Instead of wondering why  
__I wanna know the answers  
__No more lies_

_Runaway  
__Linkin Park_

"Tell me that's temporary," Sandy insisted as Seth flashed him the new body art he had obtained on his left bicep.

"Yes dad," Seth drawled in an uninterested voice. "You don't care that Rach is covered with real ones."

Rachel who stood not too far away from the two men in the kitchen of the penthouse raised an eyebrow at the statement but remained quiet. This had been the first time since they had arrived in Vegas that she had actually seen Sandy interacting with his son. It was kind of sad to know that he had been so busy during their holiday, constantly going to business meetings. Tonight was the only night that they would all have to spend together as a family in Vegas. There would simply be no time for it the next day as they left for Newport in the afternoon.

Subconsciously Rachel crossed her arms as to hide the permanent ink, which she had on both of her inner wrists.

"Rachel is not my son, Seth, you are, and you do as you are told," Sandy stated strongly. "One of those things being, get ready or we will be late."

Seth grumbled loudly and turned, retreating to his room to change. Being the Cohen's Sandy had thought of no better way to spend an evening together as a family than to go to the company Gala which his firm was holding in the hotels private rooms.

At first Kirsten had been optimistic, not wanting her husband to think that she was not mad at him any more because she agreed to go. But after a long chat with Seth, Ryan and Rachel, they had all decided that it would not be such a bad idea to make an appearance, for Sandy's sake.

As Kirsten walked into the room, donning a classic black gown Rachel instantly felt the tension rise in the room. So far she had not had such a successful run when it came to the problems which had begun to arise between the couple, always walking in on their arguments, feeling out of place with them around. Now was no different.

"I'm gonna go see how Ry's doing," Rachel said with a weak smile before slipping out of the room and looking for her brother.

When she found him, he was somewhere between fixing his hair and choosing a shirt to wear. Noticing the amused look that he was receiving, Ryan narrowed his eyes at his sister as he tussled his hair.

"What?" She asked defensively.

"You tell me."

Rachel only shrugged and knowing that Ryan could tell that something was up tried to make herself look busy so she didn't have to start answering questions. Swinging the doors of his walk in closet open she began to search through his many clothes for something appropriate for him to wear the semi-formal event. This alone was a dead give away.

"You alright there?" Ryan asked moving over to her and folding his arms.

Rachel ignored his question and instead pulled out a grey-blue shirt and held it up. Contemplating the possibility she finally screwed up her face and put the garment back, continuing her search.

"Okay, that's enough, you never do this unless something's up," Ryan stated taking a hold of her wrist and pulling her out of the closet.

Closing the doors again he turned back to face her but the only answer he received was a shirt being pressed up against him from his sisters outstretched arms and a soon to be retreating back.

"Hurry up, we're gonna be late."

* * *

"This is nice," Sandy stated, trying to make conversation. 

He was well aware that Kirsten was still not impressed with him, despite the smile which she had plastered on her face as they sat together with some of Sandy's fellow workmates.

"I'm still mad at you," she said simply before reaching over and taking the basket of bread sticks, which lay in the middle of the table.

"How could I have missed that?" Sandy asked sarcastically.

Kirsten's eyes flashed. "Well if you had been there half the time that you weren't then maybe we wouldn't be having this conversation," she whispered so as no one else could hear.

Sandy took in a deep breath trying his hardest to stay composed and level-headed. "I have work, like you. I don't complain when you are out 'till all hours with Caleb do I?"

"Caleb is my _father_," Kirsten stated. "He is not a group of strangers who could get into all sorts of strife!"

"Those _strangers_ happen to be associates of mine that are involved in very high profiled cases. Why else would I be doing this?"

Kirsten looked away from him. "The word 'selfish' comes to mind."

Sandy let out a long breath before turning from his wife. "We're not having this conversation," he said simply.

Kirsten rolled her eyes before letting them wonder around the busily occupied lobby, spotting Seth, Ryan and Rachel sitting at one of the far booths which lined the walls, much like in a diner. They seemed to be enjoying themselves enough, laughing and smiling at Seth's obvious humour. It amazed her sometimes at just how well the trio could get along. There was none of the third-wheel business, which she often dreaded for Ryan. When they were together they were all equal. A thought like this made Kirsten grateful that they had managed to find such an open and kind person in Rachel, if not, then she didn't know what they would have done.

Pulling her eyes away from the youngsters her gaze ticked around the remainder of the room before falling an all too familiar face. With long blonde hair, slender figure and killer smile to match her younger sister Hailey laughed audibly at whatever it was that her company had said.

Kirsten couldn't believe that she was there with them. It had been so long since she had layed her eyes upon her sister. Rising from her seat she brushed away Sandy's hand and made her way across the room.

* * *

Seth let out a long, dramatic sigh as Ryan rose and walked away to collect drinks for them. He slouched back into his leather chair and began to drum his fingers atop the table in front of him. 

"What's up?" Rachel asked.

Seth looked up to see her staring at him, head rested in her hands, elbows on top of the table. Her eyes were filled with a genuine concern, but also a twinkle of playfulness, as she knew that nothing overly serious was bothering him.

"The Vegas just isn't what it's cracked up to be when you're underage," Seth stated causing Rachel to raise her eyebrows questioningly. "Look, there is a bar right over there and we can't even walk up to it."

Rachel frowned a little. "You don't need to drink and gamble to have fun Seth," she began. "If anything they only make things less interesting."

"But," he said, arms waving in front of him in an almost drunken manor. "That's the whole point of being here. Have a few drinks, loose all your money…it's entertaining."

Rachel slid over in her seat so that she was sitting directly beside him. Placing her hand on Seth's chin, she moved his gaze to lock with hers.

"Your entertainment's right here," she said kissing him strongly feeling him slide a hand to her waist and draw her nearer.

Pulling away Seth looked down at her playfully. "And how much do you charge by the hour Miss?"

Rachel glared at him, her eyebrows raised in a semi-insulted manor. "Oh you're going down Cohen," she growled noticing that he was pulling her back to him but just before their lips met Rachel pulled up short.

"What is it?" Seth asked instantly seeing the troubled look in her eyes.

"There's a guy over at the bar," she began pulling Seth's face back to hers as he turned to see what she was referring to. "Don't look," she insisted. An almost questioning look washed over her features as she watched him through her peripheral vision. "He won't stop staring at me."

Seth continued to stare at her for a long moment before lifting her from her seat and placing her on the other side of him so that he could look at the man without seeming suspicious.

"Do you really go for guys like him?" He asked with an almost sad tone in his voice. "Middle aged, office managers with shiny, black briefcases."

Rachel screwed up her face at him, now with her back to the man in question. "That's wrong on so many levels."

"I know," Seth admitted. "It's probably nothing, just some dude looking at what he can't have. I don't blame the guy."

"I dunno…" Rachel spoke still feeling the mans gaze boring into her.

Seth leaned down and kissed her softly so that he could avert his eyes to the bar. "Do you want me to go over there and get inappropriately violent?" He asked bringing his lips down to hers again. "I could knock over his drink." And again. "Maybe steal his peanuts."

Rachel flashed him a dazzling smile. "Could be risky."

They both grinned at each other at the thought.

"You two wind up in jail and I'm not bailing you out." Ryan's voice pulled them away from each other's gazes.

Seth shrugged as Ryan handed over the beverages and sat down. "We were just discussing out plot against Rach's new admirer."

Ryan looked at him with narrowed eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Well…" Seth began but was cut off by Rachel's hand on his arm.

"Wait, where did he go?" She asked looking around.

Seth smiled proudly. "He jumped ship. Obviously terrified at the thought of the wrath of Seth Cohen."

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "The 'wrath of Seth Cohen'?"

Rachel replied with a simple. "Don't ask."

* * *

"Kirsten, it's good to see you!" Hailey chimed as she turned to see her older sister staring at her. 

"Hailey," Kirsten said a little shocked. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Oh," Hailey began looking at her surroundings. "Yeah, I moved here about a month ago, have been working at the hotel ever since."

Kirsten looked at her with a fake enthusiasm. "Really? Doing what?"

Hailey looked at her for a moment before answering. "I'm a barmaid," she said. "I know how to make a nasty cowboy shot."

Kirsten couldn't help but notice the demeanour of her younger relation. She seemed to be trying to hide her uneasiness amongst the crowd of businessmen and associates. There was only one reason Kirsten could think of that would make her act this way.

"You're lying to me, aren't you?"

Hailey stared at her shocked and hurt before her expression changed to one of defeat. "Okay, fine, I don't work here, the only reason why I'm at this stupid party is because I was hoping to get a job with one of these people, maybe make some money to leave this damn town."

"Why didn't you say you were having troubles?" Kirsten insisted. "Lying doesn't get you anywhere Hailey and you know it."

"What was I supposed to say? Oh, I'm sorry Kirsten – rich little girl of the family – but I am flat broke, living in a one bedroom suite behind the hotels back, trying to make ends meet without having to ask my family for help."

Kirsten was simply staring at her now, not wanting to say something that would hurt her feelings but at the same time wanting more than ever to be rid of the woman that stood before her.

"All you have to do is ask Hailey, and I will do whatever I can to help you. But something that you have to learn is that life is not a game, and you can't afford to be living like this," Kirsten insisted.

Hailey was quiet now, not really knowing what to say in reply. "You always had it so easy," she began. "Dad's little bread winner…"

"Hailey stop it."

"No. This is how it is, and this is how I have to live my life because I could never be like you. I would never have the skills to do what you do and make the money that you make."

Kirsten was aware that her sister was trying to get somewhere with her speech but seemed to be having some trouble.

"What is it that you want Hailey?"

"I was…wondering…" she began.

"Yes?"

"If I could go back to Newport with you, just for a few days, until I talk to dad and ask him for some help."

Kirsten sighed. "Hailey, you can't go running back to dad every time things get tough for you."

"I get that, I do, but I'm desperate Kirsten."

* * *

As Seth and Rachel walked out the front doors of the hotels lobby and into the brightly lit street for some fresh air they were approached by a tall man, medium build with light brown hair and a frown on his face. Rachel instantly recognised him as the man who had taken an interest in staring at her that night. 

"Excuse me," he said politely as he drew nearer prompting Seth to tighten the arm, which he had securely around Rachel's waist. "Do I know you?"

He was looking directly at Rachel as though not even noticing her companion, and if he did, seemed unaffected by his presence.

"I think you know me pretty damn well after staring at me all night," Rachel snapped at him. "Take a picture creep, it lasts longer." She gently removed Seth's arm before turning to walk away.

"I'm sorry," the man said following her and causing Seth to follow suit.

Seth knew that Rachel could have a short temper if she wanted too. Like her brother she was never afraid of confrontation, it had been something that she had to live with her entire life. And like her brother, she was not afraid to solve problems with her fists instead of her mouth.

"You just look rather familiar," the man continued.

Rachel stopped and whirled around. "And so do you, for all the wrong reasons."

"Okay," Seth said moving between the pair. "Me stepping in now, being referee guy." He turned to the mysterious man. "Look, I don't know who you are…"

"Steve," he answered.

"Mr. Steve," Seth continued. "You'd better get going before I show you the power of Seth Cohen and his bitch slaps, okay?"

There was an eerie silence between the three of them and Rachel couldn't help the chill which ran down her spine as the mans – Steve he had called himself – eyes locked with hers. None of them had noticed the security guard that had walked up behind them.

"What's going on here? Is he bothering you two?" The man, easily over six foot tall and built as though he were a wrestler asked Seth and Rachel.

Steve was quick to intervene. "There's no need to make a scene."

"I'll let them decide that," the security guard stated.

Seth moved over beside Rachel who was fixing Steve with a deathly glare. "We're fine," he said sarcastically. "Apart from being followed by Psycho-Wan-Kanobi over here."

Steve went to protest but was cut short by the security guards strong hand on his chest. "How about you leave these two alone, or I'm going to have to apprehend you Sir."

"What's going on?" Ryan asked as walked through the front doors and approached the group seeing the look of pure anger on his sister's face.

After a quick talk with Sandy he had gone to find the pair who had told him to meet them outside, wanting some fresh air. Now that he stood staring at them both he couldn't help the confusion that washed over his face.

"Ryan?"

The voice was familiar. Painfully familiar. Ryan froze not daring to look at the person who had said his name but at the same time not being able to stop himself. The minute that their eyes met Ryan felt like he had been hit square in the chest with a brick. He instantly stepped up beside Rachel who was looking at him.

"You know him?" She asked in shock.

"That might explain why he thinks _you_ look so familiar," Seth suggested.

Rachel turned to him. "I have no idea who the hell this guy is!"

"And it's going to stay that way," Ryan spoke taking a firm hold on her wrist and pulling her back toward the door. "We're leaving."

"What?" Rachel asked shocked, looking back over her shoulder at the man who seemed to be staring straight at her brother. "What's going on?"

Once all three of them were through the doors Ryan spoke. "Nothing you need to know."

He led her and Seth through the mass of people in the lobby and finally to the elevator, sending them shooting up the hotel floors. As he pulled Rachel along she began to fight against him seeing Seth's confused face as she did.

"What gives you the right to decide that?" She insisted. Looking at his face Rachel saw something there that she couldn't quite put her finger on, but whatever it was, it scared her.

"I know you," Ryan said leading her through the corridors of the hotel and finally to another elevator. "And I know what's best for you."

As the doors dinged and slid open Ryan went to lead her in but Rachel stood her ground and pulled out of his grasp. "Ry' stop, just stop! Who was that guy?"

Ryan let out a long sigh before pushing her into the elevator and hitting the up key. "No one you need to worry about."

"You're lying straight to my face, I can tell."

Rachel stared strongly at him in the way he hated. The way her eyes seemed as though they could bore straight into his soul made Ryan more than a little uneasy. He hated to have to lie to her, he hated seeing her face when she _knew_ that he was lying to her. But at times like these he knew that it was the best thing. Ryan had to tread a fine line when it came to his sister. A line which separated being her parent and being her brother. Sometimes matters called for him to be the grown up and though it hurt him more than ever to think that he could not always be there for her the way that she wanted, the way that she deserved, he knew what he was doing was right.

"Why are you making this so hard?" He asked quietly expecting the answer he received.

"Because you're being such a jerk about it!" Rachel screamed causing Ryan to turn and face her head on.

Rachel didn't truly mean the words that she said, but something about the way her brother was acting made her mad enough to hate him. She hated being protected so much by him, sometimes to the point where she didn't know what to do. Though Rachel was grateful beyond words for Ryan looking out for her, there were moments where she wished that he would stop being to up tight and trust her to know the truth.

When the elevator doors finally opened Seth took in an uneasy breath. It was hard for him to have to watch the pair fight. Though it was an unusual occurrence, when it happened, they could be at each others throats for hours.

"I'm just gonna go," Seth said, stepping out of the elevator and making his way toward the private one which lead to the penthouse.

"Look," Ryan said as Rachel went to step out as well. His voice was calm and full of concern as he spoke. Concern which only a brother could have. "I don't want you to get caught up in all this."

Rachel stopped them, standing between the elevator doors, knowing that the sensors would keep them from closing on her. She slowly turned around to face Ryan again, the hurt expression on her face enough to nearly kill him inside.

"It's a bit late for that Ry'." She spoke quietly as her eyes met his and held his gaze. "I know you know who that guy was. And I know that you're lying to me when you say you don't." She was silent for a moment. "We both learned long ago that the only way that we could protect each other was to always be honest, no matter what. No matter how hard we thought the truth might be for the other person to handle."

Ryan took a step forward but Rachel moved out of his reach. "Rach…"

"You can look at me and tell a lie. What do you think that is saying about our relationship?" Rachel left the question hanging in the air as she stepped out of the way of the doors and let them close behind her.

* * *

Darkness cloaked the room as Seth turned out the bedside lamp and eased under the covers beside Rachel. The only light which could be seen came from the moon as its rays shined through the small cracks in the curtains. 

They both lay awake, not saying anything to each other as their room was filled with the muffled, angered screams of Sandy and Kirsten in their room a few doors down from them.

Seth had not told Rachel that the reason why they were currently fighting was because Kirsten had given Hailey the opportunity of staying with them in Newport. He had not told her of the conversation which he and Ryan had had after she had gone to bed, the one where Ryan revealed to him his true intentions in what he was done previously that night. And he didn't tell her how he felt as though the people around him were falling apart.

Seth couldn't find the heart to reveal his true feelings to Rachel, though he wanted to so badly. Nothing was set in stone just yet. His parents fights were becoming more and more serious prompting him to question whether they would ever truly cease. And whether their marriage would last through this bump in the road.

Now, learning what he had just learned about the man they had been approached by, Seth felt as though he never had before. Guilty. Toward his love, toward the girl who lay beside him this very moment, knowing deep within her that something was wrong.

Even with her back to him as she lay on her side Rachel could practically see Seth's eyes, staring blankly at the ceiling as the voices rose from the other room. She had noticed his sudden change in mood as he entered the bedroom that night after 'freshening up'. Rachel was smarter than that though. She knew that he had been talking to her brother, that he probably knew the secret to Ryan's sudden need to get her back into the hotel and away from Steve that night.

But somehow, even though they were both keeping something from her, she didn't seem to mind because at this moment she knew that Seth was trying his hardest to be strong. His parents arguments were becoming even more serious the longer they stayed in Vegas, constantly fighting over things which neither of them understood. It hurt Seth. It put and extra pressure on him.

Rachel looked over at him, only just being able to make out his figure in the moonlight. She was unsure of what to do. She'd never had to deal with a problem like this. Her father had left before she was born, her mother constantly bringing new men home with her. But they never seemed to fight, not until AJ arrived.

"Seth," Rachel whispered seeing him blink at his name.

She waited a moment, simply staring at him, hoping for a reply but none came. Rachel felt a horrible knot inside her. She wanted to hold Seth, to tell him that everything would work out okay, to find herself lost in his touch. But something stopped her.

She rolled back over tucking her knees up slightly and resting her head on the pillow underneath her. It took a moment for anything to happen as the screams continued, but soon she felt the bed shift and a caring arm wrap securely around her waist.

Smiling to herself she pushed herself further back into Seth's chest as he drew her closing, needing her warm embrace.

Rachel turned her head to see him staring at her, his eyes almost longing for her to make everything stop. She snaked her hand threw his tussled hair and kissed Seth warmly as if to say 'I'm here for you'.

Shifting her body, Rachel turned completely so that she was facing him, noticing how he never let his hold on her loosen. She placed her own arm atop his and began trailing invisible circles upon his flesh. Lying there for a time, they simply looked at each other before Seth moved in and kissed Rachel with all the remaining energy that he had.

"Don't leave," he whispered with an almost pleading voice.

Rachel only smiled at the comment, replying by removing the arm he had around her waist. Never letting her eyes leave his, she entwined their fingers securely and took in a deep breath.

"I'm not going anywhere." She looked at him for a long moment. "Do you wanna get some sleep?"

Even with minimal light, she could tell that Seth looked exhausted. He slowly nodded, disconnecting their fingers and dropping his arm to his side as he rolled onto his back once again.

Rachel moved closer to him, resting her head against his chest and, finally comfortable, took the arm, which lay at his side and wrapped it around her waist again. Despite the noise, which came from the other room, it seemed as though, lying their together, everything just melted away.

Rachel looked up to find Seth staring back down at her and brought her lips up to meet his. As the kiss became deeper and Seth pulled her fully onto his body, the noise seemed to grow quieter. Rachel felt him flinch against her when a door slammed and footsteps were heard leaving the room.

"It's okay," Rachel whispered running her fingers through his hair as he lay beneath her. "It's over now."

Seth pulled her closer against him and kissed her again, but this time it was softer, not as urgent, as if to say 'thank you'.

Once the kiss was broken Rachel scooted off Seth's body and lay beside him, draping an arm over his abdomen. She felt him place a small kiss on her head before they both drifted off into the land of dreams, safe in each others arms.

_**TO BE CONTINUED****………**_

(Well, there you go, two knew faces in OC life, one which will bring, among other things, a few huge surprises. I hope you liked the chapter. Next will be based in Newport and will bring Caleb back into the picture. I'm going to add in the basis from a scene in the show to introduce Hailey to Ryan and Rachel. Please review. And also, I was unsure of how they spelt Hailey's name in the show, is it how I've done it or Hayley? Your help would be great. Please review)

**ben-luver22: **Aw, thank you, you are so sweet. I loved writing the Ryan/Dawn/Rachel scene just because I really wanted to show just how they all effected each other. Like there is Dawn, trying to be the mother she should have been all along and completely not realising what she's done. And I think it was about time that Rachel was the strong one out of her and Ryan, he needed someone to be there for him and I think he realised that. But if you liked that scene, you are going to love what I have in store...

**vballrockchick: **I promise I try and update as often as I can. I generally have a few chapters done each time I update but then it's all a matter of getting the time to actually put them on. Plus I love to keep you guys in suspense. Aren't I evil?

**meezardra :** Really sorry I didn't update before New Years. I went away for a week on the 26th so I tried to put in a new chapter to keep you interested. So you like the parents fighting, that's interesting. Just be patient. Everything that I write in like that is there for a reason.

**SparkiMonkey:** Before I start let me say 1 thing; I LOVE YOUR REVIEWS. They kick ass!!! Okay, hmm…for starters I am glad that you are happy that I am involving Summer and Marissa more. I thought that they kinda got a bit lost in the last two stories and they are as interesting as the rest of the characters. The whole jealousy thing I have wanted to do for a long time, especially with Marissa. Actually I wouldn't call it jealousy, it's more like admiration and being envious. And Summer, well I thought I needed to give her a bit more depth with the whole Seth/Rachel thing. Cos she always seems to come across as the bitch, when she really does have feelings of her own. Ryan being sick? Not so far. LOL. I think a little too much excitement in 1 hit for him. Thank you for loving it. Yay.


	4. The Truth

_**THE TRUTH**_

_Expectations of another  
__Love given to the younger  
__Broken father, broken brother  
__Emptiness feeds the hunger._

_Sister  
__Creed_

When Rachel awoke it took her a moment to regain her bearings. She suddenly became aware that someone was moving about the room and slowly began to open her eyes to find a shirt-less Seth shuffling about getting ready. It seemed as though the previous night hadn't even happened. Seth looked as bubbly as ever as he got ready, never once telling Rachel that he was meeting up with Ryan to discuss matters about Steve.

Rachel rubbed her eyes roughly and moved herself up so that she was leaning on her elbows.

"Where are you going?" She asked causing Seth to stop and look at her.

"Hey, I thought you were asleep," he answered.

Rachel shrugged. "I'm not."

Seth nodded and began to move about again, collecting various clothing pieces for the laundry as he did. After a moment he noticed that Rachel was staring at him, her head tilted to the side, a half smile on her face.

"What?" He asked.

Rachel raised her eyebrows in a defensive way. "Nothing, I'm just admiring the view." Seth couldn't help but smile at that. "Which still hasn't told me what they are doing."

Seth moved over to the bed smiling his mischievous grin as he began to tie his shoes. "I just have to go out for a bit, I'll be back later."

"Woah, hey, can't it wait?" Rachel asked sitting up and taking a hold of his wrist.

Seth looked at her strongly. "Not really."

"Oh come on," Rachel began, moving behind him and placing her hands on his shoulders. She began to gently massage the muscles, feeling him loosen from her touch. "What could honestly be more interesting than what you have right here?" She asked placing a small kiss on his jaw.

Seth smiled at the gesture, not being able to stop himself. "Nothing even comes close," he murmured feeling the kiss move slowly down the side of his neck.

"Damn straight," Rachel replied. "So stay and take full advantage of what you have."

She turned Seth's chin so that he was facing her fully and captured his lips with hers and instantly feeling him return the gesture with a fiery passion. Rachel knew that it was killing him to have to leave, especially with the way she was acting now. In truth she didn't actually mind that he was, she just wanted to see how long he would hold out before giving in to her.

Pulling away only enough to look him the eyes, Rachel stared at Seth waiting for him to regain his composure and speak.

Letting out an extra long breath, which only caused the girl sitting behind him to smile, Seth began to speak. "As much as I would love to stay…" He instantly felt her lips upon his neck again and had to close his eyes for a moment to savour the feeling. "And as much as it kills me to have to leave, The Vegas is calling."

"The Vegas is talking to you?" Rachel asked curiously as her fingers moved to unbutton the shirt that Seth had managed to put on. She was well aware that he wasn't trying to stop her.

"Yeah," Seth said comically. "We're close buddies. We go _way_ back."

Suddenly Rachel pulled away. "You're not even a good liar any more."

"Did I used to be?" Seth asked frowning slightly at her comment.

Rachel thought about the question before coming to the realisation, "No…but you've gotten _way_ worse."

Seth suddenly shifted. "Hey, the kissing is gone!" He turned to face her seeing the single eyebrow that she had raised at the comment. "Why is the kissing gone?"

"You ain't getting no more kissing from me today boy," she answered moving away from him and sitting up against the headboard of the bed.

"Oh come on," Seth said strongly with a noticeable amount of irritation in his voice. "I don't have a choice."

"Why not?" Rachel asked innocently.

"Because I just don't," Seth insisted standing from his spot and completely facing her, the buttons she had undone on his shirt causing the clothing to open slightly at the top.

"Why are you being so secretive?" Rachel demanded sitting up straighter and facing him head on.

Seth waved his arms about. "Because I can't tell you what's going on."

Rachel almost laughed at his seriousness. "So you lie to me instead."

"It's not that simple," Seth said letting out a long sigh.

Rachel moved forward, kneeling on the bed before him, "Then make it simple," she whispered.

* * *

"'Morning Kid-o," Jimmy greeted. 

Marissa smiled warmly at him as she walked down the stairs, which lead into the lounge. Pancakes and hot mugs of chocolate drink sat proudly on the tiny coffee table in the centre of the room and she couldn't help but raise her eyebrows questioningly at the array of food.

"What?" Jimmy asked. "Can't I spoil my daughter?"

Marissa moved over to where he sat and positioned herself on the opposite couch. "Well," she began. "If you insist."

The two sat in silence as they ate and drank not needing words in order to communicate the fact that they were both extremely happy to be together. The bond between the two had only become stronger through the divorce of Jimmy and Julie. It still amazing Jimmy at how close he had become with his eldest daughter. It always seemed as though Marissa saw the bigger picture, unlike Kaitlin who constantly became more and more like her mother.

"So what's planned for today?" He asked as she took a bite out of her pancake accidentally dripping marmalade onto her hands.

"Um," Marissa started. "Summer and I were going to go and do some shopping."

Jimmy nodded his head absently. "Are you and Ryan going to catch up tonight?"

Marissa stared at him for a moment, contemplating the question with added interest. "You don't mind?"

The Cohen's were arriving home from Las Vegas later that afternoon so it only seemed fit that she go and visit her boyfriend once he returned. Marissa couldn't wait to feel the relief of being able to see him again. It was as though the longer that they were apart for, the harder it was for her to function in her day to day life.

"No, no," Jimmy answered. "Go and have fun." He was smiling at her now. "Say 'hi' to everyone for me."

Marissa grinned at her father. "I will."

* * *

Rachel looked deep within Seth's eyes. He couldn't stand it when she did that when they were fighting, she knew full well that they were his one weakness. Those eyes, containing everything that he loved so much about her. The honesty, the innocence, the painful past, all of the trials and triumphs she had been confronted with. But the most important of them all, the one thing that melted Seth's heart each time he looked within them; the complete purity of the love in which they held. 

"Look, Rach," he began before cutting himself off.

Seeing her there before him now, kneeling on the bed that they shared in a simple singlet and pants Rachel had never looked so beautiful in Seth's eyes. Her shoulder-length hair sat loosely around her face, which was clear of any signs on make-up. The two pieces of jewellery, which he had given her during their relationship – a crystal necklace and a silver ring – were the only other things she wore.

Seth couldn't help but smile at the sight. He often had to pinch himself to believe that he was truly dating the girl before him. She was amazingly beautiful in every way and Seth found it hard at times to believe that she was in love with him, that she was the one he shared his bed with.

The thoughts made him finish what he was going to say. "I won't go…"

Rachel blinked at the answer, one that she had not expected. "After the fuss you made, you'd damn well better," she said playfully.

"No," Seth stated. "I'm not going."

Rachel straightened herself up so that she was taller as she knelt on the mattress. "Seth…"

"No," he said again. "I saw how upset it made you, so I'm staying."

Rachel looked at him in disbelief. "Seth, I'm not upset," she insisted.

"Ah…" Seth began. "But I would have the perfect cure if you were."

He brought his lips down to hers causing Rachel to fall back onto her feet as he snaked his hand through her hair. Rachel wrapped her arms around Seth's neck pulling him closer to her. They had been together for almost a year now, but Rachel still felt the same fire race through her whenever they touched, whenever they kissed. She had never wanted him more in the whole time that they had known each other.

"If you have to go, Seth, then go," Rachel insisted but he was hearing none of it.

"After getting me all worked up like that, I think not," Seth replied pushing her back into the sheets and moving atop her.

"Seth…" Rachel tried as his lips left hers and began to move down her neck causing her to let out a soft moan.

"Seth's busy right now," he replied.

"Seth…" She tried again as his touch moved to her collarbone.

"Back in ten minutes."

"Seth!" Rachel finally yelled causing him to jerk back and stare down at her.

"What?"

Rachel only looked at him amused for a moment before answering. "I'd like to think it would be longer than ten minutes." Seth almost laughed at her comment. "And one more thing," she said.

"And what would that be?"

Rachel tangled her fingers in his wavy hair and pulled him back down to her, kissing him strongly as she ran her other hand down his back, feeling him shiver slightly from her touch.

"I can live with that," Seth finally spoke.

"So…" Rachel began. "You're not going to tell me where you were going?"

Seth brought his lips to hers again and shifted his weight so that he had her pinned beneath him. "Nope," was his simple answer.

Rachel raised a single eyebrow before deepening the kiss substantially and beginning to unbutton the rest of his shirt, finally removing it and tossing it carelessly to the floor.

"How about now?" She asked.

"Hmm…" Seth thought for a moment before frowning. "You'll have to do better than that."

Rachel glared at him. "Are you serious? How much more can I…?" She stopped herself mid-sentence as Seth stared at her. "You're unbelievable."

"That's why you love me."

Rachel half laughed before pulling him back down upon her.

* * *

Caleb stood in the kitchen of the Cohen household when they arrived back home later that afternoon. He was sipping his coffee, flipping through the newspaper, which was spread out across the counter top. 

"Back so soon?" He asked as Ryan walked through to place his bags into the pool house.

It caused the young man to stop then cast a deathly glance toward Luke who was seated at the dining table. Luke only shrugged and Ryan instantly understood that he would not have had a choice but to allow Kirsten's father into the home when he wished.

"So how is Vegas these days? It's been a while for me," Caleb continued, never once looking up.

Ryan remained silent, simply out of the fear that if he was to open his mouth the insults would start flying. Part of him didn't care about this, the man deserved it. He had completely destroyed his sister mere months ago, causing her to run so far that she ended up in the very place she had been so desperate to escape in the first place. Chino.

"But Superman is the ultimate of all the superhero characters. He started the entire revolution." Seth voice carried through the house as he and Rachel approached.

It was only when Ryan saw the look on his sister face when she stopped dead in the doorway to the kitchen the moment that her eyes fell on the man within that he realised he should have intercepted her the moment he knew that she was coming.

Rachel stood frozen to her spot. She didn't move, barely even breathed as the onslaught of emotions flooded through her. Caleb to her was far worse than the Devil himself. He represented a power, which she knew that she would never match. He represented the very thing, which could rip her life out from beneath her without even blinking.

"Kids, go unpack," came Sandy's strong voice from behind them.

Rachel didn't need a second warning. She left the room as quick as possible hearing Ryan grab a hold of Seth's arm to stop him from following her.

"Where the hell were you this morning?" Ryan demanded.

Seth raised his eyebrows at him, his own mind working at a rapid speed to think of a good enough excuse for not turning up to discuss matters about Steve. It crossed his mind once or twice to simply tell his friend the truth. He had been a little 'busy'. But then it also crossed his mind that Ryan wasn't one to hold off throwing a punch out of fear that he might hurt a friend. Seth knew that he was fiercely protective of his sister and they would probably still be discovering bits of his body months after Ryan was done with him if he told him the truth.

The simple fact that Seth hesitated made Ryan realise that his initial guess was the right one. There was no other explanation. It may have come as a surprise to Seth to be told just how much Ryan knew about what went on in his sister's life just like she knew about his.

"I slept in," Seth suddenly blurted out before following Rachel up to their room and leaving Ryan to shake his head and walk out to the pool house.

Luke stood from the table and followed the same path that both Seth and Rachel had taken, wanting to say goodbye to his friends before he left. This left Sandy alone with Caleb.

"What is in your head Caleb?" Sandy demanded.

Caleb smiled at him. "I thought we could have a talk."

* * *

It came as a complete relief for Ryan to finally step foot back in his pool house late that afternoon after finishing unpacking the car. In a way he was glad to say goodbye to The Vegas, simply because it was the kind of town where dreams were made to be broken. Somehow it reminded him too much of his own childhood, watching everyone around him cruising through life as though all the pain and suffering didn't effect them. Not realising at the same time that they were the ones that were causing it. 

Letting out a long breath Ryan dropped his bag loudly on the floor and nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the voice before him.

"I think it looks good on me. What do you think?"

He looked up to see a young woman standing before him in nothing but her underwear and…

_My singlet_," he internally growled.

In complete and utter shock, Ryan simply gawked at her. "Uh…"

She took a few steps closer to him putting on a sly smile. "What, you never had a girl wear your clothes before?" She asked suggestively.

Finally finding his voice, but being too cautious to move any closer, Ryan spoke strongly. "Why are you in my pool house?"

The woman gave him a deathly glare. "It's _my_ pool house and I would hope that you would be a darl and…"

She didn't get a chance to finish because before any of them knew what was happening Rachel came walking into the room. "Ry' could I borrow a jacket all of mine are in the…?"

Rachel stopped dead in her tracks for the second time that day. Her mouth dropped open at the sight before her. A half clothed, strange woman standing in the middle of her not-so-single brother's bedroom.

"…wash," she ended slowly, trying her hardest to take in the entire scene at the same time holding back the slap she was so desperate to send flying Ryan's way at that very moment.

The woman smiled. "Maybe girls do borrow your clothes," she said.

Rachel looked from the woman to Ryan and then back again, her eyes wide. She didn't know what to make of any of this. She thought that her brother was faithful, that he would never do anything to hurt Marissa. He cared about her too much.

"What the hell is going on?" Rachel demanded.

Ryan was quick to reassure her, seeing the sudden anger and confusion in her eyes. "Nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing," the woman spoke innocently rocking back on her feet.

"Shut up!" Rachel yelled at her before whirling on her brother. "Who is she?"

Ryan looked directly back at her with as much confusion in his expression that Rachel believed would be in hers. "I have no idea."

"No," the stranger said sarcastically. "Of course not."

Rachel glared strongly at her before suddenly realising something. "Are you wearing his singlet?" She asked disgusted.

"Rach," Ryan began. "It's not what it looks like."

Rachel shot a look at him. "Well someone better explain to me why the hell there is a half naked woman standing in your room."

The woman smiled. She was clearly enjoying the fight the pair were having. "Yeah, explain to your _girlfriend_ why I'm here."

Ryan rolled his eyes in frustration. "She's not my girlfriend," he stated.

"Pity," she said looking Rachel up and down. "She's cute."

"_She _is standing right here!" Rachel yelled.

Suddenly another voice joined theirs. "There you are," Seth said to Rachel. "I've been looking for you." He wrapped his arms around his girlfriend before looking up seemingly unfussed by the woman in the room with them. "Aunt Hailey, how's it going?"

"_Aunt_?" Ryan and Rachel exclaimed in unison.

It was as though the words had not even come out of their mouths because neither Seth nor Hailey seemed to take any notice of them.

"Wow Seth," Hailey said with an impressed tone. "Looking good."

Rachel scowled at her. "Hey, keep your eyes on your own."

Hailey smirked at the sudden outburst. "Ooh, touchy," she said amused. "Who are you? Seth's new comic book buddy?"

Rachel stepped out of Seth's embrace and faced the woman head on. "I'm his _girlfriend_, who doesn't take to well to finding a half naked woman standing in my _brother's_ room and then have her checking out _my_ man."

"Brother?" Hailey asked with a renewed interest. "So you won't mind if I steal him away for a while." She moved over and layed a flirtatious hand on Ryan's arm which he was quick to move away from.

Seth stepped around Rachel and took his Aunt by the hand. "Aunt Hailey, why don't we get you some clothes and then you can go and talk to my parents about setting up the guests bedroom?"

Ryan had seen this coming. Of course she would be staying with them, why else would she have been there in the first place? He watched them silently as Seth lead his relation out of the pool house and into the kitchen in search of his mother and some clothes to cover his companion up.

"Okay that was completely unexpected," Rachel spoke as she moved over and dropped onto Ryan's bed.

He looked at her for a moment, cracking a half smile. "I know."

A small laugh escaped Rachel's lips, despite her attempt to hold it back. Running a hand through her hair she shook her head in amusement. "And we thought our family was weird."

The comment made Ryan stop short. It had come out of nowhere and yet seemed so fitting to the conversation. He stood there, simply watching his sister as she sat on his bed and for the first time in his entire life he truly saw her. She was amazingly beautiful, her face and heart so full of love completely masking the pain which she carried with her every day. The pain of what once was.

His gaze trailed along her features and came to rest on her eyes, golden and bright. The very same ones, which had captivated him from the moment that, he saw them until the very point of him standing before her now. They were so strong, so vibrant…so wise.

Ryan realised something at that very moment that changed his life forever. As much as he would like to think it, his sister was no longer a little girl. She had grown into an amazing young adult with more life experience than people that were twice her age. Though he would always see her as his little sister, a girl that he would always be there for if she was in need of protecting, or someone to hold her up, he realised that he owed her the respect that she deserved.

Feeling his eyes on her Rachel looked up to see Ryan staring at her a look of almost sadness on his face. "Ry'?" She asked.

Ryan stood there for a moment longer before walking over and sitting directly beside her as Rachel turned her body to face his, a confused look on her face.

"Rach," he began watching as a frown grew upon her features. "I have to tell you something about Steve, and it's not all stuff that you're gonna like."

Rachel stared at her brother, her mind ticking a hundred miles and hour. She had been waiting for this moment since his initial reaction to her being around the man in Vegas. Not wanting to push him to say anything – though it became increasingly hard not too – Rachel waited.

"I don't care," she spoke softly, never letting her gaze waver from his. "I'm tired of you lying to me."

These final words hit Ryan hard. Though they were not meant to be hurtful as Rachel spoke them calmly, the truth behind them nearly killed him inside. He had lied to her.

"So tell me," she went on. "Who is he?"

Ryan took in a deep breath, noticing that she had never once let her eyes leave his face. "He used to live in Fresno with his family," he began and added when he saw the quizzical look on his sister's face. "He was married with two kids. Two boys."

"Was he a good father?" Rachel asked.

Ryan almost laughed at the question. "He was no Sandy, if that's what you mean." He shrugged slightly. "He was into boosting cars, drug trafficking. You name it, he did it."

"What about the family?" Rachel asked with a note of disgust in her tone.

She had experienced enough suffering from her own relations that it sickened her to think that there was another family out there that had to be put through the same thing.

"This is _Steve_ we're talking about Rach," Ryan said. "The whole _family_ thing doesn't spark anything in his mind."

Rachel raised her eyebrows. "So I'm assuming he was a crap father."

"You figure that out yourself?"

She sent a glare his way. "Shut up. So he boosted cars, sold some drugs. That's not exactly overly new to me."

Ryan shrugged. "It wasn't for his kids either."

Rachel was frowning now. She knew that there was still something that he was not telling her. Something important. "So why with the bad vibes?"

"His wife fell pregnant again a few weeks before he was arrested and thrown into jail," Ryan said watching Rachel eyes as they focused on his own. "The two had a falling out and decided to call it quits and soon the mum packed things up and headed to Chino."

Rachel couldn't hold in the bitter laugh, which escaped her lips. "Home sweet home."

"She had a girl a few months later," Ryan continued choosing not to reply to her comment. "That's the last they ever heard from him."

Finishing his story it came to Ryan's attention that Rachel was not looking at him any more. Her eyes were elsewhere, staring into space as though she was thinking hard about something.

"What?" He asked interested.

Rachel took in a deep breath and tilted her head slightly as though contemplating something before she said it. "You said they moved to Chino," she began finally looking at him again. "That's a small town. I would have known about them without you having to tell me."

Ryan could tell that she was catching onto something, she just didn't know what. "So…?"

Rachel frowned accusingly at him. "You're not telling me everything, are you?"

Ryan stared back at her. "What do you mean?"

"_You_ know Steve," Rachel began, her eyes fixed strongly on him. "For some _unknown_ reason, he thinks that he knows _me_." She glared at him. "So why don't you fill in that _unknown_?" It was a statement rather than a question.

Ryan's face was now unreadable, his expression so full of emotion and dilemma. "Rach…"

But she wasn't buying it any more. She knew that he was hiding something. Something that was the key to them being there together. "Who is he to you?" She asked.

"Look…"

"Who is he to you?" This time her voice was stronger. Somewhere deep inside Rachel she knew what the answer was going to be, she just couldn't quite grasp it.

"Steve's…"

"Yeah?"

Ryan locked his eyes with his sister's for a long moment, knowing that what he was doing was right but regretting it strongly none the less. The moment that he spoke the words he saw Rachel's expression change to one that he thought was lost. She looked like a child.

Rachel's eyes grew wide, her lips parted slightly in shock. The answer that she received was one that she had not been expecting. Suddenly, in only a matter of seconds everything made complete sense. But in that same moment she felt everything come crashing down. 

"He's my father Rach," Ryan spoke softly. "_Our_ father."

She sat there frozen to her spot, not being able to move, barely being able to breath. Rachel kept trying to tell herself that what she had heard was wrong, that she had made it all up, but she knew it was real. The man Ryan had spoke of, Steve, a horrid, low life with a criminal record to match was her father.

Ryan looked at his sister strongly, seeing her eyes suddenly become dull, almost empty of emotion. "Rach…?"

Rachel opened her mouth to speak, to say that she was alright, but the only words which escaped her were ones of pure honesty. "I never even knew his name," she whispered not being able to meet Ryan's eyes.

"You don't have to start thing any different just because he decided to come back," Ryan insisted. "Rach, he might be your father by blood but that doesn't mean that he has to be in your mind."

"My father was a prisoner who didn't even care enough about his family to provide for them when he was free." Her words were shaky as though she was trying to convince herself with them.

Ryan placed a calming hand on her arm. "I know it's hard…"

A frown suddenly creased his sisters features. "No," she said standing from the bed. "I'm not gonna let this matter." Beginning to walk toward the middle of the room Rachel stopped suddenly when she heard Ryan come up behind her. "Screw him."

"Rach…" 

"I'm fine Ry'," she insisted though her words came with a slight strain.

Knowing full well that she was completely lying to him, Ryan grabbed onto Rachel wrist and, even as she protested, whirled her around to face him. What he saw was what he expected. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, her face filled with a mixture of pain and confusion.

"Ry', stop it!" Rachel cried trying to pull away from him, but Ryan held her fast. "Why are you doing this?"

Ryan took a firm hold on her shoulders. "Because I care about you Rach."

"No, just get off me!" She yelled at him, though her voice was not angry, it was sad. She forcefully tried to remove his grip but failed miserably, as her strength would never match his. "Let me go Ryan!" She screamed.

"I'm not letting you go," Ryan insisted. He could see that she was going to break soon. He had seen that same look in her eyes before. The one of trying to be strong but at the same time knowing that her feelings were too powerful to hold in.

"Let me go!" She cried again trying to push him away but her strength had left her. The fight was gone.

Tears began to glide down her cheeks as she came to terms with what had been revealed to her only moments ago. She had a father. He did exist. He wasn't made up. But all of the hopes and dreams that she had that he was a good man had been shattered.

Ryan steadied her. "It's okay," he murmured as he pulled her close even as she continued her attempts to be rid of him.

"Just let me go," Rachel whispered as she pressed up against him, her face buried in his chest.

Ryan held her in a tight embrace knowing that this would be the reaction he would get once he revealed to her the truth about Steve. But despite having the knowledge that what he did was right, he still couldn't wash away the undeniable pain that he felt from making his sister feel like this. He hadn't seen her this upset since he left her side in Chino when she told him that she couldn't face life in Newport any more. He hadn't seen her cry in months. Not like this. Not to the point where she psychically trembled in his arms, or where her eyes filled with so much pain that he didn't understand how she could still be standing.

She shook lightly in against him as he wrapped his arms securely around her and placed his head on the side of hers.

Neither of them realised how late it had become. The sun had fallen below the horizon hours ago and darkness now cloaked the world outside.

"It's okay," he soothed. "You don't have to be worried."

Rachel took in a long, shaky breath before speaking. "I'm not."

Ryan frowned at her comment but did not move from his spot. "Then why are you crying?"

"Because…" she began. "He's real."

* * *

Sandy stood with his arms folded, an unimpressed look on his face. "So what is it this time Caleb?" He demanded. "Have you come here to torment more of my kids?" 

Kirsten stood between the two men now, completely terrified that they would eventually come to blows. "Sandy, stop it," she pressed.

"No, no, Ki-Ki," Caleb began. "Let him finish."

Kirsten let out a tired sigh and waited for them to begin talking. She was not only concerned about the two men with her now, but she also knew that something was going on outside in the pool house and she wasn't quite sure what. But out of the fear that Sandy and Caleb would do each other in, she reluctantly stayed with them and did not investigate the matter further.

"Look," Caleb said. "I am not a man to ask for help."

Sandy smirked. "No you just make other people go crying for it," he said bitterly.

He had no compassion toward the man at all. He had practically torn Rachel apart when they had first met and that was simply unforgivable in Sandy's eyes. He loved the Atwood child as though she was his own, and he would stand up for her until he could stand no longer.

"But I am having some legal issues at the moment which I would like to have your help with," Caleb finished.

This time Sandy could not hold in the bitter laugh which escaped his lips. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Caleb wanted his help.

Once the laugh was over Sandy looked his companion directly in the eyes and said the clearest thing that he could think of. "No."

* * *

Ryan's heart ached for her. Despite this position being such a familiar one to him, it never became easier to see the girl he loved more than life itself in such pain. 

"And he never came back for…" Rachel couldn't get the final words out so she simply closed her eyes tightly and clung to her brother.

A movement outside of the pool house caught Ryan's attention and he ticked his gaze up to see Marissa standing there, watching them through the glass. The joyful expression, which had been on her face quickly disappeared as she saw what was happening within the room.

Ryan smiled at her weakly, knowing that Marissa would be worried that her friend was upset and crying in her brother's arms. She offered him a frown and Ryan mouthed the word 'later' to her.

Marissa nodded her head before turning and leaving.

When was out of sight Ryan pulled away slightly from his sister. "Come on, let's go sit down," he said guiding her over to the bed.

The moment that they were both seated, Rachel leaned into her brothers embrace and closed her eyes again trying her hardest to fight the tears which threatened to begin to roll down her cheeks. She could feel Ryan's soothing hand on her back, running up and down lightly as a comforting gesture.

Only moments later, and just as Rachel had almost calmed down Seth came running out into the backyard, presumably being told by Marissa why she had made such a quick exit when she had gone to see Ryan.

He came to a fast stop at the glass door when he hesitated. Something in Seth's eyes made Ryan believe that he was having second thoughts about entering and going to Rachel's aid. He knew that, although Rachel loved him, he would always come second best when it came to the people that she went to for help.

Seth went to knock on the door but stopped his hand a mere inch from the glass. He let his palm come to rest on the glass silently before turning and walking back toward the house.

Once he was gone Ryan looked back down at his sister and realised that she had fallen asleep in his arms. He smiled slightly before lifting her easily and placing her at the head of the bed. Pulling the blanket over her Ryan looked down at the girl sleeping so soundly, placed a light kiss on her forehead and left the room.

**_TO BE CONTINUED………_**

(There you go. Mystery solved. Just letting you know part of the reason why it takes me so long to update is because I am looking for good songs to put in each chapter. If you guys have any fave songs or artists that you think would be good, let me know!!! Next chapter quite a lot of the main plots will come into play. School starts again. Relationships begin to take turns and as for Ryan and Marissa, become much more serious. Seth reveals something to Rachel that he never thought he would. Please Review. Will post ASAP)

**Kitotterkat:** Ok you just had me totally convinced that I was going crazy for a moment. You reviewed chapter 1 so I put the comment in chapter 2…lol…all is well in the world again. Thank you so much for your compliments. I don't know if you know it when you write them but they are so encouraging and I am literally sitting here with a huge smile on my face as I write this. Which is a good thing cos only moments ago I was bawling my eyes out in the cinema watching _Finding Neverland._ It's amazing – and kinda scary – just how much you are getting the characters. I honestly never even thought that I could get half of this stuff across in the story.I mean, just simply the fact that even though you are completely different to Rachel but you can still totally relate to her is awesome. And like I said, I think in the first chapter AN, this story will not only single out Rachel in the ways that you're used too. I think, that these stories are seen a lot through her eyes and how she deals with life and the people around her, and this story will be like that only…different. If that made any sense at all please let me know. Thanks again. I hope to keep up the apparently 'good' writing. Cya

**Leentje**: I'm glad that you liked this chapter because I can honestly tell you that I was not entirely happy with the way that I wrote it. It's amazing how much people hate surprises. I totally agree that Sandy and Kirsten are a great couple. I would love them as parents, but we all go through stages. Things aren't always going to be perfect for them. They're only human.

**SparkiMonkey**: Again with the thank you's. LOL.It's cool that you like Hailey. I kinda went through stages with her. Like one minute I liked her and then I just got sick of her. But I loved that scene in the pool house when she first meets Ryan so in the next chapter I am going to adapt that theme to fit with the story. I had too. Keep the reviews coming!!!

**vballrockshick:** Thanks. I luv that you luv the story and i hope the i keep writing things that you enjoy


	5. The Reason

_**THE REASON**_

_So wipe that smile off your face  
Before it gets too late  
There's only so much time  
For you to make up your mind_

_-Things don't Always Turn Out That Way  
-The Calling_

Marissa was pacing back and forth in Seth's room as he watched her with weary eyes from his bed. She had not stopped moving since they had gone upstairs, clearly worried about what was happening in the pool house at that very moment.

"You keep walking like that and you're the one that's gonna have to replace my floors when they turn into a pile of dust," Seth spoke.

Marissa didn't stop. "I'm sorry," she admitted wringing out her hands. "But I'm really worried about Rachel. I haven't seen her like that since…"

Seth looked to the floor slightly. "Since Chino. I know."

Suddenly stopping her movement, Marissa looked up at her friend and for what seemed like the first time ever, she truly saw his heart. Seth did not only care for Rachel as a lover, he cared for her as a friend.

"Seth," she said quietly causing him to look up at her.

"Yeah?"

"You know what's going on, don't you?" The tone of her voice was one where Seth knew that there was no point in lying to her. She was genuinely concerned.

Seth was silent for a moment, his mind flashing through the many wonderful moments that he had shared with Rachel before he spoke. "Rach and me met a guy while we were in Vegas," he said as Marissa sat down on his computer chair and listened. "Ryan flipped when he saw her with him and went all Protector Commando on her."

"He only does that if he has too," Marissa stated.

Seth shrugged slightly. "Yeah, well this time I can say I honestly don't blame him. He refused to tell her who the guy was."

"So, who was he?" Marissa asked honestly. She wanted to know the truth, even if Rachel didn't herself.

Seth hesitated for a while before letting out a long sigh. "Their father."

Her eyes went wide at the revelation, the news not sinking in automatically. Though she did not know a lot about Ryan's history with the man, she assumed that it would not have been a good one considering his reaction to finding out that he had gone near his sister.

Marissa was frowning in thought now. "So I'm assuming that either she and Ryan just had a huge falling out over it, or he finally told her the truth," she stated.

"What do you honestly think would have made Rach that upset?" Seth asked knowing that Marissa already knew the answer.

The moment that Ryan walked into Seth's room Marissa ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck. Seth sat by in silence as the two exchanged a much-missed kiss between them. When they had finally broken apart Marissa looked Ryan directly in the eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said.

Ryan shook his head at her as she moved away from his embrace. "Don't be," he said.

Seth looked up then seeing that at that moment Ryan looked different, almost worn out. Confessing had taken a lot out of him, and seeing his sister's reaction had only taken more.

"How is she man?" He asked.

Ryan glanced at his friend. "Sleeping," he said. "I'll take the couch tonight if you wanna stay in the pool house with her."

Seth took the question in but did not reply. Instead he moved out of his room and walked downstairs.

Marissa and Ryan stood in silence for a moment as Seth left them alone. Neither of them knew what to say. Marissa was having an internal debate over wether she should comfort her boyfriend or not. She had never been in a situation like this before.

"So Seth told you?" Ryan asked suddenly snapping Marissa out of her trail of thought.

She nodded slightly and looked directly at him. "I never thought about your father, I always just assumed that none of you knew him," she spoke honestly.

Ryan only shrugged. "I didn't know him as well as Trey did, but yeah, he was still there."

Marissa was shaking her head now. "It must be so hard for Rachel, after all this time and she suddenly realises that he is actually out there."

Ryan sat down on the bed with a long sigh. "You know her though. She's a fighter," he said, but it sounded to Marissa that he was more trying to convince himself than her.

* * *

Rachel walked into the pool house the next morning, trying her hardest not to think of the previous night's events. She didn't want thoughts of her father to plague her mind, especially now when a new semester of school was about to begin. 

At times it surprised her to think that even after the incident between herself and Anna inside the walls of Harbor, the students and teachers didn't seem to be fazed by her return. In ways Rachel thanked them for that, but she was still quick to admit that at times she wished she had taken up Luke's offer to attend Pacific High and started over new.

Walking over to the bed she knelt down beside Seth's sleeping form and couldn't help the smile, which grew along her face at the sight. He looked so peaceful and content in his spot that Rachel felt guilty for being the person that would pull him from that world.

She leaned over, gently running her fingers over the side of his face before kissing him softly. It did not take long for Rachel to notice the wide grin, which had developed on Seth's face as he lazily pulled her closer and returned the gesture.

"We're gonna be later," Rachel whispered, her lips barely brushing his as she spoke.

Seth groaned loudly and rubbed furiously at his eyes, begging them to open. When they finally did he let them come to rest on Rachel who was getting off the bed.

"Where were you last night?" He asked curiously, climbing off the mattress and stretching beside it.

Rachel cursed inwardly as she paused her movements. Of course he had noticed that she had been missing most of the night, after all, he was sleeping right beside her. But despite knowing this, Rachel still hated the fact that she had been caught out.

When Seth received no response he tried again. "Were you with Ryan?"

It occurred to Rachel that she could just lie to Seth, agree that she was with her brother and leave it at that, thus saving the painful lecture she knew she would get from both of the young men if they knew where she really was.

But as she turned to face Seth their eyes locked and all thoughts about being dishonest evaporated in an instant. Rachel didn't have the heart to look at him and not speak the truth. She loved him too much for that.

"I went out," Rachel said. "Down to the beach for the night."

Seth's features grew troublesome for a long while. "By yourself?" He asked shocked, but before she could answer he added. "Anything could have happened! You could have…" Rachel raised her eyebrows. "…Been eaten by a shark." Seth ended. "A _huge_ shark and no one would have known."

Rachel couldn't help but give him an amused look, which turned into a simple smile. "Seth," she began walking up to him and placing both of her hands on his arms in a reassuring fashion. "This is _Newport_. The only shark that lives here is your grandfather." She tilted her head slightly. "And I wasn't alone. Luke was there."

These last words caused a large knot to twist inside Seth's stomach. He knew that Rachel and Luke had developed a close relationship over the course of time that they had known each other, but that still didn't mean he liked it when they were alone. Seth knew about the incident down at the beach after Rachel had broken up with him. He knew that Luke had kissed her, that he had made the moves on her. It sickened him.

"_Luke_ went with you," he repeated. "Why didn't you come and get me?"

Rachel shrugged. "I didn't want to wake you."

"Oh," Seth said. "But it's okay to wake up _Luke_?"

Rachel could barely believe what she was hearing. "He called after I fell asleep and asked me what I was doing for the rest of the night. I was still really upset so I told him I was heading down to the beach. All that he did was offer to come and make sure that nothing happened to me," Rachel insisted before her eyes went wide in realisation. "Oh my God," she spoke pointing at Seth. "You're jealous."

_Busted,_ Seth thought. _Dammit!_

But he did not let this reaction show on the outside. "Pfft," he spoke. "Me? Jealous?"

Rachel stood there and watched him knowing that what she had said was true. Soon enough Seth began to ramble, the first sign that he was lying.

"I mean, why should I be jealous? I'm the one that goes to bed with you every night. And I'm the one who loves you. But, you know, Luke is a nice looking guy, with a good sense of…uh…direction. Plus you both have a lot in common, like music and sport, and he's really…sporty."

"Seth," Rachel said suddenly cutting him off. "Nothing is going on between me and Luke. I love you, you know that, I just needed to get out, clear my mind." She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned into his embrace as he pulled her closer. "I want you to be able to trust me."

"I trust _you_," Seth stated. "I _don't_ trust Captain Hair."

Rachel looked up to his face with a slight twinkle of mischief in her eye. "_Captain Hair_?"

"Yeah," Seth said placing his head chin atop her head. "His hair does that annoying flippy thing at the front."

Rachel raised a single eyebrow and for a moment all that she did was listen to Seth's heartbeat as it drummed softly in his chest. "Unlike you Seth, I don't pay that much attention to his looks."

The statement nearly made Seth let his hold on her break even though it was now his arms around her slender waist which kept Rachel balanced as she stretched against him, trying to work out the kinks in her joints.

"I don't…" Seth began. "Why would I…? Who said that…?" Seth's face was now one of shock but Rachel simply smiled at his sudden anxiety.

"Who said, what?" She asked innocently, entwining her fingers in his hair and pulling his down toward her. "I didn't say anything," she whispered before feeling Seth's resistance die out as he pressed his lips to hers.

"Next time," he murmured as his lips began their slow journey toward her neck. "Come and get yours truly. I am known to be able to fend off sharks."

"You'd scare them off by just looking at them," Rachel smirked.

Seth poked her in the rib causing Rachel to squirm. "That comment was your payback for my jumping to conclusions," he stated, still moving his lips on her flesh. "Now we're square."

Rachel tilted her head slightly. "I still have one left," she spoke.

"And why is that?" Seth asked curiously.

"Because you just poked me in the rib." The statement was filled with a cunning, devious tone which only made Seth smile.

"By th' blaser's she be righ'," he spoke in his best pirate accent.

Seth barely had enough time to finish his sentence before Rachel began her assault, ruthlessly tickling him and causing them both to go tumbling onto the bed. Seth was trying to stifle his laugh, as he lay pinned beneath her, being helpless to stop the attack.

"Okay…okay…okay," he said between breaths. "You win. We're square."

Rachel smiled. "Deal," she said before taking in a sharp breath and pushing away from Seth as he nipped her collarbone lightly.

Seth's eyes showed a mix of apology and confusion. "Did I hurt you?" He asked concerned.

Rachel stopped short at her reaction, exhaling loudly and running her fingers through her hair. "No," she assured him. "It's just." She hesitated for a moment before Seth leaned up on his elbows so he could get a better look at her where she sat on his lap. "Kurt used to do that," she admitted. "It's kind of out of the comfort zone now."

Seth nodded his head. He knew that Rachel had never fully been able to get over the revelation that her ex-boyfriend was violent. On her return to Chino and to his arms, she had learned quickly the secret, which Ryan had kept from her since the moment she met her first love. There was nothing that he wouldn't do to get what he wanted.

Seth could still remember the look on her face when he had layed eyes on her upon her return to the Cohen house. The cut along her brow, the bruise on her cheek. Everything that he did not understand about her past was written before him. The violence, the heartache, the broken promises.

"I didn't know," Seth whispered, pulling her into his embrace again, feeling her relax against him. "I'm sorry."

Rachel rested her head soundly against his shoulder and spoke with a pure honesty and calmness. "Don't be," she said. "It's not your fault." She pressed closer into him savouring the feeling of his loving arms around her.

Seth felt her give him a light kiss on the neck before Rachel disentangled herself from his arms, grabbed her bag and spoke. "You should get ready," and left him to the task.

* * *

That day at lunch Marissa and Summer sat at the cafeteria talking quietly. 

"So you're totally going to go through with it?" Summer asked as she took another sip of her ice coffee.

Marissa couldn't help the smile that came over her face. "Yeah."

She let her eyes wonder over to where Ryan was making an ice cream from the machine and grinned even wider when she saw the playful exchange between him and his onlooking sister. As Ryan went to remove the cone from beneath the nozzle, ice cream ran all over his hands causing Rachel to let on a smirk of amusement. His eyes quickly narrowed at her and soon she found the mess on his hands being wiped on her face.

"That's what they call 'brotherly love'?" Summer asked. "That is totally not cool."

Marissa turned back to her friend. "But look at them. He is such a good brother to her."

Summer raised her eyebrows. "He just put ice cream on her face," she stated.

"It's not about that," Marissa insisted. "He is so amazing, and not just to Rachel."

Summer rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I get it, he's great." She began to swirl her plastic spoon through her coffee making patterns with the sprinkle of chocolate atop it. "Are you sure you want to like, go through with this or whatever? Not that I am not totally supportive or anything," Summer spoke.

Marissa took in a deep breath and gazed back over at her boyfriend who was now somewhere between being hit by his sister and running from an angry Seth.

"Tonight," she stated confidently smiling as Ryan caught her eye and winked at her. "It's happening tonight."

* * *

Walking into the kitchen that afternoon Seth saw what he thought would never be possible; Hailey and Rachel were sitting down, having a civilised conversation. 

Rachel laughed at a comment from her companion and Seth had to shake his head to realise that what he was seeing was not just his imagination.

"It's official," he said causing both females to look up at him. "The world as we know it is doomed."

"I dunno about that Seth," Hailey spoke with an amused grin. "I thought you'd be happy to find your first chest hair."

Rachel had to force herself not to laugh again simply out of sympathy for her boyfriend who now stood there looking mighty peeved at his aunt.

Seth forced on an extremely fake chuckle. "I'll have you know, that that would be chest hair_'s_. Plural." He moved toward the table where they both sat and leaned against it, folding his arms. "So what have you two been talking about? I honestly thought after your first meeting you would be killing each other by now."

Hailey raised an eyebrow at him. "No Seth, we have no intention of mud wrestling our differences away."

Seth closed his eyes, pressed his palms together and bowed slightly. "Don't take away the dreams of a small boy."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "That dream only applies to one of us," she murmured.

"Ah, indeed you are correct," Seth answered placing a small kiss on her cheek.

Hailey went to offer another of her comments when the front door slammed and an angry looking Kirsten walked in, arms full of grocery bags.

"Could you help?" She asked with an annoyed voice to the three people in the room.

Seth was quick to take the bags from his mother and place them on the counter top as she let out a long sigh.

"Everything okay?" Hailey asked.

Kirsten gave her a deathly glare, which instantly caused any further remarks to disappear before they even began. "Seth go and tell your father that if he doesn't hurry up we will never eat."

Rachel watched Seth as he glanced at his mother with the slightest hint of pain in his eyes before walking out the front door to find his father.

"Kirsten, sit down, relax for a minute," Rachel said. "You looked stressed."

"I wonder why that would be Rachel," Kirsten growled. "Maybe it's because Sandy refuses to help my father with legal issues that could land him in jail, all because of what happened between you and him."

Rachel was taken aback by her sudden outburst. Kirsten had never spoken to her like that before. Her voice was filled with such anger and disapproval.

"That has nothing to do with Rachel," Sandy voiced as he and Seth walked back in with more bags. "It is my own decision, not hers." He walked up to Rachel and handed her a letter with a weak smile. "This was in the mail."

Rachel didn't look at him as she took the envelope and played with it slightly in her hands. She could feel Seth's eyes on her, filled with sadness and regret from what he had heard his mother say to her.

"Well Sandy," Kirsten said whirling around on her husband. "If it was not her decision then why do you keep insisting on bringing up what happened between her and my father?"

Sandy glared at her. "Because it plays a role in what I have decided to do."

Hailey was now looking from Kirsten to Sandy and then back again with both of her eyebrows raised. "What's going on?"

"Caleb asked me to help him through some financial matters," Sandy informed. "And I am refusing due to personal matters."

Rachel looked up then at Sandy with a frown on her face. "Don't make me the excuse for not doing something Sandy," she said, shocked at the words as they came out of her mouth. "I can deal with it."

Sandy looked at her with compassion and shook his head. "It is not you, Rachel, it is my own choice."

Kirsten stormed up to her husband, her temper flaring. "If you do not help him out he will go to _jail_ Sandy. This is not a lot to ask. Just sit down and listen to what he has to say."

The word 'jail' caught both Seth and Rachel's attention and they instantly locked gazes.

"And the reason that he will go to jail is because of what _he_ did by himself!" Sandy yelled.

The tension in the room was now mounting to one that was uncomfortable and within minutes Seth had exited to his room. Hailey offered Rachel a small smile before tilting her head toward the stairs.

"Go on," she said.

Rachel gave her a last look before following after him. When she had finally reached their room she saw Seth sitting quietly on the single sofa in the corner by the window. His face was unreadable, even as he held his hand in a fist in front of his mouth.

She moved over silently and said nothing to him as she sat down on his lap and wrapped both of her arms around his neck. She rested her head against his and twirled his wavy locks around her fingers before kissing him lightly on the head.

"What's that?" Seth asked her quietly hearing the paper in her hand crinkle as she drew closer to him.

Rachel took in a deep breath. "I don't wanna know," she replied kissing him again.

Seth gazed up at her with a curiosity in his eyes. "How come?"

Rachel flipped the envelope over and handed it to him. Seth could clearly see the handwritten return address on the back and let an understanding smile come over his face as he read the name. _Steve Atwood_.

"You have to open in eventually," he said.

Rachel looked down at Seth with almost sad eyes. She knew that he was going through so much at the moment and it pained her to think that he would put her own issues before his own. For her current problem seemed to come not even close to his. He had two loving parents that had raised him from birth and now as they had falling out after falling out, he had begun to realise that they may not be together forever.

Now as she sat there in his arms she felt almost small, as though her problems were only minute in comparison to his.

"Come on," he began. "Do it while I'm here."

Rachel smiled down at him before throwing the envelope onto the bed where neither of them could reach it. "Right now is Seth Time," she murmured.

Seth raised an eyebrow at her. "It's always Seth Time."

"Maybe," Rachel said contemplating his comment. "But now it is for real." She leaned her forehead onto his and closed her eyes. "Talk to me."

Seth couldn't resist but kiss her at that moment. It was not to distract her from getting an answer from him, it was because he simply had too. He never thought that he could love someone as much as he did her. And to see her, sitting on his lap wanting more than ever to help him made Seth's heart leap.

"What do you want me to say?" He asked.

Rachel looked at him. "What you've been wanting to for a while but didn't think you could." Seth took in a deep breath. "You can trust me."

Seth didn't need to say anything to let her know that he did. He simply gazed up at her, his arms encircling her waist as he did, holding her close to his body. At that moment, he felt something that he didn't think he had ever felt before from a female. He felt safe. Sitting there now, there was no thought in his mind that anything could hurt him.

He wanted more than anything to make everything go away and he knew that Rachel felt the same. She had been through the pain before, though from different circumstances, it had still, on some level, been similar.

"I used to get scared about stuff like this," he whispered feeling Rachel's warm breath against his neck as she leaned into him. "My parents never fought, they were perfect."

Rachel nuzzled his neck slightly. "No one's perfect Seth."

Seth let out a long, shaky breath, all of the comical tone that normally bathed his voice, gone. "Everyone said that _they_ were. It was the match of _all_ matches. The beautiful rich girl together with the Jewish pro-bono lawyer. I can't believe I actually used to believe all of that."

"You don't know that," Rachel insisted bringing her hands back from around his neck and placing them in his. "People go through hard times. We wouldn't be human if we didn't."

"They don't."

Rachel watched him through sad eyes. She hated to see Seth like this and it suddenly occurred to her how he would have felt when their roles had been switched. So helpless, wanting to make this better but not knowing how.

"I'm so scared something's gonna happen," Seth whispered, suddenly feeling like he could show every emotion that he had kept bottled up for so long.

Seth's head fell against Rachel's chest and he felt her stiffen from a moment before her muscles loosened and allowed her to comfort him. "Shh, Baby," she murmured, running one hand through his hair and the other down his arm. She had never seen him like this and in some place, deep inside Rachel, it worried her. "It's okay to be scared."

* * *

A while after the initial arrival of Sandy and Kirsten, Ryan walked upstairs and into Seth and Rachel's bedroom with every intention of making his presence known. He stopped, however, when his eyes took in the sight inside the room. 

Seth was fast asleep on the single sofa, his head tilted as though it had previously been leaning against something. Rachel sat on the bed, her knees tucked up to her chin and arms wrapped around them. She was watching Seth intently as his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm.

"Is everything okay?" Ryan asked when he registered the scene before him.

Rachel only shrugged and continued to watch Seth. "Kirsten and Sandy were at it again," she replied quietly. "I took a bit out of him."

Ryan nodded his head slightly. "I was gonna go around to Marissa's, but I can stay if you want."

Rachel looked over at her brother. "No, go have fun." She smiled at her comment as she realised what she had implied. "You know what I mean."

"The more you hang around Seth," Ryan began. "The more I don't."

Rachel shook her head playfully before her eyes fell on the envelope which lay beside her on the bed. It only had her name on it, not Ryan's and it took her a moment to decide if she should tell her brother about it. She quickly thought that it would not be a good idea. He didn't need to deal with her life. And, although at times the emotions that Rachel felt when she first found out about the man came back, the majority of the time she felt nothing toward him.

"I'll have my cell on if you want me," Ryan said, failing to pull Rachel from her thoughts.

Her eyes were still fixed on the paper. "Okay," she said absently. "Say 'hey' to Coop for me."

"Will do," Ryan replied. "Try and get some sleep, you look tired. I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

The moment that Ryan walked into Marissa room she pulled him to her, wrapping her arms securely around his neck and kissing him with a passion she didn't know she could muster. 

When Ryan finally pulled away he looked at her questioningly, not sure of the intentions of the gesture.

"I love you," she whispered kissing him again, this time moving to rid him of his shirt. "You know that, right?"

Ryan was a little overwhelmed with her actions. He had never seen Marissa like this before. "Yeah," he answered truthfully capturing her lips with his, wanting to show her that she was not the only one that could show affection.

"I love you not just because of everything we've been through together," Marissa continued, finally undoing the last button and slipping the piece of clothing off. "I love you because of everything we _haven't_ been through together."

She had now managed to move them over to the bed, pulling Ryan down to sit beside her as she did. Again Marissa kissed him, but this time it was not as forceful, not as wanting.

"I think you're such an incredible guy Ryan," she spoke. "And I love that you're my boyfriend."

Ryan frowned slightly at the statement. "I love being your boyfriend," he replied hesitantly, knowing exactly where this was going but not wanting to say anything just yet.

"I love when I'm alone with you, and when we're together with our friends," Marissa continued placing a small kiss on his lips. "And I love watching you be an amazing brother to Rachel. You're always there for her, no matter what."

"Marissa…" Ryan tried but she cut him off by placing her finger to his lips.

"I've wanted this for a long time now but I never had the courage to ask, mostly because I think I was scared that you would say no," she said.

Her lips met his again, but this time she pushed him back into the sheets as they did. Ryan was quick to pull back causing Marissa to look down at him with hurt eyes.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Ryan asked calmly.

Marissa frowned deeply at him. "This is what I want Ryan."

That wasn't the answer he was looking for. "Marissa, we can't go back on this."

"Why would I want to?" She asked in an almost demanding tone.

Ryan shook his head trying to find the right words. "That's not what I meant."

"Ryan," Marissa said strongly. "I'm sure about this."

They lay there for a moment gazing into each others eyes, none of them making an attempt to say any more when Ryan leaned up and kissed Marissa strongly, pulling them both back into the world where nothing else mattered but each other. As he rolled over on top of his girlfriend, Ryan reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out his cell phone.

"What are you doing?" Marissa asked.

Ryan switched the device off before throwing it onto the bedside table and turning his attention back to Marissa.

* * *

_Dear Rachel,_

_Please don't be upset with me. The circumstances which led to us being here were out of my hands. I managed to talk the hotel staff into giving me the details which I required to get this letter to you, but if I could have asked you myself, I would have. I promise you that the past is just that. I have changed. I am married now, with two beautiful children; Keith, 3 and Alysa, 2. My new home is in Atlanta and I am very happy there._

_I am not writing to try and apologise – though I do. I am writing to let you know that I love you and always will. To have been able to see you in Las Vegas, no matter how short or unfriendly the meeting may have been, was something that I have wished for too long. Please do not make the mistake of thinking that I never thought about you or your brothers. I did and still do. Every day._

_Things may have been different in the past but I have changed and become the man I should have been all along. I see now what it is in the world that I missed so much, and that was my children. _

_I am sorry that it has taken me so long to find you and that it was a simple 'change encounter' that I finally did but I had no choice. For the past years I have been rebuilding my life. I now have a respectable job, a home and a wonderful family._

_Which brings me to the reason why I am writing to you. I see now, after laying eyes on yours and your brothers faces, all that I have missed. I want to change that, starting now. I am making you an offer which I am sure you will not refuse. Rachel, I want you and Ryan to come and live with my family in Atlanta. I want to give you the life that you should have had all along. I want to be your father._

_Steve._

Rachel stared down at the words on the page and felt her heart stop. The breath caught in her throat and nothing seemed to move, not even Seth's rising and falling chest in the corner.

She immediately scrabbled for the phone, throwing the contents of her handbag down onto the bed in an attempt to find it. When she did she punched in Ryan's number without any hesitation and waited as it rang.

"Come on Ry', pick up," she whispered desperately as the phone continued to ring. "_Dammit_, pick up the phone Ryan."

Eventually, after a long while it clicked over to his voice mail and Rachel silently cursed.

That's the last time I trust you about keeping your cell on,, she thought. 

The tone beeped.

"Ry' when you get this call me back," she spoke urgently. "I have to talk to you."

**_TO BE CONTINUED………_**

(Wow, these past chapters have been long. Few. Okay, hope you liked it. I think what I was trying to do with this chapter was kinda focus in more on the relationships between the characters and not just how they interact because I think that sometimes that kinda gets overlooked. Plus this story has a lot to do with those kinda things. Next chapter sees the revealing of the future of one of the characters indefinitely. Jimmy comes more into the picture with things involving Hailey and the beginning of the Ryan/Marissa plots kicks in. Please review. I STILL WANT THOSE SONGS!!! LOL)

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SparkiMonkey: Wow, long review. LOL. I'm sitting here going 'is this ever gonna end?' Nuh, seriously, I love it. Thank you so much. And yay 4 you for guessing who Steve was. Lol. When I was writing it I was sitting there thinking 'ooh she's gonna love this.' I totally agree with the whole Caleb thing. I hate him too, don't get me wrong but I couldn't really shut him out entirely in this story, mostly because I have a little something planned. Mwahaha. Hmm…yes I think the count of you telling me I am a great writer is hitting the hundreds mark. Not that I don't appreciate it, but hey, wow, I've never been told it that much before. Interesting thing about how you would fall in love with Rachel. I've definitely never gotten that one from a girl before. All my _guy_ friends are like 'damn she sounds hot, I wanna piece of her'. Lol. Thanks for the music by the way. I actually found it really easy to find songs for the last story, probably because it was all about pain and anger and stuff…you pretty much just head straight for the punk rock for that one. But I will definitely be checking out the stuff you suggested. Big thumbs up. And if you have any fave songs that you think (though you don't really know what's gonna happen) that would go with the general theme of the story, let me know sista. Anyway, I think I have written back as much as you did, not that I couldn't go on forever about absolutely nothing. But thanks again. Keep those kick ass reviews coming. And I seriously hope that I don't disappoint you with the story, though from the sounds of it I honestly don't think I can. Lol. Peace out.

Wow, long review. LOL. I'm sitting here going 'is this ever gonna end?' Nuh, seriously, I love it. Thank you so much. And yay 4 you for guessing who Steve was. Lol. When I was writing it I was sitting there thinking 'ooh she's gonna love this.' I totally agree with the whole Caleb thing. I hate him too, don't get me wrong but I couldn't really shut him out entirely in this story, mostly because I have a little something planned. Mwahaha. Hmm…yes I think the count of you telling me I am a great writer is hitting the hundreds mark. Not that I don't appreciate it, but hey, wow, I've never been told it that much before. Interesting thing about how you would fall in love with Rachel. I've definitely never gotten that one from a girl before. All my friends are like 'damn she sounds hot, I wanna piece of her'. Lol. Thanks for the music by the way. I actually found it really easy to find songs for the last story, probably because it was all about pain and anger and stuff…you pretty much just head straight for the punk rock for that one. But I will definitely be checking out the stuff you suggested. Big thumbs up. And if you have any fave songs that you think (though you don't really know what's gonna happen) that would go with the general theme of the story, let me know sista. Anyway, I think I have written back as much as you did, not that I couldn't go on forever about absolutely nothing. But thanks again. Keep those kick ass reviews coming. And I seriously hope that I don't disappoint you with the story, though from the sounds of it I honestly don't think I can. Lol. Peace out. ****

Kitotterkat: Haha, man you guys crack me up. Ramblings, I got nothing against them, I do it all the time. Just look at how much I write in reply. I sit there going, okay girl don't write a lot they'll think your nuts and _wham_ it's like a full on story. You have it so sussed, it is fully starting to freak me out. I totally agree with what you are saying and I am so happy that I didn't need to spell out what Rachel was feeling for you to be able to understand it. I think that's the most important thing in writing about anything, it's what's between the lines that should matter. I'm glad you liked the Rachel, Ryan scene because I was honestly thinking of so many different ways to do it and I didn't even know if I liked the final product. Yay _Finding Neverland_. I've seen it twice now in one week and the second time I was fully sobbing, plus I won a bet with a mate that they would cry. $50 richer!!! Woohoo. But it is a really beautiful story and I was amazed at how much I totally related to Peter (how awesome is Freddie Highmore by the way!!) because I'm a lot like him in the weirdest of ways. Like our backgrounds are nothing alike and our families are completely different but I could feel what he was feeling because it is so similar to myself. In a way it is almost like you and Rachel. Strangely enough. It's that, we have barely anything in common but I get what's going on with them. And Johnny Depp kicks major ass!!! I just wish that people didn't only like him for doing _Pirates_, cos I can still remember sitting down and watching _What's Eating Gilbert Grape? _(which I've seen like 50,000 times)when I was like 5 and just falling in love with him. It's kinda disappointing that some of his earlier work, which is some of his best, is completely forgotten because people only see him as this rouge pirate or the next Willy Wonka. Damn I'm starting to sound too much like an adult actor, man, I'm a freakin teenager for Gods sake. Anyways, see now you've got me rambling. Damn that!! Keep the reviews coming, and make them as rambling filled as you like. I love it.

Haha, man you guys crack me up. Ramblings, I got nothing against them, I do it all the time. Just look at how much I write in reply. I sit there going, okay girl don't write a lot they'll think your nuts and it's like a full on story. You have it so sussed, it is fully starting to freak me out. I totally agree with what you are saying and I am so happy that I didn't need to spell out what Rachel was feeling for you to be able to understand it. I think that's the most important thing in writing about anything, it's what's between the lines that should matter. I'm glad you liked the Rachel, Ryan scene because I was honestly thinking of so many different ways to do it and I didn't even know if I liked the final product. Yay . I've seen it twice now in one week and the second time I was fully sobbing, plus I won a bet with a mate that they would cry. $50 richer!!! Woohoo. But it is a really beautiful story and I was amazed at how much I totally related to Peter (how awesome is Freddie Highmore by the way!!) because I'm a lot like him in the weirdest of ways. Like our backgrounds are nothing alike and our families are completely different but I could feel what he was feeling because it is so similar to myself. In a way it is almost like you and Rachel. Strangely enough. It's that, we have barely anything in common but I get what's going on with them. And Johnny Depp kicks major ass!!! I just wish that people didn't only like him for doing , cos I can still remember sitting down and watching (which I've seen like 50,000 times)when I was like 5 and just falling in love with him. It's kinda disappointing that some of his earlier work, which is some of his best, is completely forgotten because people only see him as this rouge pirate or the next Willy Wonka. Damn I'm starting to sound too much like an adult actor, man, I'm a freakin teenager for Gods sake. Anyways, see now you've got me rambling. Damn that!! Keep the reviews coming, and make them as rambling filled as you like. I love it. ****

Meezardra: Hey there. Thanks heaps for the compliments and I will definitely drop you a line in your reviews. I'm doing it as I write this actually cos as soon as I get these I write back. LOL, I had to make Hailey show up. How could I not? She is pretty awesome. You know I'm still waiting for the negative review from someone. I haven't got it yet. I need some criticism ppl!!! Anyways. Thank you again.

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Leentje: Aww, it's good to know that someone likes Ryan and Rachel's relationship cos I am always trying to change it, just cos with everything in their lives it wouldn't stay the same all the time. Thank you for liking the chapter cos I was kinda a bit iffy about it. Will post asap. Promise.


	6. The Chosen

_**THE CHOSEN**_

_I need you to survive  
So stay with me  
You look in my eyes_

_And I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry_

_-Forgive Me_

_-Evanescence_

Seth awoke late that morning suddenly becoming aware that he was extremely uncomfortable. Moving as to reach out for Rachel who should have been asleep beside him, all that he found was the arm of a chair.

_Hang on…_ he thought.

Opening his eyes warily Seth realised that he was still sitting where he had been the previous night. The blanket from the bed was tucked up around him, and despite the obvious coolness of the morning, Seth flipped it off him in one quick motion and looked around still a little dreary from the lack of a decent sleep.

Rachel was lying on her back, on their bed, eyes closed peacefully, head titled downward. Seth groaned slightly as he rose from the chair and made his way over to her, noticing how she was not covered by any source of warmth other than her clothes.

Dropping gently onto the bed, Seth threw the blanket over Rachel, causing her to stir slightly before falling back into her sleep. He moved in closer to her, feeling her cold flesh brush against his as he did. Being worried that the temperature she was at could cause her to become ill, Seth wrapped an arm tightly around her, drawing her closer and trying to warm her body with his.

Rachel murmured, shifting slightly before finally opening her eyes to be greeted with his smiling face. "I hate how you're so happy in the morning," she grumbled trying to settle herself back down, burying her face in his chest and wishing to yet again become lost in the world of dreams.

Seth's smile only grew and Rachel couldn't help but think that maybe she imagined the previous night. He seemed too happy to have fallen asleep in her arms, clinging to her as though she were his lifeline and proclaiming his fears of what was to become of his family.

Frowning at the thought she looked up and studied his face even as he moved in to kiss her. But any suspicions that she had toward him instantly evaporated as she remembered what had made her so worried the night before.

"Ryan," she whispered frantically causing Seth to pull back in surprise and stare down at her.

"Okay, not really what I wanted to hear," he commented. "And I'm finding it really disturbing that you'd be thinking of him right now."

Rachel ignored Seth's reaction and rolled over reaching desperately for her cell phone. "He never called back," she murmured, more to herself than to her companion. Flipping the phone closed again she turned back to Seth and realised that he was looking interestingly at the opened envelope which lay on the bedside table.

"You opened it," he stated as she rolled onto her back again and began to trace the random lines along his shirt with her fingers.

Rachel snuggled up against him, slipping her arm around to lay atop his. "Yeah," she replied quietly before pressing her lips to Seth's in an attempt to distract him.

The plan seemed to work and they were soon both lost in the feeling of each other when Seth pinned her down with his weight as he moved on top of her and made a snatch for the piece of paper.

Rachel was quick to grab his arm, cursing herself for letting him use her distraction to his own advantage. Stopping him before he had a chance to pull the letter from within Rachel took a tight hold on Seth's wrist causing him to look at her as she lay beneath him.

"I don't want you to see it," she said honestly.

Seth looked at her with an angered expression. "Why not?"

Rachel tried to find the words but everything she thought of came back to the claim that she didn't want him to feel any more hurt than he did already.

"I just…" Rachel placed her hand to his cheek and brushed away the stray hair which had showered onto his face. "You have a lot on your mind right now Seth," she explained leaning up on her elbows to be able to kiss him softly. "You shouldn't have to deal with this."

Seth was eyeing her off now, trying his hardest not to lose his temper out of the simple fact that she was now turning the tables and trying to take on the protective role.

"Don't patronise me, Rach," he spoke with a hint of pain in his voice.

Rachel looked up at him shocked. "I'm not, all I'm doing is caring about you."

But before she knew what he was doing, Seth had torn the page from the envelope and began to skim read it. Rachel began to fight against him, trying her hardest to pull it from his grip. Though she knew that if she was determined enough, she could easily overpower Seth, a sudden thought prevented Rachel from doing this. She _did_ want him to read it. She wanted him to be apart of everything to do with her life and it was out of fear of his reaction that she tried to hide it from him.

Finally giving in out of either the worry that she might actually hurt him, or pure frustration Rachel slumped back down against the mattress with a sigh and waited for Seth to finish his reading. It was only then that she felt the dull aching in her abdomen and Rachel was quick to realise that it was being caused by Seth's arm pressing down against the piercing on her naval in an attempt to stop her movement.

"Seth," she managed taking a hold on his upper arm and meaning to move it, only realising that it was the one thing keeping him balanced as his other hand was holding the paper far out of her way. "Seth, you're hurting me."

Letting out a breath of relief as he shifted his weight, Rachel watched Seth's expression as he read the final words. It was unreadable. Not one of pain or confusion, or simple anger. It was almost as though there was nothing.

Rachel ran her fingers cautiously up Seth's arm trying to get his attention. "Hey," she said as she noticed he had completed the letter and now sat simply staring at the words. "Seth…?"

It only took a moment for Seth's face to change from confusion, to anger and finally to pain. He pushed himself roughly off her, throwing the letter down as he did and made for the door in an attempt to hide what he was feeling.

"Seth," Rachel said trying to get him to turn to her. It was only when he reached the door that Rachel rose and ran quickly after him. "Seth!"

She could feel the hurt surrounding him even though she couldn't see his face. He was as confused and angry as she was but for some reason he just didn't seem to want to express it.

Placing her hand on his shoulder Rachel tried again. "Seth, look at me," she said with an almost desperate need in her voice. "Please."

But Seth never halted his movements and instead proceeded out the door before slamming it behind him and directly in Rachel's face. She made a grab for the handle in an attempt to go after him but something stopped her. Rachel let out a long, helpless sigh before letting her forehead fall against the door, none too lightly and her grip on the handle fall away.

* * *

"Jimmy," Rachel said in surprise as her eyes fell on him sitting in the lounge with Hailey. 

Jimmy looked up at her with a warm smile. The two hadn't seen each other since the incident in Chino where it had been he who had come to her rescue once she had cut off everyone else. Including Ryan.

"Hey Kid-o," he replied as though without a care in the world. "It's been a while."

Rachel half-smiled at the comment, her mind barely being able to register that he was before her in the presence of all her other thoughts. "Yeah," she agreed. "A long time."

Hailey was looking from one to the other before finally she raised her hand. "So you two are on friendly terms?" She asked.

"You could say that," Rachel replied, gazing at Jimmy for a moment before looking at Hailey.

She would always have the upmost respect for the man that sat there before her, for he alone had taken on the risks of going into Chino simply to get her _out_. Though there was never any actually words spoken between the two they both knew how they felt in regards to that particular day.

"_Oh_," Hailey suddenly spoke. "You're not like…you know…?" She screwed up her face and pointed a finger at them both. Shock washed over Jimmy's face and Rachel simply stared blankly at her. "Okay, I guess not."

"Why would you even think that?" Rachel asked appalled but was quick to finish. "I don't even wanna know."

A short silence swept over the room before Jimmy spoke. "So how's Seth?" He asked.

Rachel let out a small laugh. "I dunno," she replied honestly. "We kinda had a bit of a fight this morning."

Hailey raised a single eyebrow. "That would explain his quick exit and the mumbling of something like 'I have to get to school early'."

Rachel only shrugged before dropping into a nearby sofa with a sigh. For some reason she felt that the two people accompanying her were the only adults in the world that she could truly open up too. Not only had she and Hailey made up for their original meeting, they had also become rather fond of each other. Rachel would never admit it, but she liked the fact that she had a female friend that she could talk too. Marissa was always either too busy with Ryan or just not fitting enough for the conversation. As for Summer…though they had become acquaintances, Rachel was still very wary of the girl.

"Stick in there kid," Jimmy said. "You'd be surprised at how weird relationships can be at your age."

Rachel looked at him comically.

"And at _our_ age," he finished.

"They generally just suck," Hailey admitted with a sheepish grin.

Rachel let out a soft groan before pushing herself back into a standing position and cracking her neck. She went to move back toward the door before stopping short and turning to Jimmy.

"Hey, did Ry' say anything to you this morning?" She asked curiously.

Jimmy shook his head. "I left before him and Marissa got up." Then, seeing the slight look of worry on Rachel's face he asked. "Is something wrong?"

Rachel frowned in annoyance at her brother despite the fact that he was not in her present company. "No," she said a little too unconvincingly. "I'll just see him at school."

Jimmy was nodding at her now his eyes clearly showing that he was not buying her story. "Have fun."

Rachel looked at him sarcastically. "Woo," she said with no enthusiasm whatsoever.

* * *

Marissa had moved off to class when Seth intercepted Ryan at the lockers later that day. He had an amused look on his face, hoping that it was masking the actual feelings of worry that he had from his reaction to Rachel that morning. 

"Hey man, how's it going?" He asked casually.

Ryan shrugged though his mind was awhirl with one thought and one thought only. Marissa and the night that they had had together. "Not bad man, you?"

"Fight with your sister," Seth answered honestly hearing Ryan take in a sharp breath to show that he knew how painful that could be. "Speaking of, you haven't spoken to her about…say…something important?" He asked.

Ryan narrowed his eyes slightly at the question. "Like what?"

Seth raised his eyebrows, realising that Rachel had clearly not told Ryan about the letter from Steve and it almost didn't surprise him. "Nothing, it's nothing, she just wanted to see you."

There was a short silence between them as they began to walk down to the common room down the hall.

"So, how was your night?" Ryan asked.

Seth looked at him blankly. "Fine."

Ryan could tell that everything was not fine. It hadn't been the night before and it definitely wasn't now. Seth was clearly falling under the pressure which was being put on him by his parents constant fights and although he did a good job of hiding it, concern was written all over his face.

"Marissa and me are finally pretty serious," Ryan commented as they positioned themselves on the brown, leather couch in the corner.

"Ah, do tell," Seth said.

Ryan looked at him for a long moment. "Well we…you know…" Seth only stared at him blankly. "We had…"

"Yes…?"

"We slept together okay," Ryan finished quietly.

Seth's eyebrows instantly shot up. "I'm sorry, you what?" He asked in complete shock.

Ryan stared at him angrily. "You heard me Seth."

Seth was shaking his head now. "I'm just working through some hysterical deafness right now," he said clearly being completely blown away by the news. A huge grin was growing on his face.

"I don't see what the big deal is," Ryan said, knowing that Seth knew he didn't mean that the intimate relation was nothing to him, he just didn't understand his friend's reaction.

"Dude," Seth exclaimed. "You had _sex_ with _Marissa_." Seth looked to the ceiling for a moment with an expression of fulfilment on his face. "I have been waiting for this moment for so long."

Ryan stared at him confused. "Why?"

"Because it's taken _so long_," Seth stated. "It's about time you hopped on the train."

Raising a single eyebrow in a mocking fashion Ryan smirked at Seth. "You're giving _me_ advice?"

"Well I do have some expertise in this area," Seth replied in a proper English voice as he tilted his nose in the air."

"You've been with _one_ girl Seth," Ryan stated.

"But there have been _many_ memorable moments," Seth said proudly.

Ryan eyed him strongly. "You do realise you're talking about my sister, right?"

Seth looked at him slightly surprised with where their conversation had lead them. The thought came to him that maybe he had just revealed too much to Ryan, and that he would soon be finding himself on the run from the protective brother. But Seth stopped short. Ryan had reacted calmly, he wasn't upset, angry or even shocked for that matter.

_He already knew_, Seth thought suddenly. _She told him_.

At the new realisation Seth smiled. "Yeah, I realise I'm talking about your sister," he replied forcing the sudden emotions which came with thinking of Rachel and their argument that morning to disappear.

"So _stop _talking," Ryan insisted. "What happened between me and Marissa, happened. You don't have to make such a huge deal man."

Seth was smiling widely now, letting his head nod up and down. "And I'm sure it was the right time for you man."

"What was?"

The voice came from behind them and both young men turned to see Rachel approach before sitting lightly on the arm of the sofa they shared. Seth took note that she positioned herself beside Ryan instead of him.

"Um…" Ryan hesitated proving that pretty much whatever came out of his mouth with be either a lie or a twisted version of the truth. "I…handed in my English paper in at the right time," he smiled sheepishly. "I'm gonna ace that class."

Rachel looked at him blankly for a long moment never letting her gaze wonder from his face. "_Really_?" She said sarcastically. "Because I thought you slept with Marissa or something."

Ryan stopped short before stammering. "What?" He let out a weak laugh. "Why would you think that?"

"The _right_ time," Rachel said with added emphasis on the 'right'. "I'm not that thick Ry'."

Ryan half-smiled before shaking his head. "We didn't sleep together," he admitted shooting Seth a warning glare when he went to correct him. "I swear."

Rachel continued to gaze at him. "You swear?"

"I do."

A long silence swept over the trio, in which no one moved, or made a sign of changing the subject. Seth was lost in thought and on the odd occasion glanced over at Rachel who still had her eyes locked on her brother. It occurred to him that he should probably take the time to talk over what had happened between the that morning, but he wasn't sure if he was ready to open up those emotional bags just yet.

Suddenly, after a long quiet Rachel spoke. "You're lying, aren't you?" She spoke to Ryan more as a statement than a question.

Ryan looked up at her shocked and rather annoyed at himself for not being able to convince her. "Why would I lie to you?" He asked.

Rachel looked up at the ceiling for a moment. "For the same reason anyone would lie about anything. It's either fear, shame, regret or pretty much all of the above. Take a pick Ry', which one is it?"

Ryan stared at her strongly and for the first time he cursed her upbringing and the knowledge that she had gained from it. "I'm not hiding anything," he insisted.

"Then why are you acting like you are?" Rachel continued her onslaught of questions, sure that eventually he would crack under pressure.

"I'm not acting like anything."

Ryan held her gaze for a long time, both of them silent and simply staring at each other trying to break down the wall between them and their own emotional defences.

What Rachel saw however was something that she had not expected. Sincerity. His eyes held a pure honesty that she could not deny no matter how hard she tried. Eventually, giving in to the belief that maybe he was telling the truth Rachel spoke.

"Okay, fine. Whatever," she murmured looking away to the opposite side of the room where Luke was busy playing pinball. She smiled slightly as he hit the sides of the machine, clearly losing.

Seth watched her with open curiosity, but also with a slight hurt in his eyes. He was still unsure of how to react to Rachel and Luke's relationship and though she continually insisted that there was a simple close friendship between them he couldn't help but be overcome with feelings of dread. He wanted to be the only man in her life who mattered, aside from Ryan. He didn't want to feel as though he had to compete with others, especially as Seth was well aware of Rachel's talent in attracting males. A simple look at her made them come running from all angles, hoping to have a piece of something that they were well aware they couldn't have.

"I'll see you guys later," Rachel suddenly said standing from the couch and making her way across the room.

Ryan was quick to call her. "Hey, Seth said you wanted to see me," he yelled.

Rachel turned back to the pair never slowing her movement and instead began walking backward. "Might wanna check that cell of yours Ry'," she said angrily, suddenly remembering why she had been so annoyed and disappointed in him. "You never know who called you."

* * *

"How many times have I told you that you suck at pinball?" 

The voice made Luke leave his game momentarily and turn to the source which stood behind him, hands on her hips and a smirk on her face. He smiled playfully before stepping back.

"You give it a shot then."

Rachel only shook her head. "I'm a sixteen-year old girl," she said. "I'm no big with the arcade games."

She cast her eyes over to where Seth and Ryan were greeting the newcomers Marissa and Summer. For a moment Rachel almost thought that she caught a glimpse of glee in Summer's eyes from seeing the rare occurrence of her and Seth separated.

After a few moments of watching their exchanges Rachel turned back to Luke. "Can we get out of here?" She asked.

Luke looked down at her questioningly but voiced no objection and they soon began to walk through the corridors of the school and out into the gardens. Sitting beneath a large, overhanging tree Rachel rested her back against the trunk with a sigh.

"Is everything okay?" Luke asked concerned.

Rachel looked over to him and smiled. "I'm just tired. I haven't been sleeping much."

Luke stared back at her. "You wanna talk or something?"

Rachel hesitated only for a moment before she began to open up to her friend in a way she rarely did. "Steve wants me and Ry' to go to live with him in Atlanta, but the only problem is, Ry' doesn't know yet and Seth found out by accident." Rachel closed her eyes tightly at the thought of the young man. "He completely flipped, I mean I've never seen him like that before. He just looked at me." As she spoke her eyes began to form a far away look as though she was remembering the encounter. "He just looked straight through me like I wasn't even there."

Luke remained silent as she spoke, his heart rate speeding up with her every word. He didn't want to hurt her, especially now when she needed him more than anything, but he knew that he would have to tell her eventually.

Rachel was quiet now her gaze cast down to the ground, her head bowed slightly. "I don't wanna hurt him – either of them – but I just don't feel like I have a choice, you know, and I keep blaming myself." She paused. "Especially now with Kirsten and Sandy at total breaking point and Hailey and Jimmy…well I have no idea what's going on there."

Luke began to speak now, his voice quiet yet strong. "You have to stop blaming yourself," he said catching Rachel's attention. "Sure, Seth might be upset but it's not your fault that he found out, besides he would have eventually anyway. And you'll find a way to talk to Ryan, and even if you're worried you just have to remember that he isn't someone that will turn against you."

"That's what I thought about Seth too," Rachel admitted.

"Seth shouldn't have reacted like he did, but I can kinda see where he's coming from. His parents are having problems, he just wants to have the security of you there and I suppose he just thinks that you're gonna leave."

Rachel let out a small groan. "I'm just so sick of him assuming things all the time. Why doesn't he get that I'm not going anywhere? I mean, none of us are going anywhere."

Luke remained silent at the comment and shifted slightly in his spot catching Rachel's attention. He tried to avoid her gaze, looking away and back at the school building where he could see students wondering around, some hurrying to their next class.

Rachel frowned at his sudden lack of words. "Luke," she began. "What's going on?"

The moment that the words came from her mouth he knew that there was no avoiding it. He would have to fess up, admit to something that he had wanted too for so long and yet never found it in his heart to do.

"Believe me," she said. "Whatever it is can't be any worse than what I've heard lately."

Luke looked down at her seeing the confusion in her eyes. "I'm leaving in a week," he burst out.

Rachel's eyes grew wide. "I stand corrected," she admitted but was quick to react to his words. "You're _what_?"

"Scouts chose me to play in the championships for soccer," Luke stated. "That means I get to play for the state Rach, the _entire_ state."

Rachel was quiet now simply looking up at him with emotion filled eyes, too many for her to be able to distinguish. "But you're leaving for good?" She asked in an almost whisper.

Luke contemplated the question. "Maybe, I dunno right now. It might be a while though, it isn't definite and there is still a lot of –"

"Luke," Rachel cut in strongly. "How am I supposed to deal with everything if you're not here?"

Luke only shrugged. "You've done it before."

"_Before_ I didn't want your help because I _hated_ you," she stated then took in a deep breath and looked to the sky. "I can't believe this."

He felt as though his entire stronghold, the manly side of him was being torn down as he watched Rachel's face. The statement had thrown her in a way that Luke had not expected. He didn't realise just how much he meant to the girl of late. He knew that the troubles she was having were not her own, but rather the impact of other peoples on her. Somehow that seemed to make everything even harder because she wasn't the one who could fight this time.

She looked at him now with hurt eyes. "Just go," she said harshly not understanding where the sudden pain in her voice was coming from. "Just leave, I don't care any more."

"Rach…" he tried.

"You wanna go," she stated strongly. "Then just damn well _go_. It's an opportunity, right? You get the chance to leave and show the country what you're made of. You should take it."

Luke could tell that although her words seemed to come with a consent, they were mixed with an anger and hurt that he didn't think he had ever seen in her.

"Go!" She yelled finally causing Luke to rise and walk away from her.

* * *

Marissa walked up behind Ryan undetected and wrapped her arms around him kissing him softly on the cheek. "Hey," she said. 

Ryan only smiled at the gesture watching as Seth fought with his locker, cursing under his breath as the lock refused to open.

"Hey," he replied pulling her around to stand before him and kissing her strongly.

"Oh my God," Summer said a little perturbed by their actions. "Will you two, like, get a room already."

She cast her eyes to Seth wandering why exactly he and Rachel had spent so much time apart that day before dismissing the thought. Finally, with a small victory cry the door swung open and Seth let out a sigh of relief to which Summer only rolled her eyes. But before she could turn away a small piece of paper fell from the locker and floated slowly to the floor. Taking one look at an oblivious Seth she huffed before bending down to pick it up.

"This is yours," Summer said irritably to him.

Seth looked at her dumbly for a long moment before he realised what she was talking about. "Thanks," he said, taking the paper with confusion evident on his face.

"So…" Summer said as he flipped the folded paper open and began to read. "How have you been?"

Seth almost didn't hear what she said as his eyes skimmed over the writing on the page. "What?" he asked suddenly looking up.

"I said," Summer stated. "How have you been?"

Seth looked back at the paper before scrunching it into a tight ball and throwing it into his bag. "Yeah, okay," he replied.

The two stood in silence for a long time not really knowing what to say. Summer could tell that Seth wasn't really aware of his surroundings as his eyes gained a rather far away look. Deciding that it would be no good to involve Marissa in the conversation as she and Ryan were too busy with each other she said a quick goodbye before leaving.

Seth didn't notice Summer's departure until a good thirty seconds after she was completely out of sight. His mind was too busy thinking about what had been written on the paper which had mysteriously fallen from his locker.

_Meet me down at the pier before sunset._

That was all, there was nothing else. Only eight simple words. But no matter how basic they were, they still struck a cord deep within Seth.

* * *

Seth sat alone at the end of the pier watching the waters ever-changing colours as the sun edged closer to the horizon. It was quiet out, barely a soul could be seen and even as the odd boat floated past it were as though a ghost were skimming across the water. 

Faint, light footsteps could be heard drawing closer from behind him, before a delicate hand slipped into his own and another brushed lightly through his hair.

"I wanna show you something," a familiar voice whispered in his ear, so close that Seth could feel their warm breath.

Immediately tiny Goosebumps formed along his flesh from the contact and only increased in number when a light kiss was placed at the base of his neck. At that moment, despite the bliss he was feeling Seth would admit to being reluctant to move from his spot but never the less rose to his feet.

"Come on," they murmured entwining their fingers with his and leading Seth toward the sand.

Seth watched their body as they moved off the pier noting how the newcomers skin almost glowed in the dying suns light. He could feel the calm touch of their hand in his own even as they slipped their shoes off to walk along the sand.

After what could have only been a good fifteen minutes of walking the couple halted on a small, open space of sand where it was clear that few tread. The shells which lined the coast were still fully intact and the coral bright with piercing natural colours.

Rachel turned to stand before Seth and looked up at him with a small smile on her face. She leaned up and pressed her lips lovingly to his, stepping closer to him and lacing her fingers through his hair.

Pulling away again Rachel cast her eyes out to sea. "Look," she whispered.

Seth allowed his gaze to leave her face and the moment that he did he was confronted with an image of colour like he had never seen before. Yellows, reds and oranges exploded into the sky, stretching out miles before them. They twisted and turned through the clouds like a vine, intricately spread out.

Being so overwhelmed by the sight Seth stumbled back a little further up the sand before sitting down in an almost trance and casting his glance from the sky, to Rachel and then back again. He watched as she stood there for some time before turning and walking up to him. Seth felt his body tense slightly as she sat between his legs, pressing her back into his chest and resting her head in the crook of his neck.

"It's beautiful," Rachel exclaimed trying to hide the fact that she had noticed his pro-longed hesitation before he wrapped his arms around her waist. "It took me forever to find this spot."

They sat in complete silence for a time, watching the sky with interested eyes, trying to take in as much of the dazzling wonder as possible. Before long Rachel spoke again, well aware that Seth had not said a word since her arrival, a sure sign that he was not entirely comfortable with the situation.

"I'm sorry," she murmured quietly leaning her head forward and away from his. "I don't want it to be like this Seth. I wanna be able to talk to you but I also need you to know that there's a damn good reason if I don't." She took in a deep breath and looked down at the earth beneath them. "I was confused," she managed, hearing her voice break slightly. "I still am, and all I wanted was to try and figure out what was going on before I got you worried."

Seth took in her words in an almost dream-like state. Part of his was awake and aware of his surroundings and knew that he was sitting on a secluded beach, watching the sunset while he held the love of his life in his arms. But another part was oblivious to this, held him back from speaking and filled his heart with a dread that confused him. Seth didn't understand how he could be listening to Rachel speak and not say something in return, not tell her how he was feeling.

"I know you don't want me to be like this," Rachel continued. "Believe me, I know what it's like to feel as though everyone is suffocating you and trying to protect you but at the same time not realising that they are only making things so much worse. So I'm sorry that I did that, but I also need you to know that I…" Rachel stopped speaking suddenly.

Seth continued to listen to her as he watched the sky and only then became aware of why she had stopped talking. He was subconsciously nuzzling her neck, holding her tightly, his hands now beneath her top, drawing random tines along her flesh.

Feeling Rachel loosen slightly from his touch and take in a deep breath Seth immediately pulled away. She turned to look at him, the disappearing sunlight burning in her eyes as she did. A sad expression dominated her face and she redirected her gaze so that he would not see what his actions were doing to her. How his lack of speech and uncomfortable, almost disapproving nature crushed her heart. It was as though he had caught her in the arms of another young man, the intensity shone through so much.

A short few minutes later and after what appeared to be some serious thought Rachel looked back up at Seth and this time she did not stop the hurt and helplessness from flowing into her eyes. For a long moment she simply stared at him, hoping for words, a smile…_anything_.

In her mind she was screaming at his to speak or move or do something to distract her from the growing dread within herself. She didn't want to lose him again, she didn't think that she would be able to fight off the feelings of emptiness. Seth was everything to Rachel. He was the closest thing to her after Ryan. He was her best friend, her other half, her hope in times of darkness. But most of all, he was her heart, fully and completely.

Rachel felt her bottom lip begin to quiver at the lack of sound or movement from Seth. He continued to watch her as though waiting for the wall between them to crumble and never realising that it was he who held it up in the first place.

Seth could feel her body tremble slightly in his arms and in his mind he was crying out to her, telling her that everything was okay, that he wasn't upset. But something stopped him from voicing the words. Stopped him from meeting her lips with his own as he so often did in similar situations. His face would register no emotion, would show no sign of the struggle, which was happening within him.

The look on Rachel's face crushed Seth deep inside. She looked so vulnerable, so clearly hurting from his actions, or lack there of. Fighting the urge to scream out Seth allowed his eyes to travel down to her slightly parted lips wanting more than ever to feel them against his own. He watched her eyes as they cast down toward his chest where a single finger was meaning to trace the letters printed on his shirt but pulled back at the last possible moment.

Again Rachel looked up at him but this time let her eyes travel along his features before bringing her lips to meet his in a soft kiss. However, it was cut short when Seth pulled away, destroying all of the remaining hope that Rachel had.

Not being able to take it any more she pushed off him and quickly put on her shoes, feeling his eyes boring into her as she did. Rachel stopped short looking out to the ocean again and trying to fight of the need she had to dive in and never emerge again.

As she turned back to him one last time, Seth could have sworn that he saw tears in Rachel's eyes glistening in the lights of dusk. But he had no chance to confirm his thoughts because soon she had turned again and began to walk away, leaving him as the last rays of sunlight sunk below the horizon.

**_TO BE CONTINUED………_**

(Extra HUGE apology for being a late updating but all my e-mail alerts are down so I was unsure if you'd all known that the last chapter was up or not. I hope you liked this one, I was really worried writing it and was so dreading your reactions. I won't talk about it here, but when you review chuck in any questions if you have some and keep the abuse to a minimum :) Well, next chapter is a big one with a few significant events, one of which shapes a plot that Ryan and Marissa will be involved in. It sees the arrival of Steve in Newport, admitting feelings from Kirsten, and some pretty crazy revelations on a boating trip with Sandy, Ryan, Seth and Rachel. Please review!)

**Kitotterkat: **Ooh, I still got it. Lol. Freak me out all you want. At least then I know I'm doing my job right, that's my theory. I'm happy that you like that Marissa is more involved. I think I kinda got to the point where I was mad at myself for not putting her in as much as I wanted too. Ah, I see you picked up on the Ryan forgetting about Rachel bit. Nice work. I'll only say one thing: remember that. Thanks for thanking me for mixing it up. I think that is what I am kinda aiming for this story. Each of them kinda have a theme. The first was all about Rachel's past, the second was kinda about family and fitting in and this one is all about the relationships between the characters. And to be able to do that I have to include pretty much all of them whenever I can. Thanks for the great reviews, keep em coming! Mandy

**meezardra : **Wow, slow down on the honesty thing here, I didn't mean for you to take the criticism thing too the absolute extreme. Lol. Did you dislocate your finger scrolling down the page? I like making notes and writing to the readers. It's the only way I can communicate with you guys. Unless you don't want me too, that's easy. Thanks for liking Hailey. I can honestly say I was kinda dreading writing her just cos she isn't hugely familiar like the other characters but I pretty much just put in a lot of my own personality cos in that sense we're pretty similar, with sarcasm and joking around. Thank God the DVD is out! I hate how Australia gets everything late, cos we sit here and wait patiently….and omg the new season is finally starting. No more repeats! Though I actually really enjoy watching them cos then I sit there and this might sound so sad, but I analyse the characters more just cos I don't have to concentrate on the story as much. I always write after I've watched an ep cos I'm like on this huge brain wave, idea – mania thing. Anyways, enough said for now. Next time CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Lol. Cya


	7. The Father

_**THE FATHER**_

_But I woke up to the real life _

_And I realised it's not worth running from any more_

_When there was nowhere left to hide I found out_

_That nothing's real here_

_The Real Life _

_3 Doors Down_

"Why with the glum face?" Hailey asked as Ryan walked into the kitchen soon after she had sat down and flipped open the newspaper.

Ryan shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something non-coherent that Hailey could only assume was supposed to be an excuse. She watched him with an amused smile as he trudged around the kitchen, preparing a drink of coffee. Finally being satisfied that the caffeine was sufficient enough to keep him awake, Ryan joined her at the table.

As he sipped his drink he became aware that Hailey was staring at him over the top of the paper with a smirk on her face. "What?" He asked a little irritated.

"Nothing," Hailey insisted though she knew that he was well aware she was up to something. "Late night?"

Ryan glanced down at his coffee before answering. "Not really."

"Okay," Hailey said nodding her head the smile appearing back on her face as she turned her attention to the headline before her as Rachel stepped in from the lounge. "Whatever you say."

Ryan rubbed furiously at the bridge of his nose trying to coax his eyes into remaining open and aware. "Yep."

"'Morning Rach," Hailey said in the general direction of the young girl who was quietly getting a glass of juice. "You sleep better than your brother here?"

Rachel cast a look Ryan's way. "Looks like," she said in reply though she knew that she was lying through her teeth.

In truth, Rachel hadn't slept at all. Not even for a moment. She had remained awake the entire night, not thinking, not listening, just lying there.

There was a long silence around the trio before Hailey spoke again. "Am I the only one who is capable of holding a conversation?"

Ryan looked up at her momentarily but said nothing, he wasn't in the mood to deal with Hailey's attempts at being social. His mind wasn't registering even the smallest of things like the smell of his coffee or the quiet sounds of Rachel opening and closing the fridge door. Ryan had spent the better part of the night listening to Marissa talk about life. Nothing special, just casual conversation about things that when thought about again, didn't seem to matter.

But that wasn't the point. Ryan didn't mind that she had kept him up all night after calling simply because she missed him. He was enjoying her company more than ever. He wanted to be able to sit on the phone and hear her voice without having to intervene with his own.

Rachel leaned her elbows on the kitchen counter and ran her fingers along the rim of her glass silently aware that Hailey was looking from her to Ryan and back again.

She was well aware that her brother had not said anything to in the way of a greeting and for some unusual reason that hit Rachel hard. He had been acting unusually around her of late, quiet in a sense, as though he feared if he spoke a dark secret would be revealed.

Rachel's thoughts were cut off, however, as Seth walked into the room with a loud yawn and stopped short at the dejected looks of the occupants of the room.

"Who died?" He asked in a bemused tone walking over to the fridge to inspect what was for breakfast that morning.

_Me, _Rachel thought looking over at him as he pulled out various items. _Last night, down at the beach. Don't you remember?_

After a long silence Hailey spoke with news that shocked the three teens before her. "You guys looking forward to the trip?" she asked.

Ryan looked up at her then with a questioning glance. "What?"

"You know," Hailey continued. "The boat trip Sandy is taking you three on today…" She looked from Ryan to Rachel to Seth, each returning a puzzled look. "Maybe not."

Rachel watched as Seth began to butter his newly prepared toast reaching for the butter and catching her eye. Rachel frowned slightly as he smiled warmly at her before responding with her own, weaker version of his gesture. At that moment she felt relieved but also so utterly confused.

"You look tired," Seth spoke to her, his voice full of concern.

_So now you talk to me? _Rachel thought. _Now you care? _

"I didn't sleep," she replied bluntly causing Seth to fall silent and simply look at her.

Rachel could tell from his lack of words that Seth's mind was flashing back to the previous night, exactly like hers was. She knew why he had done what he did, why he had remained silent throughout her entire attempt to explain her feelings. But that didn't mean she thought that it was a just thing to do. He'd hurt her more than she ever thought possible, and now he stood there, as though nothing was wrong. As though he hadn't ripped her heart from her chest simply because at that moment she was open to him.

But she couldn't show what she really felt, because this wasn't about her. None of it had been. It was about him.

Seth looked back down at his rapidly cooling toast and mumbled quietly. "Sorry."

Rachel almost laughed. She couldn't help it, the entire situation was beyond hilarious. "Don't be," she replied.

She didn't want Seth to feel as though he owed her something now. He didn't. If anything, she owed him. In the past, when Rachel, herself had been in his position, where the world seemed to be against her, where nothing went right, it was Seth who was there for her. At the most important moments, when Ryan was out of reach, he did all that he could. Seth was the one who held her at night. Seth kissed away the pain. Now it was her chance to help him.

Rachel moved around the kitchen counter allowing her hand to brush Seth's as she gave him a light kiss. It wasn't enough to fix what had happened between them, or tell the truth about how she was feeling, or even mend the pain that his heart was now so constantly feeling, but that didn't matter. Rachel wanted Seth to know that she would be there for him no matter how much he hurt her in the process.

* * *

Rachel nearly collapsed when she opened the front door later that morning to see Steve standing there staring at her. Her heart rate increased dramatically, her mouth felt dry. This couldn't be true, her mind have been playing tricks on her. She had only just started to understand and comprehend that this man – her father – had neglected her for day one, and now he wanted forgiveness.

"Hello," Steve said kindly, smiling slightly at Rachel clearly seeing her shocked expression.

"Hey," Rachel murmured quietly in reply.

An awkward silence swept over the pair as Steve rocked back on his heals slightly. Rachel swallowed hard, she didn't know what to do. She hated this man who stood before her and yet for some unknown reason she couldn't bring herself to express that like she did with others.

"Maybe I could…come in," he began. "If that's okay."

Rachel remained for a moment before casting a quick glance back into the Cohen's residence. She knew that everyone was awake and moving through the house. She knew that letting Ryan see Steve again would not be a good idea, especially since somehow he had taken it upon himself to track them down. And then there was Seth…

"It's probably not a good idea," Rachel stated completely aware of how her voice seemed almost quiet when speaking as she stepped outside and closed the door behind her.

Steve just nodded understanding fully what she meant. "That's okay, no problems. I just hoped that we could talk about the arrangements."

Rachel narrowed her eyes at the man who stood before her. "What are you talking about?"

"You and Ryan coming to stay with me in Atlanta," Steve replied.

Within the thirty second in which he spoke those words Rachel felt her body go numb. In all of the confusion involving herself and Seth, his parents constant problems and the new barrier which seemed to have been placed between herself and Ryan, Steve's proposal to them both had completely skipped her mind. He had asked them to move in with him, his wife and two children. To leave Newport Beach.

"I…" Rachel said not being able to find the words.

"You did get the letter, didn't you?" Steve asked clearly not aware of her sudden emotional change. "I was sure I put it in the mail."

Rachel frowned for a moment trying to take in his words whilst her mind was awhirl with bewilderment. "Ah…yeah I did."

"Have you shown it to your brother?"

Those words made Rachel look straight into Steve's eyes for the first time since she had met him. His attitude, the use of his words, wasn't impressing her in the least. How dare he walk into her life and try and be something that he wasn't. He was acting like her father.

"No," Rachel said bluntly in reply, her voice strong now, filled with an anger toward Steve.

He simply looked at her with little interest in her words. "That's okay, he will find out soon enough." He paused for a long moment. "Now, about the arrangements. There is a two-thirty, direct flight Monday afternoon which I was hoping to get us all on."

* * *

As the boys were getting ready for their boating trip with Sandy, Hailey took the time to track down Kirsten and speak with her. Pushing open the bedroom door she found her older sister sitting upon her bed with a mound of legal papers around her.

"I thought Sandy was the lawyer in the family," she said as she carefully stepped around the various, open briefcases scattered around the floor. "I guess not."

Kirsten didn't look up at the new arrival, but instead continued to scrutinise the papers. "Well Sandy doesn't seem to care that our father could be facing possible _jail _time," she replied bitterly.

Hailey stopped short at her comment. It was not one that she had expected in the least. Her father was a man that she could always rely on to help her through her struggles and now she was finding out that he was a criminal.

"What?" Hailey asked hesitantly.

Kirsten finally looked up with a sigh. "It turns out that dad's lawyers made some mistakes with his taxes. He owes millions to the IRS now and if he doesn't pay them soon…" she left the sentence hanging.

Hailey was quiet now, not knowing what to say, or even what to think. She slowly sat down on the floor, clearly the messy space around her as she did.

"I can't believe this," she said more to herself than to Kirsten. "And Sandy refuses to help?"

Kirsten bit her tongue to prevent herself from screaming at the sound of her husbands name. "He believes that it's a moral debate." Off Hailey's confused look Kirsten added, "Dad had a run in with Rachel when he first arrived her. One thing led to another and now Sandy is convinced that he doesn't need to help a man who apparently ruined his family even though he is his wife's father."

Hailey glanced over at Kirsten as she began to yet again sort through the various items before her. "That's why you two have been at war lately," she said.

Kirsten nodded absently. "Among other things."

Kirsten hated to think that she and Sandy were growing apart from each other. She loved him dearly, more than she could even love another human being, but lately she just wasn't feeling like she used too. The bond between them was being strained by outsiders, forcing them into a daily routine of arguments, disagreements and curses which would have never seen the light of day in the past.

Hailey was staring at Kirsten who seemed to be in deep thought, not actually reading thew words on the page before her any longer. "You wanna talk?"

Kirsten was jolted out of her daydream state and looked over at Hailey. "No, no, you shouldn't have to deal with this."

Hailey only shrugged. "Who said I was dealing with it?" When Kirsten made no reply she stood and walked over to the bed, sweeping all of the papers from it onto the floor and sitting down. "Spill."

* * *

"Hey, wow, slow down," Rachel spoke forcefully causing Steve to look at her in shock. "Since when was I going with you? Or Ry' for that matter?"

Steve raised a single eyebrow, unfazed by her reaction. "I just assumed that since I am your…"

"Don't even say it!" Rachel yelled.

Steve took a step back and looked at her with shock on his face. Rachel wasn't going to take this. In her mind he had no right to walk into her life as though everything was fine between them. As far as she was concerned he was a complete stranger, just a man that you walk past on the street, never giving a second glance too.

"Rachel…"

"You know what Steve?" Rachel said, almost spitting his name out in disgust. "You'd better get out of here."

Steve was quiet now, looking to the ground as though it would show some sign that could help him in this fight. "I know that this is hard for you to process, and I completely understand that but I just want to make things right between us. I thought that we might be able to work things out."

Rachel had to hold back the bitter laugh, which threatened to escape her lips. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Though there was a part of her buried deep inside which was curious as to what life would be like with a real father by her side, at that moment she couldn't find it. She didn't care.

Soon Rachel found the words spilling from her mouth. "I came to the conclusion a _long_ time ago that I don't have a father," she voiced. "So unless you feel like turning back the clock and being there for the first sixteen years of my life, you're _nothing_ to me."

Rachel watched Steve's expression change as the words began to sink in. At first he almost seemed content with her decision but the longer she watched him, the more evident it became that behind his hazel eyes there was a deep anger. He was losing the battle, something that he had never anticipated to happen.

After a long, thought out pause Steve spoke again. "I want to give you the family which you should have had," he said earnestly.

Rachel continued to stare at him. "I have a family," she said.

Though at times it felt as though she didn't and never would, Rachel knew that the Cohen's were everything to her now, and had been for some time. They may not have been her relatives through blood, but they cared about her more than any biological family ever could.

Steve's expression changed again and this time he did not try to mask the anger, which was beginning to cloud his mind. "They aren't your real family Rachel," he insisted. "They could never love you like your real family could."

"How do you know that they couldn't love me _more_?" Rachel demanded. "I've been through so much crap in my life and I never once needed your help because I had _them_, and I had Ry'. What does that say for you as a father?"

"I wasn't there," Steve said through gritted teeth clearly not liking where this conversation was headed.

Rachel laughed this time, cold and bitter. "Well thank you Captain Obvious," she exclaimed. "That was a very informing statement you just made." Her voice was filled with a shrill of sarcasm.

Steve took a menacing step toward her. "Don't you dare disrespect me girl," he said quietly. "You may not know me well but I'll tell you one thing; no one treats me that way, not even the people that I love."

Rachel looked up at him, never once flinching from his threat. "You could _never_ love me." The words came out with a mixture or anger and sadness.

Steve stepped back again, surprised by his movement and Rachel's reaction. "You're my child," he said. "I have no choice."

"Was that meant to be comforting?" Rachel replied sarcastically but spoke again before Steve could reply. "Now get the hell away from me." And with that she re-entered the house and slammed the door behind her.

* * *

Jimmy knocked quietly on the bathroom door, concerned that something had happened, as Marissa had been in their for quite some time.

"Everything okay Kid-o?" He asked calmly through the closed door.

"Ah…" Marissa began. "Yeah, everything's fine."

It occurred to Jimmy that the tone of her voice was less than convincing, but he decided not to press the matter and instead let his daughter come to him if she was indeed in need of help.

Hearing her father walk away from the door Marissa turned back to the mirror and took a long, hard look at herself. Her skin was paler than usual, giving the impression that she had not slept in days. Her eyes seemed dimmer, almost lacking in the normal life and free spirit which she had.

Marissa glanced down at the counter top for a moment before a sudden wave of sickness came over her and she ran for the toilet.

* * *

Ryan could help but notice how Seth and Rachel were unusually quiet as they boarded the small yacht, which Sandy had hired for the day. They both seemed to be lost in their own worlds, eyes cast into the distance, faces fully of emotion yet no expression.

"Welcome aboard," Sandy announced as they stepped foot onto the polished deck.

Ryan looked about him at the vessel. It was in pristine condition with not a speck of dirt or sea elements on it. The deck in which they stood took up at least half of the top level with a flight of stairs visibly leading below.

"This is great," he said to whoever was interesting in hearing his comment.

Sandy was nodding his head absently before he walked into the built up section beside them and took the wheel. "Let's get going then."

Soon the soft hum of the engine could be heard beneath their feet as they boat eased out of the jetty and into the open seas.

* * *

Hours later as the warm afternoon sun began to beat down upon the yacht, which was now running smoothly through the crests of small waves about Sandy, relaxed in his deck chair. He was shaded beneath an overhanging as he read his book and allowed the cool breeze to flow through his hair.

Occasionally he could hear the soft sounds of Seth and Ryan's voiced as they travelled from below. It suddenly occurred to him that there was no female among them and he looked up to see Rachel standing at the front of the boat, forearms leaning on top of the railing, gaze fixed upon the horizon.

At that moment she seemed incredibly vulnerable in Sandy's eyes for the first time since he had met her almost two years ago. Her position gave the illusion that with the simple rock of the waves she could fall into the unknown waters below.

As Sandy watched her quietly he couldn't help but think that maybe the young girl was having the same thought that he had of late. Rachel and Seth's relationship was clearly filled with a tension just like his and Kirsten's and Sandy hated to think that they had caused the sever between the pair. Seth was taking a blow from his parents constant fights, this Sandy was sure of, but he had never thought of what affect they were having on the young Atwood children.

Rising from his chair Sandy walked up and stood next to Rachel. "Nice view, isn't it?"

Rachel was silent for a while before she confirmed that she in fact had been listening and answered. "Yeah, it is."

There was a long pause in which Rachel was able to slip back into her previous trail of thought, something she wished wouldn't happen. Her thoughts were full of her father, Steve and their previous meeting that very morning. She wasn't aware of how seriously he had taken her, or if he had even been listening as she spoke the words, which she had been dreading since learning about him. She didn't need him. She didn't want to have anything to do with him.

For a long moment all that Rachel saw were flashes of their conversation before she recalled something that, if anything else, terrified her. She had seen something in Steve's eyes that made her blood run cold. The anger, the sheer rage within them as she spoke…

"Sandy," Rachel spoke. "Can I ask you something?"

Sandy was quick to answer. "Anything you like."

Rachel was quiet again, not being sure how to word what she was about to ask, or more to the point, if she should even ask it. "You and Kirsten," she began. "You're not my legal guardian's, are you?"

It was now Sandy's turn to lean against the side of the boat as Rachel turned her back to the sea and rested her elbows on the railing. "We are in every sense, except for on paper," he answered.

Rachel took in his words, never wanting to let on too much, but at the same time her mind was awhirl with questions, conclusions and possibilities.

"So my _actual_ parents are still considered – _legally_ – to be in control?"

Sandy shrugged after some thought. "More or less."

He was not surprised that Rachel was asking these questions, they had been a long time coming. Sandy was aware that it would have been a constant thought in the back of Rachel's mind about just who had rights over her as parents. Her own family had more or less abandoned her and yet his own family had not gone through the formalities. Ryan on the other hand had his new legal parents, Sandy and Kirsten.

Rachel looked at her hands for a long time. "How much, in terms of legal rights do they have over me?" she asked.

Sandy gazed over at her noticing something in her eyes which made him believe that she was not only asking these questions out of interest, but he didn't press the matter.

"Well," he thought. "_Legally_, they still have all rights, but this would be debatable in court considering the circumstances."

Rachel narrowed her eyes at Sandy in a curious fashion. "Considering the circumstances?"

Sandy scratched the top of his head for a time before answering, trying to use his words carefully. "You're living with us now and have been for almost two years," he stated. "There's also the circumstances surrounding what made you come to live with us, specifically the treatment and care you received back in Chino."

Rachel nodded her head and paused not being too sure how to ask the next question, and at the same time not even wanting to know the answer. "What could they put against me?"

Sandy took in a long breath. "There is a possibility of laying down kidnapping charges, on both Ryan and myself."

"_What_?" Rachel demanded, not being able to stop how her voice rose in complete and utter shock.

"Un-authorised relocation of a minor," Sandy said quietly.

"But I consented to this, I was the one who wanted to leave in the first place!" Rachel insisted.

"Again this would be debated in court."

Neither of them spoke now, each in their own little worlds of thought. Part of Rachel was beginning to panic at Sandy's words. She didn't know how far Steve was going to take his parental role, but if he was serious, there was the possibility that he could take her away. For good. Despite everything, which had been happening within the Cohen family and in her life, Rachel, at that moment didn't want to leave the life, which she had now, it was too valuable to her. She didn't think that she would be able to cope if everything was ripped out from beneath her feet.

Sandy, having been watching Rachel throughout the entire silence was beginning to come up with some conclusions of his own and finally spoke. "Has something happened?" he asked.

Rachel looked over at him quickly, knowing that her cover had been blown and was about to answer when a movement caught her eye. She turned quickly to see Seth standing at the top of the stairs, watching the conversation with hurt, and disbelieving eyes. Their eyes met and in that split second she saw something that she never had before…hatred. Toward her. As fast as he had appeared in her vision, Seth disappeared again, past by Ryan who was heading toward the deck.

"Seth!" Rachel called out being quick to go after him.

As she raced past Ryan he did a double take, not knowing what was going on, but knowing that it was something serious. "Hey, people walking here," he stated to Rachel's retreating back despite the fact that she was clearly not listening.

Running down the stairs, flipping closed the trapdoor to the deck as she did, Rachel sprinted through the small entertainment area before being confronted with a closed door. She wrapped her hand around the doorhandle and to no surprise found it locked.

"Open the door Seth," she tried leaning against the wood, palm flat against it.

"Busy," Seth called back.

Rachel took in a deep breath, blowing it out trying to relieve the tension within her body. "Open the damn door."

There was a long pause in which Rachel figured Seth was thinking about her statement, strong and demanding. When nothing happened she struck the door with her fist twice, not gentle enough to be a knock, and yet not hard enough to cause alarm.

"You don't even care about me enough to face me?" Rachel asked in a frustrated tone. Soon Rachel found the door being flung open and the face of an annoyed boyfriend staring back at her. "Don't give me that look."

Seth let go of the door and walked into the makeshift bedroom leaving Rachel to close and lock it behind them.

"What was that?" He asked, turning his back on her to look out the small porthole.

Rachel bit her tongue to stop herself from saying that he was being just as rude with his back to her. "I was talking to Sandy," she said instead.

Seth shook his head. "You were talking about Steve."

"No…"

"Yeah you were," Seth insisted, cutting her off in her tracks. "You were talking about how he could take you away if he wanted too."

Rachel was silent now, having not realised just how much Seth had heard. She didn't know what to say to him. On one hand she wanted to scream, to tell him to stop trying to interfere with her life and worry about his own, but on the other hand she didn't want to hurt him.

"Yeah," Rachel replied.

Seth was nodding his head now, rocking back on his feet and acting like a school principal punishing a student for running in the halls. "You're interested in what this guy has to say?"

Rachel almost laughed at the question but managed to contain herself. "I just want to know my options Seth. I have no idea what's –"

"When are you leaving?" Seth asked bluntly, again cutting her off.

Rachel narrowed her eyes at the comment, not liking where the conversation was heading. "What?"

For the first time since they had entered the room the young Cohen turned to face the Atwood. He saw the confusion on her face, as well as the annoyance.

_You have no idea, do you?_ he thought

"When are you leaving?" Seth asked again.

Rachel simply stared at him for a long, dragged out moment not being able to overcome the shock of the straightforward question. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on Rach," Seth began throwing his hands in the air. "You know what I'm talking about. You're going with him, you're going to have your own family for once and you're leaving me behind."

Rachel frowned in anger. "Who said anything about me leaving?"

Seth only shrugged. "You want too, you just have to tell him."

This time Rachel did laugh, bitter and sharp. "You have no idea, do you?" She asked mirroring the words which Seth had thought only moments before. "You think I _wanted_ this? I _didn't_ Seth. I didn't ask for this life and I sure as hell didn't ask for you to act like such kid. Why the hell do you think I kept this from you, huh?" Rachel walked up to Seth as he spoke, never once letting her eyes leave his. "You're going through stuff right now, I get that, and I get that you might take some of it out on me but _this_ is ridiculous. You tell me that I can go to you, and that I can tell you anything but then when I do you completely turn on me like you don't care."

Seth crossed his arms. "I'm not turning on you and I do care."

"Funny way of showing it," Rachel replied. "Yeah, me and your dad were talking about Steve – not that he knows that – and yeah, he said that there is a chance that my parents could take me away whenever they want, but did you ever once think about why we were talking about that?"

Seth went to reply but cut himself short, realising that he had nothing to say and instead remained silent, a slight frown on his face.

Seeing his reaction, Rachel continued. "You didn't, did you? Not once. Instead it was so much easier for you to jump to conclusions." Rachel searched Seth's eyes for a long moment. "I was asking him because Steve came to the house this morning asking about the letter."

Seth's eyes turned dark. "He came to the house? He came to ask for an answer?"

"Yeah," Rachel said simply. "He came to ask for an answer and you wanna know what I said?" Seth remained quiet. "I said I _don't_ want him in my life. I said that I'm _not_ going anywhere with him because he's _not_ my father." Rachel struggled to keep her voice from cracking. "So there you go Seth, that's the big mystery. I was asking Sandy because I was _scared_ that Steve could take me away. I didn't want to have to leave you."

Seth was clearly shocked by this revelation and scratched his head in confusion. "Oh," was the only word, which escaped his lips.

"Yeah Seth, 'oh'."

Seth went to speak again but found that he had to make the attempt almost three times before any sounds escaped his lips. "Rach…"

"What?" Rachel asked, this time not masking the hurt within her voice. "You're _sorry_? You didn't _realise_? I'm getting those vibes a _lot_ from you lately. I'm sick of you not trusting me."

Seth looked regretful as she spoke. "I trust you Rach."

Rachel shook her head in disbelief. "How can you trust me if every time something happens you think I'm gonna do something to hurt you?" When Seth made no reply Rachel looked down at his hands and took them loosely in her own. "I know you're hurting," she whispered. "And I'm sorry that…I haven't included you in this as much as you wanted but…I don't want you _changing_ yourself to deal with it." She let his hands fall from hers. "I just want _you_." She took a last look at Seth before turning and walking away.

* * *

Later that night as Kirsten spoke with Caleb downstairs, both trying to convince Sandy to take on his case, Rachel sat on her bed tapping her hands against her knees in thought. Ryan and Seth were talking in the pool house, leaving her with some peace and quiet.

That quiet was soon interrupted though when her cell-phone shrilled to life causing Rachel to jump in fright. She collected it from the bedside table and said hello. A frantic Marissa answered the greeting.

"Coop?" Rachel asked. "What's wrong?"

A mixture of sobs and small cried filled the receiver causing Rachel to sit up a little straighter. Marissa was clearly crying on the other line, trying terribly to calm herself.

"Coop," Rachel tried. "Coop, sweetie, calm down. Take a breath." Hearing Marissa heed to her words Rachel spoke again. "Talk to me."

"I-I-I," Marissa began. "I think I did something that…I shouldn't have."

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked.

"It wasn't bad," Marissa insisted between sobs. "It's just now…"

"Now?"

There was a long pause. "I thought I could tell you," Marissa said. "Because you're my friend and you've been through this before."

Rachel was frowning now, not knowing exactly what her friend was going on about. "It might help if you jogged my memory a bit."

"But," Marissa tried. "I don't know…it might not…"

"Coop!" Rachel finally yelled. "Just tell me what's going on."

Marissa sobbed louder now, her sharp breaths almost completely drowned out. "I think…"

"Yeah?"

"I think I might be pregnant."

The line suddenly went dead.

**_TO BE CONTINUED………_**

(Sorry, sorry, sorry, I know this has been a while coming but I'm back at school now so it's not as easy to get chapters finished as posted. Next chapter will be a big one with a revelation, a death, a goodbye and a shock that no one ever thought would happen. Dum dum duuummm. Please review)

**Kitotterkat**: I don't like to think that I've made people cry. Oh, so we're back to the relating thing, are we? Lol. I am _so_ happy that you're not only relating to Rachel but Seth and Ryan as well! So so good! I was worried that no one would be able to see what I was hoping to do with Seth and his reactions and all of that. But of course I can always count on you to see exactly what I was hoping to achieve. Seth is definitely in a weird place right now, not only with Rachel but also with his whole life and I think that he is taking that step back for once and really thinking about where he stands with everything. What I was trying to do with the final scene was make it clear that he has always kinda had the thought in the back of his mind that he doesn't deserve Rachel and by him staying quiet and not admitting his feelings I think that he was showing that there has always been that question. You remembered what I told you, well done and also I am really happy that I am being able to show that Ryan is trying to get on with his life and not always be wrapped up in Rachel's. He wants to be his own person. However, he might just be heading down the wrong track with it. So there you go, you're totally right once again about pretty much everything. I should get you to write this story instead, you'd probably do the exact same thing that I am heading toward. Lol. Thanks for the always amazing reviews. Mandy

**Leentje:** Okay, now I'm just starting to feel bad because everyone is saying that this chapter was really sad. I didn't intend it to be so bad. I'm just trying to show the more realistic side to the story. Of course Seth was going to be upset, his parents are at breaking point and he finds out that pretty much the closest person to him might be packing her bags and moving out. His reaction was meant to really show just how much everything was effecting him. Seth is always the guy with the hilarious one liners and kinda out there attitude but I wanted to show the side to him that isn't that great at coping with real issues. Like I said to Kitotterkat, I think Seth has always had that question in the back of his mind of wether he and Rachel are really meant to be together. They are from completely different worlds and only really, I think, came together out of interest of what it would be like. No one likes to be vulnerable, and Seth is pretty much heading toward that very place and this is his way of dealing with it. Mandy

**Historynut:** Oh my gosh, your first review and you say the one thing that I have been hoping someone would say for _so_ long now. It is amazing to hear that someone thinks Rachel is a well developed character because there have been moments where I have totally doubted her impact on the story and if I was writing her well. To let you know, I generally update around about every week. _The Chosen_ took a little longer because all of my fanfiction settings were down and it wasn't too good, but yeah, I update as soon as I possibly can every time. So far I'm not too sure just how much more Caleb you'll be seeing, mostly because, sure he has a part in the story, but I haven't fully developed that part yet. But don't get me wrong, if you want him in there I'll put him in. Thanks heaps for the review, I love hearing from new fans of the story, it is great. Mandy


	8. The Haunted Minds

_**THE HAUNTED MINDS**_

_Night life up the shades and let in the brilliant light of morning_

_But steady me now for I am weak and starving for mercy_

_Sleep has left me alone_

_To carry the weight of unravelling where we went wrong_

_Stupid_

_Sarah McLachlan_

The next morning Rachel sat upon her bed feeling like she was going to be sick. Her stomach ached violently, her head throbbed. She couldn't even gather enough strength to try and convince herself that she had not just had a conversation with Marissa the previous night. That she hadn't been told, not only that her friend might be pregnant but also that her brother had lied to her. She was so lost within her own thoughts that she didn't even realise when Seth walked into the room.

"Are you okay?" He asked hesitantly walking over to where she sat on the bed.

The moment that Seth reached out to her Rachel rose and stalked past him, never looking back at the confused expression which he had. She wasn't in control of her body, it was in control of her. Forcing her to race down the stairs, through the hallways, into the kitchen and finally out into the backyard.

By this time the pain within her had become almost unbearable, overpowering her senses with vigour like no other. Reaching out to the handle of the pool house Rachel threw the door open and stormed inside to find Ryan lying on his bed, reading a comic book.

Striding up to her brother she tore the paper from his hands. "You bastard!" Rachel screamed throwing the book to the floor.

Ryan was taken aback by her sudden outburst and hesitantly sat up to face her. "What?"

"Tell me you didn't sleep with her," Rachel demanded her voice rising with every word.

Ryan wasn't sure what to do, though he was now partly aware of what his sister was ranting about. "Rach…"

"No!" She yelled in reply. "Look into my eyes and tell me that you didn't sleep with Marissa." When Ryan remained silent she attacked again. "Lie to me like you did at school. Like you've been doing for _so_ long." She spread her arms wide as though inviting her brother to hit her. "Come on Ryan."

Ryan looked down not being able to meet her eyes for the smallest of moments. "I can't."

Rachel looked directly at him with pained eyes. "Why the hell not? It was so easy for you last time."

Ryan took in a long breath before rising from the bed and walking over to her. He could clearly see that Rachel was trying to keep her feelings in check, not wanting to completely lose it in front of him, though part of her was so desperate to let her feelings out. He watched as she buried her face in her hands before running them through her hair.

"Why do you even care?" Ryan asked honestly.

Rachel let her hands drop to her sides and looked up at him with a frown. "Why do you think Ry'?" She replied in an obvious tone.

Ryan stood studying her for a long time, taking in her every feature as though is was the first time he had seen her. "Did she tell you?" he asked calmly.

Rachel nodded her head slowly feeling the original dread come creeping back into her system. She didn't know how she was supposed to tell her brother the news without hurting him terribly. Part of her didn't care if he hurt though. What gave him the right to lie straight to her face and get away with it?

Ryan broke the silence, his voice soft as he spoke. "Have you heard from Theresa?" He asked.

Rachel looked up at him with shock on her face. "Why?" She asked now sidetracked from the initial reason of her being there.

"Something's happened," Ryan began watching closely as Rachel's eyes showed how possibilities were flashing before her. "Someone…"

"Ry'," Rachel tried. "What's going on?"

Ryan took a step toward her only causing Rachel to take one back. "There was an accident," he said. It took Ryan a long moment to find the courage to speak the words. "Kurt was killed three days ago." Rachel's face showed no expression and Ryan couldn't tell whether she was in shock or simply denial. "The funeral is being held later today." Still Ryan received no response. "I thought Seth might have told you about it but obviously he didn't."

Rachel went to speak but found that the words just didn't seem to come out. She was having a hard enough time processing Marissa's news, let alone the death of her ex-boyfriend as well. She didn't know how to react. She wasn't sure what to do.

"How long have you known?" She asked quietly.

"Since last night," Ryan answered.

Ryan looked strongly at his sister who seemed to be struggling to comprehend the new information. He knew that her emotions were running on high or late, with everything involving Seth and his parents, as well as the more frequently re-occurring visits from Caleb. Ryan was unsure if Rachel still had any feelings toward Kurt, though he knew if she did, they may only be of hatred. But even so, even after all that he had done to her, they had still had a connection. Kurt had still been a part of her life for countless years before she had met and fallen in love with Seth.

Knowing this only made Ryan's next comment harder to project. "I don't want you to go to the funeral."

Rachel looked up then, straight into her brother's eyes and held his gaze for a long moment. "Why not?"

Ryan looked to the ceiling for a moment. "Rach, you know as well as I do what that town does to you."

Rachel narrowed her eyes defensively at Ryan. "What it _does_ to me?"

"Remember last time?"

"Last time was different Ry'. _Last_ _time_ I was so far over the edge that it didn't matter where the hell I went I still would have acted crazy."

Ryan ran a hand through his hair. "Kurt wasn't someone that you want to remember Rach," he insisted. "He hit you. He treated you bad, he…"

"Don't start talking about stuff you know nothing about," Rachel stated angrily.

"Look," Ryan finally said in frustration. "I don't want you to go and if you have any respect for me still you won't."

Rachel fell silent then, not knowing what to say in reply. She didn't understand how Ryan could be trying to keep her from saying goodbye to a young man who had had such an impact on her life. But at the same time, she didn't understand why she was caring about the fact that he was no longer in it. On her last visit to Chino, a side of Kurt was exposed, one which she had never seen before and wished to never see again. He had caused the scars, which she had returned to Newport with.

However, despite knowing this, Rachel didn't continue with the conversation, she wasn't in the mood to start arguing with Ryan, not this early in the morning. Sometimes she felt now that that was all they seemed to do, fight about unimportant things, like who used the last of the milk or why they did a certain thing at school.

Rachel would admit to missing the old relationship which she and Ryan had, the one which seemed to be becoming further and further away since they returned for Las Vegas. She missed having him there for her as a brother, she missed speaking to him about things that didn't really seem to matter afterward. She just missed _him_.

"Were you going to tell me about the letter?" Ryan finally asked.

"What letter?" Rachel questioned looking up at him again.

Ryan stared at her for a long moment. "The one from Steve. The one about us leaving with him."

Rachel cast her gaze to the floor and in that moment cursed the fact that she trusted Seth. He had obviously revealed to Ryan the secret, which she had been keeping for some time now.

"I told him no," she spoke.

"When?"

Rachel paused. "He came here a couple of days ago asking about it," she answered. "There was something in his voice and his look it…" she tried to find the words. "I just didn't like it."

Ryan was silent, not wanting to say anything which could lead his sister to becoming even more suspicious of Steve than she already was.

"Ry'," Rachel began looking up to see him staring back down at her. For a long moment she simply looked at him, not being aware of what was going through his head. "I have to tell you something."

Ryan was all ears now, those simple words had snapped him into focus and pulled his thoughts away from Kurt. The image of Rachel as she stood in the doorway of the Cohen's home, after returning from Chino was momentarily wiped from his mind, along with the guilt, which came along with it.

"What's wrong?" He asked though in some form, his voice sounded distant.

Rachel was hesitant at first. "You might want to sit down." Ryan only shook his head. It took Rachel a moment to actually speak the words. "I spoke to Marissa last night," she began watching as Ryan's eyes narrowed as she spoke. "And she told me something that I think you should know." Rachel looked to the floor, wringing her hands for a time and taking in a deep breath. "She thinks…"

Ryan tilted his head slightly at Rachel's pause. "What?"

"She thinks…" Rachel tried again this time looking directly at her brother when she spoke. "She thinks she might be pregnant."

* * *

Sandy stood in the kitchen looking out into the backyard attempting to bring his breathing down to its usual level. His wife had just walked off on him after another one of their now extremely frequent fights.

This time though, it had not been about his work, or Caleb or even the fact that they had spent less time together in the past month than they had in their entire marriage. It was a fight about the fact that they were fighting.

Kirsten couldn't seem to get her head around the fact that Sandy would not agree with her at all times. And this was a time like that. With Caleb in desperate need for a good attorney to handle his legal case if he did not want to be looking at a term in jail, pressure was mounting on Sandy to take the role.

He was partly unsure of why he didn't. On one hand it would be great exposure for him and his work, but on the other it would be doing something which he had been fighting for an age. And it would be proving that all of the stress, pain and heartache which he had had to endure whilst fighting with his wife was for nothing.

It was moments like this that Sandy thought he would look back on in a few years time as he sat around the dinner table with his happy wife and laugh at. But now, as he stood there looking out onto the world, Sandy dreaded one thing.

He didn't know if in the future he would have a wife.

* * *

"How'd it go?" Seth asked knowing that Rachel would be aware of what he was talking about.

She remained silent for a time, watching the waves and the twinkling horizon outside their bedroom window. "He flipped," she said quietly. "He just wouldn't believe me."

Seth nodded his head slowly at her response. He had known about the Marissa's phone call since the previous night. Having returned from the pool house to see a distraught Rachel in his room, he had managed to get her to tell him everything that had happened. In some ways it was not only to get the information, but also to get her speaking to him the way that he was used too. Seth hated to think that he and Rachel would continue fighting, though he admitted at times he simply couldn't hold his patience with her any more.

"I don't know what he's gonna do."

Seth shrugged. "You said it yourself, Marissa isn't sure if she is pregnant. It could be a false alarm."

"Maybe," Rachel thought. She fell back against the bed, lying on her back and looked up at the ceiling. "I'll talk to him when I get back."

Seth frowned at her comment and looked down at her as she stretched her arms above her head. "Back? You're thinking of going to the funeral?"

Rachel instantly regretted what she had said, knowing that she should not have brought it up in the conversation. Things between her and Seth were finally beginning to make some sort of sense again. She didn't want to ruin that by revealing that she wanted to attend her ex-boyfriends funeral.

"I was thinking about it," she replied. "Why? Are you upset?" Rachel leaned up on her elbows and studied Seth for a long moment.

Seth stared straight back at her, his expression showing annoyance. "Give me one reason why I wouldn't be upset," he snapped.

"Seth…" Rachel tried sitting up straight now and seeing that this conversation was not headed in a good direction.

Seth looked dead at her. "Don't say my name like that."

"Like what?" Rachel asked.

"Like you know how I'm feeling."

Rachel didn't understand where Seth's sudden anger was coming from. All that she had said was that she wanted to bring a close to a part of her life, which had haunted her for years. If anything she thought he would be encouraging, even maybe asking to join her but instead he reacted in the complete opposite way. He was worryingly angry with her.

"And now," he went on. "Even when you can see that I'm clearly upset about something you're still sitting there, talking like nothing is wrong. Well something _is_ wrong Rachel." Seth watched as Rachel's face changed from confusion to shock. "You have no idea what it's like to feel like you're always second best to another person."

There was long pause before Rachel responded to Seth's statement. "Yeah, I do." She now stood from the bed and looked up at Seth. "The name _Summer_ ring a bell with you?"

Seth turned his gaze away from her for a split second long enough to nearly kill Rachel inside. "That's different, you know she means nothing."

"She'll _always_ mean something Seth," Rachel spoke honestly. "You named you're boat after her for God's sake. You think I don't feel like I'm constantly competing with that?"

"Don't start with this," Seth murmured clearly seeing that Rachel wasn't going to let him take everything out on her as he had previously done.

"No, I _am_ going to start with this, and I don't care if you think that I'm being all _wise_ and _noble_, because right now I couldn't give a shit." Rachel voice was strong and demanding as she spoke. "All you've been doing lately is doubting me. You think I'm gonna leave and you think I'm gonna lie to you."

"Because you have," Seth said simply.

Rachel looked at him desperately. "For a _good reason_," she insisted running her fingers through her hair. "Jesus, I'm _trying_ Seth. I'm not perfect. Stop expecting me to be."

Seth shook his head at her honestly. He couldn't comprehend what she was saying though in his mind he understood. Sure, maybe he had blamed some things on her, maybe he had doubted her but he had his reasons too. Everyone around him who used to hold some sense of trust and dignity was beginning to break away. His parents, the two people who he always thought would be there, weren't as much as he needed them. Who was saying Rachel wouldn't break away too?

"I'm not expecting anything from you," he finally stated. "Just get over this guy, move on. Stop putting me in second to everything else."

Rachel let out a small breath. "Yeah, you know, you're probably right," she said with as little enthusiasm as she could muster. "I might be putting you in second, sure, I understand that. But what _you_ have to understand is that I'm only doing this because whenever I get close to you lately all you do is push me away." She cast her eyes down to the floor space between them. "So prove to me that that's not gonna happen and that for once in your God damn life you're actually not gonna take things out on me and I'll stop."

"Rach I didn't mean…" Seth tried but Rachel was clearly tired of his games.

Rachel shook her head. "You know what Seth, save it, because I'm sick of this. We've been through it. One of us thinking that we have to deal with everything on our own and blaming the other for everything that goes wrong because of that. It's crap." She paced in her spot for a short while. "Try to stop being so completely self-absorbed right now," she stated before stopping in her movement and stepped up to him allowing her fingers to trail lightly down his arm. "Look, things are tough right now, I know that, but that gives you no reason to turn your back on the people that love you just because everything isn't going the way you planned it."

Seth was quick to step away from her at the comment. "You're one to talk, the last I checked you ran away _twice_. Once so far that you ended up in Chino and back to _him_."

Rachel narrowed her eyes. "_Him?_ Kurt was a part of my life Seth, _before_ you. Before any of this and that's something that you're gonna have to square with some day." Rachel was becoming more and more frustrated with Seth's inability to see her point of view. "You have no idea what I was going through then and why I did what I did."

Seth crossed his arms. "Oh I do," he said. "It was something like 'the worlds against me so now I have to run back to the guy who will beat me and tried to take advantage of me'."

The words hit Rachel square in the chest, knocking the breath from her for a time. She couldn't believe the words, which had just come out of Seth's mouth. It wasn't like him at all to speak to her – or anyone for that matter – in that tone. She had to force herself to hold back the tears at his insensitiveness toward a subject, which he knew was hard for her.

"Why did you do it?" He asked after seeing her expression of pain. "Were things here really _that_ bad, or did you just feel like experimenting with old times, just to make sure you hadn't forgotten? I mean, this guy is such a _huge_ part of your old life, right?"

It had become too much now. Rachel's emotions were at breaking point from hearing the words, which were spilling out of Seth's mouth. She thought that he loved her. She thought that he cared.

"Screw you," she replied not being able to help herself.

Seth smirked. "I think we've passed that stage already."

Rachel looked at him in complete shock. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She demanded looking directly into his eyes.

There was something that she had never seen before. Something there that scared her. It was as though he was empty of everything, which represented the Seth that she had fallen for. The playfulness, the innocence, the openness. It was all gone.

"There's nothing _wrong_ with me," he began. "I'm great, just dandy, apart from the fact that my parents look like they're going to divorce, Anna's left, Ryan's going to have a kid and you're going to go back to the place you came from and probably never come back."

"I'm not going back to stay, Seth," Rachel began. "I would _never_ do that." At this point she was trying to bring him back to her, to stop the coldness which had possessed him. "What you're going through is something _huge_ but you don't have to keep taking it out on me all the time, I'm just trying to help. Ry' will deal with what's happening with him, you don't have to worry about that, it's not like you can help anyway. And Anna, is on the other side of the freakin' state, stop thinking about her for _one_ second. And your parents, sure they're fighting, but that's what people do. Look at _us_ for God's sake. This doesn't make them any different from any other set of parents that ever lived, it's not like mine were perfect."

She now had her hands resting on his forearms, feeling the clear tremble of his body. Rachel felt completely helpless to do anything. She had never seen Seth like this before. She didn't even know if he _had_ been in this situation. But the shake of muscles was enough to terrify her beyond anything she could have imagined.

"Don't talk about my parents again," Seth spoke, low and menacing, with an almost growl in his voice.

"Seth, listen to me," Rachel tried desperately. "The only reason why I wanna go is to finally end it. I haven't had the chance to get Kurt out of my life and I want too."

Seth looked away from her. "Shut up!" He yelled trying to block out her words and escape into his own little world.

"Seth," Rachel said calmly placing a loving hand on his cheek and looking at him sadly. "You have to listen to me. Look at me." Reluctantly Seth brought his eyes to meet hers. "We'll deal with the things that are happening. We _are_ dealing. These things, they take time. Especially your parents. No one's going to wave a magic wand and suddenly things will be okay. But what you have to do is try and keep moving, stop acting like the world is ending and feeling sorry for…"

Rachel was never given the chance to finish what she was going to say because before either her or Seth knew what was happening the back of his hand connected solidly with her face.

Rachel's head swivelled to the side and she stumbled back more in shock than actual pain. Her back suddenly hitting the wall behind her she stopped for a moment, her hand coming up to the now slightly red skin before she slid down and came to sit on the floor.

Seth stood before her, his mouth open, hand attempting to cover his shocked expression. He couldn't believe what he was just done. He didn't know what had possessed him to do the one thing, which he had always regarded as the lowest of all lows.

His eyes fell on Rachel as she sat, her back resting against the wall, knees pulled up to her chin. She wasn't saying anything, was barely even breathing.

Suddenly after only a moment of hesitation she rose and ran past him, dodging his attempt to reach out to her and disappearing from the room.

* * *

Rachel sat alone watching the deserted beach and the waves as they lulled upon the shoreline. She had been there for hours now, just sitting and watching, never feeling anything. Not the wind against her flesh or the dull ache which was still evident inside her. Not even the faint stinging of her cheek. Instead she pictured what her life would be now. Luke was leaving that very day, she hadn't even said goodbye, and now that Kurt was gone…

"You'll figure it out girl, you always do," came a familiar voice from behind her.

Rachel looked to the sky. "I thought you'd be have way to Mexico by now," she replied bluntly.

"It was _Florida_," they corrected with a smile, sitting beside her and gazing out at the ocean. "And the plane doesn't leave until tonight."

Rachel was silent at the new revelation and turned to look at Luke as he let out a soft whistle, matching the winds sounds. "Why'd you come here?" She asked honestly.

Luke turned to her and shrugged. "You weren't at home," he stated. "So I figured, where else would you be?"

Rachel held his gaze steadily for a long moment before smiling. "I hate you sometimes," she stated.

"Because I know all your secrets?" Luke asked interested. "Like…you used to do theatre with Ryan and your favourite smell is warm, chocolate fudge." Luke could see the grin growing on Rachel's face with his every word. "And you only come down here when something's happened that made you need to clear your head."

The smile instantly vanished from Rachel's face as she recalled the reason why she was sitting upon the sand at that very moment. "Which would be a lot easier if you weren't revealing my embarrassing secrets to the entire planet," she replied trying to cover the fact that she was truly hurting inside by shading her comment with humour.

Luke held up his hands defensively. "Just coming to say goodbye."

Rachel glanced at the horizon for a time. "We've already done that."

It was now Luke's turn to smile. "Do you honestly think I was going to leave when the last time I saw you, you looked like you wanted to knee me in the balls?"

Rachel's eyebrows went up at the comment, even though she understood what Luke was trying to say. The last time they had spoken was when he had revealed to her that he would soon be leaving, a statement which had not revealed the best side of her.

"There's a look for that?" She asked in an intrigued tone.

"You'd be amazed what you learn as a guy," Luke stated.

A silence swept over them then but not an unwelcomed one. Well at least not for Luke. The lack of words only succeeded in allowing Rachel to slip back into her earlier thoughts, her earlier heartache.

"How are things at home?" Luke asked gently.

Rachel didn't reply, she didn't know how too. She didn't know how to reveal the truth without completely losing control of her emotions.

_Sandy and Kirsten are marching down the road to divorce, Ry' might be a father, Caleb is looking at five to ten in jail and Seth…_ Rachel's thoughts came to a sudden halt and it was only then that she noticed Luke was staring at her.

"What?" She asked.

A frown creased his brow. Without hesitating, Luke brought his hand up to her chin and turned Rachel's head to face him. The frown only became deeper now as he studied the left side of her face noticing how Rachel was watching him closely, but not hesitating. However, it was when he ran a finger lightly over her left cheek that she pulled from his grasp, taking in a sharp breath.

"What happened?" He asked concerned.

Rachel looked away. "Nothing."

But Luke wasn't having it. "What happened Rach? Who did that to you?"

In the moment that Rachel looked back at her friend she knew he understood exactly, even as she spoke no words. At first a clear anger was evident on his face, as though within moments he would rise to confront the offender. But soon it softened into sadness as he pulled Rachel to him and allowed her to rest her head upon his shoulder.

Rachel closed her eyes and leaned into Luke's embrace, being partly thankful that he had not left her side to go after Seth. She didn't want him to get into trouble on his last day in Newport.

As they sat there watching the water Rachel would admit to forgetting what it felt like to feel so secure in someone's arms. Sometimes it amazed her at just how close she and Luke had become, especially after their not so friendly past.

He was her Ryan or Seth when they weren't around. He listened to whatever she had to say no matter how ridiculous it was. But most of all he was there for her, any time of the night or day, he would drop everything for Rachel.

"Can I do anything?" Luke asked quietly.

Rachel looked up at him for a long moment.

* * *

Ryan paced up and down in the office of the local real estate agent growing more and more frustrated. He knew that he was only doing what he was in order to relieve his mind from the constant dread and confusing questions it contained. Since Rachel had welcomed him with a not so pleasant greeting that morning, followed by news which nearly caused his heart to stop he had been extra fidgety.

He had tried to call Marissa not long after he had spoken to his sister but she was not answering her cell-phone, nor was anyone at home. This frustrated Ryan even more because he was so desperate to talk to her. He needed answers and he was sure that his girlfriend had them.

Within only moments and young woman returned to the desk near which he stood and called him over to her.

"These are the details of the residence, the address, phone number and also the name of the man which you provided me with," she said handing over a sheet of paper.

Ryan quickly allowed his eyes to scan it before nodding his head. "Thanks, how much do I owe you?" He asked

But the woman only smiled. "Don't be silly child," she answered. "You don't owe me anything, I just hope you find who it is you're so desperate too."

Ryan smiled at her before quickly walking out and back to the car. He knew the address as it was one not too far from Harbor and he had been past it on more than one occasion.

Finally arriving, he climbed out of the car and walked slowly up to the front door. Without even a moments hesitation Ryan knocked loudly on the door feeling the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he did. His fingers were involuntarily tapping against his leg in anticipation.

Suddenly the door swung open to reveal a not so flash looking Steve with a beer in one hand and the newspaper in the other. His expression showed no shock to Ryan's arrival, nor did it show any emotion toward the young Atwood. Steve knew that his attempts to win back his son were all in vain. Rachel however…

"What do you want?" He asked uninterested.

Ryan stared at him for a long moment. "Answers," he stated bluntly.

Steve shrugged. "I've got nothing to say to you," he replied. "As far as you and your sister are concerned, I have nothing to do with you."

There was something in Steve's voice, which caught Ryan almost by surprise. It was the way in which he said 'your sister', the way in which he addressed Rachel in the conversation. It seemed as though his tone changed, almost becoming sly at the thought of her.

"Then you might want to explain to me what the hell you think you were doing talking to her the other day at the Cohen's," Ryan commented.

Steve only smirked at him not caring in the least what he had to say. "We had a friendly chat my boy," he said. "I just thought I'd try to make up for all the lost time."

This comment caused Ryan's strong hold on his control to finally break. "Which part do you want to make up for?" He demanded. "The part where you got yourself thrown in jail and left mum alone and pregnant, struggling to take care of all of us. Or maybe how you completely missed out on Rachel's _entire_ life."

By the end of his tirade Ryan could feel himself shaking. Every part of his being was telling him to lash out, to hit this man, to solve the problem as he did with all this others. Steve had been the catalyst for the tough up-bringing which both he and Trey had, his absence even impacted on Rachel.

Steve took a menacing step forward but Ryan held his ground. "Don't you dare talk to your father that way."

Ryan laughed then. "_Father_? Is that what you call yourself? Is that what you make your kids now call you? _Dad_? I sure as hell hope you look after them more than you did us."

"You leave my family out of this, you hear?" Steve yelled.

"They're _my_ family too," Ryan stated. "Half, brother and sister to the Atwood kids. Maybe you should try telling them about us, maybe even about how you were thrown in jail."

Steve was clearing reaching the point now where his patience was ready to end and Ryan could see that. But he couldn't stop now, he couldn't let this man get away with all those years of hell which he had put his family through. And now, going after Rachel because he felt as though she would be the easiest to break, that only made matters worse.

"Have you told them?" Ryan demanded. "Have you told them how '_daddy'_ used to do drugs and how he cheated on his wife at every opportunity he got?"

"I just want to give Rachel the life that she deserves," Steve insisted through gritted teeth.

Ryan looked at him strongly. "Does she _deserve_ to get hit? Does she _deserve _to never know where he father is? Does she _deserve_ to have her entire life ruined because of something that someone else did?"

"I'm different now Ryan," Steve stated.

Ryan shook his head. "You'll never be different. You're still the low-life bastard you always were."

That was the moment where Ryan knew that he had gone too far. Where the lines had been drawn and he had taken the lengthy step over them. He watched as Steve took a menacing step toward him, closing the distance between them in a single stride.

"You stay the hell away from her, you hear me?" Ryan yelled wanting more than ever to leave this conversation knowing that he had had the last word. "Because if I find out that you spoke to her, or that you came to find her, or that you even _looked_ at her, you'll be wishing you _never_ came back."

Within the second that it took for him to speak his final word, Steve's patience had vanished.

* * *

"You're sure you're okay with this?" Rachel asked as Luke pulled his car up to the iron gates.

He was quick to dismiss her concern. "I'll be fine," he insisted. "Just give me a call when you're done."

Rachel smiled at his comment. "Thanks," she said honestly before climbing out of the car. "I owe you one."

"Nuh," Luke replied. "Just get back in one piece."

Rachel watched as he pulled the car out into the street once again and disappeared around the corner. She stood there for a long moment simply staring at the gates before her and not making an attempt to move. It occurred to her not to go in, to call her friend to come and get her and leave this place forever, but she couldn't bring herself to do that. So instead she took in a deep breath and walked through the entrance.

Moving amongst the trees and along the winding pathways her eyes fell upon many names, some which were strangers to her, others…

Looking out into the distance, not too far away at the bottom of the hill in which she stood she saw a small crowd of people standing with their heads bowed to the ground. Leaning up against a tree with her arms folded Rachel watched the scene below in silence, listening to the wind as it flowed calmly through the air.

There were no feelings in her at that moment, no emotions, everything just seemed to have vanished from inside her. And yet, at the same time, she felt overwhelmed due to being where she was.

Slowly, the group began to depart the area, breaking apart and walking in the opposite direction, heading away from her. She was familiar with all of the faces that moved together, some showing sheer sadness, others no emotions at all. Each one of them she had been connected with at one time of another. She had spoken to them, relied on them, even felt as though they were her true family.

Sitting upon the grass Rachel remained watching the stop where they had been only moments before, never letting her eyes waver.

"Hey Rach," came a familiar and welcomed voice close by.

"Hey," Rachel replied as Theresa sat down beside her.

"To tell you the truth," Theresa began holding her hair back as it flipped through the wind. "I didn't think you'd show. It's all a bit too familiar, you know?"

Rachel shrugged at her comment. "I didn't think I'd come either," she replied. "Mostly because Ry' was full of fun, wacky threats."

Theresa smiled at the girl knowing exactly what she meant. Ryan had not been happy that he would have to inform Rachel of Kurt's death and if not for her own prodding, she doubted he would have ever revealed the news.

"Since when have you been afraid of Ryan?" Theresa asked playfully.

Rachel didn't look at her as she spoke. "If I was, why would I be here?"

Theresa silently agreed with Rachel's statement running her hand over the grass blades as she spoke. "So how are things with you guys?" She asked.

Rachel looked to the ground. "Don't get me started."

"That bad, huh?"

"Not so much 'bad' as 'complicated'," Rachel admitted. "_Really _complicated. Things are kinda tense right now."

"Yeah," Theresa answered. "I know what you mean. Me and Eddy – remember him?"

"Vaguely."

"Well we've been doing our thing for a while and he's a great guy, but lately…"

Rachel gazed up at the sky then. "Sounds like me and Seth," she replied.

A wide grin appeared on Theresa's face. "Ah, now he was cute. Not the type of guy you used to hang with but _definitely_ one to fight for."

Rachel was silent now, she didn't want to get into discussions about relationships, not when the very reason for her sitting there, in the middle of the cemetery now was because of them. Not only the relationship between herself and Kurt, but also between herself and Seth. Going to Chino for the day had given her the excuse for not having to face him.

"Do you ever think about leaving?" Rachel asked after a silent time.

Theresa glanced over at her. "All the time," she stated. "I would if I could, you know, but some of us don't get lucky breaks."

"I wouldn't exactly call my break a 'lucky' one," Rachel replied.

"You ever think about coming home for more than three days?" Theresa asked.

Rachel knew that she was indicating her last visit, the one in which she had only ended up in her old town because she had run away from her new one. It seemed like such a long time ago now, since that moment when she had looked upon her old house, spoken to her mother, seen Kurt…

An image flashed in Rachel's mind so vivid that it almost knocked the breath from her. An image of the last time that she and her ex-boyfriend had been together.

"Sometimes," Rachel began forcing the memory from her mind. "I mostly think about going somewhere _else_." She paused for a moment. "But the thought has crossed my mind."

"Why?" Theresa asked turning to face her.

"Why…?" Rachel questioned not understanding what her friend was asking.

"Why do you think about leaving?"

"No it's not like that," Rachel insisted. "I'm not _planning_ on leaving it's just sometimes it's like I can't believe what I have and I am _so_ grateful…"

"But…"

"But sometimes I just don't think I can do it. I wanna call Newport home and I wanna make this new life work but the more I think about it and the more things begin to go wrong, the more I realise that I might not belong there."

Theresa was frowning at her comment. "What do you mean?"

Rachel shrugged. "I dunno," she began. "It's just like I've been thrown into this world and I love it, don't get me wrong, but I just…"

"Can't get rid of the 'Chino'?" Theresa finished questioningly.

Rachel looked directly at her. "Yeah," she admitted. "The good side anyway. Just little things that I could never get in Newport. But then I remember all the bad and I'm back to square one."

Theresa nodded in understanding. "My families always here if you need anything. Arturo never stops talking about how much he wishes you would come back."

Rachel put on a weak smile. "Tell him thanks. But the stuff I want I just can't get here."

Theresa gazed strongly at her. "What do you want?" She asked pulling out a pack of cigarettes and handing one over to her companion.

Rachel looked to the ground twirling the object between her finger for time. "Someone else's life."

"You don't mean that," Theresa insisted.

"Sometimes I wish I didn't," Rachel stated. "But sometimes I'm lying to myself if I deny it."

**_TO BE CONTINUED………_**

(My apologies for the delay in updating, I've been busy busy busy lately, plus this was an _extra_ long chapter which didn't help matters. I hope you liked it, I hope you don't hate me for some stuff I put in there but I felt that it had to be done. Next chapter is gonna be a big one, not only in length. You'll find out what happened with Ryan/Steve, the 'pregnancy' is dealt with, and a _huge_ thing happens within the Cohen family which will be the set up for the rest of the story. Please Review!)

**Kitotterkat**: Oooh, we're placing bets on whether Marissa is pregnant? That could get interesting. Well now you know how Rachel reacted with Ryan, understandably, not very good. I think she is definitely trying to be cool with him though just because she knows that things are rough around the house and that he might have had his reasons for lying. You totally hit the nail on the head (ouch) with the Seth and Rachel thing. Rachel is totally reliant on trust, everything in her life is built on it and I think by Seth not giving it to her, its making things a lot harder. Seth is a reasonably guy, everyone knows that, he's just dealing with a lot of things at the moment. I think a big thing also is that the problems are focused around him now instead of Rachel. She is used to having to deal with her own issues and now being on the other side of that is trying hard to work through the role. She is definitely seeing now what she put everyone else through previously, and is trying to return the favour to Seth because he was there for her last time. Did you comment on Rachel as a character with 'layers'? I dunno, I might have missed it. But thank you! lol. I hope I keep up with the 'good' story thing. Cya

**Leentje**: Hey, no problem, I like writing to you guys. It keeps everything up for discussion. I like having Seth and Rachel kinda back together too…I think it's more that they don't want to be apart, rather than actually fully making up. Ryan and Rachel are going through a tense time, it doesn't say it in black and white but pretty much since they got back from Vegas they have been spending a lot of time apart. That's kinda creating a break in that really tight bond they used to have. Lol. Everyone is obsessed with the whole Marissa thing. Everything will be worked out soon enough…I have some tricks up my sleave. Same with the Steve storyline…stay tuned

**Meezardra: **Hahahaha! I'm sorry I just love laughing at people when they think they have it right but they soooo don't. For starters (and I'm not being a bitch by the way) when did it say Ryan was depressed? He walked into the kitchen in a bad mood, that means he could have had a crappy night, he might not be feelings great…want me to go on? And also, how do you know the sickness is associated with the 'pregnancy'? People get sick. Anyway, I appreciate you writing all that stuff, I wanna hear it, totally not upset that you challenged something I wrote, I like that.


	9. The Confessions

_**THE CONFESSIONS**_

_This won't mean a thing tomorrow  
__And that's exactly how I'll make it seem  
__Cause I'm not sleeping thinking I've crawled home  
__From worse than this_

_Great Romances of the 20th Century  
__Taking Back Sunday_

Marissa sat quietly in her bedroom staring into space. Her eyes burned from the lack of sleep which she had had and her stomach twisted in a knowing knot. She knew that her father was downstairs with Hailey probably having lunch and yet she couldn't bring herself to go and speak with him.

She had not been home long. She had only just arrived after a long drive around town trying to come to terms which what she now knew. There was no baby. There never was a baby. Everything that she thought was reality had turned out to be a lie.

'Something you ate' the doctor had said. 'It was just something you ate.'

Marissa could remember the feeling which had washed over her as she sat there, in the cold room and heard the woman speak those words. Emptiness. Complete, utter emptiness. She had believed something, had wanted it to be real so badly and yet…

She hated herself for thinking it, after all, she was the one who had been on the phone to Rachel in tears exclaiming how she was devastated at the thought of being a mother. But now, after finding out the news and after having to process it all herself, she felt torn.

On one hand a baby in her life would have been a burden, she would admit that. But the thought of bringing something so special into the world had overthrown everything else for the past week and a bit of her life. It would bring an end to her now present life of divorced parents and heartbreak.

She was prepared. She was ready.

But not for this.

Fiddling with that phone in her hand Marissa finally worked up the courage and punched in Ryan's number. Waiting for what seemed like an age, the line finally clicked over to the machine.

"Ryan," she spoke. "It's me. I was just…I had to call to let you know that…everything's fine…it was a false alarm." As Marissa spoke she found her voice cracking slightly. "I guess it's a good thing…you know…for both of us. Anyway, I'll see you around."

* * *

Rachel felt numb as she walked up the stairs later that afternoon, her feet dragging her slowly toward her room. She didn't know what she was feeling. Maybe it was confusion or maybe it was simply nothing.

Going back to Chino, even if it were only a few hours was enough to reopen and entire lifetime of memories and emotions. And now, after only moments ago saying goodbye to Luke, possibly forever, Rachel could only think of one thing; avoiding all possible confrontation with Seth. She didn't think that she would be able to look at him without breaking down. Without completely sinking away from the world.

However, this was not to be because the moment she stepped into her room he caught her eye.

Seth's heart sank as he saw her standing there looking directly at him and yet not making a move to speak. "Where were you?" He asked being too afraid to walk up to her. "Captain Oats was about to send out a search party."

_Lame joke, Seth_, he thought. _Really, really lame._

Rachel cast her eyes to the floor. At that moment she didn't know if she hated Seth or loved him. If she wanted him to disappear, or take her into his arms and wash away all the pain. She didn't understand anything.

But before she had a chance to decide what her next move would be Seth had stepped up to her, so close that Rachel had to close her eyes and take in a breath. She could tell that he wanted her, but was too afraid of doing something, which could only make matters worse.

She felt the side of their noses touch, his lips dancing microinches from hers. Feeling a sudden wave of emotion, which she could not explain Rachel closed the distance between them.

Feeling Rachel give in Seth submerged himself to the closeness he had with her. He had been terrified of scaring her away, of losing her forever and now he had to prove his love. Soon he had been pushed onto his back upon the bed and even though he could feel Rachel trembling slightly he never let his lips leave hers.

"I love you," she whispered between breaths as she felt Seth pull her closer to him.

"I'm sorry," he replied rolling her onto her back and looking down upon her face.

Rachel only shook her head. "Don't be." She again moved to kiss him but Seth hesitated.

"Rach listen to me," he begged seeing the clear confusion in her eyes and the emotional battle, which was going on within her. "I'm _sorry_. For everything. I don't know why I did it, I just…"

But soon enough Rachel had cut him short, pressing her mouth to his. It was not that she didn't want to hear the words, it was that she didn't know if she could stand the consequences of them. She didn't want to believe that what had happened was real. That he had hurt her, that he might again. She just wanted to _feel_. For the entire day she had been empty of emotions and she knew that only Seth could fix that.

"It's okay," she murmured running her fingers through his hair.

"I love you," Seth replied. "God I love you Babe."

Rachel's eyes flew open at the name and in an instant she was pulled from her trance. All thoughts of feeling no emotions had soon vanished and an unbearable reality fell upon her.

A moment later she pushed Seth off her and went to climb off the bed. She stopped suddenly, sitting on the edge shakily, not being able to move as everything came crashing down upon her.

Kurt had hit her. So badly that she had bled. He had been someone that she loved, that she trusted. He had been such an influential part of her life.

Rachel's breath came in short gasps as she felt Seth move up beside her and place a wary hand on her shoulder. She jerked away from him, not being able to stand the thought of him touching her. She thought she could trust him. She loved him so deeply, but he had hurt her. Why did everyone she love hurt her?

Covering her face with her hands Rachel fought to hold back the tears. She didn't understand what she had done wrong. If her only crime was loving Seth then she was terrified of what the consequences could be.

"Why does this keep happening?" She whispered helplessly, more to herself than to her companion.

In an instant Seth had her in his arms, this time not pulling away. He could feel her clinging to his shirt desperately, wanting to believe the lie and try to convince herself that he had not done what he did. She didn't want him to be like the others. She wanted him to love her.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Seth repeated the words in an endless stream.

Rachel buried her face in his chest forgiving him with all her heart and yet still feeling the ever-present pain. She knew he hadn't meant to hurt her. He would never _mean_ to hurt her. If anything, Rachel believed that it was her own fault for pressing too hard for replies from him.

Whatever it was, not matter how much it had caused her to feel an unbearable sense of torment, she wanted Seth to be with her. She didn't want him to leave.

"I…" Rachel began but couldn't find the words she was seeking.

Seth held her close placing small kisses upon her hair and forehead in an attempt to get her to look at him. "It's okay," he whispered. "You're allowed to hate me."

Rachel pressed deeper into him as though trying to escape from the world which she was in. "I don't hate you," she replied softly. "I hate myself."

Seth pulled away then and looked at her in shock. "Don't say that."

"It's how I feel," Rachel said not meeting his eyes. "I keep letting these guys into my life and every time…" A single tear slid down her cheek. "Maybe I'm asking for it."

"No!" Seth insisted. "_I_ screwed up. _Me_. It wasn't your fault. It was never your fault."

"That's not what he said." Rachel looked away from Seth then, not wanting him to see her, not wanting to be there. "He said I got what I deserved."

Seth was frowning at her now. "Who?" He asked desperately, wanting to know more. "Who said that?"

Rachel eyes gained a distant look. "He kept saying it," she whispered. "He kept telling me I was nothing, that it was my fault. But every time he said that, he told me he still loved…" She went quiet for a long moment. "Ry' kept telling me I did nothing wrong. I just wouldn't believe him."

Seth now knew what she spoke of, a non-existent topic in the household and an event which took place a year ago…

_Yesterday_, Seth thought. _She was raped a year ago yesterday_.

"I went to the funeral," Rachel stated quietly seeing the realisation dawn on his face and wanting more than ever to avoid the subject. "Luke drove me. When I was there I didn't even go to the grave, I just watched it from a hill like that was enough. And I thought, 'what am I doing here?' This guy, he…" Rachel cut herself short as tears streamed down her face and she fell back into Seth's arms. "I wanted you to be there with me so badly," she sobbed. "I wanted you there to prove you weren't like them."

"I'm not," Seth insisted. "I swear to you."

"Don't lie to me Seth," Rachel whispered.

"I'm not."

* * *

That night Rachel stood in the kitchen watching the pool outside as the suns rays danced upon the water. Closing her eyes she felt an impact upon her cheek and a phantom pain developed there. Opening her eyes again Rachel looked to her left expecting to see someone standing there, fist raised but there was no one.

Two arms encircled her waist, holding her tight. A soft kiss was placed upon her neck as she rested her hands over the new arrivals.

"You okay?" Seth asked.

Being unsure of how to reply Rachel nodded and spun around to face Seth who had his eyebrows raised. "How are you holding up?" She asked.

"You know me," Seth replied. "I'm fine-didly-ine."

Rachel frowned at him. "You're a lie-didly-ier."

"Okay, you caught me," he began. "That's not _entirely_ true. Parents acting like it's World War Three, Gramps might be going to jail, Ryan could be a father, my crazed Aunt Hailey is up to _something_ with Jimmy and the world as we know it has decided to rotate backward." Seth smiled sheepishly. "But there for some reason is still only one thing I can think about," he said letting his hands wonder to Rachel's hips.

At that moment Rachel's eyes left Seth and fell upon the bruised and bloodied form of her brother as he fell through the front door. The only thing keeping him from collapsing was a firm grip on the doorframe.

"Ry'…" Rachel whispered, pulling from Seth's embrace and running to her brother.

Seth stood shocked for a moment. "Okay, not _exactly_ what I was going…" He turned then, seeing why his girlfriend had made such a sudden exit. "…for."

The moment Rachel reached Ryan she tried to help support his weight the best she could. Giving him a quick once over she realised the full extent of his injuries. Cuts that could have only been caused by fists lined his brow and jaw as bruises began to form upon his flesh. His shirt hung open loosely as though torn during a struggle.

"Jesus," Rachel said. "What the hell happened to you?"

Ryan struggled to stand on his own, leaving against his sister. "I'm fine," he managed.

Rachel was trying her hardest not to let his weight overwhelm her as she spoke in a strained voice. "You're not fine."

Seth still stood in his previous spot, one eyebrow raised. "Wow dude, you look like death," he commented but was quick to add. "Which is a step up from that girl in _The Grudge_, so it's probably a good thing."

Ryan let on a sarcastic smile. "Thanks man."

"We'll get you to the pool house," Rachel interrupted. "You have to sit down."

"Rach," Ryan began hid voice trying to convince her. "I'm fi –"

Rachel stood up straight then almost causing Ryan to lose his balance and go tumbling back out the front door. "If I hear the word 'fine' one more time there is going to be some serious anatomy damage going on." Each word she spoke was filled with irritation.

Seth put up his hands weakly. "Just for the record, I said _fine-didly-ine_."

Rachel shot him a deathly glare, clearly not being impressed with his attempt to make jokes. "Shut up and help me," she stated.

Seth reluctantly moved to them and using the combined strength of himself and Rachel managed to help Ryan to the pool house. With every step that they took Rachel heard a hiss of pain escape Ryan's lips even as he tried desperately to make it the least obvious he could. One safely inside Ryan sat down warily upon his bed.

Rachel positioned herself next to her brother allowing her fingertips to skim lightly over the cuts along his brow. "Who did this to you?" She asked, aware that her brother had not once met her eyes.

"Would you like me to start a list of potential's?" Seth asked as he stood by the doors.

At that moment Rachel had had enough of his antics. She was too worried about Ryan to find any humour in her boyfriend's remarks. "Seth, not helping," she growled. "First-aid. _Now_."

It took a long moment after Seth had left for Ryan to muster up the courage to speak. He turned slowly to face his sister who had developed a sudden fascination with the ring upon her finger.

"It was nobody," he murmured causing Rachel to look at him.

"Oh," she replied sarcastically. "Okay, so you just magically beat yourself up?"

Ryan didn't have a chance to answer because the moment he went to open his mouth Seth came bustling back into the room. "Nurse Rach," he said handing her the items he held before turning and leaving the two alone.

"Lay down," Rachel said.

Ryan, however was holding to his word. "It's _nothing_."

Rachel looked at him strongly. "Stop arguing and do what I say or I'm gonna add some broken bones to those bruises."

Ryan rolled his eyes but did what he was told. He lay back against the pillows cautiously, watching Rachel as she gathered the first-aid which Seth had brought. He closed his eyes with a sigh.

"Ow," Ryan suddenly said. When no reply came he opened one of his eyes to see Rachel staring down at him with a single eyebrow raised. "What? It hurt."

"I haven't even touched you yet."

"Oh, I knew that," he replied sheepishly before noticing Rachel's sudden silence. "What?"

Rachel looked into his eyes momentarily before casting her gaze away from him. She didn't know what to say. She knew she couldn't tell him about what happened with Seth. Ryan would go crazy if he found out. The thought made her realise just how little they knew each other now. Things had changed so dramatically since they returned from Las Vegas, it was as though they weren't brother and sister any more. Just two people, living in the same house, occasionally exchanging the odd word. Nothing special.

Rachel wanted so badly for things to be how they once were between herself and Ryan. She wanted to be able to tell him anything. About how she felt when she went back to Chino. About what Seth had done. But for some reason, she just couldn't.

"I hate seeing you like this," she whispered.

Ryan could see where she was leading the conversation and decided to try and bring some humour back into it. "Well this ain't exactly a walk in the park for me either."

Rachel smiled weakly at him before she began to dress his wounds. "Arturo used to tell me that the body can cope with twice as much as the mind," she said hearing a slight hiss from Ryan as she cleaned the cut along his brow. "He said that if whatever is happening, happens enough, the body becomes immune." She was quiet for a time. "But then he said that the body wouldn't have to be so strong if you used your mind once in a while."

Ryan watched her as she spoke, her eyes almost sad. Something in her expression let him know that she was not only talking about him. "Rach…"

"I'm still waiting for you to use your mind Ry'."

Ryan took in a long breath as she finished her task and moved to walk away. "It was Steve."

The comment made Rachel stop in her tracks but not turn to face him. "I know."

"Then why did you ask?"

Rachel was silent then. "I wanted to know I could still trust you to tell me the truth."

* * *

Days began to pass slowly by in the Cohen house, filled with the tireless routine of work and school. Sandy and Kirsten had come to the point where they simply didn't speak to each other. Any word exchanged would end in argument so they decided to avoid all chances. Seth was slowly falling back into the role as Rachel's boyfriend having momentarily slipped from it in his mind in fear of hurting her again. Rachel forced all thoughts of the past weeks from her mind and moved on faster than she ever thought she had before. As for Ryan, his wounds had healed but he constantly debated whether he should get in touch with Marissa to discuss the message she left on his cell-phone. On one hand she seemed perfectly fine at school, bubbly, energetic, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

* * *

People swarmed the Cohen's backyard, sheltered with a canopy and lit with sparkling fairy lights and candles. Everything seemed extremely formal, almost a little too formal for Seth who felt his seventeenth birthday party was turning into more of a carnival for Newport's rich socialites. Too many people around him were simply faces with no names to match. Yet he was still obliged to do the meet-and-greet with a fake smile plastered on his face.

However, now that the party was in full swing he had been left beside the bar alone pondering over his next move. His friends had given him space, knowing that they would get in the way of all of the party-goers wishing to speak to the birthday boy. But as he stood there, Seth wished nothing more than to have them in his company.

"Seth, long time no see," came a gruff voice from behind him.

When Seth turned he came face-to-face with a rather sleazy looking old man. "Ah…yeah," he replied not having the slightest idea who the man was.

"Oh you probably don't remember me," the stranger went on. "Dante's the name. Used to work with your pa."

Seth nodded his head warily. "Hey."

"So," he continued beverage of choice, examining it slightly before taking a gulp. "How does it feel to be seventeen?"

Seth's eyebrows were now raised and his mind racing for an excuse to leave. He could see Rachel standing by Hailey not too far away, a genuine half-smile on her face as his aunt spoke with wild hand gestures. Seth wanted so badly to be able to join them in their fun, maybe even go and see how Summer was doing with Marissa and Ryan.

"Not seventeen until 11:28 tonight," Seth replied comically.

Dante smiled crookedly. "Still got your humour I see," he said giving Seth a friendly slap on the arm, only causing the young Cohen to recoil. "And the fine lady I hear swept you off your feet, she is well?"

The moment caused Seth to tick his gaze over to Rachel and simply watch her as she laughed at something newcomer Jimmy had said. It had been a long time since Seth had just looked at his girlfriend. Not letting any thoughts into his mind but her. Each time he did this he was again taken by her beauty, especially now, after being through so much with her, everything just seemed so right.

* * *

Rachel smirked at Hailey as Jimmy left them to seek out other company. She watched as her companions eyes followed him until her was out of sight. When Hailey finally looked back to her she noticed Rachel's expression.

"_What_?" She demanded.

Rachel raised her eyebrows. "You know what," she said. "You two are way too obvious."

Hailey looked at her shocked. "You know about us? About me and Jimmy? It only started a couple of days ago. How do you know? Who told you?"

Rachel only smiled at Hailey who was beginning to sound more and more like Seth. "_You_ just did," she stated. "Right then."

Hailey sighed, annoyed with herself for not seeing through Rachel's scheme. "Dammit."

"So," Rachel continued. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

Hailey saw her chance to turn the tables and let her eyes wonder around the backyard for a moment, taking in all the commotion of people drinking, dancing and talking.

"It's a bit hard to hold a convo with you Rach," she began. "Especially when your tongue is always down Seth's throat."

Rachel's jaw dropped at the comment, so typically Hailey. "No way, that is so not…" she thought for a moment. "Okay, _sometimes_ maybe, but not all the time." She frowned then. "That doesn't mean we can't talk."

"Last I checked," Hailey continued flashing a smile to a socialite in the corner. "You need your tongue to talk."

Rachel went defensive then. "I _have _my tongue."

"Not when it's down Seth's thr –"

"I get the point," Rachel stated rolling her eyes. She looked about for a moment. "I'll see you later, okay."

Hailey smirked. "I'll be waiting for that talk."

Rachel dismissed the comment and began weaving her way through the crowd wanting some time alone. Having spent a while in Newport she had become accustom to the seemingly endless parties and social gatherings which the residents held. However, there were still moments where she had to get away from that, even if only for a second.

Nearing the house, Rachel was instantly intercepted by Seth who pulled her to a place behind the barbecue where they couldn't be seen.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked feeling her heart rate lesson when she realised her captor was Seth.

Seth pulled her to him and kissed her passionately until she was forced to pull away for air. "Presents, presents, presents," he cheered bouncing from foot to foot.

"Oh, no," Rachel teased. "You're gonna have to wait."

Seth looked at her with shocked eyes, his movement ceased. "What? When? Why?"

"You're not getting your presents now," Rachel repeated counting off her answers to his questions on her fingers. "You can have them tonight." She looked at him seriously then. "Because the word 'creepy' comes to mind with one of them."

Seth contemplated her response. "Tonight you say? Creepy?" He thought long and hard. "And please tell me you said present_s_. Plural."

Rachel only smiled at his ability to pick up the least important part in her reply. Seth began to whistle softly and in the most obvious way possible, though still trying to _not_ be obvious, placed a decorative bow which he held atop Rachel's head. She looked at his with raised eyebrows.

Seth gasped dramatically and pointed to the decoration. "What have we here?" He asked. "A present for me _already_? It's not even 11:28 yet."

Rachel continued to stare at him with a smirk on her face before stepping closer and pulling the bow from her hair. She tilted her head slightly and ran her finger along Seth's tie, tracing the knot for a moment.

"I love these things," she said.

Seth looked down at her curiously. "Why?" He asked. "I hate them. _So_ annoying. First you have to match it to the shirt and then you have to p –"

He was cut off suddenly by Rachel tugging on the accessory and pulling him down the extra head or so difference in their height. Seth looked at her rather shocked at the sudden change in eyes level but was quick to realise what she was doing.

"That's why," Rachel stated before pressing her lips to his.

"Can't complain about that," Seth offered.

Rachel only smiled and let go of the tie allowing him to straighten up again. She watched as he bobbed his head around slightly to the beat of the music playing loudly behind them. Occasionally Seth would look to her and then roll his eyes toward the pain area of the garden where many people were dancing.

"What?" Rachel asked finally.

Again Seth looked to her, but this time dramatically turned his head toward the dance floor. "You want to dance?"

Rachel tilted her head slightly at the question before half-smiling at him. She took one last look at him before turning and walking through the crowd again. She felt Seth move close behind her, placing his hands lightly on her hips as though starting his own conga line.

Marissa smiled at them as they approached. "I guess you've had better luck than me," she stated.

Rachel looked over to Ryan who was sitting down with a frustrated look on his face, his hand in Marissa's as she tried to tug him onto the dance floor.

Rachel frowned at her brother. "Come on Ry', get into the spirit."

Ryan raised a single eyebrow at her. "I don't dance."

"Pfft," Summer said from beside him. "Of course you don't. You're like, from Chino."

Marissa let out an annoyed sound. "Fine," she finally said disappearing for a time before coming back with Jimmy. "I've found someone else to dance with."

"Good to know I'm always number one kid-o," Jimmy commented.

Seth lead Rachel through the dancers to their own clear spot near the centre of the group. He placed one arm around her waist, as she wrapped hers around his neck and took her free hand in his own holding her close as they moved to the music. It all seemed so perfect in that moment, as though nothing _had_ ever or _could_ ever go wrong.

Rachel let her head fall against Seth's chest as began to listen to his heart beat as it drummed away quietly to it's own rhythm. She felt like she was floating. Time wasn't an issue. Nothing seemed to matter as long as she was there, with Seth and her brother and friends were close by. Rachel loved the feel of being in Seth's arms. There was nothing else quite like it in the world.

The music soon came to a peaceful end and Rachel glanced back over to where Summer sat looking rather awkward. Ryan it seemed had finally been dragged up with Marissa, and Jimmy, leaving the couple alone moved about looking for other company.

It didn't take long for something else to catch her eye though. Up close to the house, just stepping out of the back doors was the figure of someone who sent chills down Rachel's spine. She felt her breath catch in her throat at the thought of what they had done, and the nerve they had to make an appearance at her boyfriends party.

"You should go ask Summer to dance," Rachel suggested quietly not letting her gaze waver.

Seth looked down at her. "You wouldn't mind?" He asked.

Rachel looked at him quickly. "No. Go one, she looks lonely."

Seth shrugged in agreement before they split up, him going to seek out Summer and Rachel moving off in the opposite direction. She quickly passed by Ryan who seemed to be oddly relaxed now compared to his state earlier.

"Tell Seth I'll be back," she said as she came into his line of sight.

Ryan looked in her direction, confused by her sudden exit but then he too found himself staring at the man. Immediately he broke away from Marissa and followed after his sister, forcing his way through the crowd and hoping that he wasn't going to be too late.

Rachel didn't think she had ever been so filled with anger before in her life. How dare this man hurt her brother and then show up at her boyfriends party. As she stormed up to him he acknowledged her presence with a simple nod, never expecting to feel the violent snap of her fist against his face. The sound of the impact vanished, washed away in the noise of the music and crowd.

Steve reeled backward toward the house, his hand shooting up to his jaw which now shone an angry red. "What was that for?" He demanded.

"Oh, I don't know," Rachel replied, her voice filled with sarcasm. "Maybe it's because you're _here_."

Steve looked at her sadly. "Honey…" he began but was again hit with one of Rachel's powerful strikes.

"Don't you dare call me that!" She screamed a little too loudly.

The music instantly cut away, the crowd turned, eyes transfixed on the commotion. Ryan pushed past the final person and emerged beside his sister, noticing her hands clasped into shaky fists at her side.

"What the hell gives you the right to show up here after what you did?" Rachel demanded and continued when Steve's expression turned to shock. "Yeah, _Steve_, I know it was you. I know _everything_. Why you left, how you used to treat my family."

Steve looked about obviously uncomfortable with the eyes of the crowd as they bore into him. "Rachel…" he tried.

Seth watched the exchange slowly getting closer to the pair. In his mind he was screaming at Steve, cutting him into pieces and making him pay for what he had done to Ryan. He was also trying to reach out to Rachel, to help her as she clearly struggled to deal with the new presence.

"You think that showing up here, barging into our new life, pretending to care is enough?" Rachel asked obviously. "You were _never_ there. You still aren't, only when it suits you and when things don't go your way to take it out on the closest thing to you because you're too thick to realise that it's your own damn fault." Rachel could tell she was hitting a nerve when she watched Steve's expression turn from surprise to confusion and then finally to anger. "If this was just between you and me, I wouldn't care. But you made the biggest mistake when you went after Ryan. That was something that no matter how many big, fancy words of love you use will _never_ go away. That was the one thing which totally lost it for you."

Sandy appeared over by the pool, his voice raised so that all could hear him. "I understand that you two may have issues, but I will not tolerate either of you making a scene at my sons party."

"Nuh," Seth said shrugging not too far away from Ryan. "Let them duke it out, there has to be at least one punch up at this party."

Rachel was staring strongly at her father now and when she spoke her voice was quiet and steady. "You don't know what it's like to have to get through the hardest freakin' childhood known to man with only two brothers as your lifeline. Not that I'm complaining, I mean Trey and Ry' did a better job than you could ever have. So tell me _Steve_, after all this, why the hell did you come back?"

Steve looked at her for a time before speaking. "I want to give you a better life," he answered.

Rachel laughed then. "_I don't need you_," she stated. "I've lived my _entire_ life without even knowing your name. I've been through sixteen years _without_ you. I've got through being raped _without_ you. I've beaten hell out of my life and never _once_ needed you." She went quiet for a moment. "I've fallen in love with an _amazing_ guy who I would do _anything_ for. And I'm gonna grow old and get married and have a family _without_ you because you don't know the _first_ _thing_ about being a parent and actually giving a _damn_ about your kids." Her last words came out in a rush of emotions.

"Rach…" Ryan said gently beside her.

"So what now?" She demanded not paying attention to her brother.

"…come on."

"_No_ Ryan," she said pulling away from him and turning back to Steve. "I love my brother, he's probably one of the _only_ reasons why I'm actually standing here right now telling the one thing in my life I've _always_ wanted that I _don't_ want them any more. So listen _very_ carefully. You lay a hand on him again and so help me God you'll regret it _forever_. You got that?"

Throughout her speech Seth and Jimmy had managed to weave their way through the onlookers and emerge nearby. They both watched the exchange closely, worried that Rachel would snap at any moment.

Steve, who had remained quiet for the majority of the time now glared at Rachel strongly, showing every ounce of hate he possibly could in his expression. Something within his eyes terrified her beyond words. They were cold, almost empty of anything human.

"You've been putting things in her head, haven't you?" He growled at Ryan, his voice menacing.

It was then that Jimmy stepped in taking a hold of Steve's arms to control him. "Okay, I think it's time to leave."

"Stupid!" Steve yelled trying to fight off Jimmy's hold. "_You_ were never anything but a worthless liar. _You_ screwed up our family. _You_ were the reason why Trey went to jail. _You_ made a shit of everything."

Rachel stepped up to him quickly, her face directly in front of his. The only thing preventing her from getting any closer was Ryan's arm which now had a firm hold around her waist.

"Ry' let me go," Rachel said. "I'm not gonna hit him. He's not even worth the energy." She looked threateningly into Steve's face making sure their eyes met as she spoke. "Get the hell out of here," she growled.

The minute Jimmy had dragged Steve out the front door Rachel raced upstairs to her room leaving Seth to stop Ryan from going after her.

* * *

"Wow, that was like, a Hollywood show or something," Summer said as she helped Seth clear the tables once the party was over. "I mean, not to say it wasn't, like, totally sad and stuff though."

Seth threw the last of the alcohol bottles into the plastic bag he held and looked up at Summer not saying anything.

She was busily twisting a candle stand in her hands and didn't even notice his silence. "At least you know, no one like, got hurt or anything. Cos you know Ryan, once he gets mad, _POW_," she said punching the air. "Someone's down."

Seth smiled weakly at her and Summer noticed his lack of words. "Okay, or I could just like, hold a conversation with myself."

"Sorry," Seth replied.

"Still kinda wigged?"

He shrugged not wanting to make her think that the incident had had too much of an affect on him. "I'm alright."

Ryan walked up to them then dropping a garbage bag on the ground full of odds and ends. "Have you guys seen Marissa?" he asked.

Seth shook his head. "Sorry man."

"Last I heard she said she was going to the bathroom," Summer answered. "She looked kinda scary, like, mid-life crisis scary. She said she was totally fine though."

Ryan frowned at the comment but let it slide. He knew if something was wrong with Marissa she would tell him. At least she hoped he would.

* * *

As Seth walked into his room later that night he saw Rachel sitting cross-legged on the bed, her face in her hands. Next to her lay a large rectangular object wrapped in dark red paper. Not saying anything, Seth moved to the bed and sat beside Rachel. This type of silence was not unfamiliar to them, but this time Seth wanted to talk, to know what had happened at the party and why Rachel had run straight after.

"I completely screwed up," Rachel suddenly whispered as though reading his mind.

"I think you worked a pretty good number on him," Seth answered. "Plus, punch up party tradition is still going strong."

Rachel looked up, dropping her hands into her lap and staring blankly at the wall in front of them. "I told myself I'd make sure nothing went wrong. You deserved a good party."

Seth frowned at her, seeing her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "You didn't know Steve would show up."

"I know," Rachel said weakly. "But I didn't have to act the way I did. God, I just hate how he make me feel like this."

"Like what?" Seth asked.

Rachel let out a sigh and ran her fingers through her hair. "_Dirty_. Like there's a part of him inside me that I can't get out."

Seth scratched his head. "If there wasn't a part of him inside you then you would be…your mother."

Rachel turned to him with a serious look. "Don't even joke about that."

Seth shrugged. "It's kinda what I do." Not knowing what else to say he wrapped a possessive arm around her waist and pulled her closer, allowing her head to fall against his shoulder.

Rachel looked up after a moment to see Seth's eyes transfixed upon the wrapped object beside her. She couldn't help but smile as she took in his expression, full of concentration as he stared at the present.

"X-ray vision?" She asked.

"Only for the girls locker room," Seth replied.

Rachel pushed away from him but was quick to acquire a smirk on her face. "That just lost you present opening privileges."

Seth's face almost made her laugh out loud. Sadness filled his eyes. His mouth dropped open. Creases of confusion lined his brow.

"I'm kidding," he said quickly. "I would never do that. I don't even want to know what happens in the girl's locker room. I'm not even into girls."

Rachel's eyebrows went up at his last comment.

"I mean," Seth tried. "I _am_ into girls, but just you. There is no other action I swear. With no one. Especially not Summer."

"You're sliding back down the scale," Rachel commented.

Seth cut himself off from saying anything else would could possibly get him into deeper water and instead placed a firm hand on Rachel's cheek. He gazed into her eyes for a long moment before pressing his lips to hers in a loving, yet urgent kiss.

"Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner," Rachel stated a little blown away by Seth's forwardness.

Seth's face grew a smile on it wider than Rachel thought she had ever seen. He flung his arm across her body and snatched up his prize, instantly ripping at the paper like a child on Christmas morning. When he finally managed to remove the covering Seth stared down in shock at what he saw. It was one of the few moment where he felt his heart stop.

"I didn't know if you'd like it," Rachel spoke honestly.

Seth continued to stare at the picture framed in a delicate mahogany border. The image itself was hand drawn with such accuracy and precision that it took his breath away. Seth looked straight into his own eyes. The eyes of a superhero standing proud, hands strong on his hips, cape billowing in the night air. The initials 'S.C.' were etched into his costume of red and blue.

Seth couldn't help the smile which crept along his face as his gaze fell upon his female companion in the image. Planting a sweet kiss on his cheek, and standing with one leg bent in an all too girlie fashion was Rachel.

"I drew it myself," Rachel spoke as she kneeled behind Seth and looked over his shoulder. "You know how hard it is to hide something like this from you for over a month?"

Seth was at a loss for words, which he considered to be the first sign that the earth had fallen off its axis. "This is incredible," he murmured not being able to tear his eyes away.

"You like it?" She asked hopefully.

"Rach," he began but not being able to find the words Seth turned his face to hers which carried a hopeful expression. "I love it."

Rachel smiled at him and it was the first time that Seth realised how similar her eyes were to her fathers. But there was one noticeable difference. Her eyes contained the story of trials and triumphs, pain and love. His were simply hollow.

"I didn't know if you'd like the whole Superman thing though," Rachel spoke trying to break the silence.

"I'm just happy that you put me in as the hero for once," Seth joked. "Generally I'm the one running like hell."

Rachel smiled weakly at him. "We've both had to duke it out, huh?"

Seth screwed up his face. "Me – not so much. I think you beat me in the pain tolerance," he replied.

Rachel shrugged. "Yeah, but that's all I used to know which means that in a sense it wasn't so bad. You've never really had to deal with people around you having problems and getting hurt."

Seth looked directly into her eyes then and held her gaze. "Yeah I have."

Rachel sighed. "I meant the important people Seth, like your family."

Seth couldn't help the frown which grew upon his features. "Since when aren't you important?" He asked giving her a light kiss.

"All I'm saying," Rachel said. "Is that you have to know that no matter what happens, they will always be there because they're the ones that will always love you. It's like me and Ry'."

Seth etched a little closer to her then running his fingers through her soft hair and brushing his lips lightly across hers. "_You_ love me," he whispered.

Rachel felt her stomach flip at how close they were. "I love you," she murmured in reply.

Seth smirked then. "So how about I get that other present."

Rachel smiled then, she couldn't help it. Everything was so perfect, so real. This is how she wanted it to stay forever. "This one not good enough for you?" She asked playfully.

"I loved that one," Seth replied inching his hand up her thigh. "But _this_ one is so much more – how do I put it? – lifelike."

"_This_ one," Rachel began. "Thinks that maybe it's a little past your bedtime and you shouldn't be playing around any more."

Seth pouted in response. "Are you teasing me?" He asked.

Rachel smiled. "Maybe."

But soon enough he found that she had pushed him back against the sheets and pulled him into a world where nothing else mattered.

* * *

The night Rachel awoke to the sound of crying. Scared that is Seth she glanced up at him sleepily in the darkness but all that she saw was the peaceful, sleeping form of her boyfriend.

Frowning, she realised suddenly that the sounds were coming from downstairs and they were that of a female. Listening closely Rachel leaned up on her elbows feeling Seth shift beside her, before tightening his hold around her waist and falling back into his sleep.

When the sobbing continued Rachel eased out of bed, careful not to disturb Seth and searched blindly for any form of clothing. Throwing on Seth's shirt and a pair of jeans she made her way slowly and quietly out into the hallway. Stopping at the top of the stairs she listened again and this time heard what could only have been tissues being pulled from a box.

Rachel silently moved downstairs and began to follow the sounds all the way to the lounge. She stopped short as her eyes fell on Kirsten quietly sobbing on one of the sofas. Moving to her Rachel knelt before the distressed woman.

"Kirsten," she whispered. "Why are you crying? What's happened?" Her voice was filled with worry.

Kirsten didn't answer but instead looked up, past Rachel causing the young teen to turn in the same direction. There Sandy stood watching them both with heavy eyes and a remorseful face. Rachel felt her breath catch in her throat when her eyes fell on what Sandy was holding.

A suitcase.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked standing and looking from Kirsten to Sandy and then back again.

Sandy took in a long breath. "We've been discussing things Rachel," he began quietly. "And we decided it was best that I leave. I'm sorry."

Rachel looked at him in complete and utter horror. "You're what?" She asked confused.

Sandy was quick to reassure her. "It's just for a while, until we sort things out." He smiled weakly at her. "Tell Seth I'm sorry."

Rachel glared at him trying her hardest to control the overthrow of emotions which slammed into her body. This couldn't be happening. Everything was perfect for the first time in so long.

"So that's it?" She asked. "You're gonna cop out?"

Kirsten managed to pull herself together enough to speak. "Please Rachel."

But Rachel wasn't hearing it. "Sandy I know what it's like to wake up and realise that one of the most important people in your life isn't coming home," she stated in a rush of words. "You'd better do better than that because I'm _not_ saying goodbye to Seth for you."

Sandy looked at her regretfully.

* * *

Rachel slid back into bed that night completely terrified. She had watched Sandy walk out the door without a second thought to what she had said. She had watched Kirsten continue to cry.

Rachel lay there silently, her eyes open and staring into the darkness. After a moment she felt Seth move beside her, lazily wrapping his arm around her waist again. He made a tired sound before pulling her closer to him, his chest against her back and nestled his head close to hers.

Rachel looked down at his arm around her and took his hand in her own. She knew that if she didn't do something now, she wouldn't find the courage to ever do it.

"Seth," she whispered.

Having no apparent impact with her voice Rachel looked over to him, running her fingers through his hair and placing a light kiss on his lips. "Seth, wake up."

"Seth needs his beauty sleep," he grumbled in an almost incoherent reply.

"Seth needs to stop talking about himself in the third person and open his eyes," Rachel replied. "I have to talk to you."

"Can't it wait?" He asked.

Rachel didn't hesitate. "No."

The tone in her voice made Seth's eyes open instantly and fall upon the face beside him. He rolled her onto her side so that she faced him fully and stared at her strongly for a long moment.

"What?" He asked. "Why are you dressed?"

Rachel took in a breath and allowed her finger to flow through his fringe and come to rest against his cheek. "I have to tell you something that you're not gonna like."

Seth frowned at her. "What is it?"

Rachel looked at him sadly. "Your dad left," she whispered. "I saw him just before with you mum."

Seth pulled away from her slightly. "You're kidding, right?"

Rachel shook her head slowly. "I'm sorry."

She didn't know what else to say, what else to do. She wanted to cry, to throw herself into his arms and let everything out but she knew that she couldn't. She had to be strong for him.

Seth immediately turned from her and snatched his pants up from the floor pulling them on roughly before he slipped into his robe. Within an instant her was gone from sight leaving Rachel to lie alone in the dark, her heart pounding in her ears.

It felt like eternity before he returned. Rachel propped herself up against the headboard not wanting to say or do anything which could upset him further. She watched as Seth paced the room, not being sure of how to deal with his feelings.

"Seth," she tried. "Come to bed."

He continued to pace. "He told me they'd figure it out," he murmured. "He _told_ me." With his last words Seth sent a stack of school textbooks flying to the floor.

Rachel climbed off the bed and went to him trying to help in every way that she could but feeling just as helpless as him. "Shh, Seth," she whispered placing her hands on either side of his face. "Look at me. We'll figure this out. I promise you."

Seth took one look into Rachel's eyes and felt everything come crashing down upon his shoulders. His knees gave out and he slumped to the floor leaning against the foot of the bed. Rachel sunk to her knees beside him, this time not tensing when his head fell into the crook of her neck and his arms wrapped around her.

"It's okay Baby," she soothed, her arms around him, head against his own. "It'll be alright." She placed light kisses through his hair.

It was then that Seth did something that Rachel had never seen before. He began to cry. She physically felt her heart break as his tears fell upon her flesh, burning along her collarbone. She couldn't stand to see him hurting so badly.

"Shh, Baby, it's alright," she said holding him tighter. "I'm right here."

So they sat together, upon their bedroom floor, Rachel's borrowed shirt damp with Seth's tears and all the while she wondered if this would always be her life.

**_TO BE CONTINUED………_**

(Wow. Sorry for how long that was but I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop writing! I know a lot of you want to shoot me right now so I'm ducking for cover. Next chapter will be a pretty dark one with everything having effect of everyone. You'll find out what is going on with Marissa. Life without Sandy in the house begins and not everything turns out the way everyone hoped. Please Review!)

**Kitotterkat:** Do you realise you said the word 'great' like 8 times in that review? I was like okay, okay girl I get it. Lol. I really felt that Seth hitting Rachel was not just a total black and white thing. It showed a side to him that _is_ there and that he _does_ have the capability of really hurting this girl. I also really wanted to tie it in with the Kurt storyline because in that moment that's what Rachel was faced with again, it was like her old life was standing right in front of her and in a way that shows that it will never really leave. I don't think her forgiving him will totally be out of _forgiveness_, I think it will be more out of fear of losing him. Ooh the 'someone else's life' line. Lol. I've had a bit about that one. It can be taken a few ways, which's kinda why I wrote it like that. I think the most obvious though is the fact that Rachel is really waking up to the fact that her life is and will always be full of pain and pretty crap stuff. When Seth hit her I think that really dawned. Even when things look so great (haha _great) _there is always a chance of it all going wrong. And Theresa's reaction was just out of shock in the sense of her seeing Rachel with this amazing life and not understanding why she hates it so much. She doesn't understand what's going on behind the scenes. I have the plot all sorted now which is cool, I totally know where I'm going, though I always manage to change my mind. Ryan definitely begins his own little journey, Marissa does too. And everything manages to tie in around the Cohen household and how things are totally headed toward complete obliteration. Thanks for the review. It was GREAT.

SparkiMonkey: Finally you're back, I was starting to think you'd ditched the story. It was hilarious cos as I was reading your review I was writing this chapter thinking, 'man, I'm really gonna piss you off ending this chapter like this.' Seems like everyone is shocked with what Seth did. I was too and I was writing the damn thing! I'm so happy that you see Seth's side of everything though. He is in a totally weird place right now, and now with Sandy out of the house things are just falling apart around him. I think him hitting Rachel was a total automatic thing, he didn't think, it just happened. Lol. Yeah Rachel and Luke were getting a bit too cuddly on the beach but at the same time she really did need someone she could count on. At that point Rachel was as confused as Seth, she didn't know what the hell was going on and Luke was the only one around. She almost used him as Ryan because she couldn't go to her brother. But Luke's gone now, so don't worry! I made sure Rachel went to the funeral. I knew she had too, just to bring that whole story to some kind of closure. It was also kind of a symbolic thing too which I only realised once I'd finished that chapter. Seth hit Rachel, which made her go back to her old life in her mind. Like I said to Kitotterkat, at that moment she didn't see Seth, she saw Kurt, she saw everything which had caused her pain, and confusion and had made her break down inside. And by her going back to Chino physically, it was like she was putting herself back in those shoes. I finally got Ryan back into the protective mode, even if it was for only like a second. I wanted to go back to that cos it hasn't been there for a while. That whole brother/sister old married couple relationship isn't relevant with them any more. Believe me, I hate Steve as much as you do and that's why I'm putting him in as little as possible but he's there for a reason. You have to remember that. Nice guess with the false pregnancy, I was waiting for someone to pick up on it. Lol. That puts the whole Ryan/Marissa storyline into full swing now. And the whole 'Kandy' storyline will be a big thing from now on. Trust me my friend. I put everything in this story – good, bad, ugly and annoying – in for a reason. And this was a kick-ass review, definitely worth the wait. Keep em coming. 

**Meezardra:** Okay, how about we drop this whole thing. I wasn't snapping back at you. I only said what I did because you have to realise that things which don't make sense _will_ make sense eventually. So we're done with that. Moving on.


	10. The Repercussions

_**THE REPERCUSSIONS**_

_Did I hear you right?  
__Cos I thought you said 'let's think it over'  
__You have been my life  
__And I never planned growing old without you_

_Almost Here  
__Delta Goodrem & Brian McFadden _

Seth awoke that morning, his eyes burning, head pounding. It took him a few moments to regain his bearings, and recall fully what had happened the previous night.

He groaned slightly becoming aware that fingers were running tenderly through his hair and along his cheek. Seth opened his eyes and they came to focus on Rachel lying beside him. He stared at her for a long moment and if she was aware of this she did a good job of not showing it.

Rachel watched her hand as she trailed her fingertips down Seth's cheek, to his still bare chest, tracing lines upon his flesh. They travelled down his sternum leaving invisible patterns behind, all the way to his stomach. Finally she looked into his eyes letting her hand come to rest at his waist.

"How are you feeling?" She asked gently, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

Seth continued to gaze into her eyes, never letting them leave his. After a long moment he simply shrugged. "Like I've drank a three gallon drum of vodka."

Rachel smiled weakly at him. "You still wanna go to school?"

"Yeah," Seth replied. "My mum will freak if I don't."

Rachel nodded absently and kissed Seth lightly on the neck. "Well you should probably wear more than this unless you fancy being swarmed by girls who want a piece of you."

Seth raised his eyebrows at her. "What's wrong with that?"

"They'll all get their asses kicked by me," Rachel stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

Seth smirked and groaned again cracking the kinks in his neck. He gave Rachel a soft kiss before kicking off the blanket and leaving the room to have a shower.

Once Rachel was sure that he was out of earshot she picked up her cell-phone and punched in Ryan's phone number. She hadn't seen him since the party and so was unsure of if he was in the house or not.

When the line finally clicked over Rachel spoke. "Hey, it's me."

"Hey," Ryan answered, his voice a mixture of tiredness and annoyance.

Rachel frowned suddenly when she realised that Ryan had not checked on her after the party even though he knew that she was upset. He'd let her go running to her room without even a second thought to see how she was afterward.

Pushing the thought from her mind Rachel spoke again. "Where are you?"

"Marissa's," Ryan answered not giving Rachel any real opportunity to hold a decent conversation.

"Is she okay?" She asked. "When I saw her at the party…I dunno…she just didn't seen all that with it."

"She's fine."

Rachel let out a breath, her mind ticking over at possible things to say to her brother. She didn't want to tell him straight out that she wanted him there with her. That she wanted to be able to talk to him about everything and nothing all at the same time. There was something about saying this that made her uncomfortable. It was as though she expected Ryan to turn around and say it was a stupid idea.

"Alright," she answered.

There was a long pause where Rachel went to speak at least three times before cutting herself off the moment before any words came out.

"So," Ryan finally began. "Why'd you call?" Rachel remained quiet for a time. "Rach?"

"Um…Sandy left last night," Rachel admitted quietly. "I just thought you should know."

"Jesus, what happened?" Ryan asked sounding in complete shock.

"I dunno," Rachel answered. "I walked in on Kirsten crying. He was there and…he told me to say sorry to Seth for him…and…he walked out." Rachel tried to keep her voice as level as possible but found it wavering from time to time.

"How's Seth?" Ryan finally asked.

Rachel took in a breath. "Not good. I stayed up all night just watching him sleep. I was so scared."

She heard Ryan swap the phone to his other ear before asking. "Why didn't you wait to tell me at school?"

"I just wanted to hear your voice," Rachel whispered. "It kinda helps."

_There you go,_ Rachel thought. _I said it. So why was it so damn hard?_

She let out a weak laugh when Ryan fell silent. "It probably sounds stupid."

Deep down Rachel wanted Ryan to deny it straight away like he used to. She wanted him to tell her that he didn't care that she woke him up, that she could call at any time and he would be there for her.

"Look," Ryan began. "I'm sorry but I have to go, Marissa's up."

Rachel felt a pang of hurt in her stomach at Ryan's words. "Can't she wait?" She tried.

"Rach…"

Rachel laughed again. "No, I'm sorry. It's cool, don't worry about it," she lied.

"You sound fine Rach," Ryan stated. "Just hang for a bit and I'll see you at school."

For some unknown reason Rachel felt her eyes begin to burn as tears lingered behind their golden colours. "Yeah, um…it's cool," she tried, forcing back the emotions. "So I'll, uh, just…see you at school." The moment the final word had escaped her lips the line was disconnected and all she could hear was a tone. "…bye."

* * *

Up until the lunch bell rang Rachel had spent the entire day at school staring into space not really taking in any information, which the teachers tried to thrust into the student's minds. She was too worried about Seth and how he was going to deal with not having his father around the house any more.

As much as Rachel hated to admit it, she was also concerned about Ryan. She had no idea where she stood with him. If, at _that_ moment something were to happen to her she would honestly admit to not knowing how he would react. If he would care or if he would simply ignore the matter. An obvious tension had begun to form between herself and her brother and she could only guess that it was because they were both completely preoccupied. Neither of them had any time for each other any more.

"Hey, I've been looking for you everywhere," Rachel said as she approached Seth at his locker.

Seth turned to her and smiled slightly as Rachel leaned casually against a wall beside him her eyebrows raised in hope of an explanation.

"I've been in the library," Seth answered.

Rachel looked at her boyfriend in a mock shock. "Don't tell me you're turning into a study freak," she said. "I dunno if I could deal with that."

Seth shook his head honestly. "I was just checking out some Death Cab music on the computer."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "God you're so emo."

"I could be an _emu_ if you just change the last letter," Seth explained. "Then I could live in Australia and have knees that bend backward. That could be kinda cool."

Rachel half smiled at his comment which had come out as a completely random statement. She knew that Seth was aware that she had noticed his added playfulness since the previously night. He was obviously trying to hide his feelings with off-beat jokes.

Finally shutting his locker door Seth looked at Rachel. "I've got to go, okay?" He spoke before giving her a light kiss.

"What?" Rachel asked pulling him back to her as he went to walk off. "Why? I thought we were going to lunch."

"We were," Seth said kissing her again as a way of trying to redeem himself. "But something's come up."

"What?"

"Don't worry about it. All is good," Seth stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

Rachel looked up at him strongly. "Seth…"

"I _really_ have to go." This time Seth placed his hand under Rachel's chin in an almost motherly way. "I'll see you later." He kissed her one last time. "I love you." And he was gone.

Rachel went to call him back but decided there was no use in trying to stop Seth when he appeared to be on a mission. "Love you too," she said half-heartedly.

"You look mighty pissed off."

The voice made Rachel let out a sigh and turn to face Trent who stood behind her. "My boyfriend just blew me off," she replied bluntly and on seeing the suggestive smirk she received was quick to add. "Don't even say it."

Trent just laughed and shook his head. "You wanna get some lunch? I'm meeting some of the guys in the courtyard."

Rachel took one look back the way Seth had exited but realised he was nowhere to be seen. "Might as well," she answered but was quick to cut herself off as her eyes met Ryan's down the hall. "Actually, I might pass on that. I'll see you later."

She met Ryan half way and they both stopped and just looked at each other for a long moment not really knowing what to do. It crossed Rachel's mind that he looked unusually tired, as though a total lack of sleep had consumed his life.

In Rachel's mind she was screaming for Ryan to say something, no matter how unimportant or unrelated. She just wanted to hear the words of an older brother who used to be her saving grace. Who used to just look into her eyes and make everything okay. Rachel diverted her eyes from her brother then and let out a small laugh.

_He's not gonna do anything,_ she thought.

Not being able to stand the silence Rachel turned and began to walk away. But within only seconds of her intended departure she felt a hand clasp around her wrist.

"Rach…"

Rachel stopped reluctantly but couldn't bring herself to turn and face Ryan. She didn't know what she would say to him. Would she apologise for walking away or would she scream at him for not being there the night before?

"What?" She finally asked him.

Ryan was in front of her then, forcing her to look at him although deep down that was the last thing she wanted to do. "Why'd you just walk away?"

Rachel remained quiet and looked up at her brother who seemed to be completely confused with her actions. "You're probably going to meet Marissa anyway so I thought I'd save you the trouble of having to make up an excuse for not being able to see me."

When Rachel spoke her voice was calm but telling. She didn't intend the words to be harsh, however, they came out as a cruel reality to her feelings.

Ryan frowned at her. "Why would I do that?" Rachel didn't answer and instead looked down to the ground. "Rach, come on, what do you want from me?"

"How's Marissa?" Rachel asked changing the subject. She noticed how Ryan flinched ever so slightly at the mention of his girlfriend's name. "Is she sick or something? I haven't seen her around lately."

Ryan looked down at her and hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, she has been for a while. Doctors said it was the flu."

"So you're looking after her?"

"You could say that."

_She has her own family,_ Rachel thought. _Why does she have to take mine?_

"Okay," Rachel replied and went to walk away again but Ryan was quick to stop her.

"What are you doing?" He asked concerned.

Rachel stopped with a huff and turned to look at him. "Going to lunch."

"No, you're…" He looked at her strongly for a time before allowing his fingertips to brush a lock of hair away from her face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Rachel lied.

"Rach…"

"What Ry'?" She asked becoming fed up.

Ryan let out a long sigh. "Is this about this morning?" He asked hoping to finally get a straightforward answer from her. "I'm sorry I couldn't talk but…"

"Marissa, right, I get it," Rachel replied bitterly.

"What's your problem?" Ryan demanded.

Rachel didn't want to answer, she didn't want to have to reveal to him that the very reason why she was upset was because of one of her good friends.

"Alright fine," Ryan finally said. "Don't tell me, I don't care."

_I know you don't_, Rachel thought to herself and turned her eyes away from Ryan so that he wouldn't see how deeply his words had cut her.

"I'm gonna go find Seth and talk to him about Sandy," Ryan continued. "Maybe get some answers from him."

Rachel watched as Ryan walked away, back in the direction her had come from, never once looking back to see her eyes close in complete defeat.

* * *

Seth tapped his fingers along the side of the school building as he waited for his father's reply on the other end of the line. It had taken every last ounce of his courage to be able to pick up his cell-phone and speak to Sandy about what had happened the previous night.

"Are you sure about this Seth?" Sandy asked, his voice full of worry. "You know you don't have to go through with it."

Seth shrugged though he knew his father couldn't see the gesture. "What else am I going to do?"

Sandy sighed at his son's comment. "There are lots of other things you can do," he insisted. "This isn't something that's going to be easy to take back."

"I don't want to take it back," Seth replied.

"You'll be surprised what you want to do once this is finished."

Seth scratched his nail across some black graffiti along the brick wall of the building. "It might not ever finish," he said having to force his voice not to wobble.

Sandy was quiet for a time. "I know son, but I don't want you to lose everything because you made a decision that you will one day want to take back."

Seth was quiet then for a time before he answered. "It's what I have to do."

* * *

Five days had passed since Sandy's initial departure from the Cohen residence and time dragged on in a seemingly endless fashion. Kirsten had done the only think she could think of to get her mind off the current situation; immerse herself in her work. So much so that it was now only on the rare occasion that she payed any form of attention to her former self and the way she operated. She had created an almost barrier between herself and the rest of the household, letting each and ever person know to be cautious with what they did and said around her.

Hailey had managed to make herself scarce, appearing every now and then to pick something up or drop something off. But her presence was still appreciated and she tried as hard as possible to restore the balance between Kirsten and the rest of the family. It occurred to Hailey on more than one occasion that she should possibly see if she could spend some time at Jimmy's house until things cooled down. But somewhere deep inside it broke her heart to think that she would be abandoning Seth in his time of need. She also felt that Rachel was leaning on her for moral support as well, even if she appeared to be handling herself perfectly fine on the outside.

Ryan was around the house less and less now and had almost taken up residence in the Cooper family home with Jimmy and Marissa. He watched Marissa as often as he could, making sure that nothing was going wrong and she remained happy and healthy. But the job was definitely beginning to take its toll on Ryan as he felt the bond between himself and Rachel become weaker by the day. He hadn't spoken to her since the incident at school and on the odd occasion worried about what it was exactly that his little sister was going through at that moment.

But it was not only Ryan who was pulling away from Rachel at a rapid pace. Seth had begun to not only distance himself from his girlfriend but also his family in general. He had been spending most of his spare time, locked away in his room with the stereo on, lying on his bed and staring blankly at the ceiling. He thought of getting up and talking to Rachel, not only about what had been happening of late, but also about what his plans were in relation to that. He knew he would have to some time. But it crushed him to think that he would have to speak of his father in a manner that did not place him as a regular member of the house.

* * *

There was a soft knock on Seth's door before Summer walked cautiously inside. From the sound of the music within she figured that he was still in the grieving stage.

Seth looked up from his spot on his bed and stared at Summer for a moment, not really registering her presence.

"Hey Cohen," she said. "Um, Hailey let me in. I just came to see how you were."

Seth continued to stare at her not being sure of how to react to this knew side of Summer that he'd rarely seen before. Her caring side.

Summer played with the rings on her fingers for a moment before glancing over at the stereo. She rolled her eyes before flicking the switch and turning the music off.

"You've got guts to mess with my tunes," Seth joked.

"Yeah well you have guts to be lying up here all by your lonesome," Summer replied.

"Why's that?" Seth asked not really wanting an answer.

Summer stood in silent thought for a moment before screwing up her face and realising what she had said made no sense. "Look, whatever, it doesn't matter. I totally know what I meant and that's all that you should care about."

Seth nodded his head in mock agreement before closing his eyes and staring into nothingness. After a short moment his peace was disturbed.

"Cohen, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Summer demanded.

"Trying to hypnotise myself into thinking I'm alone," Seth replied a little harsher than he had intended.

Summer sighed in annoyance. "I like, totally took the time to come over to you damn house and see how you are and you don't even, you know, like, care of whatever."

Seth couldn't help but smile. "How'd you get past Rach?"

"Huh?"

Seth waved his arm about. "How'd you manage to convince her to let you be in a room with me alone?"

Summer's eyes widened with hurt and she placed her hands on her hips with a huff. "What are you yammering about? For your information I happened to be totally good friends with Rachel now. We have been for a while."

"Is that right?"

"_Yeah_ that is totally right. If you got off your ass and actually payed some attention to the poor girl you'd know that."

Seth didn't reply to the comment, mostly because there was no way that he could deny what Summer was accusing him of. He had been distancing himself from Rachel of late and though it was something that he hated himself for doing, he just couldn't stop.

"I bet you don't even know how she's like feeling about everything," Summer went on.

Seth frowned and looked over to her, sitting up in the process. "What?"

"Have you talked to her about it?" Summer asked. "Does she keep like a diary of something? How do you know that she isn't gonna turn around and dump your ass cos you haven't been spending time with her?"

Seth stared blankly at Summer and although he hated the thought, for the one moment that she spoke, he realised that she was right.

* * *

Ryan felt as though he was dying inside. He had just hung up the phone after a call from Jimmy saying that Marissa was becoming worse. He didn't know what to do. He was supposed to be the one who knew it all in a crisis. He knew the exact right words to say or the exact right person to punch. He was supposed to be strong, even if he was silently screaming from the pain within.

He didn't know how much longer he could last playing the role of the hero before he broke. Rachel was one thing but this was completely different. With his sister, he knew that he was all that she had, that every decision he made affected her somehow. But now with Marissa he knew that his influence did little if nothing to help her. She had other people in her life who cared, all that he could be was support.

Ryan was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't even notice his little sister walk into the pool house and it was only when she sat beside him that he registered her presence.

Rachel simply stared at Ryan, not speaking, not pulling him out of his world of thought. She just watched him sit there, staring at the floor, breathing softly. Part of her wanted him to say something, to lift his gaze, smile and assure her that everything was alright. That there was nothing to worry about. But at the same time she wanted him to be honest for once. To finally admit that he wasn't as strong as he always made people believe.

Ryan recalled a time, which now seemed so long ago that was quite similar to the current situation only his and Rachel's roles had been switched. He had watched her cry herself to sleep in his arms as he tried with all his heart to deliver the news of her father to her.

He could still see her face, so empty and yet so full of pain and helplessness. Her entire world had come crashing down in a matter of seconds but she still found a place somewhere inside her that allowed Ryan the chance to be there. That gave him the opportunity to be the brother he always promised he would be.

Lately it seemed that matters had been thrown out of their control. He couldn't be there for her like he wished her could. Sometimes he didn't want to be there. If only for those few moments he wanted her to finally be able to fight for herself. He knew he would not always be in her life and that was something that she would soon have to get used too. But still, he wished that he could go back and change it all. That he could make sure the future ensured that he was always by her side.

Rachel let out a long breath before resting her head in the crook of her brother's neck. Like Seth, she knew that Ryan found comfort by her simply being close to him, just as she felt the same way.

In that time, there were no words spoken between the two. They simply sat there together, feeling every inch of emotions, which had plagued them for weeks now, and listening to the deafening sounds of silence.

* * *

Rachel walked into her room later that light but stopped dead in the doorway when she took in the scene inside. Seth was rummaging through a drawer of paper, stopping momentarily to read specific pieces.

Rachel couldn't believe what she was witnessing. How dare he go through her things.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She demanded.

Seth physically jumped at the unexpected voice and tried to put all of the sheets back into their original place. He was stopped however when Rachel moved to him and kicked the door closed with a loud bang.

"Answer my question," she spoke strongly. "What were you looking

for?" When no reply came she lost hold of her temper. "What the hell were you looking for?" She screamed.

Seth sat quietly for a long moment before Rachel noticed what was in his hand. A crumpled piece of paper. Slowly he flattened it out again.

"_Please, please forgive me  
__But I won't be home again  
__Maybe some day you'll look out  
__And barely conscious you'll say to no one  
_'_Isn't something missing'  
__You won't cry or my absence I know  
__You forgot me long ago  
__Am I that unimportant?  
__Am I so insignificant?_"

Seth ended the quote and stood looking down on Rachel as he so often did. "I had to know how you feel," he said. "You told me you weren't leaving so right now I'm hoping that I'm not looking into the face of a liar." He turned and began to walk to the door only stopping when Rachel spoke.

"It's a song Seth," she said bluntly. "They're _all_ songs."

Seth turned back to her as she sat down at the foot of the bed. "Then why does it seem real?" He asked.

Rachel remained silent for a long time trying to calm the anger within herself from what Seth was trying to pry out of her. "It's how I feel, yeah. But maybe you should try and read between the lines and not only see what you want too."

Seth looked at her for a long moment before his eyes began to scan the rest of the writing. As he did pieces began to jump out at him, jumbled and mixed.

_I breath deep and cry out…_  
_Even though I'm the sacrifice…  
__Isn't someone missing me?…  
__I'd die to know you love me…  
__I'll bleed knowing you don't care…_

Seth's body went numb. He couldn't feel anything. His mind stopped. His hands went slack. The paper floated to the floor. "You're not," he said almost to himself in a sudden realisation of what the song was really trying to say.

Slowly Rachel pulled up the sleave of her jacket and with every inch Seth felt his chest tighten. What he saw was something beyond horrifying. Deep gashes were slowly healing upon her skin, starting from her wrist and ending at her elbow. Her entire forearm was scattered with crisscrossing wounds, some so deep that they still shone a raw red.

"I told you to stop," Seth managed. "I told you…"

"You told me a lot of things," Rachel replied quietly pulling the sleave.

Seth had a sudden urge to scream at Rachel, to yell at the top of his lungs until she listened. "What's wrong with you lately?"

"You should look at yourself to blame for things being wrong," Rachel stated before she had a chance to stop herself.

"Rach," Seth began moving to sit beside her. "Look at me." Rachel reluctantly turned her eyes to her boyfriend. "Don't do this because of what's going on with me. I'm sorry if I've put things on you lately but I never meant for this to happen."

Rachel nearly died inside simply by looking into Seth's eyes. They were begging her not to give in again as she had once done. In that instance she felt like burying her face in Seth's chest and crying until there were no more tears left.

"Don't do this because of me Rach," Seth continued. "I love you."

Casting her eyes down Rachel whispered. "You haven't loved me for a long time Seth."

Seth stared at her horrified. "That's not true," he insisted.

Rachel looked at his sadly. "Then why are you bags packed downstairs?"

Seth fell silent at the question but continued to stare at Rachel. She looked desperately into his chocolate-brown eyes wanting him to deny everything. Wanting him to lie to her.

"What's going on Seth?" She asked quietly.

Seth struggled for a time to find the words which would make his confession as easy as possible not only for Rachel but also for himself.

"I think – I mean, I know – that maybe we should spend some time apart. Just for a while. To get some perspective. I spoke to dad earlier during school and he's letting me go and stay with him."

The look that Seth received in response made him want to do nothing more than kiss Rachel and take away the sudden emotional pain, which plagued her. Her eyes seemed to have become darker, the normal sparkle they contained had vanished. Her lips were slightly parted in shock, her breath catching in her throat.

"You don't mean that," Rachel managed

Seth felt as though he could not have done something worse simply by the reaction he had been given. "I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't," he admitted watching as Rachel's expression turned from shock to pain and finally to distraught.

Rachel felt numb, she didn't know what to think, what to say. She felt her breathing become jagged and un-even, only worsening when Seth stood from the bed and began to walk away.

"No!" Rachel suddenly yelled going after him and forcing him to face her. "Seth don't make the same mistake I did. _Please_. I can't watch you go through that." The final words were weak as she fought to hold back the tears which threatened to escape her eyes.

Seth smiled down at her and let his finger trail down the side of her face. "I'll be fine-didly-ine."

This was the last thing Rachel wanted to hear and she immediately felt her firewall against her emotions crumble to the floor. Tears began to run down her cheeks. She couldn't believe what was happening. She was standing in front of Seth watching him make the exact same mistake she previously had. He was cutting himself off from the people that could help him.

"Rach," Seth began seeing the tears falling. "Please don't cry." He took her into his arms instantly feeling her cling to his shirt, never wanting to let him go. "It's not for long."

Rachel continued to cry on his shoulder as Seth ran a soothing hand up and down her back. Burying her face in the crook of his neck Rachel breathed in Seth's scent, sweet and welcoming. She could feel his pulse as he held her. It was beating so fast, faster than she ever thought it had. Being so close to him now made the tears fall harder when Rachel remember all the times when this very feeling had saved her.

Thinking this only resulted in Rachel clinging to Seth more desperately not wanting him to leave her. Moving her head up slightly she whispered so quietly that only he could hear the words. She was always only for him.

"Lie to me," Rachel spoke.

The words were muffled slightly by his neck but it didn't stop Seth from feeling the same tingling sensation he always did when Rachel's breath touched his flesh.

His shirt was now damp with her tears. Her own top crinkled from how tightly he was holding onto it. Seth only pulled her closer to him in an attempt to feel as though he would never let her go. He ran a single hand through her hair trying to take in as much of her as possible.

The words almost choked in his throat as Seth murmured his response. "It will all get better soon."

Rachel continued to cry even as she moved her face to look him straight in the eyes. "I love you."

Seth smiled down at her trying not to say anything just in case it made it harder to leave. Instead he kissed her lightly on the forehead before pulling away.

"What am I supposed to do?" Rachel asked.

Seth looked at her for a long time simply allowing himself to be mesmerised by her beauty. "Throw away the knife." And with that he turned and left.

Rachel stood frozen for what seemed like hours. Tears still ran down her face even as she attempted to wipe them away. Her chest hurt so badly that she thought her ribcage would break. She could feel her body trembling in the aftermath of what had happened not too much earlier.

Slowly her legs began to work and she walked in an almost dreamlike state through the residence. Without even realising, she found herself before the pool house wanting more than ever to see Ryan just for reassurance that she hadn't lost everything.

Pushing the door open and closing it quietly behind her, Rachel wrapped her arms around herself. The room was completely empty.

"Ry'?" She spoke softly walking over to the bed.

Rachel's eyes fell on a piece of paper resting upon the pillow. Picking it up she saw just how badly her hands were shaking.

_Gone to Marissa's. Something came up. I'll be back later._

And that was it. At that moment Rachel felt everything fall around her. She collapsed onto the bed and lay there on her side clutching her knees to her chest.

It was all becoming too much too much. First Luke, then Sandy and now Seth. People she loves kept leaving her life. People who kept her from going over the edge. Her wrist began to burn subconsciously and Rachel battled to keep more tears from escaping her eyes. But she couldn't fight it. Not alone.

So she lay there, huddled and shaking and slow stream of tears rolling down her cheeks, feeling her heart breaking at the thought of not having Seth to hold her.

**_TO BE CONTINUED…….._**

(Hey guys, I'm soooo sorry for the long wait but I have been really busy lately. The kind of ironic thing is, is that I've had so long to write this chapter but I'm still not very happy with how the final product came out. :( Next chapter will be very interesting. You'll finally find out what's _really_ going on with Marissa. Ryan's emotions go into overdrive and there are many consequences because of that. Seth's life begins in his new house and Rachel's beings her new life without him. Please Review)

**_Missing_ by Evanescence. Great song you should check it out!**

Just have to quickly say THANK U so much for all the reviews. I was amazed how many I got for the last chapter. Keep em coming and I'll keep on writing!

**Meezardra:** You wanna know something funny? I didn't even think about trying to make Seth not look like a weakling when he was crying. Uh-oh I hope I did an okay job of it. I can't tell. I think a lot of people expected something to happen with Sandy and Kirsten they just didn't know what exactly. I wanted it to be a shock, and kinda come out of nowhere cos you didn't really see them fight all _that_ much. But it kept coming up. I made sure that characters were constantly dropping hints to let you know that things were getting worse. As for the Kirsten/Jimmy thing, I'm not too sure how that one will pan out. They've always been close, but as far as '_close_' goes, we'll just have to see.

**Leentje**: Thank you. it was definitely one of my fave chapters to write. I guess the whole thing with you liking that I got Seth/Rachel back together kinda backfired. I really thought that she had to forgive him for hitting her. It was really important and kinda a way of showing that she is growing up and she does see past the dark sides of people a little better now. As far as Kirsten/Sandy. Just wait and see what happens.

**Stageglitter**: Hi! Lol. Nice to get a review from you and thanks so much for all the compliments on the other stories too. If Josh Schwartz made a Rachel I think he would have a damn hard time finding someone who I think would really be able to play her well cos she's soooo complex and you never know where she's going or what she's thinking. It would also be tricky cos she's based on a few people which I think is why everyone is so convinced that she is written well. You could always give it a crack though. Lol. Thanks for loving the story and my twists and turns. Sometimes I shock myself with what I come up with. Lol. But that's a huge thing with me. I think it's really important to have plot twists and unexpected scenarios because that keeps the story fresh. Thanks for the review. Please write another one again.

**Kitotterkat**: Super? Hmm…interesting. Now you have to have like a new word for every review. Lol. It's good to know that you like Seth showing his emotions more, I think it's really important for him and it also shows just how much he does care for Rachel and trust her with everything. You predicted a roadblock and I think he made a pretty damn good one in this chapter. I love that you love how Rachel is growing up. I think it really shows her potential to actually have a positive outlook on life instead of always a negative one. It also shows that like Seth she is beginning to trust people more and put faith in herself to achieve things. She is also beginning to be put in situations where she can show that she is an extremely loyal and also protective person if she needs to be. Especially now when she is beginning to see exactly what it is that Ryan and Seth and Sandy and Kirsten have done for her, she feels its her responsibility to give something back. Nice pick up of the similarity. I didn't intentionally put it there, it's just something that I think is very realistic. Marissa and previously Rachel got to the point where they both had that sort of maternal, loving instinct to protect their baby and when that's taken away it is hard to deal with. Though with Rachel she had a lot of support. She had a supportive brother and a loving boyfriend and an entire group of family and friends behind her but because Marissa kept it a secret she doesn't have all that. This means it's harder for her. Wow. I really had no intention of making the line between Rachel and Ryan such a sad one. Lol. I just thought that at that moment Rachel was in a spot where she was able to kinda show Ryan how she was feeling about them moving apart. She doesn't want that to happen because she knows that Ryan is a huge part of her life. At the beginning of this chapter she kinda showed that. She does still need him. Especially now that Seth's gone. Super long review and super awesome. Keep em coming!

**Snowboardbaby52: **Aw, thank you. Hmm, that's and interesting thought about Marissa lying to Ryan so that he wouldn't forget about Rachel as much. I can honestly tell you right now though that it's not true. Just to clear it up. Marissa's storyline had to be the way it was to lead into what is starting to happen now. It just sort of started the chain reaction if that makes any sense. I think everyone wants Ryan and Rachel to make up. Lol. it is sad that they are growing apart now but I honestly think it was a long time coming. The reason why they were so close was because they had to be. The only thing they pretty much had was each other. But now, Ryan has Marissa and Rachel has Seth…well did have Seth. That final exchange between Ryan and Rachel was really important because you are starting to see that Rachel does still need and want him in her life, especially now that she's lost something which was so important to her. Wow, you've pretty much got Rachel down. Lol. That's exactly how I've always pictured her. Nice work! Though that golden-brown hair thing has changed a lot. I've lost track of what colour her hair is now. The last time it was said, it was light-brown with blonde streaks. Lol. I think she would be a cool person to hang with. She's someone who really knows herself and is really aware of the people and things around her. I like to hear this is one of your favourite stories. That's a good thing! Yay for that! I like writing back to you guys. If you took the time to read my story and write a review I think I should take the time to appreciate that. Plus I love to be able to talk about certain things within the story and to hopefully give you more understanding of what it is I'm trying to do. Sometimes even you give _me_ more understanding. Lol. Thanks for the review. Keep em coming!

**Sleepinbeauty**: Wow, I feel special, I'm your first ever review. Yay Me! Thank you for supporting the story so much, it means a lot. Thanks for thinking I captured the characters well cos that something I am always paranoid about. Don't worry, even I was annoyed that Seth hit Rachel cos I am sooo against that kind of stuff but I thought that it was true to the character and it was something that had to be done. I think Rachel's pretty awesome too. I do love her and Seth but I also think that where I'm going with the story is neseccary too. Lol, after you said you re-read The Atwood Sister one and two I actually went back and read them for the first time like ever. Damn I've come a long way. lol. Thanks for the review

**SparkiMonkey:** Ok now that was just an evil review. Lol. I luv them but they're so hard to write back too. So I'm gonna do what you did and sum up. It's the easiest way to go. Lol. Grudge reference was something I've wanted to put in for ages just to pay homage to the first movie that's successfully managed to scare me. Yes I did come up with the Arturo comment. I honestly dunno where I pulled it from. Lol. I guess I was just in an inspirational mood. You haven't seen the last of Luke. I love his character and think he has a lot of potential and I really like his relationship with Rachel. The fun and humour with the party was something I put in on purpose cos I needed to show exactly where these characters were. Everything seemed to finally be making sense and Seth and Rachel knew where they stood with each other and then it all just fell apart. I honestly think that Rachel didn't feel guilty for hitting Steve but rather for letting him push her far enough to make her hit him. She doesn't want to let him mean something to her and make her feel things. Like when she said to Seth something like he makes her feel dirty. It's all well and good to say she should have beat the crap out of him, but she didn't want to have to feel those emotions toward a guy who wasn't worth it. Summer…aw. I do love her character, she's really unique. Lol. I will deal with her and keep in mind that I think I will be killed if I get her and Seth together. Wow, I'm getting killed from all angles right now. Lol. Nice threat by the way. I had to separate them, just like I had to separate Seth and Rachel. It's just the direction that the story is heading in and also the lead up to everything else. I do things to make other things make sense. Anyways thanks for the awesome review, keep em coming and I'll try to keep up with how long they are. Lol.


	11. The Yesterdays Gone

_**THE YESTERDAYS GONE**_

_I feel like I'm lost when you're gone  
__Left remembering what it's like to have you here  
__I thought you should know  
__You're not making this easy_

_Promise  
__Matchbox Romance_

Ryan walked into the pool house early that morning to find Rachel in the middle of what appeared to be a nightmare. She shifted, turning her head from side to side and let out short breaths.

He moved over and sat beside her, noticing that she was still dressed in what he's seen her wearing the previous day. Ryan looked down at Rachel for a time running the back of his forefinger along her cheek in a soothing fashion.

"Don't…" She murmured. "Please stop…no…"

Ryan leant closer to his sister and whispered. "Rach, wake up. It's okay, it's just a dream."

He shook her slightly, ripping Rachel from her world and back into reality. Ryan watched as she jumped in fright sitting blot upright and trying to regain her bearings.

Ryan could see the clear distress in his sister's eyes as they locked with his. Before either of them knew what had happened she was in his arms, the remaining unshed tears burning at the back of her eyes.

"He's gone Ry'," she whispered.

Ryan wrapped his arms around Rachel hesitantly feeling how she shook slightly against him. "It was just a dream Rach," he replied.

Rachel shook her head. "No," she replied. "Yesterday…I walked in and he was going through my things…we had a fight and he told me he was leaving."

Ryan now knew exactly what she was talking about. Once he had found Seth after his confrontation with his sister almost a week ago now the Cohen had explained everything. He had said he meant to leave and live with his father, that it would mean having to say goodbye to Rachel. Even though it had killed him inside to do, it was something that he had too.

"I just want him to be happy," Rachel managed. "I love him so much Ry'."

"I know Rach," Ryan murmured in reply letting out a long breath and running a hand through her soft hair. "It'll be alright. He'll be back."

* * *

Rachel walked through the school halls trying her hardest to block out all thoughts of the previous night but found it more difficult than she anticipated. Everything reminded her of Seth. Wherever she turned there was a memory. From the place they stood on her first day at Harbor to the spot where he spilt his coffee on his new jeans. 

Glancing over quickly she noticed that despite the bell having just gone for lunch he wasn't at his locker like most other students. Rachel didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. She did want to see him, it was Seth after all but she also didn't want to face up to what had happened between them. It was too painful.

Diverting her eyes to the opposite side of the hall Rachel saw Summer forcing her way past a group of football players with a fake smile on her face. Once she had cleared them she rolled her eyes sarcastically.

"Hey Summer," Rachel said approaching the girl.

Summer greeted her with a genuine smile. "What's up?"

"Last I checked," Rachel began. "That would be the ceiling."

Summer gave her a lost look as they began to walk to the courtyard. "Wh…?" She started before clicking her fingers in understanding. "_Oh_, I get it. That's totally funny. A little _too_ Cohen, but funny."

Rachel looked away then only realising what she'd done once it was too late. "Yeah…"

Summer glanced over to her. "Are you okay?"

"What?" Rachel asked as though being snapped out of a trance. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

They took a seat once they had walked outside and Rachel let out a long breath, liking the feeling of being outdoors. Somehow being stuck in a classroom all day made her anxious. She liked being on the move. Being outside in the sun where everything seemed a little simpler.

"I like heard Cohen's living with his dad now," Summer said cautiously trying not to say anything which could make Rachel too upset.

Rachel nodded absently. "He left last night."

"Did he tell you or whatever?" Summer asked curiously.

Rachel let out a small laugh and shook her head, looking down at her hands for a time. "I pretty much guessed," she replied. "I found his bags and kinda put two and two together."

There was a short pause, which let Rachel slip back into her earlier thoughts of distraught before Summer spoke up. "I'm totally gonna kill that little weasel," she murmured.

Rachel looked over to her for a time before finally giving her an answer, which somehow soothed the pain a little. "He did what's right by him."

Summer rolled her eyes and sighed. "Yeah and totally lost like _the_ best thing that's _ever_ happened to him."

Rachel looked out into the school area, gazing over the gardens and trees. "I'm not Summer," she replied.

Summer laughed then. "Believe me girl, you didn't know the old Cohen.

Rachel let out a breath, wanting so badly to get off the subject but also not wanting to let go of her memories of Seth. "What was so different about him?" She asked.

Summer leant forward on her elbows as though she was going to tell Rachel a secret only for her ears. "Let's just say he had like one too many comic books where there should have been a Playboy."

Not entirely paying attention Rachel absently replied. "Maybe…"

"Not maybe," Summer insisted. "It's a total fact. You changed that boy in ways that no one else could. He was totally different after he met you, and I mean in a totally like good way."

Rachel remained silent then, her attention completely lost now as she sunk back into the feeling of wanting to run away and cry. Seth _had_ changed in the time that she had known him. He had become everything he could to make her happy and to make himself a better person for her. Sometimes Rachel questioned if it was a good thing for him to make himself different to impress her but then she realised that he wasn't changing himself. He was growing. Just like she had.

At Rachel's silence Summer quickly spoke. "I'm sorry, I totally shouldn't be talking about this stuff."

Rachel shook her head then and looked at Summer with a smile. "No, it's cool. I'm just…"

"Trying to ease into things?"

"Something like that."

Summer nodded before her eyes lit up. "Well I'm going to take over Coop duty after school if you wanna come with."

Rachel contemplated the offer. "Might do Ry' some good to take a break," she said.

"God yes," Summer exclaimed. "He's over there like more than he is the Cohen's."

_Don't I know it_, Rachel thought with a weak smile.

"Yeah, he was saying Marissa was sick," she said.

Summer frowned at her then not quite understanding. "Sick?" She asked. "Only if the cure is vodka tonic and whisky on the rocks."

Rachel stopped short then at Summer's words. "Huh?"

"You know," Summer replied absently. "She's been drinking a lot again."

Rachel stared at her friend in complete and utter shock. "_What_?"

Summer narrowed her eyes. "After Coop found out that she was like not pregnant she totally went all Robert Downey Junior on us. Ryan just likes to help her because of your mother or something."

Rachel didn't know what to say. She was lost for words. Ryan had lied to her _again_ and about something, which he knew she would have wanted to know. He had looked her in the eyes and made up a sorry attempt at an excuse for why he hadn't been around the house of late.

Rachel sat in shock, barely breathing. She could see Ryan's face as he spoke the words. He'd told her that Marissa had the flu and that he was looking after her. He didn't mention anything about a drinking problem. He never told her that one of her closest friends was slipping into the same world, which their mother had.

Rachel closed her eyes for a long moment and took in a breath. She couldn't trust anything Ryan had been telling her of late. Everything that left his mouth was laced with something other than the truth. It killed her inside to know this. To know that what he had told her that morning as a way of soothing her pain was probably going to turn out to be a lie, just like everything else.

* * *

Seth dropped his bags onto the large bed as he walked into what would now be known as his bedroom. It was a cosy room, a little smaller than his previous one, and overlooked the beach and pier. The rented house wasn't all that bad. Not as expansive and rich as their old home but it still stood proud in one of the most expensive parts of Newport. 

Seth let out a breath as he leant against the window seel and peered out, gazing at the jetty as the boats floated upon the calm water. His eyes trailed along the pier until they fell upon the end. It was where he had once sat, waiting for Rachel and what would only turn out to be one of the hardest nights of his life.

Tearing his eyes away Seth tipped his bags of belongings onto the bed and stared at them for a time before making a half-hearted attempt at sorting them out.

Sandy knocked quietly on the door and opened it at Seth's word. "How are you holding up Seth?"

Seth continued to sort through his clothes. "I'm fine."

"You know you'll have to go back to school tomorrow."

Seth nodded absently. "Yeah I know."

"And you might want to call Rachel," Sandy continued. "Just to let her know you're okay."

Seth stopped short then. He hadn't even thought about getting into contact with Rachel, not after how he'd left her the previous night. But at the same time he figured it would probably be a good idea to check up on her. Just to make sure she wasn't breaking under the pressure of what had been happening around her of late.

The image of her wrist flashed across Seth's mind and his chest tightened at the thought of what she'd done. It terrified him to think that him leaving could cause her to do herself even more harm.

"Yeah," Seth replied. "I'll do it later."

Sandy nodded in reply before walking out the door and leaving his son with his thoughts.

* * *

Rachel sat upon her bed racking her brain for answers to the questions which lay in front of her but the more she tried the harder it became to concentrate. Her mind just refused to focus on the task at hand and within only minutes she slammed her book shut and thrown in to the end of the bed in frustration. 

Soon however, she found her attention caught by the sound of her cell-phone ringing. With a sigh Rachel reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the device just as it was about to vibrate off the table and onto the floor.

Getting comfy again she looked down at the phone as it continued to ring in her hand. She could see the name of the caller as it flashed upon the tiny display screen on the cover. In the second the name registered in her mind Rachel realised what it was that had been preventing her from focusing on her homework.

She stared blankly at the screen silently begging the phone to go quiet so she wouldn't have to face the fact that this person was still trying to get into contact with her. But in her heart she was willing herself to accept the call, to talk and to let their voice sooth away all her worries as it once had.

Seth waited as the phone continued to ring. He paced back and forth in his new bedroom, tapping his fingers along the wall as he did. On one hand he wanted Rachel to pick up, just for reassurance that she was fine and that nothing had happened. On the other hand he dreaded hearing her voice say his name out of fear that he would completely lose it.

Stopping his movement Seth fell back onto the bed and lay there listening to the dial tone as it continued to seek connection with the other line. He bounced the back of his head against the mattress for a time trying to knock some courage back into his mind but found it near impossible.

Suddenly the phone clicked over.

Rachel held the phone to her ear but found that the words just refused to come out. She couldn't speak, could barely even breathe and all because of the young man who she knew was on the other end of the line.

Not even a simple hello could escape her lips as Rachel bent her knees up and placed her forehead against them in an act to calm herself. How could something be so hard? Only a day before, prior to her discovering him going through her things she had been kissing Seth. Holding onto him like nothing could ever make her let him go, and now she didn't have the courage within herself to say a simple greeting.

This is what he reduced her too. A complete mess of emotions so complex that not even she could unravel the meanings. Rachel closed her eyes tightly.

Seth's heart rate sped up so quickly that he could feel it pumping in his ears as he lay there staring at the ceiling and yet not really seeing it. He wanted to speak. To cry out to Rachel and beg her to forgive him. He had never meant to hurt her. Would never even dream of it.

Somewhere deep inside Seth he just wished that things were the way they once were between them. Just another sweet, young couple in love, nothing more, nothing less. Things that could not be made right with words, were fixed with a kiss.

Now things were different and it was all his fault. He couldn't put any of the blame on Rachel, she had simply been there. It was he, Seth Cohen, who had changed the course of their relationship possibly forever. And it was he, Seth Cohen who dreaded the thought of it staying that way.

Slowly, after a time Rachel pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it again. She wanted Seth to be holding her the way he once did. The way it felt as though she was the only thing in the world that he would ever care about. She wanted him to love her.

But through a choice which Seth had made, he had destroyed that for the both of them. He had changed the rules and made the game become impractical.

So slowly Rachel let out a long breath and flipped the cell-phone closed as a way of saying goodbye.

* * *

The week after the phone call passed quickly and both Seth and Rachel did almost anything in their power to avoid seeing each other. They felt that they just needed a little time to breathe. 

But soon the annual S.N.O.C dance was upon them and piles of Newport teens were making their way into the beautifully decorated halls. It was a custom to create the winter dance in Newport as it was a rarity to see any weather which could be classified as cold.

Many familiar faces crowded the dance floor and surrounding tables as Rachel scanned the room. The only reason why she was standing there now was because Summer had insisted on bringing her along with or without Seth. She figured that Rachel deserved to have a little fun, and what better way to do it?

Gazing across the room wanting more than ever to simply run and hide Rachel spotted someone whom made her stop short.

"Oh my God," she whispered as her eyes fell on the young man weaving his way through the tables not too far away.

Pushing past a group of party-goers Rachel jogged across the room and threw herself into his arms much to his surprise. But when Luke realised who it was he was holding he let out a laugh and twirled her around slightly.

"Hey," he said letting Rachel go in order to have a good look at her. "Wow, you look good."

Rachel grinned widely at him. "I can't believe you're here."

Luke nodded. "Yeah, I got back yesterday morning," he replied.

Rachel frowned slightly. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?" She asked before slapping him on the arm.

Luke recoiled back with a laugh. "Because I would have been risking injury," he joked watching Rachel playfully glare at him. "So where's Seth?"

Rachel was quick to mask the hurt which she felt creep along her features. "Don't worry about him," she dismissed taking Luke's hand and leading him over to a pair of sofas in the corner of the room. "I want to know _everything_. How was Florida?"

Luke looked into Rachel's eyes as he took a seat and saw something there that he never had before. It was almost emptiness. Shaking his head slightly, Luke smiled before he began to speak.

* * *

Seth felt the breath catch in his throat as his eyes fell upon the young girl sitting on the arm of the sofa in the corner. If he didn't know better he may have mistaken her for Anna if her hair was a little longer and she'd spent more time in the sun. If not for the familiar tribal sun tattoo on the base of her spine he may have completely missed her. 

Her usually brown hair was now a soft blonde, chopped off above her shoulders. Seth's jaw physically dropped at the sight of Rachel's slim figure clad in a hip hugging skirt and backless top. The only thing, which kept it against her were half a dozen ties at the back. As she crossed her legs he was able to see the rich, ebony, knee-high boots which fit snug against her flesh.

Seth watched closely as she laughed at a comment made by her companion who to no surprise was a young male.

_Luke?_ Seth thought shocked. _What's he doing here?_

It occurred to Seth that Luke was oddly casual around such a beauty and did a fine job of not looking at her exposed legs as she sat before him.

_Little rat_, Seth growled internally. _I bet you don't know what's under that wrist cuff_.

It had not passed Seth's attention that Rachel had strategically used the accessory as a way to hide what she didn't want others to see.

At that moment he felt as though he was seeing an all new side to Rachel. She was taking on more of the dark, mysterious and yet incredible sexy nature which Seth could only guess came from her Chino roots. The new act didn't go well with him despite the obvious perks in her physical appearance. This was not the Rachel that Seth knew.

Rachel laughed again, this time allowing her eyes to wonder briefly across the room. The toothy grin instantly vanished from her face as her eyes locked with Seth's. He saw what appeared to be a cloud over her expression but knew that it was not obvious enough for Luke to pick up. He didn't know her like Seth. Hadn't spent time simply watching her just trying to take in her every inch.

Rachel quickly turned back to Luke and glanced at his watch. Seth followed her movements as she said something to him. Soon they both stood and she began to lead him through the crowd and into a less exposed area. It only took a moment for Luke to turn and glance at Seth questioningly for him to know that it was indeed he who had caused their departure.

* * *

"Hey," Hailey said as she approached Jimmy as he sat upon the sand watching the waves upon the horizon. "Now I know where Rachel gets it from." 

She sat down beside him and smiled weakly, knowing exactly why he was out there, alone. He had confided in her about his growing concern for Marissa's health. It had not taken Hailey long to figure out that by the sounds of things, his daughters condition was getting steadily worse instead of better.

"What?" Jimmy finally asked.

Hailey nudged him slightly. "She comes out here a lot, just to think."

Jimmy was nodding then. He too knew of Rachel's love for the beach in times of crisis. "It's a nice spot."

"Yeah," Hailey replied. "Look, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come over for dinner one night. It might do Kirsten some good to have a friendly face around the house."

"How is she?" Jimmy asked.

Hailey let out a sigh. "On a scale of one-to-ten, I'd have to say pretty crappy. Work has pretty much become her baby for now. She keeps insisting that she's just busy but I know it's more than that."

Jimmy sat quietly for a moment before nodding his head. "Alright. I'll be there."

* * *

When Rachel placed the final book into her locker she caught sight of Seth approaching from her left. At that moment she didn't want to speak with him, mostly due to the fact that the conversation would most likely steer back to what had happened at the party. She didn't want to have to admit that she had left because he was there. That having him so close made her head spin. 

Slamming the door shut Rachel turned and began to walk away out through the hall. But despite what she wanted, within only moment she found herself no longer alone.

"I was hoping we could talk," Seth said as he fell into step beside her.

Rachel attempted not to let his presence affect her. "I have class," she replied.

"No you don't," Seth stated dodging past a large group of cheerleaders. "You have a free now."

"It's good to know my schedules still private," Rachel murmured sarcastically as she sped up slightly.

Just having Seth so close to her made her chest ache. She wanted to touch him, to be in his arms. Her mind wouldn't let her forget what had once been between them and her heart refused to stop loving him.

Seth found himself taking long, quick strides to keep up with her though she was much shorter than him. "You know I know it," he stated. "That's how we used to meet up."

Rachel rolled her eyes trying to mask the pang in her heart from his words. "Well we don't do that any more so just forget my classes."

"Look," Seth finally said, jumping in front of Rachel and forcing her to stop.

She stood there for a long moment simply staring at him. "Seth, move."

Seth shook his head strongly. "Not until we talk."

"We _are_ talking," Rachel replied. "And I'm telling you to get out of my way."

Seth was now seeing that the task he had set himself out to do was not going to be as easy as he hoped. All that he wanted to do was try and clear things up between them. Maybe help the healing process a little but Rachel clearly didn't want him around her.

"Rach…"

"God dammit Seth," Rachel growled forcefully pushing past him when he refused to move.

Seth stood stunned for a time, his mouth opening and shutting in a dumbfounded fashion. He felt a frown come over his face at the thought that Rachel was mad enough to not even want him near her. To not want to talk, or go to lunch, or do anything that they once had.

"I'm sorry!" Seth yelled in a last attempt to win her over.

Rachel stopped dead mere meters outside the doorway when she heard the two words, which nearly killed her inside. She soon felt a familiar hand touch her lower back and she closed her eyes momentarily, taking in a long breath.

"I know you're mad at me," Seth whispered.

"Very observational of you," Rachel replied.

Seth grinned when he heard her voice, free from the anger it once held. "Why, thank you."

Finally Rachel spun around to face Seth and was instantly stunned by what she saw in his eyes. They were full of hurt and despair.

"What do you want from me Seth?" She asked desperately. "First you say you wanna spend time apart and now you're chasing me through school trying to be what, my friend?"

"_Yes_," Seth insisted. "I want to be friends."

Rachel looked deep into Seth's eyes searching for even the slightest hint of love, which they once contained. "I can't just be your friend," she murmured. At his silence she continued. "Look, I have to go."

Seth took hold of her arm before she could turn. "Will you be okay?"

Rachel frowned slightly at the question, a little shocked by what he had asked. "I have to be," she sighed.

Seth shook his head at her. "No you don't," he stated.

"This is _me_ we're talking about Seth."

Seth took a small step closer to her, allowing his hand to slide down to her forearm where her scars were healing. "You used to always say that," he said.

Rachel looked up at him. "Yeah and remember what happened?"

Seth ran his thumb along the inside of her arm watching Rachel's eyes closed momentarily as he did. "That's what I mean," he remarked noticing how Rachel had now diverted her eyes from his. "You haven't answered my question."

Rachel let out a breath as Seth moved a little closer, so close that she could smell the light fragrance of his aftershave. "Yes I have," she whispered.

"It's yes or no," Seth answered surprising himself by the seriousness in his tone.

Rachel looked up at him, only then realising in fact just how close they were. "What do you want me to say?" She asked.

Seth watched her closely. "The truth."

Rachel gazed into his eyes for a long time, feeling his breath against her face and wanting more than ever for him to kiss her. "Then probably not," she admitted with evident pain in her voice.

She finally pulled away from Seth's touch and turned, leaving him standing in the school doorway. This time, he didn't follow.

* * *

Rachel yawned as she walked through the backyard later that afternoon, cracking the ever-present kinks in her neck. Letting out a long breath she approached the pool house with a little less enthusiasm than she would have hoped. She wished she were seeing Ryan so that she could talk to him, actually hold a conversation like they once did. Instead she was delivering a message about dinner from Hailey. 

Pushing the door open withouta second thought about knocking Rachel stopped dead for the second time in many days as she took in the scene before her. Ryan stood at his bed throwing various clothing items into his backpack.

"What the hell are you doing?" Rachel asked before she could stop herself. The look she received from Ryan was enough. "You're kidding."

Ryan looked away from her and continued to pack. "Does it look like I'm laughing?"

Rachel stood frozen, barely being able to breathe. She'd lost Seth already in a similar way, she didn't know if she could handle losing Ryan as well.

"No…" Rachel whispered.

"What?"

She ran over to the bed quickly and threw her arms over the bag preventing Ryan from putting any more items into it. "You're not doing this."

Ryan slammed the pile of shirts he held onto the bed beside his sister. "Stop it Rachel!" He yelled.

"Bite me!" She screamed back.

The tension mounted in the room so quickly that neither of the Atwood children could prevent their sudden need to let out their anger. Ryan showed complete and utter frustration toward his sister. He couldn't stand her being so difficult. On the other hand Rachel couldn't understand how Ryan could be being so selfish.

"What do you want?" Ryan finally asked.

Rachel stared at him and leaned back from the bag. "Nothing other than a freakin' good explanation."

Ryan let out a sigh. "Read the note."

Rachel's eyes ticked to the bedside table closest to her where she saw what appeared to be a folded piece of paper. For a long moment she simply stared at it not being able to comprehend the way in which Ryan had decided to tell her of his departure.

"You honestly stooped that low that you couldn't even face me?" Rachel asked more to herself than to her brother.

Ryan picked up the clothing he had previously discarded and tossed it in with the rest. "Because I knew that _this_ would happen."

"What the hell did you expect?" She demanded. "You're packing up to go to God knows where and you expect me to just stand aside?"

Ryan glared at his sister. "Yeah," he said snatching up the bag. "Now move."

Rachel was quiet for a time and she honestly thought in those few seconds Ryan would turn and walk out the door. To her surprise he stood fast and watched her.

"It's just like last time," Rachel finally said. "Are you gonna promise not to leave and then I'll wake up and you'll be gone?" She looked up at him, eyes full of disappointment and betrayal. "Is that what the meaning of 'brother' is to you?" When Ryan didn't answer Rachel lost control of her temper. "Answer me dammit!"

"I'm leaving," Ryan finally replied and began to walk toward the door.

"No!" Rachel yelled jumping off the bed and throwing herself against the door so that Ryan had no way to escape other than to move her aside. "You're not getting off that easily, not after everything that's happened."

Ryan took in a long breath and adjusted the bag on his shoulder. "Why not?"

"Because I'm sick to death of you trying to be the hero!" Rachel screamed before she had the chance to stop herself.

Ryan only laughed at the comment. "I'll remember that the next time you need me."

Rachel stared into Ryan's eyes for a long moment. "I've needed you a lot lately and you haven't been there. Jesus, you sound like Trey."

"Trey was _never_ like me," Ryan growled. "His entire life was about himself, just like Steve. The only time he ever helped you was when he got something out of…"

Ryan was stopped mid-sentence as Rachel's palm collided with his cheek. His head turned slightly from the impact and when he finally looked back at her he could see Rachel was shaking.

"Don't you dare talk about him like that you bastard," Rachel threatened.

"I'm telling you the truth, I thought that's what you wanted," Ryan insisted.

"You're telling me your screwed up version of the truth."

Ryan looked closely at his sister then trying to keep his anger in check as he spoke. "I'm not like Trey," he spoke. "I don't lie about things so that I can feel better about myself."

This time Rachel forcefully slapped Ryan, using all her strength and built up frustration. "Bullshit!" She yelled. "That's all you've been doing lately, just so you don't have to deal with the _truth_. You're running away to Marissa and trying to fix her problem as fast as possible so that you don't have to deal with the real issue. If you stay here and let this blow over then you'll have to admit that she's like mum and that you _couldn't_ help her."

Before Rachel could get another word out she found her back slammed up against the glass door with enough force to startle her. Ryan's hands clamped tightly around her upper arms as he pinned her there and tried not to do anything stupid.

"Get your hands off me," Rachel whispered.

Ryan pressed his face close to hers. "Marissa is not like mum," he growled.

"Then why am I staring Trey in the face right now?"

Ryan gave her a small shove before letting go of her arms and taking a step back. "Get out of my way."

"Make me," Rachel replied.

"I swear to God…" Ryan threatened.

"What?" Rachel asked. "Are you gonna hit me? Go ahead. You're the only one left you hasn't, so what difference will it make?"

Ryan was a little taken off guard by her comment but made sure as to not let her see this. "Don't push it."

"Because if I do then you'll have to drop the protective act and become the one I need protecting _from_," She stated. "Go on," Rachel said, spreading her arms wide as an invitation. "Hit me. It'll be the one thing that you haven't lied to me about because you pretty much just told me you wanted too."

"I'm _not_ a liar."

"_Really_? So the act about you and Marissa never sleeping together, or the time you told me you didn't know who Steve was…they were all just what, half truths?"

Ryan let out a long breath and went to push past Rachel. "We're not having this conversation."

"Fine. Go. At least this time I'm awake to see you leave," Rachel said causing Ryan to stop as his hand wrapped around the doorhandle. "Oh, and thanks for the letter, it tells me a lot about who you really are."

Ryan turned to look at her. "Well you're awake to say goodbye, so say it."

"I said I'm awake to see you _leave_," Rachel stated turning to meet his gaze. "I didn't say anything about saying _goodbye_."

"So this is how you're gonna leave it?"

"You tell me."

Ryan shook his head in annoyance, his patience finally running out. "Fine, be the selfish little brat you've always been."

Rachel hid the flash of pain, which crossed her eyes at her brother's words. "Interesting word 'selfish'. Doesn't it mean someone who does something only for themselves?" She looked around the room for a moment. "And here we are…"

Ryan gritted his teeth together. "You're skating on really thin ice Rachel."

Rachel stood silent for a moment feeling her hands shaking ever so slightly. Her heart drummed loudly within her chest and her eyes burned from unshed tears. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft and weak.

"I hope this time I fall in," she whispered.

Ryan instantly regretted everything, which he had, previously said to her and touched her arm sympathetically. "Rach…"

Rachel looked up to meet Ryan's eyes and didn't hide the pain, which her own contained. "Then it will all be over and you'll stop having to pretend to actually care." With that she turned and walked out.

"Rach don't…" Ryan tried but received no response other than the retreating back of his sister.

He let out a long sigh and ran a single hand through his hair, before adjusting the backpack and leaving the pool house for a final time.

* * *

The room felt cold as Seth walked in silently. The only light which could be seen was from the moon as it glowed through the gaps in the closed blinds. A silence closed in around him as he took a few steps deeper into the room. 

As quietly as he could, Seth began to gather some extra clothes from his drawers and throw them over his shoulder. All the while he could hear the faint breathing of the girl sleeping not too far away, upon the bed which he had once called his own.

Seth closed his eyes tightly for a moment to try and calm his heart as it pounded loudly in his chest. If felt as though the room was spinning and all because of the conscious thought in the back of his mind that he shouldn't be where he was.

Finally satisfied with his work, Seth closed the drawers and turned to leave. But in that instant he did the one thing which he had told himself to avoid at all costs…he looked over at Rachel.

He stood and watched her for a time as she layed curled up on her side, eyes closed lightly, blanket draped over her waist. It didn't take Seth long to notice how she shivered ever so slightly from the lack of warmth in the room. In the past he would have pulled her close to him as they slept, arms wrapped protectively around her and warmed her body with his own. But that was no longer to be.

Not being able to leave right away Seth walked quietly up to the bed and crouched down beside Rachel. He studied her face for a time, wishing that she were awake so that he could look into her eyes once again. Although he was glad that she remained asleep because he didn't want to hurt her with his presence.

Edging a little closer Seth could feel her warm, sweet breath against his face. He could almost count her eyelashes if he so wanted too. He was well aware that Rachel's lips lay mere millimetres away from his own and Seth's gaze flicked down to them momentarily before he hung his head and let out a shallow breath. He glanced down at her exposed arms and took hold of the blanket, which lay around her. He gently pulled it up to her chin and tucked it in at her side.

Seth reluctantly pulled away a little allowing the back of his forefinger to brush against Rachel's cheek. He smiled slightly as he touched her smooth skin, remembering how she always dismissed his comments that it felt like silk.

Seth sat calmly for a few minutes longer trailing faint lines across the side of Rachel's face. After a time though he reluctantly rose from his spot, threw his clothes over his shoulder and walked out of the room.

The moment that the door quietly clicked shut a single tear slipped from Rachel's eye. It rolled down the cheek, which Seth had just touched, burning with an undying pain until it finally fell onto the pillow beneath.

**_TO BE CONTINUED………_**

(Woohoo. I hope you guys liked it. This was probably one of the easiest chapters to write and I have no idea why. Lol. Next chapter sees conversations with Sandy and Seth about what they've done, an encounter between Seth and Rachel where all their feelings are put on the table and the development of life now that everyone is separated. Please review)

**Sleepinbeauty: **Aw, don't cry. Lol. I'm in two minds when people tell me that. I'm like, it's good cos that means that I did something right, but then it's bad cos I don't wanna make people sad. I think a lot of people understand why Seth decided to leave but it's almost like they don't want too cos that means that there is a side to him that is focused on himself instead of his relationships with the people around him. Lol. Believe me I update as soon as I can cos I hate leaving you guys up in the air about things. But yes, you eagerly anticipating more is _definitely_ good reason to get them up quicker. Lol. And don't worry about review space. The longer the review the more I can write back :) 

**Kitotterkat:** It's so fantastic that you thought this was fantastic! Thank you for liking the music lines. We have my best friend to thank for Evanescence cos she was the one who introduced me to that song a while ago. Music is a huge was to express yourself. It totally is for me. It is for a lot of people and I thought that it gave Rachel's emotions a completely new dimension and it also gave Seth something to really think about. I still can't get over everyone thinking that this was such a great chapter. I honestly didn't like it. Lol. I dunno why it just didn't really do it for me. I purposefully put in that time period where you didn't know what was going on with Marissa but you saw how it was effecting Ryan cos it kinda puts you into Rachel's frame of mind. She's watching this person she loves just dying inside and she can't do anything about it. Rachel is a funny one like that, with acting all independent but at the end of the day her real strength comes from the people around her. I think that is something that makes her relatable cos we're all like that in some respect. Its fantastic that you think that Summer/Rachel relationship is good cos I really love those two. I reckon that they kinda represent the sides of each other that are rarely seen. Like Summer is the more typical girlie side of Rachel which doesn't come out too often and Rachel is the deeper, more troubled side of Summer which isn't seen a lot. I loved the scene with Seth and Summer. It was probably the easiest one to write just cos I knew that it had to be a total eye-opener for this guy who was completely oblivious to everything that was going on around him cos he was so caught up in his own world. Thanks for the fantastic review

**Meezardra:** Omg you are a freak! Lol. No way, that's a HUGE compliment that you check everyday…kinda obsessive…lol. Nuh. Thank you, seriously. It's very sweet. I'm Aussie baby born and bred! And it's so cool I got someone who actually understands the emu joke. Thank God! I was wondering where I could put something Australian in where it wouldn't look too obvious but would be cool for the people who understood what it meant. I'll post a review. You just keep updating! Cya

**SparkiMonkey**: Wow, I'm starting to have to go through your reviews and put them in sections to write back to. You are the undisputed queen of reviewing! Lol. You should check out _Almost Here_ it's a great song. When I heard it the first time I was like…hmm…where can I add this in? Lol. I'm assuming you weren't an Evanescence fan before that chapter? It's an amazing song. It just summed up Rachel in a nutshell at that point and I really liked putting it in there. And it is very much a Seth _and_ Ryan thing. She's kinda gotten to this point and thought 'what happened?' Everything used to be so perfect and now it's completely confusing. There is no doubt that Rachel is totally independent when she has to be but I think it's cos she's seeing Ryan and Seth and they're just out of her grasp that it makes it worse. It was sad to think of her going to Ryan at this one point and hoping that he would be there and realising that he wasn't. It was a huge wake-up-call. Ryan does care. He always has and he always will, I just think that he was at the point where he was thinking that he didn't need and extra thing on top of what he already had. But it did totally kill Rachel to hear him say 'I don't care' even if he didn't mean it. In the pool house I wanted it to kinda be the moment where they were together but not really. It was sorta like Rachel putting herself in the place where she wants to be physically but mentally she is the furthest from that. Who said I was gonna save my life? There are no guarantees that Rachel and Seth will get back together. But Seth is being totally self-absorbed right now. He is so consumed in his own world that he doesn't realise he's shutting Rachel out. Deep down Seth with always love Rachel, just like she will always love him. They've shared so much that it's impossible for them not too. I think at this moment now though, Seth just doesn't realise how much he does care about her. He probably won't until he realises that she's really gone and all cos of a stupid thing that he did. Just like anyone Seth is totally naive about what is good for him. He doesn't realise just how important Rachel is in keeping him grounded cos like the old her, he thinks he's invincible and can deal with things on his own. I think Rachel would have been cutting herself for a while, instead of it just being a once off kinda thing. It's sort of her silent cry for help and trying to tell people that she isn't as strong as she's making herself out to be and that what's happening around her is taking its toll. Wow. That song is Rachel in a nutshell. I love it! Yeah Luke ain't gone. You can take the boy outa the OC but you can't take the OC outa the boy if you get me. You read my reviews. Lol. Nice work. And yay for the people who read the story. I am so grateful. I dunno if I'd call them fans cos that just sounds really strange. I dunno. I'm just so happy that people are liking and supporting what I'm doing. I think is Schwartz did cast a Rachel I'd want it to be me. Lol. Just cos I'm so protective of that character cos she's mine, you know? Wow that Anouk song was awesome. It's totally true. Seth and Rachel do love each other, I'm not denying that. I think they just haven't realised how much yet. Thanks for the review and keep them long! I don't care is you ramble. I do it all the time. It's fun. And you don't have to thank me for writing back. I like doing it. And my theory is, if you guys take the time to read and review my story I will take the time to read and review back :)

**Leentje: **You make it out like I'm some evil bitch lady from hell! I didn't meant to make everyone cry and get upset it's just the way the story and the characters were headed. Kirsten and Sandy's story will pan out. The focus isn't really on them at the moment but rather the chain reaction that they started. Seth left Rachel because he's scared. He doesn't want to lose his father and he doesn't want to see his family in ruins. You have to be patient about this stuff. It's not gonna sort itself out in one chapter.


	12. The Heartache

_**THE HEARTACHE**_

_I turned my back on you and me  
__Cos I was scared to see  
__That we weren't who we used to be  
__So now I'm trying hard to let go_

_-Losing My Grip  
__-Hoobastank_

Caleb walked into his office with a slight flinch in his step causing Kirsten to look up with concern. "You haven't been taking your medication again have you?" She asked.

Caleb dismissed the comment. "It's no good Kiki, too many poisons does more harm to a man of my age."

Kirsten let out a long sigh and returned to the paper, which she was writing. However, the longer she stared at the computer screen, the more jumbled and blurred the words became.

"It's a good thing I didn't hire Sandy as my lawyer," Caleb continued. "Otherwise we would still have a mess to deal with."

Kirsten's eyes flicked up to her father momentarily at the mention of her husband's name. It was partly true what he said. If Sandy had taken on the role of Caleb's lawyer then there was a good chance that things would have gone to court, where the trial may have stretched out for months.

The way her father had chosen to go didn't sit well with Kirsten though. She knew that the only reason why he was still a free man was because he had payed out the authorities to keep it that way. How else could he have avoided five years of tax fraud?

"I guess we'll be seeing a lot more of Sandy around again now," Caleb commented. "Seeing as he no longer needs to avoid the topic of my personal struggles."

_That's not why he walked out_, Kirsten thought but remained silent.

* * *

Sandy walked into Seth's room and found his son flicking through a science textbook with what seemed like the least amount of interest he could muster. 

"How are you holding up son?" Sandy asked as he went and sat down on Seth's bed.

Seth was quiet for a time as he wrote down some quick notes before finally answering. "I'm fine."

Sandy narrowed his eyes. He knew well enough that Seth had been around to their old house to pick up some of his things the night before, yet he didn't know what had been the outcome of that. His sons lack of response could have been caused by another painful encounter with Rachel, or perhaps none at all. Either way, Sandy was completely in the dark.

"No, really…" He pressed.

Seth rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Dad, I'm okay."

Sandy sat in silence for a time and watched as Seth tapped his pen upon the table before finally letting out a sigh and turning to face him.

"What?" The young Cohen asked.

"Have you spoken to Rachel?" Sandy inquired.

Seth leaned his elbow upon the table and thought for a long moment about how he would respond. "Not so much _talked _as _exchanged words_."

"I don't follow."

Seth shrugged letting out a quiet cough. "There _were_ words spoken at school, just not the ones I was looking for."

Sandy nodded his head then finally understanding exactly what Seth was trying to say. "I see. And they were along the lines of…?"

"Dad," Seth finally said. "Private conversation here. I'm not just going to rattle off every little detail of what was said."

Sandy looked strongly at his son for a time. "She told you she couldn't just be your friend?"

Seth raised his eyebrows but was quick to slump back into his chair. "More of less."

Sandy leaned forward slightly. "Seth, you have to understand where she is coming from. You've been – sorry, _were_ – seeing each other for a long time," he said. "You can't just expect Rachel to forget that and I'd be very worried if you _honestly_ say that _you_ have."

Seth coughed loudly then feeling his throat scratch for a time before he let out a long sigh. "I don't want her to forget I just…"

"What?"

"I want it to be like it used to be, before the crazy palooza of 'feelings' came to town."

Sandy gave Seth an all too knowing look and spoke. "Before the 'crazy palooza' you two were both a hairs breath away from falling in love."

"Tell me you didn't just say a 'hairs breath'," Seth replied.

Sandy shrugged. "Sometimes all it takes is the truth to solve these things."

Seth frowned at his father. "The 'hairs breath' didn't help."

"That _wasn't_ the point of the sentence," Sandy insisted trying his hardest to make himself clear. "What I was trying to say Seth is that truthfully speaking you and Rachel have never really been _just_ friends."

"Come again?" Seth asked, not being entirely sure what his father was trying to say.

Sandy raised an eyebrow at his son. "You think no one ever noticed your flirting sessions?" Sandy shook his head with a smile. "I know you too well Seth."

Seth looked over at Sandy with a frown upon his face. He thought long and hard for a moment trying to conjure up memories of the times he and Rachel had shared before they had become a couple. Images of late nights playing video games and watched endless midday movies flashed across his minds eye. However, none of the memories contained anything Seth thought could have been classified as flirting.

"Did we?" he asked.

Sandy shrugged. "It was only ever a matter of time."

Seth was silent for a time. "Yeah," he said a little too quietly. "Maybe."

A sad look passed along Sandy's face as he saw Seth clearly recalling past times, which brought back unbearable levels of pain. "Do you still have feelings for her?" He asked.

Seth's focus remained on his desk, but what he was seeing was something completely different. He was seeing Rachel's eyes as they looked into his with more emotion than she had ever showed to him before. He could see that the sparkle within them had gone, completely vanished and all because of his own lack of words.

But what she didn't know that night as the last rays of the sun sank below the horizon behind her was that he had never felt so safe in his life. Seth had never felt so much for one person in one moment then he had at that time because what he saw in her eyes was something he wanted to be there forever. He saw the reflection of himself.

"Seth…?" Sandy pressed. Slowly Seth nodded his head in reply to Sandy's question. "Do you still love her?"

Seth looked up and straight into his fathers eyes. "Do you still love mum?"

* * *

Marissa slapped her hands on her legs in time to an off beat rhythm which she had produced in her mind. Her shoulders moved to the imaginary tune and her head bopped away along with them. 

She sat alone on the beach waiting for Ryan to return with their lunch so that they could enjoy the sun and each other's company. Marissa knew that things had become tense between them lately even if Ryan tried to hide it and act natural. She knew that he was in fact as awkward as she was about the whole arrangement.

Though Marissa was overwhelmingly happy that Ryan was now living with her and Jimmy, she couldn't shake the feeling that he was only doing so to escape the drama's that plagued the Cohen house. It worried her to think that he had abandoned his only family for her. That he had left his foster parents and brother at a time when they probably needed him the most. He had also left the one thing which he had always claimed to be the most important aspect of his life; his sister.

Marissa bit her lower lip slightly hoping that Rachel would one day be able to forgive her for practically stealing her brother away. She hadn't seen the young Atwood in an extremely long time and it occurred to Marissa that maybe Rachel was in more need of Ryan's support than she was. It still frustrated her to be treated so much like a child who had to be waited on hand and foot. She could look after herself and she knew it.

"Hey," Ryan said as he approached carrying two paper bags.

Marissa smiled weakly at him not wanting to let on about what had been plaguing her mind. But no matter how much she tried, the emptiness within her just didn't seem to want to go away. It was not only the thought that she wasn't pregnant, there was something else too. Something that went much deeper than that.

As she looked at Ryan for a time as he sat down beside her and began to unpack their lunches she realised what it was. The one thing, which she had always wanted in her life but had never, seemed to have. The one thing, which would finally make all the pain, go away and everything become complete.

What Marissa needed was exactly what she had sitting beside her. Someone who cared. Someone who loved her. Someone she would not be ashamed to call her family.

"I got you chicken," Ryan commented as Marissa took the sandwich from him. "There wasn't really anything interesting there."

Marissa smiled weakly. "It's fine, thanks."

They sat in silence for a moment, neither of them truly knowing what to say to the other without sounding completely obvious. Finally Marissa couldn't take it any more and asked the question which had been burning at her mind for some time.

"Have you spoken to Rachel at all?" She asked though she could already predict what the answer was going to be.

Ryan was caught off guard by the directness of the question and it took him a moment to fully register what Marissa had asked him. He sat staring at the ocean for a time letting his mind leave his body and drift in a limbo. Images of his last conversation with his sister flashed across Ryan's memory and with each word that he spoke he felt his heart sink even further.

His arms subconsciously began to ache as he remembered just how hard he had slammed Rachel up against the door in pure anger over what she was saying to him. He could still feel his nails digging into her soft flesh leaving slightly pink marks along her arms.

"Well?" Marissa asked in an attempt to bring Ryan back to her level.

Ryan simply shook his head. "Nuh."

Marissa nodded slightly. "Maybe you should."

She didn't want to be the reason why Ryan and Rachel had been pulled apart, though somewhere deep inside Marissa, she knew that she was. Ever since her relationship with Ryan had become more serious, his with his sister had become more distant. Marissa didn't know if she would be able to live with the guilt of knowing what she had done.

* * *

Luke raised his eyebrows in acknowledgment of Seth as he approached him in the cafeteria. 

"Hey dude, what's up?" Luke asked once Seth was in earshot.

Seth shrugged. "Not much man, just getting some lunch."

Luke stopped Seth as he went to retrieve the twenty dollars he owed the lunch lady. "Nuh, it's on me," he said.

Seth frowned slightly at him but he was in no mood to argue with a guy who could beat him down with a single punch. "Thanks man."

Luke handed Seth his pie and they both moved to sit upon the brown, leather couches in the corner of the room. "So how are things with your folks?" Luke asked taking as much precaution as possible to ensure that he didn't say anything, which could offend.

Seth let out a groan as he sat down. "Crap," he replied bluntly. "It's like World War three has come to town but this time the soldiers decided to insult each other and save the energy it takes to arm bombs."

"Tough break," Luke replied.

"You deal," Seth answered before letting out a few coughs.

"You alright dude?" Luke asked concerned.

Seth nodded his head before letting out another violent cough. "Yeah, I'm fine, it's nothing."

"Maybe you should get it checked out, you don't want to get sick when you're under so much stress."

"Dude," Seth began. "Seth Cohen does not kneel to stress. All is good, it's just a cough."

Luke shrugged then not wanting to press the matter further. "Okay, whatever you think."

There was a silence before Seth spoke up. "Hey man, you haven't spoken to Rach lately, have you?"

Luke looked over at Seth for a long moment not being quite sure what to say. On one hand he was happy to help out a friend, but on the other he didn't want to be getting in the middle of other peoples problems.

"Yeah, I saw her just before," Luke replied.

Seth scratched his head absently. "She didn't…you know…she didn't say anything, did she?"

Luke smiled and made an attempt to bring the fun back into the conversation. "How would we have had a conversation if she didn't speak?"

"You know what I mean," Seth answered. "She didn't sat anything about me?"

Luke shook his head honestly. "Sorry man."

Seth nodded however knowing full well that although Rachel trusted Luke immensely, she wouldn't tell him anything regarding someone he was friends with. This annoyed Seth to a degree because he was so desperate to know what Rachel was feeling and he was sure that she would never say it straight to his face. She would never want to hurt him, even knowing how much he had hurt her.

Seth's thoughts were cut short however when a violent fit of coughs overthrew him. He leaned forward on his elbows trying desperately to bring his body back under control. He could feel his head pounding violently, this eyes burned, stomach twisted.

The last thing that Seth heard was Luke's worried voice before everything went black.

* * *

Once Doctor Tony had walked out of Seth's room Sandy was throwing question at him. "Is he okay…? What's wrong with my son…? Is there anything I can do to help…?" 

Tony dismissed the comments and as they sat together in the lounge put on a reassuring face. "Mr. Cohen…"

"Sandy."

"_Sandy_, your son is fine. From what I can tell he is showing the standard signs of stress," Tony explained. "There is only so much ones mind can take before it begins to retaliate – or become sick. This is simply the natural mechanism to fight off unwanted problems or issues which could increase the bodies stress levels." Tony paused for a moment to allow Sandy to take in the news. "Can I ask, has your son been put under any additional emotional stress of late?"

Sandy was quite for a time before he looked up at Tony. "Ah, his mother and I are going through a stressful time, yes."

Tony nodded his head in understanding. "The best thing which I could suggest is to simply bring him something which calms him. It might be a particular piece of music or even a picture. Just something which you know will be able to free his mind from the worry and put him at ease until such time that the symptoms go away."

Sandy raised his head slightly and stared at the doctor, the wheels in his mind ticking over.

* * *

Hailey knocked on Rachel's door twice before pushing it open and entering the room. She could hear dimmed music, which could have only been coming from headphones filling the room. 

She found Rachel sitting up against the headboard of her bed, head tilted back and eyes closed as she listened to the music which drummed away in her ears. Hailey had a sudden urge to jump on the bed and scare Rachel just as a joke but thought the better of it considering the not-so-playful nature the girl had been in for the past few weeks.

So instead, Hailey reached out and placed a calm hand on Rachel's arm in an attempt to get her attention. The moment they made contact Rachel was ripped from her world and thrown suddenly back into reality. She instinctively grabbed hold of Hailey's wrist as her eyes sprang open and her body tensed.

"Wow, hey girl, get a grip," Hailey stated getting a shock at how Rachel had reacted to her presence. "It's only me."

When Rachel heard Hailey's voice she immediately let her hold on her go and a breath escape her lungs. She pulled the headphones from her ears and gave Hailey an apologetic look.

"Sorry," Rachel murmured. "You just gave me a fright."

"I'll say," Hailey replied. "Who the hell did you think I was, a murderer?"

Rachel remained silent then and instead rubbed her eyes roughly. She had no intention of hurting Hailey, or even frightening her but in the split second that she had felt a touch on her arm she had lost full control of her body. It had been an instinct to lash out at the intruder, to stop them before they could do any harm.

Rachel mentally kicked herself for letting feelings from her past overthrow her reasoning. She knew that no one would try and hurt her in the Cohen house. Not even Marsal had when he had payed her a visit what seemed like so long ago.

_Off topic Rachel, _she thought to herself.

Rachel looked over to Hailey who stood staring at her. "What's up?" She asked.

Hailey held out the houses portable phone to Rachel who simply gazed at it for a time before taking it. "It's for you."

* * *

Seth woke in a daze completely unsure as to how he came to be in his room, lying upon his bed. On his attempt to sit up a sudden wave of pain pounded through his head and his hands shot up, tangling in his hair to try and relieve the pain. He felt a familiar touch on his back and chest, easing him back down onto the bed. 

"Shh baby, just take it easy," Rachel murmured as she knelt beside him on the bed.

Seth's eyes were wide in confusion. "What's going on?" He stammered.

"You're sick," she whispered running her fingers through his hair. "You just need some rest."

Seth tossed his head from side to side. "No, I have to do things. Big day."

Rachel frowned at his sudden actions and placed her palm to his forehead. "God, you're burning up."

"I'm fine. Fine, fine, fine."

Rachel raised her eyebrows at his comment. "No you're not."

Seth looked up at Rachel and his forefinger traced the delicate line of her jaw. "You'll make me better," he said. "You always make me better."

Rachel put on a weak smile trying to mask the hurt within her eyes from hearing Seth talking about how she affected him as though they were still together. "You just have to help me."

As quickly as she could Rachel began to unbutton Seth's shirt only stopping when she felt him flinch. Looking up Rachel pulled back slightly hoping that he would put aside what had happened between them for long enough for her to be able to help him.

"Déjà vu," was all that Seth said.

Rachel raised an eyebrow amused by his comment. With his help she was able to rid him of the clothing. She purposefully tried to divert her eyes from Seth's bare chest as she took a damp cloth Sandy had given her and began to cool his face.

Seth's eyes closed from the sensation and Rachel took in a long breath to try and calm her heart as it beat frantically in her chest. Working down to his chest Rachel ran her hand through Seth's hair in an attempt to calm him and speed up the process. She wanted to move away from him as quick as possible. It was pure torture being so close.

Finally being satisfied that Seth's temperature had dropped back to the normal level Rachel turned to place the cloth on the bedside table before she felt a hand on her wrist.

"Don't go," Seth whispered.

Rachel turned back and looked into Seth's pleading eyes hoping that he was not aware of what he was doing to her at that moment. "Get some sleep," she finally replied. "I'm right here."

Seth held her gaze for a long moment before he removed his hand. Safe in Rachel's care, he closed his eyes and soon found himself lost in the world of dreams.

* * *

Rachel ran her hands though her short locks wanting to pull them from her scalp as she did. Her head pounded violently and her eyes burned from a lack of much needed sleep. 

She had been awake for a good 36 hours watching Seth as he slept, tossing and turning, fighting off unwanted dreams. On the rare occasion that he did wake it was she who calmed him, lying by his side, stroking his face until the sleep again took him.

It had been hours since Sandy had last walked into the room, bidding her goodnight and asking her to retire to the bed he had set up for her. But though her body longed for it, the sleep refused to come. Out of the simple fact that she was fighting it, or, more importantly, that her mind wouldn't let her, Rachel resisted the urge to curl up beside Seth and give in to her tired body.

So she sat there, in the single sofa trying desperately to ignore the throbbing pain behind her eyes and the complete lack of strength which her body possessed.

Tucking her knees up to her chin Rachel gazed over at Seth's sleeping form and watched as his chest rose and fell slowly. She recalled the last time that they had been together, what seemed like so long ago. How he had followed her through the school halls, wanting so badly to redeem himself. How he'd looked into her eyes with so much emotion that she felt her heart physically break as she walked away from him.

Everything was so different now. It wasn't like last time when she was the one with the burden to carry, now she had to watch the people she loved battling against the world she once – and still did.

Rachel ran her fingers over the tattoo which ran down her hipbone. A single word which she had always felt hanging over her head like a plague. A reminder that no matter how far she run, her past would always catch up. The scars she once had along her stomach had now practically faded. Healing at a rapid speed but the emotional damage had been done, never to be erased.

She was well aware that Seth knew she still had sleeps plagued with nightmares of her past. Waking up shaking she would make the excuse of being cold even on the hottest of nights just so she could feel Seth's arms around her, holding her tight.

That was all Rachel wanted now, to simply _feel_ what she had when Seth and Ryan had been themselves. It was not only the feeling of being protected but also of unconditional love. They would always do anything in their power to see that she was not harmed.

Even as she sat there now with the desperate need for sleep, Rachel still couldn't bring herself to give into the urge. She refused to close her eyes out of fear that something would happen that she was not aware of. Not only to Seth, but to her entire life.

So there she remained, in the darkened corner of the foreign room, watching the night sky beyond the windowpane and all the while closely listening to Seth's breathing as he slept only meters away.

* * *

When Seth awoke the next morning his entire body was filled with a dull ache, though nowhere even close to the strength it had been in previous days. His strength had returned now and it only took him a moment to recall pieces of the previous hours. Glimpses of consciousness flashed before his eyes. Mind tainted with confusion. A body feeling the impact of the stress it had endured. He recalled the doctors eyes staring at him. The icy touch of his instruments against his flesh. But there was something else as well, a warm presence. 

Seth let out a silent breath and finally opened his eyes to the dimly lit room around him. Staring up at the ceiling above him, it came as no surprise when the thought of how much he missed his old room crossed Seth's mind. This place was a house, tall and proud upon the ocean shore, but it was not _home_.

Letting his gaze travel around the room Seth took in the details in a very reluctant fashion. Off-white walls, grey floors, though not the most attractive of combinations somehow they still managed to…

The breath caught in Seth's throat as he eyes fell on the figure sitting quietly in the corner. Head in their hands, fingers tangled in their light blonde hair, it took him only a moment to realise that _this_ was the warmth he had felt.

As Rachel freed her hands, dropping them uselessly into her lap with a sigh, Seth closed his eyes again and feigned sleep. Watching her through his lashes Seth drank in Rachel's features once again not knowing how he had gone such a time without them. Her eyes were tinted with a slight red from obvious lack of sleep and almost appeared darker to him. She rubbed at them furiously and Seth watched as her head tilted back and she took in a long breath trying desperately to stay awake.

"Get some sleep," Seth whispered as he continued to eye her.

Rachel didn't turn to him, didn't even flinch for she was well aware that he was no longer sleeping simply because his breathing had become shallow. After an entire night of listening to it, it came as no surprise that she could identify when Seth was indeed resting and when he wasn't.

"Can't," Rachel murmured, her head still back against the wall behind her.

Seth frowned at her reply. "You look like a wreck."

Rachel almost laughed but managed to remain straight-faced. "Love you too," she said bluntly.

A moment of silence passed over them where both teens became lost in their own little worlds of thought. Seth continued to gaze at Rachel and before he could stop himself he began to rise from the bed.

"Seth, stop being a pain in the ass and get back into bed," Rachel insisted though her voice seemed uninterested.

Moving over Seth knelt before Rachel, noticing how her eyes closed as he did, as though she were trying to convince herself that he wasn't there. Seth remained for a time watching Rachel as she let out a long breath and focused her eyes on the window across the room.

"Right now," he began. "I'm making it my personal duty to be _your_ pain in the ass because I'm worried about you Rach." Seth could see that she was taking in his words and continued. "I'm not leaving until I get you out of _this_ chair and into _that_ bed."

Rachel smirked at the comment and willed herself not to laugh, though when it came to Seth, that always proved to be a challenge.

Seth knelt there thinking about what he had just said and couldn't help the comical expression, which appeared, on his face. "And I meant that in the most _non_-sexual way possible."

"Sure," Rachel replied with the most obviously unconvinced tone she could muster.

Seth let out a sigh. "Look, Rach…"

"Seth," she suddenly said cutting him off and for the first time in what seemed like forever actually looking into his eyes. "Can we not?"

Nodding his head Seth took in her words. "Okay, whatever you want."

Rachel looked at him strongly and even in the minimal light available in the room, he could still see the emotions in her eyes. "Don't," was the only word she said in response.

"Fine," Seth replied. "But either way I'm hauling someone's ass into that bed whether they like it or not."

Rachel stared at Seth as he rose from his spot and stood shirt-less before her. Under normal circumstances he would have been quick to conver up with a female in the room, but this was _Rachel_ and their relationship had taken them far beyond that long ago.

She couldn't stand what he was doing. Pretending that everything was fine between them, that they now had a workable friendship. It was as though everything which had happened meant nothing to Seth and hadn't affected him even in the slightest.

Finally Rachel spoke. "Good," she said standing as well and looking up at Seth with a slight anger in her voice. "Haul your _own_ ass in because I'm suddenly _not_ feeling all that tired." Moving to leave, her way was blocked by Seth as he stepped into her tracks. "Move Seth."

Seth shook his head. "No, see I can't do that because I know you're upset with me and I want to know why."

Rachel laughed then. "You wanna know why?"

Seth looked at her sadly. "Yes."

Rachel nodded her head in contemplation. "Okay, I'll tell you why," she began. "I haven't slept in nearly _two_ _days_. I've been sitting _here_ in _that_ chair watching you because every time you wake up I'm so scared that it'll be the last time." Rachel ran a hand through her hair in frustration as she continued. "You keep sending me these mixed signals. First you _want_ me there, then suddenly you _don't_ and _now_ it's like you've forgotten _everything_ that's happened up until this point." Rachel took a step forward so that barely half a foot was between her and Seth and she stared up at him. "So yeah, I'm mad at you," she continued. "Mostly because you're treating me like some toy that you can pack away when you don't want to play with it. Well guess what _Cohen_, I'm _not_."

Seth stood shocked for a moment taking in Rachel's words. He didn't understand what she was talking about and yet, somewhere deep inside he felt a pang of guilt for how he had treated her. This was a girl who had every right to hate him for what he had done. What he had put her through.

For no apparent reason he had broken the bond which they shared with very little difficulty. It came as a complete shock to him that Rachel was even there now, and that she had been for many hours, watching over him. But at the same time this didn't surprise Seth for he knew her heart and he knew how she could care for people. How she could care for him.

"You know what?" Seth finally spoke nodding to himself. "You're right. You're _completely_ right. I've been a jerk and I've treated you badly and I had absolutely no right to do that." He looked at Rachel for a long moment with saddened eyes. "I'm sorry."

Rachel simply stared at Seth as he spoke. He just didn't get it. Here she was, still looking after him when he _specifically_ told her he didn't want her in his life and it was as though it didn't matter. That everything he did to her could be made right again so easily. He thought that some meet ups at school and phone calls with no words would actually help.

"Forgive me?" Seth asked.

Rachel took one look at his outstretched arms, meaning to bring a friendly hug before she forced her way past him and out the door.

* * *

The phone never tired of ringing even when Rachel up and left the room hoping to find some peace. Her head was still throbbing violently and it was as though, with every step she took, the world blurred. 

She tried to block the maddening ringing from her mind but even as her thoughts drifted away from the phone she could still hear the tone within her subconscious. A never-ending stream of shrills resonating through her head.

Rachel knew who it was that was calling. She knew what they wanted and what they would say. Part of her mind tried to coax her into answering just to be able to hear the caller's voice again. To listen to them speak to her in the tone they always had when trying to redeem themselves.

But the sane part of her told her to run. To escape from the inevitable pain that would come with picking up the receiver and speaking. Rachel had been subjected to enough suffering in her life to know that it only made matters worse. Only increased the odds of never recovering.

She looked at her backpack sitting upon the sofa, and thought about the contents within it for a time. They could bring her an out. A way to escape for a few hours until she returned. They could bring relief.

Rachel moved over to the bag and looked inside it quickly. She suddenly heard the answering machine beep over and a familiar voice begin to speak.

"Rach, it's me," 

Seth's words clouded Rachel's mind to the point where she felt she would collapse. She tried to ignore them and roughly zipped up her bag.

"_I know you probably hate me right now and don't want to listen to anything I have to say but…I can't just leave things like this between us."_

Rachel ran upstairs to her room quickly and picked up her cell-phone and house keys before walking back into the kitchen.

"_Things have been crazy lately and I think it would be good for me…I mean you…I mean _us_, if we talked. _Really_ talked."_

Throwing both her keys and cell into the front pocket of her bag Rachel called out to Hailey that she was going out for a while and would be back later.

"So um…let me know what you think…okay? Alright…bye." 

The message ended and Rachel walked out the front door, slamming it shut behind her.

_**TO BE CONTINUED………**_

(OMG I am sooooo sorry that this has taken so long to post but I have been flat out busy for so long. I know it was a little shorter than most chapters but I did the best I could. Next chapter sees Sandy and Kirsten confronting their problems, Ryan trying to rejoin the Cohen family and a not so friendly visit which leaves Rachel in a very bad position. Please review)

**Kitotterkat: **I totally agree, this had been my favourite story too. I was actually pretty worried when I first started writing cos I didn't have many ideas but things have really started to take shape and I know exactly where I'm going with it. And yeah, this story is definitely more about family and how important it is in these peoples lives. Its great to hear you're enjoying reading it. Haha, I'm sorry I'm just having fun cos of what you said about thinking Rachel would be okay cos Ryan was there and then oops he's not. I did that on purpose cos I think she was feeling the same way too. It was the whole 'well Seth is gone but I still have my brother'. But I think that this time although Rachel is already breaking up she will fight a lot harder. She more in a space now of just shutting off everything that has happened. It's almost like when the emotions are so great that you don't even feel them. Rachel actually pretty much summed up why Ryan was leaving by commenting on him trying to save Marissa cos he didn't want to have to admit that she had the same problem as Dawn. Ryan was without a doubt affected hugely by their mothers drinking and when he sees those same things in Marissa the warning signs start flashing and he tries to be the hero. You made an interesting comment about not many people being like Ryan and Rachel. Did you mean in the sense of their relationship or what happens in their lives? It's really good that you can identify and relate to the characters decisions cos it means to can empathise with them a lot more. Thanks for the review

**Sleepinbeauty:** Omg your review had me laughing so hard. Lol. Evil librarians! I swear a prerequisite to be a librarian is to be a grumpy bitch. I know a hell of a lot of them. No I don't watch House so I can assure you it's not a conspiracy that both that and the chapter made you get all choked up. Lol. I loved writing the phone conversation. It was so clear in my mind too. I mean most scenes are but some it's a lot harder to get a visual. I could see everything with this and I knew it was important to have in there cos it was the whole they're only just out of reach of each other moment. Eliza Dushku huh? That's interesting. I've never really thought about her as a Rachel, I think just cos she's a lot darker, more mysterious, plus I have this whole image of Faith kicking vampire ass, which doesn't really help. We have an understanding! Oh there is a God! And yes, the death threats have been rolling in. Lol. But yeah, it is essential for Seth and Rachel and all the other characters to go through times where they can grow and change by themselves. Everyone does it, it's just cos it's a story with characters we love that everyone hates it. So thanks for the review, and now you've learnt that cutting class only succeeds in getting you the evil eyes. HAHA. I'm sorry. It's just so funny. I don't even know you but I'm getting you into trouble. Lol. Cya.

**Meezardra:** Stop making you cry? I have no intention of making you cry when I write this! Believe me I don't sit there thinking 'hmm, now how can I make this thoughroughly depressing?' lol. And you're gonna have to wait and see what happens. P

**Queen Isa:** Thank you thank you. Lol, so many questions! I'm going crazy. I can tell you one thing…Steve will pop up again in upcoming chapters and with a very _very_ big twist. What that twist is, I'm not gonna say, but it will be the –how can I put it? – catalyst for a whole stack of other things.

**Leentje:** Again with the sadness, damn you'd think that you people think I like to make people cry. Lol. I swear I don't. Yeah it does seem that every male abandons Rachel huh. They come running from all angles and then disappear. But yes, be patient. Calm and deep breaths. Lol.

**Victoria87**: Hello! I think it was more that you got hooked rather than me keeping you interested. Lol. You wanna know where I get the music? I pretty much look up bands that I know, and ones who I know always have good lyrics. Then I pretty much search related bands, singers etc. I'm the _hugest_ fan of (just to give em a plug.lol) They have pretty much all the music you could want. But seriously, it's hard work. I spend hours looking up albums and singles and everything I can think of to try and find the words that are perfect, and sometimes I get it right, sometimes I get it _way_ wrong. Yeah, Rachel knows what she's talking about you have to give her that. I think her identifying Trey in Ryan was also a way of her actually trying to convince him that he was doing something stupid. Ryan and Trey don't have the greatest relationship and Ryan isn't blind when it comes to knowing that Trey, in some respects, ain't a good guy. Thank you for thinking I stay true to the character. Believe me, it's harder than it looks. Especially writing dramatic scenes with Seth because let's face it, he's an idiot. A goofy, witty, idiot. Lol. Yes, Rachel is pretty dependent on other people, but I think at the same time she is also very independent. Obviously lately she's been thrown into situations where I think any of us would freak out with. I mean, she lost her 'father' (Sandy), her boyfriend, her brother and she also found out that her real father actually exists. Her life is like a soap opera. I think that if she was able to gain independence through something positive than that would do her good. Rachel does need help, of course she does. Cutting is the universal symbol for 'I need help'. And what is so sad about it though is that she knows that she has to be strong on the outside because that's who she's always been. She might be dying inside but in her mind people aren't allowed to see that, mostly because it's not who she has made herself out to be. I don't think Seth was surprised when he found out because to be honest, I think he knew that she never really got better. I think she's still hanging onto this hope that Seth will come back and that her and Ryan will sort things out. Hmm…interesting question….who would I cast as Rachel? To tell you the truth I have no idea. Certainly no famous actors that I can think of. Her appearance is based on a girl at my school but her personality is a mixture of a lot of people that I know. It would have to be someone who I thought could really stay true to her, because speaking truthfully, she is a _real_ character and person – or people. Thanks for the review!


	13. The Neverending

**THE NEVER ENDING**

_I know I'm not deserving of your trust from you right now  
__But if by chance you change your mind  
__You know I will not let you down  
__Cos we were the special two and will be again_

_-The Special Two  
__-Missy Higgins_

Sandy walked down the quiet street not too far from the beach drinking his coffee and gazing up at the sky. He was heading back to his office after a short lunch break but felt at that moment like the time he had rested had stretched on for an eternity. He let out a long sigh before allowing his eyes to wonder to the end of the sidewalk where he saw a welcome face walking in his direction.

Rachel's eyes were downcast as she kicked a small stone along the path as she walked. She wore casual clothes and a backpack was slung over her shoulder. Sandy smiled at the sight having not seen the young Atwood in quite some time now. He wondered briefly if she and Seth had sat down for a good talk yet, but something about the item he carried in his jacket pocket told him otherwise.

"Rachel," Sandy began causing her to look up at the voice. "Hello."

"Oh, hey Sandy," she answered with a small smile.

They both stopped a few feet from each other not quite knowing what to say to fill in a the silence which swept over them.

"How are you?" Sandy asked concerned.

Rachel shrugged slightly. "I'm good."

Sandy let out a chuckle at her response. "Now answer with a little _less_ lying."

Rachel looked at him for a time wondering why it was that she had not hidden her true feelings from Sandy. Usually she would have used her finely tuned mask to ensure that no one knew she wasn't speaking the truth to them. But this time…

"I'm okay," she replied.

"A little _less_…"

Rachel gazed up to the sky for a time before letting out a long breath. "I'm _crap_, alright?" She finally answered. "You left, my brother is off on some hero adventure and my boyfriend dumped me." She stood silently for a time. "I'm _great_."

"I'm _sorry_ Rachel," Sandy replied causing her to close her eyes and look back down to the ground.

Rachel ran her hand through her short locks. "I don't want to do this Sandy."

"I know the feeling," he replied causing a slight twinkle to appear in Rachel's eyes.

"How's the house?" She asked.

Sandy nodded as he spoke. "It's nice," he replied. "A little large for just two people but I can't really complain."

_Sure you can,_ Rachel thought. _You've got every right too._

"I spoke to Ryan the other day," He continued.

Rachel was snapped out of her train of thought quickly by the comment. "Yeah?" She asked though her voice was uninterested.

"He said he's doing good," Sandy continued. "But he looked warn out."

Rachel let out a sigh. "I wouldn't know."

Sandy watched her for a moment as though trying to read her thoughts but this time Rachel's shield was up with a powerful force. "Yes, he mentioned you two haven't been in touch for a while. He also said a few words were exchanged before he left."

Rachel almost laughed then but managed to compose herself. "You could call it that."

Sandy smiled at her placing a calm hand on Rachel's shoulder. "I'd better be going," he said. "But Seth asked me to give you this if I happened to run into you." Sandy handed over what looked like a black business envelope. "Would you like me to pass on a message?"

Rachel stared at the object in her hands before looking up at Sandy for a moment. "No…" she whispered.

Sandy nodded after a time and smiled again. "It was nice seeing you again." And with that he walked off.

Rachel watched him go for a moment before she looked down at the envelope in her hands. Beginning to continue walking she tore open the seel and paused. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know what was inside. She didn't know if she could live with messages but no actual contact with Seth.

Taking in a long breath Rachel shook her head and reached inside the envelope. What she pulled out was something that she had not expected. It was a comic book.

Handmade in black and white ink the front cover was an intricate design of crisscrossing lines and patterns. Rachel stared at it for a moment, something about the image forcing her to not look away. Within only moments she realised why. Within the pattern, carefully and skilfully placed were letters, words.

_The Adventures of Seth Cohen and Rachel Atwood_

Rachel felt the breath catch in her throat for a long moment before she was able to will herself to open the book. Inside, upon every page was a story all in its own. Pictures of characters who were so familiar to Rachel appeared before her eyes, speaking words far greater than any which were written upon the page.

She knew those moments. They were each a time in her past, which she had shared with Seth. Some were significant, others, just simple conversations, or moments of total silence. But they all had one thing in common. They had all been times of complete happiness.

Rachel continued to flip through the book forcing back the array of emotions, which threatened to overwhelm her at any moment. By the time she had reached the end she looked up to realise she was at her destination. Moving forward to the final page five simple words sitting scrawled upon the paper struck Rachel so hard that she thought she would physically collapse.

_Why can't we go back?_

She stared at them for a long moment feeling everything she wished she didn't have too. Feeling complete emptiness and confusion and hate and love. But within only moments Rachel found her eyes trailing along the side of the building and coming to rest upon a rubbish bin sitting not too far away from her.

* * *

Kirsten sipped her coffee as she sat with Seth in a small café not too far from her work. Every so often she would flick her gaze over to him and watch as he played with the straw for his milkshake. She realised that he hadn't payed any form of attention to the actual drink, something which was unusual for a young man who would take any excuse possible to eat. 

"So, how was your day?" Kirsten asked her son pulling him out of his dream world.

Seth shrugged slightly. "Pretty uneventful," he answered.

Kirsten nodded her head and let out a sigh. "Look, Seth…" she began.

"Don't mum," Seth replied. "Excuses are reserved for lawyers, thieves and that freaky Canadian guy down at the Crab Shack who can never think of a reason why there's a hair in your plate."

"He said it was part of the crab," Kirsten stated quite amused.

Seth looked up at her with a smile. "A crab with an afro," he replied. "I'd pay good money to see that one."

Kirsten laughed at his comment realising how much she had missed Seth's humour in her daily life. But her thoughts were cut short when out of the corner of her eye she saw someone she hadn't laid eyes on for almost two weeks. Sandy.

"Seth, there you are," he said as he approached the table. "I've been looking everywhere for…" Sandy's eyes fell on his wife as she sat across from their son staring up at him. "Kirsten," he said.

"Sandy," she replied.

"On that note," Seth began, standing from the table. "I'll be taking my not-so-smooth strawberry smoothie and leaving you two fine people."

There was a short pause before anyone spoke.

"Hang on a second," Kirsten said. "What are you doing?"

"Something that should have been done a long time ago," Seth replied. He placed his hands on Sandy's shoulders and pushed him into his vacant spot. "Now you two are going to sit here…" He beckoned a waitress over. "Order yourselves some lunch…" He pulled out a small bundle of money and placed it on the table. "And sort this whole thing out." With that Seth turned and left.

* * *

Tension racked Rachel's body, mixtures of pain, confusion and anger seeped through her veins and seemed to find no end. At moments she felt overwhelmed, sometimes to the point where she literally had to close her eyes, breathe and simply be. 

But this very moment was so much different for she was not aware of what it was she was exactly feeling. Everything was spinning within Rachel's mind, so uncontrollably fast and violently that it was as though she felt nothing and everything all at the same time. So to simply try and feel something she did the one thing she knew could truly release her emotions.

Rachel slammed the punching bag again, ravelling in the feeling she received from unleashing the caged emotions within herself. The room where she stood was placed in a private studio adjoining a basketball stadium, which Luke had introduced her to. She had always wondered just how long it would be until the true fighter within came out. Rachel knew that it was in her nature to be drawn here. Being raised in Chino, amongst gangs and warfare had effected her mind on levels she was not aware of.

Striking out again Rachel watched as the bag swayed violently and barely flinched when a young man in his early twenties with a shaved her and toned muscles took a hold of it to stop the movement. She took so little notice of him that she almost missed the slight smile upon his face as he braced himself against the bag.

"Anyone ever told you, you've got a nice swing on ya?" He asked playfully, with a wide grin on his face.

Rachel simply stared at him before stepping in and delivering a mind blowing right cross sending a jolt through his body. "Just the people I've hit," she answered.

The newcomer laughed openly at her bluntness and Rachel tried desperately not to let on her uneasiness around him as he took a drink.

"Haven't seen you 'round here before," he continued. "You new in town?"

Rachel threw her belongings into her bag quickly before slipping it over her shoulder. "I wish."

Watching as she began to walk toward the exit the man smiled slyly. "Funny, cos my man Steve said ya were."

Rachel stopped dead in her tracks feeling her heart rate increase at his words. Before she had the chance to react he was upon her, gathering the front of her singlet top in his fist and slamming her against a nearby wall.

Rachel cringed slightly from the painful impact as her head rocked back and cracked against the wall. But instead of struggling, she stood there, never letting her gaze leave the mans eyes. His fist was pressing so hard into her collarbone that she could practically feel the bruises being created along her flesh.

"Ya learn those moves from your bro?" The man asked pushing her deeper into the wall.

"Who the hell are you?" Rachel managed.

"Tony's the name girl and I'm just – let's say – a pal of ol' Steve's."

Rachel moved slightly trying to ease the pain that he was creating against her chest. Looking around she cursed inwardly at the absence of people around them. The studio was empty.

"What do you want?" Rachel demanded.

Tony frowned deeply at her. "Yo, listen up, I'm the one that asks the question's girl," he stated. "Where's your bro?" The words made Rachel physically try and rid herself of the man. "Hit a nerve in that pretty lil' head of yours?"

"Touch him and I swear to God I'll kill you," Rachel exclaimed not being too sure where she was getting the confidence to threaten a man who had the upper hand over her.

But Tony only laughed at her before pulling his fist back and slamming it into her jaw. The impact combined with the sudden release of her clothing caused Rachel's head to spin and sent her body crashing to the floor. Vision going black for a time she struggled to get to her knees but Tony was quick to drop down to her level.

"One sucker punch and ya down?" He questioned. "Try to kill me bitch, just try."

Rachel's eyes ticked down to his boots for a fraction of a second and in the moment that she realised what was coming was unable to move fast enough. Tony swung his shoe into her rib with a powerful crack knocking the breath from Rachel completely.

He stared down at her for a moment before taking hold of Rachel's wrist. She yanked her hand away not wanting to give him an opportunity to cause any more damage. But what she didn't notice was the snapping of the bracelet as it broke from her wrist.

"It'll be down below," Tony said, pocketing the trinket before turning and exiting.

Rachel struggled to force herself into a sitting position, her back supported by the wall. Her breathing came in short, uneven gasps as she tried to slow her heart but also work through the blinding pain which consumed her body. Her lip cut and bleeding, jaw throbbing violently and ribs grinding, Rachel sat there staring blankly at the opposite wall.

Eventually after a few long minutes she climbed to her feet, stopping suddenly when the her head swam and the room blurred.

"Dammit," Rachel whispered as she reached for her cell-phone, punching in the only persons number that she thought would not be so tied up in their own world that they couldn't help her.

When the line clicked over a familiar voice spoke. "Hey Rach, how are you?"

Rachel forced her voice not to crack. "Hey Luke, um…I've been better."

"Is everything okay?" Luke asked with a concerned voice.

Rachel cringed as a pain shot through her centre. "Not really. Could you come and get me?"

"Sure thing, I'm on my way."

The moment that the phone disconnected Rachel slid back down the wall and fell to the floor with a small cry.

* * *

"We have to tell Sandy and Kirsten about this," Luke insisted sitting beside Rachel on the sofa in his lounge. 

Rachel's eyes went wide. "No," she insisted hissing slightly as he placed an icepack lightly on her jaw. "They've got enough on their minds right now." She smiled slightly at his younger siblings who ran playfully through the room jumping about on the furniture.

Luke looked at them for a moment before taking a hold of Rachel's hand and guiding her upstairs. She knew his house well enough to know where they were going but she couldn't shake the feeling that the world was tilting slightly. Closing her eyes for a time Rachel felt herself sitting on Luke's bed before opening them again.

"Rach," Luke began. "This is getting crazy. First _Ryan _and now _this_." He looked at her with sad eyes. "How far does your father have to go before you realise what's happening?"

Rachel looked strongly at him. "He's _not_ my father."

"Then stop protecting him." Luke brushed his fingers lightly through Rachel's hair as he sat beside her. "Rach, I would _never_ go against you but you have to get where I'm coming from." He looked her up and down. "You can barely move. You don't know what that guy did to you."

Luke's concern touched Rachel but that didn't mean she was willing to give in. "I don't care," she replied.

Though deep down inside Rachel cared beyond anything she had before. What was happening around her was effecting her state of mind in more ways that she was letting on.

"Can you just take me home?" She asked.

Luke looked strongly at her for a moment before nodding his head.

* * *

Rachel let out a small sigh out of relief of finally being home before reaching to the top cupboard to search for a glass. But the moment her fingers wrapped around the cool object and bolt of pain rocketed through her centre and caused her to double over, bracing her hands on the counter-top. 

Cringing from the sheer agony that possessed her, Rachel made her way slowly to the stairs, one arm across her stomach in an attempt to dull the pain. The moment she reached them however, the injury became too much for her to handle and she collapsed in a sitting position on the third step.

Placing her forehead against her knees and both hands on her abdomen Rachel tried to breathe her way through the pain.

"Rach…?"

The voice nearly made Rachel jump in surprise, but it also made her damn the fact that she could not get up and run. She wanted to escape. To hide forever until everything just melted away into nothing.

Seth came down the stairs and it was only when he neared Rachel that he saw she seemed to be in pain. "Are you okay?" He asked stupidly before frowning at the lack of answer he received. "Come on, we'll get you upstairs."

Rachel went to protest and in the process turned her face to her ex-lover. The shocked expression, which she was answered with, was enough to let her know that her slightly bruised jaw and cut lip were not going to be hidden easily.

"What happened?" Seth murmured in confusion.

Rachel immediately looked away but not before another wave of pain washed over her. Without another word she instantly felt herself being helped to her feet and guided up to the top of the stairs, her weight supported entirely by Seth.

Seth only let his hold on her waist go once they neared the bed, which they once shared, and Rachel sat down. This time however, she did not try and mask the pain she was in and let out a small cry as she leaned back against the headboard. Seth sat beside her as she shut her eyes and let out a shuddered breath.

"Rach," Seth began watching her hand cradle her side. "You're not…you know?"

Rachel gave him an unamused look. "Last I checked, being pregnant doesn't make you look beat up," she cringed.

Seth shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry, it's just you're holding your side and I thought maybe…I dunno…I just didn't want to…"

"Why are you even here Seth?" Rachel asked cutting him off and casting her eyes away. She couldn't bring herself to look at him.

Seth's mind ticked back to the words his father had spoke. _"Your mother and I have sorted through our problems and she wants us to move back in."_ Short and sweet, something Seth usually wouldn't have liked.

"I have my reasons," Seth replied gazing at her hurt face closely. "Can I…?" He moved his hand closer to hers and Rachel simply stared at him, not saying yes, but not denying him the right either.

Seth slowly brought his hand to the hem of her top and began pushing it up revealing a familiar tattoo on her hip as he did. Looking up to see Rachel clearly fighting against the urge to cry out in pain Seth continued to move the clothing before he finally revealed the bruised area on the left side of her ribcage.

Rachel let out a gasp of agony as Seth lightly touched the surrounding area with his fingertips. It occurred to her that maybe it was not that pain that caused to her react, but rather the simply touch of Seth's fingers on her flesh in such a caring and gentle manor.

"It might be fractured," Seth said seriously. "Does anyone else know about this?"

Rachel was a little reluctant to say at first. "Luke."

"We should get you to a hospital, they might be able to…"

"I'm not going back there," Rachel murmured causing Seth to stop short and look at her for a time. "I can't go back."

Seth looked at Rachel sadly knowing the pain within her eyes was not caused by her injury but rather the painful past in which she had had to endure. He placed a warming hand upon her own and she looked up to see him staring straight back into her eyes.

His fingertips brushed a lock of hair away from her face as he slowly moved closer. Seth didn't want to make any sudden moves, he simply wanted to be there for Rachel as she had been for him. He hoped that maybe in doing this, he might be able to start healing the scars between them.

But by this time he was so close that Rachel could feel his breath upon her face and her eyes flicked down to his lips momentarily. "Seth…" she whispered but was cut short when he pressed a finger lightly to her lips.

"Shh," he murmured before trailing an invisible line down her body to her stomach.

Rachel couldn't take her eyes off him, she felt of head begin to feel light and her stomach do a slight flip from his touch. But soon she found her eyes fluttering closed at the feeling of Seth's lips brushing against her own. She could feel his hand come to rest on the side of her face as he kissed her softly.

Seth wanted so badly to hold Rachel to him when he felt her respond. He wanted her more than ever but was so terrified of scaring her away again. He had no right to be taking control.

At that thought he pulled away slightly but Rachel stopped his movement. "Don't," she spoke softly not wanting him to leave her.

Seth looked deeply into Rachel's eyes before meeting her lips again. But suddenly Rachel pulled back with a hiss and he realised that he had touched the deep cut along her lower lip.

Seth gently ran his thumb over the injury as he spoke. "I'm sorry," he said knowing well enough that Rachel was aware that he was not only talking about hurting her physically.

Rachel looked at him for a time. "I know."

Seth looked at her sadly allowing his fingers to leave her lips and trace the effected area of her jaw. Rachel closed her eyes in an attempt to will away the pain but only succeeded in causing a small tear to well in the corner of her eye.

Everything hurt. Her ribs, her jaw, but most of all her heart. She was so confused and hurt by Tony's actions, no doubt under the instructions of Steve. Now Seth was with her again, sorry for what he has put her through. Nothing was making any sense.

Rachel looked over to Seth who was trailing his finger over the ring which he had given her what seemed like so long ago.

"Steve did this, didn't he?" Seth spoke as more of a statement than an actual question.

Rachel was silent for a time. "One of his guys."

Seth looked up at her. "And you're just gonna let him get away with it?" He questioned. "That's not the Rachel I know."

Rachel stared strongly at him. "Then you obviously don't know me like you think you do."

"When Ryan was hurt," Seth began. "You went insane. If people hadn't have been around at the party, you would have killed Steve, _literally_."

"That was because it was _Ryan_, Seth," Rachel stated angrily pulling her hand from him and brushing off his attempt to take it back. "Defending him was the whole reason why _this_ happened. God, I don't need this, not from you."

Rachel looked away from Seth trying to calm the anger and hurt which had built up inside of her. She was still hurting from what Seth had done, from how he had treated her. It was as though her feelings had meant nothing. No matter how hard she tried she just couldn't get him to see that all she wanted was for him to be happy. She didn't want him to have to start going through pain because she knew how hard it was to survive it.

"Rach…" Seth began an unfamiliar seriousness within his voice.

Rachel closed her eyes not wanting him to see the pain in her eyes. But Seth wasn't in the mood for games. He placed his hands on either side of her face and gently turned her eyes back to his. In an instant she had looked down and away from him again.

Seth frowned and ducked his head down so that Rachel had no choice but to look at him. He noticed how her breath came in short gasps and gently rested his head against the side of hers.

"Why are you scared?" He asked calmly.

Rachel sniffed slightly knowing that there was no way she would be able to lie to Seth and get away with it. "This isn't real," she whispered so softly that almost no sound escaped her lips.

Seth ran his fingers gently through her hair. "Why isn't it real?"

Rachel's voice caught in her throat slightly. "Because you're not meant to be here. You're not…"

"Shh," he murmured causing Rachel to close her eyes against the soothing sound of his voice. "Stop thinking about that."

Seth pulled away from Rachel then and looked into her tired eyes. He hadn't realised just how late it had become in the time that they had been sitting together.

"I didn't think I was that boring," he stated jokingly. "You look like you're gonna fall asleep right where you are."

Rachel couldn't help but let out a small laugh and smile at Seth's attempts to cheer her up. At the end of the day there was no mistaking his hate for the people he cared for being down on themselves.

"It's a smile!" He yelled pointing to her face. "Oh my God, it's alive!"

Rachel looked up at Seth for a short moment and saw him gazing at her with a look of content on his face. He gave her a lopsided grin and kissed her softly.

"You look tired," he stated kissing her again.

Rachel nodded slightly and sniffed. "Yeah…"

Seth watched Rachel for a moment wanting just to be able to look at her the way he once had. Things had become so hard without either of them truly realising it. It was impossible to say that both of them felt everything would go back to normal eventually because it did not feel that way at all. Even as they sat together now, their bodies so close, an evident barrier was between them. One which never seemed to want to go away.

* * *

Jimmy could see his daughter out of the corner of his eyes smiling widely at Summer who had just arrived. He had almost forgotten what it was like to see Marissa so happy. Times had been difficult of late and though as far as he was aware she was not still drowning her sorrows with alcohol, there were moments when the consequences of the last few years weighed down heavily upon her. 

He was glad to see Ryan supporting her, giving Marissa the comfort she needed and also the simple reassurance that everything would soon work itself out. But what Jimmy had become aware of was the almost stone-like personality that Ryan had adapted too. Jimmy knew that all he wanted to do was help, but he couldn't shake the feeling that maybe Ryan was only doing this to distract himself from the fact that he might also need some guidance.

"I just called Kirsten," Hailey said as she walked into the kitchen where Jimmy stood. "Still couldn't get any _real_ answers from her but apparently Seth and Sandy have moved back in."

Jimmy turned his attention to the woman beside him and let his thoughts slowly float away into the oblivion. "Yeah?" He asked. "That sounds promising."

Hailey shrugged. "I still feel pretty shocking for just leaving Rach like that. I could have at least spoken to her. I mean, come on, I left a note once she left. How childish is that?"

Jimmy smiled in a knowing manner. "We've all been there."

"I might go by there tomorrow, just to see how things are doing."

Jimmy stopped short at her comment and stared at Hailey for what seemed like an eternity. "You're not gonna hang around?" His voice was a mixture of surprise and disappointment.

"I don't think so," Hailey replied placing a kind hand on Jimmy's. "I might be able to do something for them, you know? I dunno what, but I can't just leave and never go back after what Kirsten and Sandy have done for me."

Jimmy narrowed his eyes slightly at Hailey before a grin came over his face. "Look at the responsible one," he said. "You're well on your way to becoming an adult."

Hailey smirked. "I might beat you to it," she exclaimed.

* * *

Seth could tell that she was trying to stay quiet even as Rachel's body tensed in pain. A shaky breath escaped her lips and a slight cringe ran through her. 

His worst fear was that she had some form of internal bleeding. That meant that the seconds which they were wasting now could be the difference between life and death.

"Rach," he whispered.

Rachel let out a muffled groan and squeezed her eyes shut. "Yeah?"

Seth moved over enough so that Rachel could lie on her back and gaze up at him, relieving some of the pain. But Seth didn't know what to say. How was he supposed to talk when the only way to mention his fear was going to lead to an argument about the consequences of her injury.

So instead Seth leaned over her and pressed his lips to Rachel's. She was quick to snake her finger through his hair and pull him closer, forgetting about the ache in her side until she moved part of his weight atop her. A cry escaped her throat and Seth reeled back in shock and fear.

Slowly he pushed her top up again, this time revealing a deep purple bruise upon her usually spotless flesh. He couldn't hide his concern any longer.

"We have to get you to a hospital," he insisted moving to sit her up.

"No," Rachel said recoiling away from his touch and letting out a gasp of pain as she did.

"Rach, you can barely move," Seth stated. "What if something's wrong?"

The concern in Seth's eyes touched Rachel's heart deeply but that peace was soon broken when a blinding force shot through her centre and she fell back against the pillows, tensing.

"That's it," Seth said placing an arm under her knees, one against her back and scooping Rachel off the bed.

Having never actually carried her before it was not until now that Seth was able to get a glimpse of just how light she was. It occurred to him that since he had first met her she had been of small build but somehow now her naturally slim body seemed so frail in his arms.

"Seth, no…" Rachel tried but her new position had her in even more pain than before and it took all her energy not to cry out.

Seth carried her swiftly through the house, all the while calling out to his parents in an urgent tone. The moment that Sandy and Kirsten appeared, their faces filled with worry and concern, Seth began to walk toward the door.

"We have to get her to a hospital, she's hurt," he insisted.

Sandy grabbed the keys to the Range Rover and it was only when they were out the door he started to ask questions. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Seth took the front seat leaving Sandy to drive and Kirsten to look after his girlfriend in the back.

"It was one of Steve's guys this morning," Rachel managed. "I didn't want you to worry about it.

It was only then that Kirsten noticed the slight mark along her jaw and immediately revealed the injury, which Rachel was clutching at her side. "Oh my God," she breathed in shock.

"What?" Sandy asked turning momentarily from the wheel. "Sweet Jesus he whispered.

"I didn't want to pull you guys into this," Rachel admitted squeezing Seth's hand as he twisted it toward her from the front seat. "I've put you through enough already."

Kirsten was shaking her head, looking almost crushed by Rachel's words. "Next time come straight to us, no matter how big the problem is," she stated. "You're part of this family Rachel and we look after our own."

Rachel cringed as Sandy flew over a speed bump and wished that Kirsten had not mentioned the word 'family'. The meaning of the word had never really been shown to Rachel through her relatives.

_No one but Ryan,_ she thought.

Breathing steadily and trying to push all thoughts of her absent brother from her mind Rachel's attention was soon focused on Seth's thumb caressing her wrist lightly. It amazed her that even though she felt like she was dying, somehow she knew the people sitting around her would always keep her safe.

* * *

Rachel sat cross-legged on the hospital bed, leaning her elbows on her knees and staring blankly at the sheets below her. Despite the protests of everyone she refused to lie down and relax, the tension in her body being too overwhelming. The pain-killers which she had taken had begun to work instantaneously and she felt as though she could run a marathon if she truly wanted too. 

But there was still something there, beneath the drugs which masked the pain. There was an ever present tightness in her side which refused to let her forget why it was that she was seated on a hospital bed to begin with.

Kirsten sat on a nearby chair and watched Seth with a sad smile as he perched himself on the bed beside Rachel and let his fingers run soothingly up and down her back as Sandy stood by the door waiting for a nurse.

Although Rachel had voiced her disapproval early on, the hospital had insisted on performing tests to determine the extent of the damage. It had taken what seemed like an eternity for the doctors to finally leave. She was thankful that they had taken their instruments too, finally allowing her the knowledge that the onslaught of examinations was over.

Rachel could still feel the coldness of the metal against her flesh, the sting of needles beneath her skin and the _beep_ of the x-rays as she lay upon the freezing table. The only thing she was grateful for was that they had used her right arm to draw blood. After all the cuts she had endured, Rachel wasn't sure if there would be any still present in her left.

Kirsten placed her hand atop Rachel's seeing in the young girls eyes that she was simply trying to will everything away. She knew how hard it must have been for Rachel to be where she was. Her last trips to hospital had consisted of the loss of her child and a heartbreaking injury to Seth. No doubt there had been countless other painful memories prior to that, but Kirsten didn't dare ask. She simply sat there watching as her son placed a light kiss on Rachel's head.

It was only in that moment that Kirsten realised just how special it was to have Rachel in her family. She had never truly been given the opportunity to be a part of the young Atwood's life in the detail which she wished she were. Though it hurt to think that she would never actually be the young girl's mother, Kirsten wouldn't dream of protesting the relationship she had developed with Seth in order to be able to adopt her. It was too powerful.

Suddenly a hurried doctor came bustling into the room catching all but Rachel's attention. "Are you the parents?" She asked Sandy and Kirsten.

Sandy looked hesitantly at Rachel who had flinched ever so slightly at the mention of her relations. "Guardians," he answered.

"I'm doctor Tatania," she replied. "I would like to have a word with you outside if I may."

Kirsten rose from her spot letting her hand fall away from the bed and joined the doctor and her husband in the doorway. They only stopped when Rachel spoke for the first time since they had arrived.

"There's nothing to hide," she said.

Tatania smiled warmly at Rachel. "It's procedure to talk with the parents of the patient _before_ the patient themselves."

Rachel flicked her gaze up to meet the doctors, holding her eyes for a moment. "They said it themselves, they're not my parents." Rachel words were strong but carried with them an obvious detail of not being rude. "They might be the closest thing to it in this room, but right now I'm the only one who shares my genes. I don't need to be protected and I don't need a sugar-coated version you've made up to make me feel better." Rachel felt Seth's hand come to rest on the small of her back tracing tiny circles there as she spoke. "What's wrong with me?"

Tatania let out a small sigh and looked down at the clipboard which she carried. "I am sorry Miss. Atwood, as much as I want to do as you wish, I have to follow procedure."

Rachel continued to hold her gaze for a moment feeling within herself a look of almost sadness wash over her face. She looked away from Tatania and after a moment heard both her, Sandy and Kirsten exit.

An instant silence swept over the room as Seth continued to caress Rachel's back. She closed her eyes against the feeling, willing her body to give in to his touch and calm, but nothing seemed to work.

"I know you didn't want this," Seth began quietly. "But you see, I'm kinda someone who doesn't listen all the time and it was kinda in my nature to go against what I was told." He let his free hand slide down Rachel sleave feeling her shiver slightly from his touch. "And I know that it's not a good excuse and you'll probably be thinking 'man that's lame' but I just wanted –"

"Thank you," Rachel cut in so quietly that Seth almost didn't hear her.

But he was quick to stop mid-rant and look at her strongly. "I'm sorry, what?"

She turned her face to look at him, only then realising just how close they were. "I said thank you," Rachel repeated looking down to Seth's chest, being almost afraid to meet his eyes.

"You're not mad?"

Rachel was silent for a time and when she finally spoke her voice was almost choked with emotion. "I've never been one to admit when I'm hurt, _especially_ if no one knows and _especially_ when it means that I can avoid winding up in a place like this." Rachel felt Seth shift slightly beside her. "I'm not saying I wasn't worried but…part of me thought that if I just left it and didn't…find out answers, then maybe it would just go away." She looked up to the ceiling then letting out a short breath. "God this probably sounds stupid."

Seth shook his head placing a hand on her forearm. "It doesn't."

Rachel looked into his eyes then forcing herself to mask the pain which she felt simply from him being near her. "You wanna know what I'm scared of?" When no reply came she continued. "_This_. Being _here_ and having to face up to the fact that I get hurt and that people I love get hurt. Hospitals just…they make me see _them_."

Seth frowned at her words. "Who?"

"The people I used to care about. The ones who were you and Luke and Summer and God-help-me even Marissa before there was you guys." Rachel took in a long breath. "They got hurt and sometimes they died and sometimes they left town for good. And _every_ time it was because they came to a place like this." She was shaking her head now trying to force back her tears. "I don't wanna leave and I don't…I _can't_ watch the people I care about go through what I had to because I know how painful it is." Rachel looked directly into Seth's eyes now. "It scares me to think you have too."

Seth sat quietly, not interrupting until the moment when he ceased Rachel's voice by pressing his lips to hers. "Stop worrying," he whispered brushing a lock of hair from her eyes. "I'm not."

Rachel let out a long sigh and leaned into his embrace, allowing her defences to lift and Seth to comfort her. But soon the serious moment was broken when Seth began to whisper in her ear the latest adventures of Captain Oats. For a time the dreaded thoughts were banished from Rachel's mind and she subjected herself to laughing and smiling at Seth's humour.

Part of the reason why Seth was speaking was not only to clear Rachel's mind however, it was also to clear his own. He had been so scared and helpless as she lay beside him fighting off the pain a feeling which he had only experienced once before. The first night he had witnessed what could only be described as the torture she put herself through when she felt there was no other way to handle things than to bleed out all the pain.

"Can we talk to Rachel alone please?"

The voice came from the doorway and both Seth and Rachel looked up to see Sandy staring at them, Kirsten not too far behind him. Seth went to move off the bed but Rachel was quick to stop him, taking a hold of this jacket.

"No," she voiced.

"Rachel, please just let us speak to you first," Kirsten tried.

Seth turned to Rachel calmly. "I'll be right outside," he said in a tone that resembled a seriousness, which was rare within him.

"I don't want you to go," Rachel whispered in an almost pleading voice, only then realising just how tightly she was clinging to his sleave. "Whatever they say will get to you anyway."

Seth looked up at his parents who gazed at each other for a moment before Sandy let out a sigh. Seth took that as permission and again positioned himself beside Rachel, his heart pounding so hard against his chest that he was sure she could hear it.

"Maybe we should call Ryan," Kirsten suggested breaking the tension which filled the air. "He of all people should be here right now."

"He's not answering," Rachel replied realising that with three simple words she had revealed her hidden attempt to contact her brother.

Sandy nodded and let out a long sigh. "Okay then." He took a step further into the room and looked directly at Rachel who looked directly back. "They've discovered some hairline fractures along your third rib." Sandy pointed to where they believed they were noting how Rachel stiffened slightly from the thought that he would touch her injury. "They're nothing too serious, are quite common and should heal by themselves."

"Fractures aren't this painful Sandy," Rachel whispered knowing within herself that he was not telling her everything.

Seth glanced over to Rachel who was still staring at his father. Her words struck a cord within him. Seth knew that Rachel had broken at least two bones – her right wrist and her left arm – but only after constant prodding for answers which she almost always refused to give. It didn't surprise him that she had failed to tell him everything as he knew that her injuries would have not come from simple accidents whilst playing in the backyard.

However, despite this, Seth still felt a small twinge of hurt that she had not opened up to him about other incidents. Though it seemed petty and almost selfish to want to know everything about her life, Seth couldn't help but feel that he would never know her true story.

Sandy reluctantly continued after a long pause. "There is evidence of some internal bleeding," he spoke calmly and in an instant Rachel felt Seth shift beside her. "Again, nothing too serious, however, it is important for you too look out for signs that it may have worsened."

"It's stopped now right? I mean, we don't have to worry about it?" Seth asked in a rush of words though he was trying desperately to remain calm.

"As far as they can tell," Sandy answered.

Seth looked from his father to his mother and then back again. "That's not good enough," he stated. "They should know."

Kirsten took a step forward then. "Seth, please. The doctors are doing the best that they can. If there was anything serious we needed to worry about they would have told us."

Seth went to speak again but he felt Rachel's hand brush against his and as he looked down at her he noticed her eyes were downcast. "Sorry," he whispered. "I'm done."

A long silence swept over the room them as Rachel took in a deep breath. "I'm not staying here tonight," she murmured.

"Rachel," Sandy began. "We have been advised that you should…"

"I'm not staying Sandy," Rachel said strongly locking her eyes with his before blinking slightly at her outburst. "I can't…"

Kirsten looked over at her husband who seemed to be having an internal debate about what he should do. She knew that he loved Rachel and that he wanted to go by her wishes. But he also had the ever-present feeling that he should take on the role of Rachel's father and tell her to remain in hospital for the night.

"Dad…" Seth tried knowing that Rachel wouldn't be able to bare spending any more time where they were.

But Rachel shook her head, knowing that she would never win the battle. "No, don't…I don't care." Her tone made it obvious that she was lying.

Sandy scratched his head. "I'll talk to the doctors," he said before leaving the room.

Seth took a hold of Rachel's hand and placed his head lightly against hers as Kirsten watched.

_Sandy's always been a softie_, Kirsten thought before a smile crept along her face from the sight of the pair before her.

* * *

The night dragged on and Ryan continued to walk along the sand watching as the ocean lulled against the shore. Something about this spot had always drawn him in. Maybe it was because of the scenery, maybe because of the location. Or maybe it was because he knew that this was the one spot you could always find Rachel when she wanted to break away from everything. 

Pausing for a moment Ryan took his cell-phone out of his pocket and stared down at the screen. _1 missed call_ flashed up at him though he knew he had no use for the information. He had heard his phone ringing, had checked the caller id…yet had left it. There something about his sisters name that refused to let him answer the call.

Ryan cancelled the message and the screen again returned to normal but not before he felt an undying regret for what he had done. He didn't know how he could have been so irresponsible. Ryan had always claimed to be the one who would take on the role of Rachel's guardian, despite knowing that Sandy and Kirsten had the more official parental status.

_Some guardian_, he thought to himself before gazing out to the ocean. _I won't even answer her calls_.

Ryan wanted to punch something, to let out his anger and confusion by any means necessary. He had never felt like this before. Like such a failure. Not even when he was a child growing up with a mother who never had any compliments for him, whom would never be happy with what he did. Not even then.

There was something about the thought of leaving Rachel out in the big, bad world again that frightened him. Though he knew that one day they would have to part ways, Ryan couldn't get rid of the feeling that when he wasn't there, he couldn't protect her.

The last times that they had been apart something always went terribly wrong. First Marsal almost two years ago, and most recently Kurt. Both of these men had taken it on as their responsibility to exploit and destroy Rachel's life. And although she had managed to fend well for herself Ryan had never been able to wash off the guilt that came with thinking that he could have done something to help. It was because of him that she had not been by his side to watch over.

Even watching her with Seth, someone who would always love her no matter what happened between them, Ryan was on alert. If anything her knew that he should be able to trust his friend, someone who had never shown any sign of ever turning into one of the people from Rachel's past. But still there were times when Ryan wanted to pull the two apart. Sometimes Ryan wished that he could lock Rachel away in a room just to ensure that no one would be able to harm her.

But now as he stood watching the waves he thought that maybe it was _he_ who had to be taken away from Rachel. Maybe it was _Ryan Atwood_ who was the very reason why everything had gone so horribly wrong in her life.

* * *

Pure exhaustion finally winning the long fought battle, Rachel collapsed onto the bed seeing the room spin slightly as she did. Her mind wouldn't shut off, however, and even as she felt Seth beside her, looking upon her face everything seemed amplified. 

Seth's soothing fingers were running through Rachel's hair, along the side of her face wanting to help her as she had done him. If anything they only made things worse and as she looked up at him through heavy eyelids it was as though he wasn't even there.

The main cause of her immense weariness was the lack of her brother. She didn't know where he was, no one did. After numerous calls made by Sandy to his cell as well as Marissa's house phone Rachel eventually walked out of the kitchen and up to her bedroom. At that moment she didn't want to admit that she was missing Ryan, though she couldn't lie to herself for much longer…

Rachel's mind flashed back to their final conversation in Chino before the incident which lead to Ryan moving to Orange County and the chain reaction ending at that very moment of her lying in bed with Seth.

It had been a frighteningly similar fight to the one, which they had in the pool house. The shock, the arguments, the insults, but most of all the hurt of having to think of life without Ryan by her side.

Rachel knew that watching him leave had terrified her, though she never openly admitted to it. Everything went wrong when Ryan wasn't around. Everything that formed the pain and vulnerability behind her eyes. It was because of Ryan's absence that it had been created. And Rachel blamed her self for the fact that he hadn't been there.

She looked over at Seth who seemed completely mesmerised by her, his eyes boring straight through to her soul. How could she not be to blame? Both times it was within her power to prevent Ryan from walking out that door and yet both times she hadn't. Why? Surely she had known the pain that would become a custom in her life without him protecting her.

But even this time, when given the chance Rachel had not taken it, trying to mask how truly terrified she was from losing him again. Life without Ryan was just this. Pain. Suffering. Hurt.

Seth noticed the sudden change in her eyes from exhaustion to helplessness and moved closer staring strongly at her. He saw the final glint of happiness vanish from her eyes and instantly pressed his lips to her replacing all the thoughts in her mind.

Rachel melted into Seth's embrace, willingly giving into the distraction despite wanting to tear herself away from him and run as far as her legs would carry her. Knowing this option was out of the question Rachel deepened the kiss substantially wanting Seth to make her feel anything other than what she was at that moment.

Noticing her move Seth pulled away and looked down at Rachel who had a questioning look on her face at his actions. He didn't want to hurt her and Seth knew that her injury needed time to heal before she could subject herself to the life she once had.

"Not tonight," he spoke quietly kissing her forehead causing Rachel to sigh at his cautiousness. "You should get some sleep, you look tired."

Rachel looked away from him feeling the small tears begin to burn behind her eyes. Everything at that moment came crashing down upon her. The long and enduring dispute between Sandy and Kirsten, the two people she wished so badly to be able to call her parents. The return of her father, a man who always promised so much but in reality could offer nothing of the sort. The death of Kurt, a reminder of what was, and the departure of Luke for a time, the reminder of what could have been. Marissa had been the hardest blow of all, to have to watch Ryan slowly break under then pressure of trying to save her.

All the people whom Rachel loved had been in pain for so long and all the while her emotions could never find a release because she was so convinced her problems meant nothing in comparison to others. And even now, as everything began to solve itself, Rachel was still feeling it. All of it.

Closing her eyes a single, much needed tear slipped down her cheek and within minutes more began to follow. Her defences were finally broken, she no longer had to be strong. She no longer had to be alone.

Feeling Seth's arms holding her tight Rachel began to cry openly. Part of her didn't know why. Everything was over, she didn't need to be scared any more. Yet she still pressed into Seth's embrace, wanting to feel the same comfort which she had wished for all along. Wanting to simply know that everything would be alright because there were people in her life who cared.

Now as they lay there, Rachel's every emotion being released, Seth hoped to God that this wouldn't always be her life. That maybe just once she could be in a world where she didn't have to fight off the feelings of being alone, of not being protected. He didn't want to think that he could fail her in such a way. That he couldn't be there for her like she was for him.

He looked down at her after a moment and watched her shaky fingers playing with the hem of his jacket as though trying to transfer some of the negative energy.

"You want to wear it?" Seth asked sitting up and removing the clothing.

Rachel glanced at the clothing which he was offering in his outstretched hand. "You'll get cold," she whispered.

Seth gazed at her for a time before smiling and moving his jacket closer. Rachel reluctantly took the piece from him and slipped it on, instantly feeling a comforting warmth surrounding her. She lay back down and felt Seth kiss the top of her head, something which had almost become a custom now.

But instead of falling asleep, they both simply lay there, minds awhirl with unspoken thoughts and emotions. It crossed Seth's mind on more than one occasion to ask the question which had been burning at his thoughts for some time now.

_Why did you take me back?_ He thought to himself. _I was a jerk and a half but…_

He took in a long breath shifting slightly in his position so he could curl Rachel's body closer to his own. Looking down Seth smiled at what he saw. The girl he loved soundly asleep in his arms.

_**TO BE CONTINUED****………**_

(Hey guys soooooo sorry for the long delay but I have been worked off my feet lately, its insane! Hope you like where I'm heading with the story. It's not too long until the end now but there are still a few twists in store. Please review)

**_I hope those of you who could checked out the Live8 concerts which were showing around the world this week. It's so important to get as many voices added to support these purposes as possible because it is so important thing that we make a stand! While you're on the net please check outthe site for the ONE campaign, and also the Live8Liveadd your name or send an email cos you might think there's nothing you can do but if we all come together we can make a difference!_  
**

_**Leentje:** Thanks again. Yeah I loved writing the Rachel/Seth and Marissa/Ryan scenes cos I was just trying to show exactly where the characters were at that point and how they were responding and feeling about everything that was going on._

_**Sleepinbeauty**: I'm back! Lol. I'm so so so sorry for the long wait with the chapter I felt so horrible. No more cutting class. Good. Lol. looking at it during class is ok. I don't doubt the pic of Eliza one bit. Lol. everyone has their own versions of Rachel. Thanks for liking the chapter. And yay for you understanding why I split everyone up! It is all character and plot development otherwise there is only so much you can do with them. Now you have your wish and Seth and Rachel are back together. Yay for the happy couple. Lol._

_**Kitotterkat**: Thanks for liking the chapter. I totally agree. Rachel is really taking on the mature look at everything whereas Seth has major tunnel vision. He's only seeing things from his point of view (egocentrism haha psychology is awesome even though 2 yr old have that). You have to feel sorry for the guy though, he really doesn't know how to deal and what to do so he's kinda just lashing out at everything and trying to solve things in the typical Seth Cohen way._

_**IY-ROX: **I will, I swear, I promise. That long gap between updates was a once off. I'm so sorry for the wait_

_**Meezardra**: Nice guess, yeh I'm 15. Lol. no one ever believes me when I say that. Haha. Seth kicking Luke's ass, that's interesting. Why do you think he should? Do you think Luke is moving in on Rachel a little bit too much? Yeah I have to admit there might be a couple more crying scenes, though because I've said that now they'll probably not make you cry lol. As for Caleb, he's always gonna be a jerk, especially with Rachel. It's just him. The show has made him all nice now but I really don't see him giving in any time soon. Yeah I try to be original, it keeps me interested lol. Thanks for your review and keep writing your story_

_**katwoman76** Ah, finally someone has actually noticed how amazingly impossible it is for Steve and Ryan to know each others faces. Don't worry it does actually explain itself eventually. It wasn't just a stupid mistake that I missed out on, there is a purpose._

_**Cohen101** Wow, you read all three stories. I must be doing something right. Lol. You love so much. Lol. and yeh it is sad about what had happened in this story but like I've said many times before you need to put the characters through stuff to help them grow and change and pretty much just to keep the story interesting. I've conveniently not put Caitlin in these stories just because no one really knows a lot about her character and it would be hard to right her in and find her a place. But don't worry Julie does pop up again in a little while, I haven't forgotten about her considering I think she's one of the best characters to right just because she's so outrageous. Haha, there you go I even wrote in a part that actually happened to you. Gotta say that's pretty damn creepy. Lol. Thank you for loving the story and I will definitely try to update quicker from now on._


	14. The Broken

**THE BROKEN**

_Forget about this trip you've been on or so it seems  
And never mind the lies that you told my tears  
Cos every little thing you said and every little thing you did  
It made me doubt all of this  
_

_It's Not Me  
__3 Doors Down _

Early the next morning Ryan walked into the Cooper home after spending the night down at the beach in an attempt to clear his mind and recollect his thoughts. However, despite hoping for some kind of miracle, nothing ceased the whirl of emotions which overpowered his mind.

"Hey," Marissa said from the top of the stairs. "Where did you go last night?" She walked down to meet Ryan as he stood looking up at her.

"Just out," he answered. "I had some stuff on my mind."

When Marissa reached the ground level she looked into Ryan's eyes with concern. "Do you want to tell me about it?" She asked hoping that he might open up to her.

Ryan screwed up his face slightly. "It's nothing."

In truth it _was _something but Ryan felt that he couldn't unload his problems on Marissa when it truth she was the cause of many of them. Though he didn't openly admit it, Ryan knew deep inside that the only reason why things were so difficult was because he had given in to Marissa's problems and made them his own.

"I made breakfast," Marissa said moving over to the kitchen. "Cold toast and eggs. You want some?"

Ryan forced a small smile before scratching his head. "Uh, yeah, sure," he answered.

Marissa busied herself behind the bench pulling out plates and crockery. "I didn't know when you'd be back so I left some aside for you," she commented bringing the pan of eggs and emptying a portion into Ryan's plate. "You know what Dad and Hailey are like when they see food. I was thinking twice about hiding it from view."

Marissa noticed how Ryan was quiet during most of the conversation. She looked up to see him staring down at the full plate of food. Something about his gaze let her know that he was paying little if any attention to her.

"And then a stork came and pecked out my eyeballs," Marissa ended. Still she received no reply.

Ryan felt Marissa place a hand against his cheek and turn his gaze to hers and for a long moment all that he did was stare. He didn't know what else to do. How could he hold a conversation when the thoughts in his mind deafened him? But in that moment Ryan realised something that he never had before. As he looked at Marissa he saw what could have only been vulnerability behind her eyes.

The more that he held her gaze the more he came to realise that it was something that would always be there. Ryan knew in that moment that there was nothing he could do, that there was _never_ anything he could have done to help her. Marissa was not his responsibility. Though he loved her with all his heart and wanted nothing more than to protect her, he realised that it was not his place. She had people to care for her. She had a family.

"Ryan?" She asked.

He frowned at her then noting the worry in her voice but not reacting to it the way he thought he would. Instead of feeling guilty at not telling her what was really on his mind, he felt relief. In the weeks which had passed in which he had been trying to help Marissa, she had never once shown any sign of concern towards how her condition was effecting others. This had to be a sign.

"Is everything okay?"

Ryan's mind flashed back to his final conversation with his sister. He remembered her anger and frustration towards him, her desperate pleas for him to stop being such a child and realise where his loyalties lie. He remembered the snap of her palm against his cheek.

He had abandoned her. Again. Leaving her with no one who truly understood her. Who could protect her. Ryan had become the person whom he always dreaded Rachel would become an acquaintance with. Someone who said that they would always be there and then one day turn around and not want anything to do with her. It sickened him.

_No,_ Ryan thought in his most honest moment in recent times.

"I'm gonna make it okay," he said before turning and walking out the door leaving Marissa behind.

* * *

Rachel stepped into the hallway that morning and literally felt her heart stop as at the sounds which drifted toward her from the kitchen. Seth's voice filled her ears but along with it came one which Rachel thought she would never hear again. Ryan.

"So how's Marissa doing man?" Seth asked casually.

There was a short pause which Rachel used to take a step closer to the kitchen door. "Yeah she's doing a lot better."

The moment Rachel appeared in the doorway Ryan immediately stopped talking and looked at her in an almost stunned fashion. Though part of Rachel was rolling her eyes at her brothers sudden appearance back in their lives, another part of her deep inside was utterly relieved. By the look she was getting from Seth she figured that the not-so-impressed side of her thoughts was being shown.

Seth took a quick look from Rachel to Ryan before slapping his palm against his forehead. "You know what? I've left some…uh…school stuff upstairs." He knocked his knuckles against the top of the counter for a moment. "Yeah, I'll be right back."

Without waiting for a reply he turned and began to walk out but not before he brushed his hand lightly against Rachel's as a sign of letting her know that he was there for her.

Rachel took one look at Ryan before she stepped fully into the kitchen and began to prepare her breakfast without showing even the slightest interest in Ryan and for a time he didn't seem to be effected…

"Can we talk?" He finally asked.

Rachel slammed the fridge door closed with a loud _thud_. "Some of us actually have school," she replied coldly.

Ryan was quick to answer. "I'm back now – school I mean. Marissa doesn't really need me much any more so I decided to go back." He waited for a reply, watching as Rachel made her beverage of choice. "You don't drink coffee."

Rachel almost fully ignored him. "I do a lot of things you don't think I do."

"Look Rach…"

"You know what Ryan, save it," she stated spinning around to face him head on. "I don't want your explanations and sure as hell don't want your fake attempt at being my brother."

Ryan stared at Rachel, shocked by her words but understanding them at the same time. "This isn't fake," he insisted.

"Just like Marissa was sick?" She threw back at him.

"That was different."

"Bullshit!" Rachel yelled her voice strong and resistant. "You straight out lied to me and it's not the first time."

Ryan let out a long sigh trying to figure out what he could possibly say that wouldn't end in Rachel getting even more upset. "I had to help her."

Rachel almost laughed at his comment. "Marissa has a family who care about her more than you _ever_ could. You didn't have to run off when _your_ family needed you the most and be the knight in shining armour."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here."

Rachel held Ryan's gaze for a long moment. "You're sorry?" A frown crept slowly across her features. "Sorry for what? Never being around after Sandy and Seth left? Or you're sorry because you weren't there three nights ago when Seth dragged me to the hospital because Steve thought it would be fun to get one of his guys to play _Kick The Rachel?"_

Ryan's heart sank at her words. His breath caught. His hands clenched into tight fists.

"What?" Rachel asked innocently. "Shocked? Surprised? Realising that while you were 'helping' Marissa I fractured two ribs and was bleeding internally?"

"Rach I…"

Rachel looked up at her brother then, allowing her eyes to lock with his and in that moment he understood. _Everything_. He knew why everything had happened the way that it did. Not only did he understand the tension but he understood the pain. He had left. He had made a choice, a bad choice and he now had to deal with the consequences.

"Rach, I'm sorry I don't know what else to say," Ryan pleaded.

Rachel watched him for a moment, her gaze cold and hard. "You're not sorry."

Ryan frown at his sister's blunt response. "Look, you don't…"

"Don't tell me I don't understand!"

"Then what do you want me to say?"

"Nothing Ryan," she answered, saying his name as though it were poison. "I don't want anything from you."

Ryan stood silent for a long while and simple watched his sister as she went about her business. So many thoughts ran through his mind, each one overlapping with the next. After a long moment he spoke.

"I care about you. I want to help you."

Rachel stopped moving and leaned her hands against the counter top. "Then where the hell were you when I actually needed you?" She turned slowly to face her brother. "If you care _so_ much then why is it that the only reason I feel like this is because of what _you've_ done?" Her tone was brutal and challenging.

Ryan froze at her words, the force colliding with him head on. He had no idea how to reply. He didn't want to disagree with her accusation because it would be a downright lie. But he also couldn't agree because that would be admitting to the unforgivable things he had done.

"I didn't mean…" he tried.

"God, spare me," Rachel cut in. "Marissa needed help. I get it. It's been drummed into my head for how long now?" When Ryan didn't reply she continued. "I'm so sick of having to pretend like you can walk in and make everything better." Rachel looked down to the floor. "Because this time you made everything so much worse. You lied to me and I can't forgive you for that."

She turned to leave but Ryan was quick to call her back. "Rachel will you just stop dammit?" He screamed at her. "You're the one screwing things up now." He waited for her to stop moving before he continued. "You think that _I_ lie? What the hell do you call what you do with Seth then, huh? You're supposed to love him but you've kept so much from him its not even funny. But he trusts you because he knows that he has no other choice."

Rachel wield around at the accusation. "What the hell gives you the right to say that you bastard? You don't know anything about that."

"That's bullshit," Ryan attacked finally giving up on the civilised approach. "He loves you Rachel!"

"This isn't about Seth, Ryan so stop trying to lay the blame on someone else. You left…_you._"

"You could have stopped me from walking out."

"I _tried_."

"You hit me!"

"You slammed me against a God-dammed wall you jerk." Rachel could feel her hands shaking as the adrenalin coursed through her body. "Even if I did try. Even if I set up a freakin _roadblock_ you still would have gone because you knew that Marissa meant more to you then this family."

Ryan fell silent and even as he saw Rachel fighting off the tears which burned at the back of her eyes he knew that she was right.

"So you can pretend that I'm making all this up and that you were right all along. You can do that. But don't you dare forget what your grand plot did to people that you're actually supposed to give a damn about."

Everything being said and done, Rachel turned, poured her now cold coffee down the sink and walk out of the room leaving a stunned and hurt Ryan in her wake.

* * *

Summer swung her legs back and forth underneath the cafeteria table where she sat with Seth. "So…" she began. "How are…things?"

Seth looked up at her and shrugged. "Things are good, I guess."

"Good." A silence fell over the pair before Summer spoke again. "You know I haven't spoken to Rachel in like…_ever_."

"Yeah," Seth answered. "She's been kinda preoccupied."

Summer screwed up her nose at his comment.

"What?"

Summer shrugged. "Preoccupied?."

"Rach is _fine_. She's just…dealing with stuff."

Summer chewed her bottom lip for a time. "Huh…" she sighed in thought.

It didn't take Seth long to realise that there was something he had missed. He was getting used to the signals which Summer sent off, sometimes without even meaning too. But there was no mistaking them.

"What?" He asked.

Summer shook her head. "Nothing."

"No you don't go 'huh' without there being _something_."

"Jeez paranoid much?"

"_Summer_."

The young beauty shrugged. "I dunno it's just weird you know?"

"No, I don't know, that's why I'm asking you."

Summer let out a long breath before leaning her elbows on the table. "Okay, just like say that she isn't totally fine right. How would you know?" Seth stared blankly at her. "See that, right there, that's what I mean."

"That makes the kind of sense that…not." But Seth knew exactly what she was talking about; he just wanted to see how much he could get her to tell him.

Summer glared at him. "Cohen, you totally know I'm making sense you're just being an ass."

Seth sighed. This was going to take a while.

* * *

Seth swivelled back and forth on his desk chair chewing on the end of his pen as he did. He tapped it against his front teeth before murmuring a quiet 'ow'.

"Don't hurt yourself," came a soft whisper from behind him

Seth could feel warm breath against his neck and a slight shiver ran down his spine. But before he could react Rachel was in front of him, sitting casually upon the desk. She looked at him, her eyes saying something Seth couldn't quite read. But he knew it was there.

Reaching out, she took the pen from between Seth's teeth and tossed it onto the pile of paper sprawled out beside her, crossing her legs almost seductively.

"I kinda…need that to…do homework," Seth managed with a little less confidence than usual.

Rachel titled her head slightly. "_Homework_?"

Seth smiled sheepishly forcing his eyes away from her legs, which were moderately exposed from beneath the skirt she was wearing. He gulped slightly when she continued to stare at him. But again he saw that sign behind her eyes. That lack of happiness. An almost need to be understood.

Rachel only smiled before moving off the desk and pushing Seth against the back of his chair. "Screw homework," she murmured straddling his waist and looking into his eyes.

Normally Seth wouldn't have had a problem with her actions. _The girl I love is practically throwing herself on me, _he thought. But a voice in the back of Seth's mind was still screaming at him to make her stop. Something wasn't right about what she was doing. He could tell. He knew her too well. But the way she was looking at him…

Seth soon found himself ignoring his instincts and giving in to her breathtaking kiss. His hands wondered down her back, brushing against her side and hips but he pulled up short when he heard her take in a sharp, painful breath.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned.

Rachel shook her head and was quick to answer. "Nothing," before capturing his lips again.

"You're still hurt," Seth began. "Why are you doing this if you're still…?"

"Seth, just shut up," she whispered entangling her fingers in his hair.

Seth pulled away. "Rach, what's gotten into you?" He couldn't hide his suspicion any longer.

"Nothing yet," she murmured almost huskily into his ear.

Seth felt his hands grip her hips a little tighter but was quick to shake off the feeling and frowned. "Okay, time to stop." He stood, lifting her with him and dropped her lightly onto the bed before staring down at her. "You sound like a royal dumbass for saying this Seth," he rambled. "But Rach, we can't do this."

Rachel stared back at Seth in total shock and soon found herself sitting up. "Fine," she stated going to get off the bed.

However, Seth wasn't finished. "No, wait," he said taking a hold of her wrist.

"Don't touch me," Rachel hissed but was cut short when Seth kissed her forcefully knowing that it would stop her in her tracks faster than any words ever could.

She pulled back with a gasp moving away from him and Seth let out a long breath before grabbing her and practically throwing her onto the bed. "I really hate doing this," he said dodging the blows that Rachel aimed at him. "Mostly because I'm putting my safety at risk." Again he dodged a hit. "But…" Finally giving up Seth leapt on top of her pinning her arms down to the mattress. "Superman Cohen has to do what he has to do." Seth paused for a time. "Don't do all this to get my attention. Just tell me what's wrong."

Rachel looked up at Seth, her expression one of pure hatred and spoke in a sarcastic tone. "You know, for someone who was turning down sex a minute ago you're not really doing too well."

Seth looked down at her before he finally registered the position they were in. He slowly let go of her wrists and rested his elbows on either side of her. He simply gazed at Rachel as she layed pinned beneath him before letting out a breath.

"Are you cutting again?" he asked quietly. "The first time you did, _this_ happened."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Sorry baby but that wasn't my first. _You _weren't my first in any aspect."

"See, this is what I mean!" Seth exclaimed. "You're not acting like you and I know something's wrong and I don't understand why you just won't tell me." Seth looked at her expectantly. "Rach I might look stupid but I'm…well stupid – but not _always_."

Rachel remained silent for a time. "Get off me Seth."

Seth rested his forehead against her collarbone and let out a long sigh. "Rach…"

"Look," Rachel finally said. "You're either gonna go against what you said before and take advantage of the position you're in or you're gonna minimise your chances of getting hit by _getting off me_."

Seth reluctantly shifted his weight and Rachel sat up practically pushing him away before he pressed his lips to hers. She was quick to break away and stare at him, his eyes showing confusion.

"Get it somewhere else," she said, her voice cold. "You blew your chance."

* * *

Rachel walked through the streets later that evening as the sun began to slip below the horizon. She wasn't really sure where she was going, just that she knew she had to get as far away from the Cohen house as possible. She didn't think she could face Seth, not after what she did, what she'd said. And Ryan…

She violently kicked a stone which lay unmoving on the ground and watched as it shot through the air before vanishing from sight. She didn't know how to get rid of the frustration which was building so quickly inside her. There was nothing anyone could say, nothing she could do.

And the pain, one that was so familiar to her that it was almost frightening, it just wouldn't go away. Rachel couldn't help but want to scream at Seth for his response to their earlier conversation; if you can call it that. All she wanted was for him to make her feel something that wasn't pain. It didn't have to be love, it didn't have to be happiness. It could have been anything and it would have made things a little better.

But another part of her was grateful that he had not taken things further. It wasn't what she had truly wanted and he could easily see that. Despite what anyone thought, he knew her incredibly well.

Rachel stopped walking when she stood before the front door of a house that was so familiar to her now that she wasn't consciously aware that she had even walked to it. Pressing the doorbell she waited, her eyes trailing over the roses which lay along the border of the front garden.

Suddenly the door swung open and a caring smile greeted her. "Hey Rach," Luke said before standing aside and silently inviting her in.

* * *

Ryan lay sprawled out on his bed staring blankly at the ceiling as though it could cave in at any moment. He wished it actually would. Maybe then he wouldn't have to deal with what was happening in his life. He wouldn't have to face the fact that he'd made a mistake. He'd let his guard down and he'd hurt the people he loved.

Ryan had been paying special attention to Kirsten and Sandy that night at dinner. As the family sat around the table, Rachel with her head down, Seth looking awkward and he, himself feeling extremely out of place, he'd noticed how his adopted parents seemed so comfortable.

Ryan was happy for them. After everything which they had been through over the past few months he felt that they deserved to finally find some happiness. They could finally find a way to forgive.

Sometimes he wished it was that simple with Rachel. Just switch a button and she would be herself again but he knew it wasn't going to happen that way. The relationship he had with his sister was far to different from Sandy and Kirsten's. they had been through so much more, surviving only because of each other.

_Until I left, _Ryan though. _Again. _

It had never escaped his mind that this was the second time which he had abandoned his sister. Ryan had walked out on her twice, and each time when he knew that she needed him the most.

He could remember the first time. He'd left late at night with Trey to steal the car. Walking into Rachel's room he had knelt beside her bed and simply watched her face as she slept, looking so peaceful. He knew that what he was about to do would be a lie to her. He would break a promise that he meant so much to keep. She didn't want him to go. Part of him didn't want to either.

When he'd realised that Dawn had taken her away he felt that she had given up. Rachel no longer needed him and so he left with Sandy to begin a new life. Little did Ryan know that in that moment he had destroyed his sisters childhood forever.

It had been a chance phone call to Theresa that had let him know that Rachel and his mother were back in their old house. To let him know that Rachel was there with his ex, in the same room at that moment, watching her face as Theresa handed her the phone.

The rest didn't matter now to Ryan and as he continued to stare at the ceiling he began to question whether his bringing Rachel to New Port was the right decision. She'd never complained about living in Chino. Never once let on that she wanted to leave her home and move on with her life. He questioned whether she was here because she wanted to be or because he had forced her to be.

* * *

Night fell upon the Cohen house and Seth wondered into the kitchen hoping to find some leftover dinner. As his feet dragged along the tiles he ruffled his wavy locks slightly and let out a tired groan. Letting his gaze travel to the window he listened to the lull of the conversation in the next room.

"You can't just be there in what you say," Jimmy spoke. "It has to be a physical thing too."

"Jimmy, there are other ways to ask for sex," Hailey answered.

A short pause followed in which Seth caught a glimpse of someone sitting on one of the poolside chairs. He watched as they remained unmoving for a time before finally leaning forward, head in hands and fingers tangled in their short blonde locks.

"You asked me why I thought things happened they way they did with Kirsten and Sandy," Jimmy replied. "I'm not talking about sex."

"It could have been a factor," Hailey suggested.

Part of Seth was shutting out the conversation now, not being too sure he wanted to know where it was headed. He'd had enough of things related to sex for one day. Especially when none of it was happy, fun stories about two people.

"I don't think it was a factor," Jimmy said though part of his tone was unconvinced. "When you try to verbalise things saying '_I'll be there for you'_ it just never seems to work."

"So you're saying that the reason things went bad was…"

"Because they could never get through to each other without words. Sometimes that is the best way to show that you care."

But by this time Seth's mind had wondered from the conversation and instead he opened the back door and stepped out into the cool night air. His eyes gazed across at the dark pool house showing that Ryan had gone called it a night and finally gone to bed.

Seth forced back the need to shiver and removed his jacket wrapping it securely around Rachel's bare shoulders. He sat beside her and took her into his arms, kissing her hair lightly as he did. Catching a glimpse of her closing her eyes in response he nuzzled her neck slightly, breathing in the strawberry scent of her hair.

Part of Seth wanted to lock Rachel and Ryan up in a room together and let them scream and yell until they were blue in the face. But he knew their problems couldn't be solved so easily. He knew that unlike him, Ryan had a duty when it came to Rachel, to not only be her brother but to also be her guardian. Sometimes Seth himself even found this hard to grasp, but he knew, somewhere deep inside, exactly what this meant for their relationship when the duty was broken.

Sitting there now watching the slight rise and fall of Rachel's chest Seth knew that he had to listen to Jimmy's words. Rachel wouldn't open up to him verbally, he knew that for a fact. Though there had been times he remembered, before he left where she had begun to show him a side of her he had never known, Seth knew his and Ryan's betrayal was the reason why she had yet again shut herself off.

Seth's thoughts were interrupted however when he felt light, delicate fingers entwining with his own. Slowly Rachel relaxed into his touch and allowed his finger to glide gently through the length of her soft hair. She sighed as Seth kissed the base of her neck.

Eventually she leaned back into her boyfriend knowing that he could feel the tremble of her body against his. Knowing that he hated that he couldn't stop it but honestly not caring. All she wanted was to feel something other than she was at that moment. She couldn't bare it. Her chest ached. Her mind spun. But there was nothing she could do. She couldn't get rid of the dread.

Seth tightened the hold he had around her waist. "Talk to me," he breathed trying anything he could think of to make her tell him what was wrong and how he could fix it. "Tell me what's going on."

Rachel turned her body slightly so that she could face her boyfriend and looked into his eyes. He stared back at her silently pleading for her to say something. _Anything_. But after a moment she simply leaned forward and buried her face in the crook of his neck wanting nothing more than for him to hold her.

"I can't," she replied to his question, her voice weak. "I don't know what to say."

Seth ran his finger through her hair. "Anything, I don't care." He looked at her gently. "What happened earlier?"

A long silence stretched around them. "I didn't want to feel it any more," Rachel whispered. "I couldn't…"

Seth gazed at her. "Feel what?"

Rachel shook her head and Seth let out a long breath. He watched the light of the moon as it danced upon the pools surface reflecting onto them and causing a glow to emit off Rachel's flesh. Feeling Rachel curl closer to his body Seth closed his eyes and kissed her head softly. He knew it was going to be a long fight.

From the darkness of the pool house Ryan watched his sister and his friend sitting by the water. He could feel his chest tighten at the thought that it was he who had made her act this way. He wanted to scream, to hit something and cause himself the very same pain that he had caused Rachel.

Ryan went to reach for the doorhandle before pulling back short as he noticed Rachel lift her head, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Seth let his fingers run over the side of her face before kissing her softly only strengthening Ryan's anger. He was supposed to be the person who cared for Rachel. He was the one she was meant to run to when she needed someone. But as he stood there watching Seth holding her he felt a brick at the pit of hit stomach. Maybe she didn't need him any more.

He spun around and stalked back into the darkness of the pool house, never once looking back and never once noticing Rachel's eyes flick toward the very spot he had been standing only minutes ago.

* * *

Ryan had been pacing for almost an hour now. Seth had walked in just to see how he was doing. To make sure everything was alright. Ryan had simply stared at him as he walked around the pool house making light-hearted jokes and commenting on the lack of new comics, which his friend had. He'd then settled himself down and pulled out the Playstation to take out some of his own frustration's on the animated characters.

Ryan had stood and watched him play for a while, his eyes fixed on the figures running around on the screen shooting fireballs and hurling axes at each other. But after a time not even that could distract him. Eventually he decided that he couldn't take the feeling any longer.

"I'm outta here," Ryan said picking up his jacket though he knew he had no intention on leaving the property.

Seth waved to his absently, transfixed by his game.

Ryan took one last look at him before dropping his jacket again and walking out of the pool house.

* * *

Ryan pushed open the door and as he stepped into the room was confronted with something that knocked the breath from his lungs. He froze to his spot, mind going blank for a time. The only thing that he could comprehend was the deep crimson blood trickling down her flesh and the glistening blade which lay in her lifeless hand.

Ryan remained unmoving and if not for the shallow rise and fall of her chest he wouldn't have known she was alive. She sat upon her bed, arms resting on her legs, eyes staring blankly at the deep, brutal cuts which lay along her wrists allowing the blood to drip onto her knees below. Dark red droplets stained her jeans and flesh.

Ryan stood frozen to his spot barely being able to breathe at the scene layed out before him. At that moment he wished he could die, wished he could run until his legs gave way and he collapsed to the ground.

Watching as Rachel remained still Ryan felt his legs begin to regain their motor skills and took an uneasy step forward before slowly following it with another. Cautiously he walked up to the bed and stood before Rachel. Again he watched her until the knife slipped from her hand and fell in an almost low motion to the floor.

Gently sitting down beside his little sister, Ryan couldn't find the words to speak to her. His mind was blank. The only thing he knew was the deep red which covered Rachel's arms. His eyes refused to leave them, even as he tried desperately to force his gaze away.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity words began to form on his lips, almost choked by the tears building behind his eyes. "I love you Rach," he whispered. "I care about so much that it hurts. I want to protect you. I want to be able to shield you from everything that might stop your chances of living out every day the way you should." Ryan paused then as he felt the first tear glide down his cheek and saw Rachel close her eyes against his words. "But the more I try, the more I think that I can't do it. And I realise I've failed you by not stopping this from happening." Ryan reached out and touched Rachel forearm. "I should have stopped it but I screwed up. I forgot to keep you strong. I just assumed that you could handle anything that was thrown at you. I thought you'd be okay but…" Again Ryan paused. "I'm so sorry."

With three simple words Ryan broke down Rachel's wall, something which she had been building her entire life. It crumple before his eyes bringing down everything which had ever been kept inside down with it. Years of agony and despair crashed down around them. Times of torture and pain. Of complete helplessness. Losing her brothers. Her past with Marsal. Her relationship with Kurt. Every emotion which was represented by the markings along Rachel's flesh. By the tattoo's upon her body. By the memories kept deep inside.

Tears steamed down Rachel's face, falling so fast that they soon began to drop onto her arms spreading the blood which lay there. She could feel her body collapsing under the emotions with no way of fighting them off. She just couldn't any more.

Ryan had never seen Rachel like this, so broken, so vulnerable. She watched as her body collapsed under the pressure and fell against his own as he encircled her in his arms feeling her shaking violently against him. Her blood stained his arms and her tears wet his shirt but in that moment Ryan knew that it was finally over. Everything which had represented the need to shut out her past was now gone. It was now that Rachel could finally fight the way she had always intended too but was never quite sure how.

She could now finally find some peace.

**_TO BE CONTINUED………_**

**(wow its definitely been a while and I apologise a million times over for that cos I know how much I hate it when I'm waiting for months for a story to be updated. But drama, drama, drama! I've been swamped with work, and school and I dislocated my knee, which made matters worse, and so it's taken me a _long_ time to get around to writing this chapter. But I made it extra long which I hope gets me kinda back into the good books :)**

**Please Review.)**

**Kitotterkat:** Thank you thank you. lol. It's good that you loved it. I liked bringing Seth and Rachel back together but no one ever said it would be smooth sailing. And yeah Ryan is being pretty extreme but you also have to remember that he is dealing with things as well. Just because he doesn't show it as much as other people doesn't mean it isn't there. And it's not so much that Marissa is more important it's that Ryan and Rachel have not had the old relationship they once did recently and so both their priorities have shifted slightly.

**Leentje**: Aw thanks heaps. It's great to know people enjoy this story so much. It's nice to know that Rachel is moving somewhere and don't worry, everything involving what's been happening with her and Ryan will be addressed. Only a couple more chapters to go now so everything will tie in and be resolved, no matter how dramatic it may seem.

**Meezardra:** Hey! Uh, yes I see you have caught onto Luke's feelings. I don't think that he'll never not have a little something of interest toward Rachel. Look back at the last story where he told her that he liked her and then see her reaction. That alone has obviously made him back off and look at things from a different angle. He doesn't want to screw up things with her and Seth so he does back off, but then at the same time he is also trying to build some type of relationship with her where he feels that it almost compensates for what he can never have with her.

**Dramatic Addiction:** Wow thanks so much. That's such a compliment that you think the story rocks. I don't mean to make people cry I swear! But I luv to write the heavy scenes and to play with the characters minds and actions a bit. It keeps it more interesting. Thanks for the review


	15. The Last Stand

_**THE LAST STAND**_

_Lonely times and lonely tears  
Will fade away when you disappear  
The time is right for me to stray  
I'm gonna find a better day  
_

_Better Days_  
_- Robbie Williams_

_Rachel walked into her room slamming the door shut behind her. She flung herself onto her bed and lay there; face buried in her pillow forcing back the tears, which threatened to claim her eyes. She wouldn't let him have the satisfaction of knowing that he'd made her cry. Not like last time._

_Hearing the door lightly squeak as it was opened again Rachel let her mind fly away from reality into a place where she couldn't be touched. Where she didn't have to confront the person whom she knew was now standing over her._

_But this world was shattered as she felt the bed shift and fingertips skim over the exposed flesh of her lower back. Jerking away she rolled onto her back and stared up blankly at the ceiling trying her best not to pay attention to her companion._

"_You can't stay mad at me forever," they whispered._

"_I can do whatever the hell I want," Rachel stated coldly._

_A soft laugh was all that she received in reply and she soon climbed off the bed and walked to the other side of the room resting her head against the cool glass of her window. It occurred to her that to run from this person would be impossible. You could never run from him._

"_Don't blame me for what happened."_

_Rachel had to consciously stop herself from lashing out at the glass before her, knowing full well that if AJ found out she had broken it there would be a lot worse consequences then those she would face if she confronted the person behind her._

"_You could have killed her," Rachel murmured in reply._

_He let out a long breath. "She would have killed herself before I got the chance." He walked up to her and ran his hands down Rachel's arms. "What's the big deal?"_

_Rachel spun around to face him, her eyes glaring daggers. "The big deal, _hot shot_ is that she was innocent." He only smirked at her comment. "She was just some girl who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time." Rachel paused and looked deep into his eyes. "She could have been me."_

_Eyebrows rising at her statement he simply smiled. "She could never be as hot as…"_

_But before he had the chance to finish his sentence Rachel punched him square in the face. "You just don't give a damn, do you? Everything is parties and guns and sex. You never once think about what other people feel."_

_Anger dominated his face then and before she could react Rachel found herself pinned against a nearby wall and looking straight into his serious eyes. But she never once flinched. She knew he would never hit her. She knew that was the one thing he didn't have in him to do._

"_I'm trying to be nice here girl," he spoke softly. _

_Rachel fought then, trying to push him away from her but only succeeded in having her arms pinned to the wall as well, his face dangerously close to hers. "You're an ass."_

_His eyes searched hers for a long time as if he was trying to find the key to her soul. "If I hadn't slammed her, she would've killed you," he said as though his words were a comfort. "And then me."_

"_I would have beaten her to it," Rachel snarled._

_His eyes narrowed at her comment before he pushed off her and stood before her with barely three feet between them. Reaching to the back of his belt he produced a small, silver gun which was not unfamiliar to Rachel. Her eyes flicked from it back to him and grew slightly wide when he held it out to her._

"_Go on," was all that he said. _

_When Rachel continued to simply stare at him he forced the gun into her hand roughly, watching as she took it against her will. He took a step back then, giving her some space and spread his arms wide._

"_Do it."_

_Rachel looked at him in shock and went to drop the gun before he grabbed her hand, forcing her to wrap her finger around the trigger. _

"_Do it!" He yelled._

_Hands shaking, she stared at the weapon in her hand before feeling him take a hold of her wrist and step closer, pressing his forehead against the end of the barrel and staring strongly at her._

"_Just do it!"_

_Rachel could feel her body trembling all over. Her finger lay hard against the trigger. One more millimetre and…_

"_Come on Babe, you know you want too."_

"_Kurt…"_

"_Just pulled the God damn trigger!"_

_His eyes bored into her, daring her to look away, to scream, to cry. Daring her to fulfil her threat and kill him. If there was nothing else in what she said he challenged her to at least make this part true._

"_Kurt…" Rachel could barely breathe. She could feel his finger pressing against the one she had on the trigger. "Please…"_

* * *

Rachel shot awake as though an explosion had erupted in her mind. She looked around feeling slightly disorientated before realising that she was alone in the room she and Seth shared. She was only barely aware of the faint sound of the shower running next door. 

The images of the gun played over and over in her mind. It hadn't been a dream. It had been reality. One, which she had almost forgotten existed, it was so long ago. The only things she recalled were Kurt's eyes as he stared almost defiantly at her. The feel of his hand wrapped around hers. The pressure of the trigger as…

"You're awake."

The voice startled Rachel and she jumped in shock before letting out a long breath. Seth walked up to the bed with only a towel wrapped around his waist and sat down beside her. His hair was damp, and droplets of water trickled down his chest as he tilted his head slightly, gazing at her.

"Did I scare you?"

Rachel closed her eyes for a moment. "Oh…" She shook her head. "Yeah…I just woke up."

She ran her fingers through her hair before noticing the raw cuts along her flesh. In all the feelings recalled by the dream she had completely forgotten about the night before. She'd sat there with the knife, tearing her skin open before…

_Ryan, _she thought staring at the wounds.

"Rach," Seth said softly before placing his hand lightly on her forearm, not wanting to hurt her. "Look at me." She reluctantly obeyed. "We're going to help you."

Rachel stared at him for a moment before giving a small, warm smile. She reached out a hand and ran it through Seth's hair, watching as it skimmed over his jaw before gliding down his chest. Her fingers traced the droplets of water, which scattered his flesh before she leaned in close.

"You already have," she whispered into his ear before kissing his cheek softly and rested her head in the crook of his neck. "I'm not asking for anything else."

Seth gazed at her, his eyes calming. "You don't have too."

* * *

"Ryan," Sandy said as he stepped into the pool house scanning the main room quickly. "You in here?"

Ryan stepped out from the bathroom running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to tame it slightly. "Yeah," he replied stepping down to meet Sandy. "What's up?"

Sandy offered him a seat. "Sit down," he said politely. "I was hoping we could have a talk."

Ryan looked at him suspiciously for a time before sitting down slowly, never letting his eyes leave Sandy's. "Is everything okay?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing."

Ryan didn't like the way Sandy was looking at him. He had seen it many times when the Cohen was addressing his son, and knew something Seth didn't think he did. There was something about that possibility that made Ryan just a little uneasy.

"I'm fine," Ryan answered cautiously.

"And Rachel?"

Ryan frowned. "Okay. Why are you asking me this?"

Sandy took in a deep breath and sat down in front of Ryan. "I have been talking to a friend in the police force," he began.

The statement alone made Ryan's heart sink. Ideas began to flood his mind of every possible thing which may have happened and that would need Sandy to get in contact with a cop.

"I was hoping I would be able to offer you something that might help…a little if anything."

Ryan stared at Sandy for a time as he felt his heart return to its normal speed.

_Okay, so no bad news_, he thought relieved.

"What kind of offer?" Ryan asked.

Sandy went quiet as though trying to determine how exactly he would present the information. "Having Steve arrested."

Ryan sat stunned for what seemed to him like hours. He simply remained there, barely moving, barely breathing as everything sunk in. He had the chance to finally get justice. To have Steve pay for all of the wrongs which he had committed and in turn all of the hurts which he had directed not only at Ryan, but at Rachel and Trey as well.

A sudden onset of emotions collapsed onto Ryan as he felt his whole life twist around and flash before his minds eye. Everything which had meant pain, suffering. Not knowing where his father was or when he would be coming home. Always wondering what Rachel's life would have been like if she just had the chance to see his face once. Wondering what there life would have been like if he was in it.

And then there was his appearance. After so many years of trials and triumphs without him anywhere in sight. It was then that Ryan had realised what his life would have been. It just would have had a different kind of disappointment in it. No wondering what his father was like. He would have been wishing he would change.

"You don't have to answer straight away," Sandy continued watching as Ryan took in the news. "But my friend and I have been having conversations and he knows that there is enough evidence, and motive to have Steve arrested and charged for what he has done." There was a long pause. "I know this must be hard for you Ryan, especially after everything which has happened in the past few months but I seriously want you to consider it. If not for you then for Rachel." Sandy let out a sigh. "Now you know that Kirsten and I will support you in any choice that you make. I want you to know that. You're a part of this family and we consider you to be our son but we also know that you've had another family and you still have connections with them. That's why we aren't deciding for you."

Ryan didn't look at Sandy when he asked. "How long will he be away for?"

Sandy scrunched up his nose. "Depending on the specific charges, anywhere from two to eight years."

Ryan nodded slowly. "How long do I have to tell you?"

"As long as you need," Sandy reassured. "But I suggest you don't take too long because the longer you take to decide the harder it will be to guarantee that Steve is still in Newport."

Ryan took in a few long breaths. "I'm gonna have to talk to Rachel."

Sandy nodded in reply. "Take your time with her. I know this is hard for both of you.

* * *

"Come on Coop hurry up!" Summer called from Marissa's lounge. "Do we have like all day…? No!"

Marissa came hurrying down the stairs then in a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. Summer only stared at her, one hand firmly on her hip and both eyebrows raised.

"What do you think you're doing?" She demanded.

Marissa smiled slightly. "I wasn't really planning on going shopping today."

"_What_!"

"I'm sorry Sum but there's something else I was hoping to take care of because it's really important."

Summer crossed her arms and huffed. "What could be more important than like _shopping_?"

Marissa looked down for a time having to bite her tongue and not say anything about Summer's shallow comment. She wasn't entirely sure wether or not she was comfortable telling her exactly what she had in mind for the day, but then again, she was her best friend.

"I was going over to the Cohen's," Marissa answered.

Summer rolled her eyes. "Ryan can totally wait."

Marissa shook her head. "No, not to see Ryan. I need to talk to Rachel."

It was then that a complete silence swept over the room and Summer's face showed utter shock. She knew that things had been rough between Marissa and Rachel for an extremely long time now. However, despite this, Summer also knew that if anything, Rachel needed to be given the time for her and Ryan to make up, and also to patch things up with Seth.

"Coop, sweetie, sit down," Summer said pointing to the sofa nearby. Marissa obeyed. "Now you know I love you and I would like totally support anything that you do but…"

"But…?"

"You can't go over to the Cohen's."

"Why not?"

Summer took in a breath and sat across from Marissa. "I know Rachel like _really _well now and I know Seth and…well…I don't really know Ryan but you get where I'm like going right?"

"Not really," Marissa answered.

"They all like need a breather, you know? A time out for a bit just to you know, get over everything." Summer thought for a moment. "If you want to jump back onto the friendship bandwagon give it like some time."

Marissa stared at Summer for a moment, knowing deep down that she was right but still not wanting to admit to it. She couldn't stand the thought that she and Rachel would never be friends again, not after how well they used to get along. And not after what she did to her and Ryan…

"Coop, things will totally get better. They just need time."

* * *

Rachel trudged down the stairs later that afternoon hoping that no one would notice her presence and she would be able to leave the house in peace. This thought was shattered however, when she spotted Ryan standing in the standing in the kitchen.

Quickening her pace, Rachel ducked into the hallway and was making her way to the door when she heard the inevitable…her name being called. Not wanting to face her brother Rachel ignored the attempt to get her attention.

"Rach…"

Ryan wrapped a strong hand around her arm to make Rachel stop in her tracks. The plan worked, however, the response he received was a small cry of pain and Rachel tearing her arm away.

"God dammit," she hissed through her teeth not looking up to see Ryan's face dawn with realisation.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to…" Ryan began but before he had the chance to finish Rachel had walked out the front door. "Where are you going?" he asked running after her again. "Rach wait!"

When he finally caught up to her, Ryan jumped in front of his sister preventing another escape. He looked at her closely as her eyes cast downward and looked to the ground between them.

Ryan wasn't really sure what to say. He knew he couldn't open the conversation with a simple 'we're gonna throw our father in jail', not after everything that had happened between them. After everything he'd done.

He knew that Rachel was uneasy having him back in her life, trying to be the brother he should have been, but Ryan knew that at the end of the day she really had no choice in the matter. Eventually Rachel would have to accept the fact that something had happened between them, and they had to work it out. That thought made Ryan halt for a moment.

_How do I know it's not me that has to move on? _He thought.

All along he had just assumed that it was Rachel who was in need of a good get-over-it talk, but in that second Ryan realised something that he hadn't considered before. What if it was _him_ that was making this so hard? What if, after all this, _he_ stopped their relationship from getting back to normal?

Reaching out slowly Ryan tilted Rachel's chin up so that her eyes were level with his. A long silence swept over the pair as they simply looked at each other, and yet didn't really see what was standing right before them.

"Why are you following me?" Rachel asked, her voice soft.

Ryan gazed closely at her, letting his hand fall away. "Why are you running away?"

"I'm not running," Rachel replied. "I'm _walking_."

Ryan let out a long sigh knowing that this wasn't going to be easy and blaming himself entirely for that. After what he'd witnessed the previous night, it was only natural that Rachel would want to pull away from him, even if she'd moved further than he ever thought possible.

"We need to talk," he finally stated.

Rachel looked up at her brother for a long moment as though tossing up her options. "I don't wanna talk," she replied.

"I wasn't giving you a choice." The sternness in Ryan's voice even surprised him and he noticed how Rachel took half a step back, away from him. "This is serious. I could make the decision myself but I thought maybe you'd want in on it too."

Rachel stared at her brother defiantly, not wanting to let on that he'd actually scared her slightly with the coldness of his reply.

"In on what?"

* * *

Rachel waited until Sandy and Kirsten seemed occupied with the policeman before she slipped through the side gate and hurried into the back garden hoping that she would find what she was looking for. Find what Steve had taken. It almost crossed her mind that neither Ryan nor Seth had noticed her departure until she heard faint footsteps behind her.

"Rach, what the hell are you doing?" Ryan demanded.

Rachel's eyes fell upon the basement trapdoor – just what she wanted. "He said it would be down here," she replied and with only a slight hesitation reached down and swung the unlocked door open.

"What's down there?" Ryan asked taking a hold of her wrist to stop her movement. "We have to get back Rach."

But Rachel wasn't hearing it. "I have to get it back," she whispered desperately.

"What?" Ryan inquired confused. "Get what back?"

Rachel paused for a moment squinting into the darkness of the room below the house. Before she knew what she was doing Rachel had thrown her legs over the edge of the opening and began to descend the stairs.

"Do you remember the bracelet Trey gave me for my 8th birthday?" She asked hearing Ryan following her down.

"Yeah, why?"

Rachel used her senses to navigate her way down the stairs. "The bastard took it at the gym," she said. "I was so knocked out of it I didn't realise until later."

"How do you know it's here?"

"_Ryan_," Rachel said harshly spinning to confront him. "I _know_."

Rachel turned back around and finally found her feet firmly planted on the ground. She could feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest and clenched her hands together slightly. But soon they were thrown into complete darkness when Ryan closed the trap door behind them.

Both of them stood completely still almost expecting to feel the first strike or hear a firearm go off. But nothing happened and as they stood frozen Rachel felt the darkness almost burning at her eyes as she strained to see anything.

Suddenly a blazing light illuminated overhead causing them both to shield their eyes and turn away.

"Found the light," Ryan said almost sheepishly as he tapped the switch with his finger.

As they looked around it came as no surprise that where they stood was a typical basement. Odds and ends stood upon tables and bundles of trinkets not needed for the house sat in piles beside the walls. Ryan allowed his eyes to wonder around the room constantly being braced to grab his sister and run if something were to go wrong. Above them they could hear the faint footsteps of the officer walking through the house and Ryan watched Rachel look up as though she could see through the ceiling.

"You couldn't have been more specific about where the bracelet was?" Ryan asked bluntly as his gaze travelled over the various objects.

Rachel remained silent however, and instead had her eyes cast a little way away to a box which lay open on the floor. Frowning slightly she walked over to the container and almost in slow motion lifted the first thing which she could reach. She felt her heart begin to beat wildly in her chest, the air her lungs begged for so hard to reach. For what she held in her hands was something which would change everything she had ever believed.

It was a picture of her.

She remembered the picture, she was barely ten years old when it was taken and Rachel recalled it as though it were yesterday. But something she also recalled was why the picture was so familiar to her. It was one that Ryan had kept sitting beside his bed back in Chino.

A realisation suddenly dawned on the young Atwood and she could feel her hands begin to shake as she knelt beside the box and began to sift through its contents. There were more photos, some of her, some of Ryan, even some of Trey. The more she looked at them the more she realised that each and every one of them she had seen before. She knew them all.

Then something caught her eye. About half way down the depth of the box Rachel saw what could have only been a letter. Sitting folded amongst the objects she picked it up and unfolded it feeling her throat tighten at the thought that what she was thinking might be true. Rachel froze when phrases began to flash before her eyes.

_I've left Chino and taken Rachel with me. I don't know when Trey is getting out. I can't deal with Ryan any more so he's gone to Orange County with a foster family. I know Ryan will never forgive me for taking Rachel but I don't care. We'll be back soon. Just after he gets out of town and gives up looking for us. So this is my last letter. _

Rachel knew the handwriting, she knew the language, and she knew the signed name all too well. _Dawn_. But there was something else. Something she had said. _This is my last letter…_

Rachel suddenly threw the box upside down sending the contents within crashing to the floor. Photo's scattered around her, ones from years gone by. And more letters. They floated to the ground almost in slow motion, taunting her before falling lifelessly to the floor. Frantically reading through them Rachel felt her dread rising.

_Ryan is five now and keeps asking where his father is. Trey is telling him stories, turning him against you. But he's showing him pictures. He gave him a few to keep. Ryan looks at them every day. Can't blame the bastard, what else is he going to do? I've decided not to tell Rachel anything when she starts asking. Neither will the boys._

And rising…

_Ryan's taken Rachel to Orange County with him. I dunno if she'll come back. Ungrateful bitch._

And rising…

_I know they're going to Vegas. I stole photo's Rachel had sent to Theresa of her and Ryan and the family they live with. Also got some details. Not much though._

"That bitch," Rachel whispered catching Ryan's attention.

"What?" He asked turning from the box of trinkets he was looking through and receiving no reply. "Rach, what is it?"

"She told him everything," Rachel managed sifting through the pictures and almost choking on the words when she found one of her and Seth. "Sent him photo's."

Ryan walked toward her then, slowly allowing his eyes to come to focus on the contents of the cardboard box. Though he felt an incredible build up of emotions at the revelation of what their mother had done, he couldn't help but almost not care. He had expected something to have been up from the moment he layed eyes on their father just over five months ago in Las Vegas.

Ryan recalled his feelings when he had seen Steve standing so close to Rachel, obviously knowing exactly who she was and yet still playing along with his little game. Pure hatred had racked Ryan's bones. Remembering all the stories that Trey had told him. Remembering all the things _Dawn_ had told him. And remembering the picture. The one thing which was his connection with his father. He would never forget that face.

Rachel shook her head in annoyance that she hadn't realised earlier what was going on. "They had it all worked out," she said without a hint of disbelief in her words. "What did they expect from this? We were never gonna go anywhere with him after what he did."

Ryan listened to Rachel's words, knowing that she was speaking from a place deep inside. "I guess they wanted to try."

Rachel laughed then, cold and bitter and stood from her spot, kicking the box as she did. "The sad thing is, it doesn't surprise me." She shook her head allowing her eyes to sweep across the room. "This whole thing was a lie. He never cared."

"I think he might have," Ryan spoke softly.

"What?"

"Maybe at the beginning he did." Ryan's words were spoken as though he were trying to convince himself and not Rachel. "It was only so long until he went back to how he used to be."

Rachel looked at him for a moment. "No," she said moving back slightly and turning to inspect a black curtain which hung in the corner of the room, cutting off a section from their view. "He had it all worked out. It's probably cos he wanted money that he came in the first place. Get some cash off the knew guardians before skipping town and…"

Speaking her last words Rachel pulled back the curtain with total frustration but in that moment was confronted with something that caused her to stumble backward in shock. Little did she know that Ryan had stepped closer by then and as soon as they touched his arms encircled her tightly.

Hanging before them was the cold, lifeless body of Steve Atwood.

Having succeeded in his suicide attempt, a rope strained around his neck and a toppled chair lay only a few feet away. His eyes were closed, arms and legs slack, skin a pale yellow from the lack of blood and oxygen travelling through his body.

Ryan couldn't pull his eyes away from the sight. There before him was something that he had wished all too often and yet now that he actually saw it, his mind went numb. Their father was dead and although in the most realistic of ways it would be a relief, there had always been a tiny part inside of Ryan that had wished one day Steve would finally be redeemed. Would be the father he should have been all along. Now those dreams were gone.

"Come on," Ryan said beginning to pull Rachel back toward the stairs.

She started to follow subconsciously before her eyes caught a glint of light sitting upon a small table beside the body. "It's there," she exclaimed trying to get back.

But Ryan wasn't going to give in. "We've gotta go Rach."

"No!" She cried trying to release his hold. "Don't let him take this from me. After everything that's happened, I can't lose this too."

The words were enough and soon Ryan's hold her loosened and she ran to collect the small silver bracelet never once looking directly at what was left of Steve Atwood. Pausing for the slightest moment Rachel immediately felt Ryan grab her arm and begin to guide them both into the daylight and away from the one they called their father forever.

* * *

Rachel sat in the cooling water of the bath her knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped securely around them and chin resting atop. Her soaked hair clung to her face and neck sending droplets of water trickling down her back.

Even as her eyes focused on her toes beneath the shallow surface the image of her fathers lifeless body refused to leave her mind. It had haunted her dreams the previous night adding to the seemingly endless nightmares which had plagued her of late.

There was a quiet knock on the door before Seth's voice was heard. "Rach," he said softly. "You okay in there?" when no reply came he pushed open the door, closing and locking it behind him. "Don't want you to drown in here."

But when his eyes fell on Rachel Seth noticed how she rested her forehead on her knees so her face was hidden from view. Mentally kicking himself for the lame attempt at a joke a sad smile came over his features before he walked to her side and kneeled beside the bath. Seth tucked pieces of fallen hair behind her ear allowing his fingers to trail down her spine until they reached the water.

A small sniff was heard in response but Seth made no move to speak. Instead he placed light kisses along Rachel's arm which shook ever so slightly from his presence. It had been one thing that Seth had never truly understood and that was his effect on her. Though Rachel was not aware of how simply having her close by drove Seth crazy, he was still puzzled by the reactions he always received when he touched her.

Slowly Rachel opened her eyes and only then realised just how tightly she had shut them. Letting out a small sigh she turned her face and leaned her cheek against her knee so she could gaze at Seth. But if he had noticed her move Seth did a good job of hiding it and occupied his attention instead to combing his fingers through her short hair.

After a moment however he finally met her eyes and held them. No words were spoken, they simply sat there gazing at each other as though the answers to every issue in the world could be solved within their eyes. Seth leaned forward, crossing his arms over the rim of the bath and resting his head upon them still watching Rachel with interested eyes.

Seeing the emotions behind their golden colours Seth sat up straight and pulled Rachel toward him, wrapping his arms around her and causing her own to go slack around her legs. She pressed deeply into him, freeing her arms and using them to hold onto the one, which he had running around her front. She tried anything to make herself feel that he would never let her go again.

Seth held her close feeling the coolness of her bare flesh and whispering into her ear. "You're cold."

"I don't mind," Rachel replied weakly.

Seth smiled at her comment. "You weren't born with super human insulation," he answered. "Although that would be so useful for when you're buying ice-cream and the only way to get it is to step into those freaky freezer things. By the time you get out you're so cold you don't need the ice-cream any more." After a long pause and some contemplation Seth spoke again, this time with more seriousness in his voice. "I don't wanna be blamed if you get sick."

Rachel groaned softly. "But you'd love to play doctor though."

"Naughty nurse is _so_ much hotter," Seth answered with amusement in his voice. "Stay if you want, it's not like the view isn't nice."

"That's so disturbing."

"Yeah I normally just think these things and not actually say them out loud," he answered.

Hearing Rachel let out a long sigh which was clearly not meant to insinuate that she was relaxing Seth pulled her closer to him, ignoring the fact that his shirt was now damp from her hair. Placing a kiss on top of her head, he allowed her to loosen more into his touch.

Seth knew Rachel would never open up to him about what she was feeling, not unless he asked and still then her answers would be in riddles. Sometimes Seth wished that he could unlock all the mysteries and secrets of her mind. He wanted to know it _all_. Everything about her life. The life that he had not been a part of.

Seth envied her and Ryan sometimes for the fact that at such young ages their lives were already full of such amazing stories. Their history was so adventurous, so dangerous and yet so compelling. Though he also knew that there was a great undying pain and burden attached which they would have to live with forever.

Thinking of this made Seth remember a time long ago when he and Rachel had first become friends. She had said in defence to his beliefs that it was _he_ who was the lucky one. If he was in her position he would be able to see that. She said that she envied _him_ because he had a home, a loving family, a solid future. Stories meant nothing in comparison. _Seth_ had everything she and Ryan wished _they _did.

* * *

Almost a week had past since Steve's body had been discovered. There were no condolences. No message of sorrow. It was as though the world didn't even realise that he was gone. As though it never mattered he was alive to begin with.

It mattered to Ryan though and as he sat alone in the library catching up on some missed studies he couldn't help but think of what it might have been like if Steve was the father he had always dreamed of. Would he still have left to go to Orange County or would they have stayed in Fresno like they'd hoped to all along? Would he and Trey have ever become involved in gangs? Would Rachel have then followed suit?

Ryan bit down hard on his pen and only looked up when he heard faint footsteps from behind him. He smiled when he saw Rachel, books in hand.

"Hey," he said turning to face her.

"Hi," she replied quietly. "Last minute homework?"

Ryan shrugged slightly trying to hide the fact that he could sense her uneasiness around him and hated it. "You can call it that." He gestured to the chair across from him with his pen. "You wanna sit down?"

"Oh…" she replied a little taken aback. "I was gonna…" Rachel looked back the way she had come. "Seth was gonna go over some chemistry stuff with me that kinda didn't happen last night."

Ryan looked at her for a moment before smiling as though to calm her nerves. "That's cool. You should go."

He went back to his work but soon found that Rachel had moved over and was now sitting opposite him. Pausing Ryan flicked his eyes to her and held her gaze for a moment waiting for her to react.

"Actually," she began. "I was wondering if…"

Ryan half smiled. "You need some help?"

The question was so simple and yet Rachel found herself flashing back to the one night he had walked into her room to find… "Um…yeah," she answered. "Seth as a tutor, not so great."

Ryan frowned slightly. "He's a smart guy."

"It's a getting sidetracked thing," Rachel answered.

Raising his eyebrows Ryan was quick to change the subject. "What do you need?" he asked leaning across the table.

Rachel was quiet for a time. "I can't get this formula to work," she said.

Ryan looked intently at the work on the page as Rachel gazed at him. It felt good to be able to ask him for help. To not have to pretend like he wasn't there and he wasn't a part of her life. To feel comfortable enough to treat him like a brother once again.

Ryan slowly nodded his head. "Yeah, okay, this is a stupid formula."

Rachel's eyes scanned his expression. "That doesn't help me."

Ryan looked up to see her smiling. The one thing which he had always loved and yet not been able to see for so long. Though he was well aware that she wasn't entirely comfortable with him yet, he knew now that there was nothing else which separated them.

"Luckily I can make it a not-so-stupid formula," he commented.

Rachel looked at her brother. "Meaning…?"

"I know how annoying it is the way your teacher thinks." Ryan flicked his eyes up to meet hers. "Come here, I'll show you."

Rachel held his gaze for a long moment, not being too sure what to say or how to react. But after a short pause she stood and walked over to Ryan, forcing her insecurities from her mind and letting him help her.

* * *

That night Kirsten stood in the kitchen checking on the timer for dinner. She poured herself a glass of wine before looking down at it, suddenly realising that she wasn't interested in the beverage any more. Sighing she swirled the liquid around in the glass and watched as it spilled onto the sides, never once going over the edge.

Seth walked into the room then whistling to some made up tune which Kirsten vaguely recalled fro his childhood. He stopped to give her a quick kiss on the cheek before taking the glass from her and downing it in a single swallow.

Kirsten looked at her son a little concerned with his actions. "Is everything okay?"

Seth nodded his head cringing at the taste which dominated his mouth. "Never better." He screwed up his nose. "God, how do you drink that stuff?"

"You're meant to take sips sweetie," Kirsten replied.

Seth only shook his head. "Nuh, this way works quicker."

"Seth," Kirsten began taking her sons arm and leading him into the lounge. "Sit down." The young Cohen did as he was told. "What's wrong?"

Seth was quiet for a time, he wasn't too sure how to put his issue into words. He didn't know if his brain was still functioning well enough for words to even be developed. Nevertheless he looked up at his mother and began to speak.

"It's girl issues," he stated. "You wouldn't understand."

Kirsten raised her eyebrows. "Seth, in case you're forgetting I was a teenage girl once."

"Yeah but it was _so _long ago."

"Watch it bucko."

Seth shook his head. "It's not the same."

Kirsten sighed. "Well who would you normally go to at a time like this?"

"Summer, maybe," Seth answered. "She somehow always manages to come to _me_ so there's the whole me-not-having-to-ask thing which isn't really happening here."

A silence swept over the room and Kirsten couldn't help but feel completely out of Seth's life at that moment. She knew that she hadn't been the mother she should have been in the last few months but she still loved Seth with all her heart. She wanted to be able to help him, no matter what. She wanted to try and be the parent she wished she always had been.

"It's Rach," Seth suddenly said pulling Kirsten from her thoughts.

She looked up at her son not having to say anything and instead simply sat and listened as he poured his heart out to her.

* * *

The shrill of the phone echoed through the pool house and Ryan had the sudden urge to tear it out of the wall and throw it across the room. Instead he stared at it for a prolonged period of time before deciding to get reach over and answer. The voice on the other line was one that he hadn't heard in what seemed like decades.

"Ryan, man, it's me."

Ryan was silent for a time not really knowing what to say in reply and yet at the same time wanting to talk for hours.

"Hey Trey," he replied.

"How's everything over in the OC?" Trey asked casually. "How's my baby sis doing?"

Ryan's mind suddenly flashed back to that one night he had walked in on Rachel…the knife slick with blood…her wrists open and bleeding…

"She's fine man."

"Good to hear." There was a short silence before he spoke again. "Look uh…I've gotta be quick here but uh…I just wanted to let you know I'm gonna be staying in the joint longer than I thought."

Ryan was silent for a moment, not really sure how to reply to Trey's revelation but at the same time wanting nothing more than to scream at his brother.

"Why?" was all that he asked.

Trey was quick to answer. "I didn't do anything if that's what you think man. They stuffed up the sentencing paperwork or something…but yeah…got another year in here."

Ryan was nodding slightly though he was well aware that Trey couldn't see him. This could only happen now. At a time when both he and Rachel were vulnerable to change wether positive or not.

"Are you gonna tell my girl?" Trey asked.

Ryan thought for a time, trying to rid himself of his anger toward his older brother and instead think of Rachel's wellbeing. "Nuh," he finally replied. "She doesn't need to know."

"Okay," Trey answered. "Look man, thanks for everything but I gotta get going."

"Wait…" Ryan stated before pausing.

He figured that he should tell Trey about what had happened with Steve. The entire story. No lies. Ryan knew that Trey deserved to be told what happened to the father he had known so much more than Ryan or Rachel ever could. He deserved to know what he had done.

"Yeah?" Trey asked.

Ryan let out a long breath. "…nothing." He just couldn't do it. "Take care man." With that he hung up the phone.

TO BE CONTINUED……… 

(Okay, sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry these chapters are taking so long but I'm going as fast as a can I swear. I don't wanna leave ya hanging. Only two to go. Things are wrapping up. Hope you're enjoying it.)

**Leentje** It's good to hear you're happy that Rachel and Ryan are happy again. Dunno if they're totally fine with each other but I definitely think it will get there eventually. I think that a lot of it doesn't actually have anything to do with Marissa, though she is a part of it. Most of it has things to do with issues that they already had from Chino that have never really been addressed. But yeah I loved writing the final scene mostly cos it was a smack over the head for Ryan who has seemed completely oblivious to everything that's been going on around him lately. So I'm glad u liked it.

**dramaqueen92** Thanks for loving the story. It's always nice to read that so I don't feel like a complete failure. Lol. I'm gonna update asap.

**Sleepinbeauty** Lol. It's always coll to know I've made a total strangers day. Lol. not exactly something I do often, but nevertheless it's a compliment. It's good to know you're enjoying the stories so much cos it makes it a lot better for me to be able to write them. Thanks heaps.

**meezardra** Again with the crying! Lol. But yay at the same time. Rachel's appearance. Man…she's like a mix-breed I swear. She's kinda based on a whole stack of people. Like different parts of her. But yeah, mostly on people that I know, just taking bits of them and kinda combining them into one person. But here's a quick run-down. She's about 5'5 / 5'6 with a small build and hazel eyes (duh lol). her hair is another story. It's something that changes a lot cos I think it's almost like a symbolic thing to show how much she changes. You'll notice that every time something huge happens _abbra cadabra_ it's a different colour or style. And her personality is a total combo of things as well. Some of her is a lot like me, other things are a lot like people I know and other things again are things which I thought she just really needed to have. Nuh the knees good. Lol. didn't really hurt either (I have an amazingly high pain threshold…seriously…it's freaky) but thanks for asking. And thanks for the review. I hope not to disappoint in the future.


	16. The Goodbye

_**THE GOODBYE**_

_A nervous step into the future  
While the present shatters all around you  
__It's all moving too fast  
And now the footprints of your failures  
Seep into the safety of the harbour  
Leave it all in the dark past_

_- Wash Me Clean  
- Bernard Fanning_

_Ryan looked over at his sister who had her head tilted and her eyes closed. The wind breezed through her hair making it flip and curl around her face as he drove._

"_What are you thinking about?" He finally asked._

_Rachel opened her eyes slowly and gazed out of the window at the passing trees and houses. "How the hell did this happen?"_

_Ryan looked back at the road and answered quietly. "I don't know."_

_Rachel let out a long sigh and shifted slightly in her seat. "You know I remember you calling – what, two years ago?" she spoke. "You were gonna be there in a week – like it or not – and you were gonna take me to New Port with you." she smiled slightly. "You pulled up in the driveway and I saw you for the first time in God-knows how long and you smiled."_

_Ryan raised his eyebrows and smirked slightly. "You know that's not how it happened."_

_Rachel shrugged. "I can pretend it is," she said letting out a long sigh. "It means we don't have to sit for so long trying figure out what really did happen. No more waiting."_

_Ryan pulled the car to a halt on the side of the dirt road. "I guess."_

_There was a long, stretched out silence between the pair before Rachel spoke again. "You know I can't stay, right?"_

_Ryan looked down to his hands gripping the steering wheel. "Yeah," he answered softly. "I know."_

"_Gotta face the world eventually. Can't keep hiding behind the big brother."_

_Ryan gazed over to her then. "So go," he said._

_Rachel shook her head and stared out through the windshield. "It's not that simple, you know that."_

"_You wanna stay? Ryan asked expectantly._

_Rachel smiled slightly. "Nuh…" she looked over to him. "Surprised?"_

_Ryan only shrugged, not too sure he wanted to answer her question and yet at the same time knowing that she already knew what his response would be._

"_Not really," he answered. _

* * *

Summer noticed how Luke's total attention was on Rachel who was busy catching the end of a banner Ryan was trying to hang in the school hall. Marissa stood by, a fair distance from Rachel giving instruction and rolling her eyes at Ryan's slip up and near-crushing on his sister.

"I know you like her," Rummer said casually.

Luke spun around quickly having not expected anyone to have noticed him. "What?"

Summer raised an eyebrow. "You _totally_ know _what_," she stated. "You like…_like_ Rachel."

"She's my friend, of course I like her," Luke replied before receiving a hard slap from Summer.

"You know what I mean, idiot," she said. "You totally like her _more_ than a friend."

Luke turned back to watch the scene again. Seth had now joined the trio and stood close to his girlfriend, the back of his hand brushing hers before their fingers entwined loosely. They both laughed at Ryan's attempt to straighten the banner.

"We've been through his," Luke answered. "Me and her, I mean."

Summer nodded. "You, and you pretended you were like being a jerk and were _so_ over her and whatever. You _lied_."

Luke looked at her almost angered by her accusation. "I _didn't _lie," he insisted. "Why would you care anyway?"

Summer rolled her eyes dramatically. "Because, Rachel is like my friend and so is Cohen – well kinda – and they look totally happy right now – which is definitely a change – and I don't want you and your stupid ego to ruin that."

"Why would I want to hurt one of my closest friends?"

"I didn't say _you_," Summer insisted. "I said your _stupid ego_."

Luke was getting tired now, he had no idea where Summer was going with this. "Fine, why would my 'stupid ego' want to hurt Rachel?"

"Because it's your _stupid ego_," Summer answered with a '_duh'_ for good measure.

Luke turned away from her. "You don't know what you're talking about," he stated.

I've seen enough guys totally falling fro girls than you could ever like imagine," Summer replied. "You're totally in denial."

"I'm _not _in denial."

"Whatever."

Luke looked back at Rachel. He couldn't deny that he thought she was beautiful, more than anyone he had ever had the privilege of knowing. She was funny and serious and smart and goofy and strong. Stronger than any normal sixteen year old could be. And she understood him more than anyone else. Yet still for some reason she didn't belong to him…

"What should I tell her?" Luke suddenly asked.

"Oh no, don't you turn into like Captain-I'm-gonna-admit-to-like-everything. If you ruin things for her – which you totally _will_ – then you're screwed.

Luke looked to Summer for a while as she examined her nails. He took in a long breath before turning back to watch the scene

* * *

Later that day Sandy had each of the teens sitting in the lounge with him and Kirsten noting quickly the ever-present tension between the three of them. Though to the best of his knowledge everything had been sorted out between the three, Sandy couldn't shake the feeling that Rachel wasn't pressed up against the side of the sofa, her knees pulled up to her chin for no reason. Kirsten let out a long sigh and sat beside Sandy clearly being able to see the same thing.

"Kirsten and I know that things have been tough this past year," Sandy said catching everyone's attention. "We also know that if anything we're probably the ones to blame. We admit that we took our roles as your guardians for granted and that for some time now we've put an extra pressure on you." Sandy stood silently for a time. "I don't know how to say how sorry we both are. Really, I don't think that there are words to describe it."

Kirsten stepped in then trying to make the teens understand exactly why they had to hear her and Sandy out. "You kids mean the world to us and Sandy and I don't think that we have really showed you that for a long time because we've been too busy with our own problems." She looked over to her son. "Seth, I hate to think that you haven't felt like you've had your parents there for you for the past year. It hurts so much to think that you felt like you had to go it alone."

Seth smiled slightly and nodded his head. "It's okay mum."

"No it's not," Kirsten insisted looking over to Ryan and finally to Rachel. "And you two; we brought you into this family so that you could have protection, so that you could have the chance at not having to be the adults in your lives. So that you could have people to support you every step of the way no matter what."

Sandy rubbed his hands together. "If anything we feel like we've failed as your guardian's," he said catching Ryan's eye for a time. "Like Kirsten said, we promised you both so much and we've wanted with all our hearts to give you that but we made a bad call and we had to pay the price. Seth, you know we love you no matter what, and being our son you've had to put up with a lot more than these two so it's not all that unusual for you."

Seth let out a small laugh. "Yeah, this stuff happens everyday," he piped in.

"Seth…" Kirsten began.

"Sorry, bad joke."

Kirsten nodded her head. "Knowing everything that your three have been through we hate to think that you've had to go it alone for so long. We're _so_ sorry that things between us haven't been great because looking back on it now we both know that we could have made it different."

"We shouldn't have let everything with your father blow up like that," Sandy insisted looking to Rachel who only met his eyes for a moment. "Neither of you should have been hurt and we take full blame for what happened."

"Sandy no…" Ryan stated.

"Ryan," Sandy insisted. "It _shouldn't_ have happened."

Rachel finally spoke up, her voice soft as her eyes connected with the man she had now come to know as a true father figure. "We're fine Sandy. It's not something we haven't dealt with before. You two put so much pressure on yourselves thinking u have to raise _me_ as well as these guys. Technically you don't, so I _don't_ want you worrying. I don't _want_ your apologies." Rachel felt Seth shift slightly beside her but focused her attention elsewhere. "Just forget about it."

Sandy nodded slowly. "That's exactly why we brought you kids here. We wanted to tell you that this whole incident was something that we hope to leave in the past." Sandy looked over at Kirsten who smiled slightly. "That's why Kirsten and I have decided to renew our vow's."

The three teens looked blankly at the couple before Seth cracked a smile. "Any excuse for a party is good with me."

"Congratulations," Ryan spoke, Rachel giving a slight smile.

Kirsten nodded. "Well there's a lot of planning to do, we've already scheduled it for Saturday so it's not even a week away."

With that she ushered both Seth and Ryan out into the dining room where she could show them the plans and also give Sandy the chance to talk alone with Rachel. Something he hadn't had the chance to do for a while.

Rachel looked up at Sandy. "I don't really know what I should say. Congratulations? Um…wow?"

Sandy laughed openly at her comment. "You don't have to say anything." Rachel nodded and let out a long sigh, tilting her head back and closing her eyes. "You know we do worry about you, Rachel," Sandy began. "Both Kirsten and I."

Rachel didn't look at him. "I know. I just don't want you too."

Sandy sat down beside her. "Why not?"

Rachel looked down to the carpet and paused in thought before she spoke. "It's like…I've always had two guys in my life who were…I dunno, you could call them _parents_. My brothers just…they never let up you know? No matter what it was they were _always_ there," she spoke slowly as though contemplating each word before saying it aloud. "Trey was…I mean he was a wreck…the _last_ possible person you would ever go to for _anything_ even remotely sane. But…when I was with him he was a completely different person. If anything meant that I would get hurt he was there trying to stop it."

Sandy was watching Rachel closely as she spoke all the while being aware of the thin scar that he could see where her sleeve didn't quite cover her wrist. He felt his heart speed up at the thought of what lay along her arm, what she possible could have done whilst he and Kirsten were too far away to know. He wondered how she had kept it from Ryan and Seth.

_Maybe she hasn't_. _She's always had two males there, _he thought contemplating her words.

"When I came here I wanted _so_ badly to be able to look at you and Kirsten and see 'mum' and 'dad'. But the longer I tried the more I realised…it'll never happen." Rachel took in a long breath. "Then there was Seth and…he just wanted to know everything, you know? There wasn't a single thing that he let faze him and he's…loved me like I don't think anyone _ever_ has. But he's not Trey. He never could be." Rachel went silent then as her eyes gained a far away look and her face showed pure sadness in all its form. "I love him so much that it just…it hurts like hell cos I know I'll never…"

Sandy leaned closer to Rachel then. "You'll never what?" he asked gently seeing her clearly trying to find the words as she battled against her own emotions.

"I'll never _stop_ loving him," she whispered. "But I know I could _never_ love him at the same time…I just can't. I don't…sometimes I don't even know what love _is_. I mean, God, look at me…my whole life has been about trying to find those people who give a damn. Trying to…fight the _whole_ world. Then the _one_ chance I get to be everything I used to – _still_ dream about I can't find a way to get rid of what I _am_. What I don't wanna be."

"Rachel if you got rid of what you are, you would lose _everything_," Sandy finally spoke. "You have a chance here to start fresh, to truly live the life that you and Ryan deserve. You _do _know how to love. I've _seen _you love. In everything you do, when you're with your friends, when you're with _Ryan_." Sandy gazed intently at Rachel trying to make her believe his words. "When I see you with Seth. Anytime you're together whether you're watching tv or talking, I can see it in your _eyes_."

Rachel took in Sandy's words knowing deep down that he was right. She knew she could feel for someone, that she could look at the Cohen's and call them her _family_. Part of her wasn't sure if it was only because she forced herself to or whether it was _real_. She didn't even know why she kept denying it.

_Maybe I'm just scared to think that everything could be okay,_ she thought. _I've convinced myself for so long that it's not…_

"I just…I think I need some time away from him to just figure things out," Rachel replied quietly. "I don't wanna put him in a position where he _can't_ go out and see what the world has to offer because he's too busy trying to make me hold on to whatever it is I'm trying to find."

Sandy was quiet for a time once Rachel had stopped speaking. "I think you're right," he replied causing Rachel to look up at him in shock. "I also think you're making one of the biggest mistakes of your life. Seth _loves_ you Rachel, like I've never seen him love someone before. But it's your decision. Just don't take it lightly."

* * *

A soft knock at the door pulled Rachel from her train of thought and she looked up to see Ryan standing there.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

Rachel stared at him for a moment before answering in a small voice. "Sure."

Ryan stepped into the room and took in his surroundings. It had been so long since he had been in there that it felt like an entirely new world again. Sitting on the edge of the bed Ryan noticed how Rachel leaned against the headboard, her knees tucked up to her chin as though she was afraid to be near him.

"I was hoping we could talk," Ryan spoke gently.

Rachel felt her heart begin to pound in her chest. She didn't want to talk, not about what happened the other night. Not about what had separated them. Not about what was going on with Seth or their relationship. Not about anything.

"About what?" Rachel asked cautiously.

"You," Ryan answered simply and noticing Rachel stiffen was quick to add. "Me…us…our lives…where we're going."

"Going?"

"Not _going_," he was quick to reassure. "I mean in the life-direction sense."

Rachel wasn't exactly sure she liked where this conversation was headed. It had been so long since she and Ryan had sat down and simply talked about what they wanted to do and where they wanted to go. She could feel his eyes on her like she was some sort of specimen of great interest and knew that he could see her uneasiness.

"I know things between us have changed," Ryan began as though reading her mind. "I'm not going to sit here and pretend that it hasn't happened because we both know it has. You have your life now and I have mine and they're not as reliant on each other as they used to be. That doesn't mean I don't care about you any more."

Rachel let out a breath and closed her eyes. "Ryan, don't…"

But he cut her off before she could finish. "No, let me say this," he insisted. "I'm sorry for what's happened with us and I don't just mean lately, I mean our entire lives. They've been screwed up and painful and nothing ever really seems to go right for a long time before it all just stuffs up again." Ryan let out a breath and looked down at the sheets. "But I'm not sorry about what it's done to us…what it's made us. We're stronger than normal people are Rach and it's because of what we've been through."

"Maybe you," Rachel whispered.

Ryan gazed up at her then and let out a sarcastic laugh. "You know what, I knew you'd say that," he said with a sense of anger in his voice. "You never have any faith in yourself. Why do you think you always lose out, huh? Why do you think things suck so badly all the time?"

Rachel stared strongly at Ryan. "I'm guessing you're gonna tell me."

"It's because you never see the big picture. It's all about you in your little world and all the pain that's there," Ryan accused.

"Thank you Ryan, I really needed someone else to state the absolute _obvious_," Rachel spoke bitterly. "Do you feel better now that's off your chest?"

Ryan let out a breath. "Don't be like that Rach."

"Like what?" Rachel demanded. "Little girl trapped in her own world, completely oblivious to everything else going on around her? Wait a second…aren't I just being _myself_?"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Rach look…"

"Get out Ryan."

"I'm going back to Chino!" Ryan suddenly yelled.

Rachel stopped dead, her words caught in her throat. The breath which she held was quickly let out as sudden confusion, anger and fear welled inside her at Ryan's words.

"I want you to come with me," he finished.

Rachel's lips parted slightly as she stared at Ryan in utter shock. "What?" was all she could manage.

"I want to get rid of our pasts. We have to find a way to put it all behind us," Ryan answered. "We can't keep thinking 'what if' all the time." He looked deep within her confused eyes. "Rachel, I hate what it's made us into. I hate that you cut your wrists because you can't deal with everything that's happened in your life." Ryan let his fingers run soothingly through her hair. "I want to go back to get rid of it…for good."

* * *

Seth whistled quietly as he sat with the phone to his ear, listening to the connecting tone over and over again. He'd been trying this number for what seemed like an age now and it occurred to him that maybe the phone was off, or out of range, or unattended.Or maybe she doesn't even use it any more 

Seth ran his parents earlier news through his mind not quite understand why anyone would want to renew their vows but at the same time being happy that they were finally working things out.

Like me and Rach 

The thought made Seth stop for a time and listen closely to the ringing of the phone. He couldn't help but feel that although he believed, felt and _thought_ things were finally settling down with himself and Rachel, there was a nagging voice in the back of his head that kept saying things weren't what they seemed.

Seth had now learned that reading what Rachel showed on the outside was more misleading than a political leaders promises just before Election Day. There was rarely anything that showed outwardly what she was feeling, thinking or believing.

Just pick up! 

Within seconds the line clicked over and Seth was taken aback by his command being met. However, that hope quickly faded when the voice of a machine spoke on the other line.

"_The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected. Please check the number and try again."_

Seth sat shocked for a time. He stared down at his cell-phone, checking the name, the number, anything that might show he slipped up and dialled something he shouldn't have. But it was all right. Everything.

A sinking feeling came to the pit of Seth's stomach, just lie he remembered it felt like on his first day of school. Anna had disconnected her phone. She'd done so and not told him. She'd cut off the one tie that she had with the Cohen without so much as a 'sorry'.

Seth threw his phone onto the bed and stared blankly at his computer screen. All he wanted to do was invite her to his parents 'wedding', that was it. All he wanted was to be able to see her again. It had been so long.

Seth missed Anna.

* * *

Many hours later Rachel folded her leg under herself as Seth placed a bowel of ice-cream on the bed between them, taking a spoonful for himself. She watched him for a time as the brain-freeze set in and his face contorted into agony.

Pulling the spoon from his hand Rachel spoke. "Can I ask you something?"

Seth shook his head to force the pain away and answered. "Shoot."

Rachel looked down for a moment. "Did you ever like Anna, when we were going out I mean?"

The question was direct and yet came with a tone of being something that had taken a long time to be asked. Seth looked up at Rachel for a time. "Yes and no," he replied. "I guess…maybe. Yeah I think I did."

Rachel nodded her head though clearly not happy with the answer she'd received. Diverting her eyes from Seth she dug the spoon into the food before her and applied her attention to playing with it, rather than eating.

"Do you still love Kurt?" Seth asked seriously.

Rachel let go of the spoon but remained staring at it. "I dunno," she answered weakly. "On some level…" she simply shrugged leaving the question open, not knowing how to answer it. She let out a long breath. "Jesus, how did we ever get here?"

Seth looked around at the room. "Dunno about you but I pretty much walked."

Rachel looked up at Seth, her eyes searching his. She eventually just looked away not being quite sure of what she was trying to achieve. She heard Seth let out a long whistle and gazed back over to him. He was so beautiful to her, so flawless. Completely hers and yet she knew he never truly could be.

"Seth…" she whispered.

"Yeah?"

Rachel let out a long breath and watched him as he watched her. "I don't…" but the words just refused to come out.

Seth moved closer to her clearly seeing that there was something on her mind. "What?"

"I…" Rachel closed her eyes for a time before feeling Seth's fingers gently caress her arm. "You know I love you and that I wanna be with you…?"

Seth frowned at her words. "Yeah."

"But…I need some time to figure out what I'm doing with my life and where I wanna go. That's why me and Ry' are going back, but…" she ran her fingers along Seth's jaw and down his chest letting them come to rest on his abdomen. "I need some space right now…for a while at least."

Seth tilted his head closer to hers. "I know things have been hard but…"

"_Seth_, if you want this to be able to work you'll let me do this," Rachel stated. "I love you so much and I'm not gonna lose you because of something that I have control over."

Seth let out a sigh and hung his head before nodding slowly. "I know," he replied. "I just don't wanna lose you is all."

Rachel leaned closer. "You won't," she insisted. "I promise you, I'm always here but right now…at least for the time being I can't be."

Truth be told Rachel wasn't too sure herself if she would still be there, or if Seth really had to wait for her. She knew that everything happening in her life was putting a strain on her relationship with Seth. But she also knew that if she was to find something out there worth fighting for, worth dying for, she didn't know if she would make it back to him.

Rachel rested her head against the side of Seth's feeling him sigh slightly at the feeling. She smiled, leaned close and kissed him softly.

"Thankyou," was all that she murmured.

* * *

Rachel looked out across the grass scattered with memories of those who were once cherished. She knew people who always claimed to hate this place. There was something creepy about it they said.

At that moment, however, there was a sense of calm in the deserted area. Even the trees stood still in the almost non-existent breeze. The smell of fresh flowers filled the air and created a peaceful atmosphere.

Rachel stood looking down upon the grey stone which she'd been so terrified of from the moment it was layed there. It looked so plain, so cold, so empty. She waited for the onslaught of emotions to come crashing down upon her but instead felt nothing.

Something did stir inside her however. A foreign emotion that until now had only been a dream. Content. Pure, unexploited content.

She couldn't help but smile slightly at the name engrave on the stone. _Kurt Willis._ A name which she had never given up teasing him about. A name which was forever etched in her memory.

Rachel placed a hand into her front jeans pocket and pulled out a small silver ring. She couldn't remember the last time she'd actually worn in. it was always kept tucked away, under a pile of paper and books in one of her bedside draws. A constant reminder that there had been something before New Port. That everything within that room wasn't there before.

Letting out a long breath she crouched down and turned the object over a few times in her hands. Even now she thought it was beautiful. Even now it was hard to comprehend that something so small could contain so many memories of one person, a life of happiness and regret.

She placed it gently upon the stone, just below his name. Rachel stared at the object for a time before standing slowly. Again she looked out across the grass, eyes scanning the unfamiliar names around her.

Rachel turned and began to walk toward the exit, leaving Kurt and the first fifteen years of her life whistling through the blades of grass behind.

* * *

Ryan looked up as Rachel walked into the house that afternoon. Theresa practically leapt up from the couch and rushed over to her friend, embracing the new arrival.

"God Rachel, it's been so long," she commented.

"Yeah," Rachel replied. "Sorry I kinda took off last time."

Theresa only shrugged and joined Ryan again on the couch. "You knew you didn't belong at the funeral. If you hadn't left I would have _kicked_ you out."

Rachel smiled at the reply before gazing over to Ryan who had an all too familiar look on his face. She gave him a slight nod to let him know that everything was done.

Hearing the front door slam again the trio looked up to see Arturo enter, a backpack slung over his back. He only grinned and nodded his head in approval when he saw who was sitting in the lounge. "Ryan, my man," he spoke as Ryan rose to shake his hand. "How ya been?"

"Can't complain," Ryan answered. "How about you?"

"Same old, same old," Arturo replied. "See you rich kids aren't cleaning up too bad." Rachel raised a single eyebrow at his comment as he looked her up and down. "Well don't you just look like little Miss America." His tone turned to one of mocking. "Thank you for this award…I only have one wish…world peace."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Oh, watch me double over in laughter," she said with as little enthusiasm as possible. "Keep your day job Art'."

Arturo smiled before giving her a hit on the shoulder. "Haven't changed a bit Rach."

Rachel only shrugged at the comment but it was Ryan who answered. "You'd be surprised."

"You guys want something to drink?" Theresa asked looking from Ryan to Rachel and back again.

"Beer," Arturo answered.

Theresa pointed to the kitchen. "Fridge."

Rachel laughed at their exchange, remembering a time when that was her and her own brothers. But before she had the chance to react her cell-phone chirped to life causing her to jump slightly in shock.

Walking out to the front door Rachel sat down upon the steps and answered the phone.

"Hey Rach, how you doing?" Luke spoke on the other line.

"Yeah, good, apart from the fact that I'm in Chino," Rachel answered.

Luke went silent for a time. "Does Ryan know you're there?"

Rachel looked out across the street that used to be so familiar to her and watched as a young girl walked her dog. "He's here too."

"You're not moving back, are you?" Luke asked not masking the concern in his voice.

Rachel couldn't hold back the laughter that escaped her lips. "God no," she answered. "Just tying up some loose ends."

The girl across the street stopped suddenly as her name was called from somewhere further down the road. "Come on sis, get your ass in gear. You wanna go to that party tonight, right? The way you get ready you should have been home an hour ago."

Rachel watched as the girl grinned and pet her dog for a moment. Her eyes ticked across the street to meet the Atwood's before she smiled and ran toward her brother.

Letting out a small breath Rachel became aware that Luke was still talking to her. "When are you coming home?"

It crossed Rachel's mind to say that she _was_ home but she knew that it would be a lie. She'd said her goodbye's, Ryan had said his too. Now all that was left to do was to get in the car and leave.

"Already on our way," Rachel answered staring at the spot where the girl had been only moments before.

TO BE CONTINUED……… 

(My God I am soooooo sorry its been so long but things have been pretty crazy over here lately. Next chapters won't be nearly as delayed as they're already pretty much written. Not too long to go now so I hope you're enjoying it all still)

**Joy Moody: **It's cool you found the story lol. no complaints here. Great to know you like it too because you know, I wouldn't mind if you didn't it's just possitive feedback is great. I hope I don't disappoint in the future.

**Leentje:** Yeah it has been a while and I take total blame for that. I tried to write the basement scene like the library one as sort of…not awkward but almost just a huge distinction between how Ryan and Rachel used to interact and how they do now. Almost like how they cope in a situation where things aren't cool between them. So yeah, sorry about the wait

**Meezardra:** sorry to freak you out with the whole death thing but it's a huge part of Ryan and Rachel's life, you'd assume in the past it was a big aspect of it. Having their father die too, I mean, sure he was never a big aspect of their lives but still, it kinda just showed how at the end of the day, a lot of things in their lives are shattered and taken away from them. There's nothing they can do about that but try and be there for each other. Oh yeah, but wait, this whole story has been about how they _aren't_

**Dramaqueen92:** thanks for liking the chapter and I have no problems with you screaming after finding out I've updated lol. I was screaming at myself for _not_ updating sooner. It's cool hearing you're having so much fun with this story. I'm having fun writing it


	17. The Breakout

**The Breakout**

_I thought I knew what happened to you  
You told me exactly what to do  
So I did it right, stayed up all night  
Felt like killing myself for you_

_- Wake up screaming  
- __Queens of the Stone Age_

Summer dragged Rachel through the crowds talking constantly about how much of a 'totally awesome' job Marissa had done on the carnival that year.

"You totally have to go on the roller-coaster, it's like so much fun," she insisted. "Unless you're like scared of heights like Ryan, which would totally suck."

Rachel tried to keep up with her friend whilst all the while protesting her dragging her around. "Summer where the hell are we going?"

But Summer wasn't about to give up her seemingly pointless field trip until they happened to stumble upon Ryan and Marissa. Rachel let out a sigh of relief and yet knew the look Ryan sent her way. You could cut the tension between her and Marissa with a knife.

"Having fun?" Ryan asked his sister who flashed him a smile.

Rachel nodded her head and looked to Marissa. "You've done a great job."

Marissa looked a little shocked by the compliment. "Thanks." She looked around for a quick moment. "Have either of you seen Luke? He was supposed to help out with the animal farm."

Summer, however, had already grown uninterested and wondered off in search of cotton candy leaving Rachel to answer. "I was looking for him anyway," she replied staring at her feet for a time feeling Ryan's eyes on her filled with concern. "I'll go."

Within only moments Rachel walked away feeling as out of place as ever around her brother and his girlfriend. She hated to think that things couldn't be worked out between herself and Marissa, if not for good, then at least for both their sanity.

Rachel looked back to see them playing a miniature game of basketball hoping to win some prizes. She sighed slightly turning and walking straight into…

"Seth…"

The name came out in a whisper of shock and at the same time almost disappointment at the way her night was going as far as people she saw. It had been almost a week since she and Seth had been involved in an actual conversation. Not since she'd last spoken to him about taking some 'time off'.

Things had been so different of late. She'd moved back into the pool house with Ryan, Sandy and Kirsten were on speaking, hugging and canoodling terms again. Summer seemed to be striking up and friendly relationship with Luke, though Rachel knew straight off the bat that he wasn't interested in _that_ way.

Her life finally seemed to be on track again as though nothing had happened in the last year at all. Accept for _this_…

"Hey," he replied casually. "No stuffed animals?"

Rachel half smiled. "I'm not a game person."

"Too bad cos they have these Tweety Bird things, swear their heads are bigger than my whole body."

There was a long slightly awkward silence before Rachel spoke again. "I'll check it out."

Seth took a gulp of his drink before saying. "You want to go now?" He asked sweetly. "I'll take you, it's like a maze around here."

Rachel let out a small laugh. "No I should…" she took in a deep breath. "I have to find Luke for Marissa."

Seth looked genuinely shocked at her statement, feeling a sudden brick like object at the pit of his stomach. "Oh…okay."

Rachel smiled again. "Have fun, okay?"

Before Seth could reply she had begun to walk away. "Rach…" he said taking a hold of her hand.

Rachel turned back with a look of sadness on her face but she didn't have time to react as she was jolted by a passer-by and pushed straight into Seth. They both stopped short at the position they were in, her tucked tightly against his body, his drink now forgotten on the ground.

"Seth…"

"Don't go," he murmured in reply.

Rachel lifted her eyes to gaze into his. "I have too." But Seth wasn't letting her go. "Please don't do this."

"If you walk away I'm going to be reduced to chasing you and making a world-class spaz out of myself." Seth fell silent for a time. "I don't want you looking for Captain-Macho-Ward, I don't want you not wasting money on games and I don't want you avoiding me because you think that it will solve your problems," he suddenly burst out. "There, I said it."

Rachel looked into Seth's eyes, the noises of the carnival overwhelming. Laughter, screaming, the sounds of the ticket machines and prize winning sirens. The music.

"I hate this song," Seth suddenly commented. "Why would he make her promise not to stop when he said when?"

"Not everything make sense Seth," Rachel murmured.

"Just like you running away from me?"

Rachel let out a sigh and took a pace back away from him. "I'm not running."

Seth looked at her for a time attempting to hide the jealousy in his tone. "You're going to find Luke?"

"Marissa needs him."

"Since when do you care about what Marissa needs?"

The words came out in a flood of emotions, too quick for Seth to get a hold of them before they were revealed. He watched Rachel as she took them in silently, part of her almost agreeing and yet part of her wanting nothing more than to lash out at him for thinking he knew everything about her.

"Rach, I didn't mean…" he tried.

"I've gotta go," Rachel replied.

"No wait…"

Rachel whirled around then reacting the only way she knew how to someone she loved who was telling her all the right answers and yet not the ones she wanted to hear.

"Seth I have to go find Luke okay?" she almost yelled. "So just go find Summer and have _fun_. Jump on the _Tilt A Whirl_ until you throw up for all I care, just _stop_ caring about every little thing that I do."

Seth took a step forward noting how Rachel took a step back. "I like caring about you."

"The whole point of _this,_" Rachel said indicating the situation between them. "Was so that you can _stop_ caring."

* * *

As Rachel wondered about the outskirts of the carnival her eyes travelled to the people inside. Some laughing, some clearly drinking too much. Others looking much the same as her; wondering why it was that they were there to begin with. She spotted Luke talking to Marissa and figured her work was done for the night. 

Letting out a sigh she sent a quick message to Ryan telling him she was heading home. The night air did her good and as Rachel passed some closed shops she took in a deep breath to calm herself. However, that calm quickly dissipated when she felt herself being suddenly hauled against a wooden fence and as she went to make a sound a hand covered her mouth.

Rachel suddenly stopped, her eyes widening, her fist mere inches from her offenders face. Slowly the hand was removed from her mouth as a total look of shock washed over her face and her brow furrowed in an almost uncomprehending way.

There standing before her, the person who had followed her movements, caught her unawares and now had her cornered, her back pressed up against a barrier…

"Trey?"

The word was almost choked in her throat as Rachel stared bewildered at her older brother. He smiled at her barely being able to remember the last time they had been in touching range of each other.

"Hey little sis," he replied casually.

Rachel was at a loss for words. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Trey took a step back. "What, no hey, how's it hanging, missed you heaps bro, its good to have you back?"

She stood almost frozen trying to repeat what he'd said but found it near impossible. Finally giving up Rachel simply smiled and threw her arms around her brother, feeling him pull her into a tight hug.

"God, it's been forever," she whispered.

"Don't I know it."

"But you're not supposed to be out for another year at least," Rachel said waiting a moment for a simple explanation. When none came she pulled away hesitantly. "Trey?" He simply stared at her and Rachel's face turned to disbelief. "You _didn't_. No, tell me you _didn't_."

Trey looked down to the ground, knowing that there was no was he would be able to get out of this situation without flat our lying to his sister. "What else was I supposed to do?"

"Wait until they _let_ you _go_!" Rachel yelled not knowing if she wanted to hit Trey or cry for him. "If they find you there's _no way_ they'll let you out soon. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I just wanted to see you, okay?" Trey stated with a clear coldness in his voice. "Is there something wrong with me missing you?"

Rachel felt her breath catch in her throat and she blinked the tears away not wanting Trey to see them. After a moment of simply closing her eyes and leaning her head against the fence in defeat she pushed past him and again began to walk down the street.

"Don't just walk away Rach!" Trey cried out after her and when no reply came he followed close behind. "I did the only thing I could do that would let me see you again."

Rachel spun around, this time not hiding her emotions. "Are you completely insane?" She screamed. "I was a _phone call_ away. I could have visited _whenever_ you wanted. I've been here _all along_ Trey and now you've gone and screwed that up because they _know_ you would be here. They _know _it." Calming her nerves Rachel took in a breath. "Where are you gonna stay?"

"Wherever."

"No _not_ wherever," she growled. "You don't know this town. If they cops don't get you the socialites _will_. You don't _fit_ here Trey and people can sense that a mile away."

Trey stopped momentarily and stared at the distressed look on his little sisters face. After a time he nodded. "Okay, if that's how it is now, I'll leave."

"Trey don't…" Rachel began as he turned and started to walk away. "Trey!" She yelled pausing for a second before running after him and taking a firm hold of his wrist. "Don't do this. Not again."

He stopped then letting out a frustrated sigh. "I don't want you getting hurt 'cos of me."

"It's a little late for that," Rachel whispered in reply knowing that Trey knew _exactly_ what her words meant. "So now what, you're gonna run again?"

Trey let his eyes wonder about him. "You said it yourself, I don't belong here."

"Neither do I, but do you see me complaining?"

A small smile appeared on her lips as the sudden feeling of total calm washed over Rachel's body. She was with Trey again. At that moment it didn't matter that she deep within her she knew it wouldn't be for long. That the police would be after him. That Newport would be their first stop in the long hunt to find the missing Atwood. All that mattered was that she had her big brother back.

"Come on," she said taking his hand and beginning to walk to the only place she knew he would be able to hang low for the night at least.

After a long walk in which not a single word was exchanged they arrived at a small motel much like the Mermaid Inn. Rachel let out a sigh before having a quick talk with the owner. After much persuading and a healthy sum of cash he handed over the key to a secluded room tucked away at the back of the property.

Brother and sister entered as the clock neared midnight, Trey not being able to shake the feeling that although Rachel was trying to hide it, she was truly scared about being so close to him.

"How'd you do it?" She asked suddenly gazing out of a nearby window.

Trey looked up at her for a moment, not really believing she was there. "We had a day out," he began. "A good behaviour thing. We went down to the stadium – you know the one I used to take you to when we were younger." He received a smile in reply. "There was one place where the guards couldn't see you, if you got just behind the basketball ring, a little to the left." Trey shrugged slightly. "I just bolted I guess."

Rachel closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself as though she was cold. In reality she was dreading what the next few days would bring. Not only for Trey but for herself, Ryan and the entire Cohen family as well.

She jumped suddenly as her cell-phone sprung to life and took in a breath before she answered. "Hey Ry'."

Trying to ignore the look Trey was giving her Rachel walked a little further to the back of the room trying to listen and comprehend what her brother was saying. The other voices in her head were so loud.

"Yeah, I know, I got caught up with a friend," she answered covering the lie perfectly. "Yeah, okay, I'll be home soon…I know, I should have told him…tell Seth I'm sorry okay?" There was a slight pause before she spoke again, this time her voice a little more hushed. "I love you too."

Hanging up the phone she turned to Trey who had a small smile on his face. "You should go," he said. "It sounds like the old boy's worried."

Taking a few steps closer to where Trey sat upon the bed Rachel let out a weak laugh. "You know what he's like," she answered. "So, um…"

Trey nodded his head. "Thanks for this."

And he truly meant it. There was nothing about what Rachel was doing that was easy, or even _legal_ for that matter. She was putting herself on the line for him. Just like he had done to escape the new sentence which he had been given. Which he had told Ryan about and yet knew Rachel would never hear of. At least not until he was long gone.

Rachel smiled before allowing her fingers to run ever so softly through her brothers hair. "I'll be back in the morning and I'm getting you out of here."

"Rach…"

"Trey you can't stay, we both know that. I just need you to be safe."

Again he nodded. "They've done a nice job on you here," he said. "Good to know my sis is in capable hands."

Rachel remained silent at his comment. Instead she leaned forward and placed a light kiss on his cheek before turning and leaving Trey alone in the motel room.

* * *

Seth yanked his dresser drawers open dramatically, pulling out a t-shirt.. Deciding that wasn't what he had wanted, he threw it back inside with no attempt to fold it whatsoever. 

Riffling through his things for a moment he came across something that he had never noticed before. Probably because this had once been Rachel's drawer. Only recently had he put his own things back into it.

Tilting his head slightly Seth looked down at the piece of photo-paper which lay below, no doubt crumpled from his clothes.

His curiosity getting the better of him, Seth reached down and took a hold of the object. Carefully unfolding it and smoothing out the creases he stared for a long time. It was one of the first pictures he and Rachel had ever had taken as a couple.

They sat together at another social gathering held in the Cohen's backyard, a bar visible in the background, Julie and Caleb siting not too far away. Rachel had a modest smile. Not too much to look cheesy, yet not faint enough to be a small grin. His own head was tilted down resting on hers, a toothy smile dominating his face.

Seth remembered that night so well. The music, the drinks, the food. The way his hand lay softly upon Rachel's leg the entire time in an almost fear that she might disappear at any moment. The quiet nature in which she presented herself and yet the commanding way in which she held herself.

He thought about how as the night wore on they had slowly slipped through the crowd and headed into his room. There was no mistaking her early uncertainty, not just about him but about the whole New Port scene. About the Cohen family in general and the sudden arrival of Marsal, a man whom, at that time, he knew nothing about.

Yet none of this seemed to stop her from giving in to what Seth could only describe as the thought that happiness might be out there somewhere if you just know where to look. He'd shown her, made her a promise, that night, that he'd help her find it.

Letting out a long sigh Seth went to return the picture when he something caught his eye. Turning the paper over he noticed small writing in the bottom corner.

_I love him…go figure…_

* * *

Sandy's face turned from worry to concern almost instantly, drawing the attention of the rest of the rooms occupants. "Yes, I understand," he replied to the voice on the other line. "Please keep us in touch." 

"What is it?" Kirsten asked once the call had ended.

Sandy looked over to her and then to Ryan who was sitting at the dining room table about to start his lunch. "I think we might need Rachel in here too," he said.

Ryan straightened slightly. "What's going on?"

Sandy took in a long breath. "That was just an old friend of mine, the Deputy of Correctional Facilitation," he began noting Ryan's immediate dread. "He was giving us the heads up that the police might be here any minute."

"What? Why?" Kirsten asked strongly.

"Trey broke out of jail last night."

Ryan began to drum his fingers trying to keep his cool. He eventually slammed his fist down on the wooden top. "Idiot," he murmured.

Kirsten looked to Sandy worried. "Why would the police be coming here?"

"Trey will need money, a place to stay," Sandy replied. "I guess they instantly think of relatives as a means to get that."

Ryan shook his head. "He hasn't been around," he said. "I doubt he will be, it's too risky."

"Ryan, you don't know that," Kirsten insisted. "Trey is probably desperate right now. It's an easy option."

Thinking for a moment the Atwood ran his fingers through his hair. "He won't touch Rach," he stated.

"Ryan…"

"Look I _know_ him. She's the last person he'd ever want to hurt. Plus she doesn't know about the extended sentence he has. He wouldn't want her finding out."

Kirsten took a seat beside Ryan. "So then what? You think he might come after you?" Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "That's just not acceptable. When the police get here, I'm requesting a protection program for the both of you."

"It'll just be _me,_ Kirsten," Ryan insisted.

"Aw, don't flatter yourself."

The voice from the stairs and they all turned to see Rachel standing up from her previous position on the third step.

"How long have you been there?" Ryan asked.

"Long enough."

Sandy stepped forward then. "Look, the most important thing right now is that we all keep a level head about things. Now we _know_ that Trey's first necessity is security. So…" he walked forward and stopped halfway between where Ryan sat and Rachel stood. "I don't want either of you _alone_ at any time until he's found."

"Paranoid much?" Rachel more stated than asked.

"Rachel, so long as you're living in _this_ house you will follow the rules, one of which is you will always have someone with you when you go out." Silence followed. "Now that's over with, you missed dinner last night," Sandy commented looking to Rachel who internally flinched.

She ruffled up her hair before replying. "Yeah, sorry I got…"

"Caught up with a friend?" Ryan asked, a clear note of disbelief in his voice.

Rachel stared daggers at her brother. "No Ry', I found Trey and thought I might harbour a fugitive for _fun_."

"Right now I honestly wouldn't put it past you."

"Yeah, well right now I don't think your head's screwed on tight enough," Rachel growled. "You want a hand with that one?"

"You're being stupid Rach," Ryan stated.

"Why?" Rachel demanded. "Because I'm the only one of us here who actually gives a damn that our _brother_ is out there somewhere with the trigger-happy Californian cops on his back?"

Ryan had no reply, he simply stared at Rachel trying to figure out exactly what was going in inside her mind as she spoke the words. He didn't go to say sorry, nor did he move to stop her when she snatched the car keys from the bench and, much to Sandy's protests, walked out of the front door.

* * *

"Cohen!" 

"What…? Thirteen Miss," the young Cohen replied in reflex receiving a swift slap for his attempt. "Ow!"

"You deserved it you dumb-ass," Summer replied. "You were totally ignoring everything I was saying."

Seth looked across at her where they sat in the diner. "No way, I was listening."

Summer raised a single eyebrow and looked at him disbelievingly. "Uh-huh," she forced. "So what did I say last? I totally can't remember where I was." Silence followed her request. "Yeah, I thought so."

"Just got some stuff on my mind," Seth answered.

Summer let out a sigh. "If something is like wrong with Rachel she will go to you when she's like ready."

"I was more thinking of my term paper that's due tomorrow, but your idea works too."

Summer looked a little shocked. "Oh…you like _weren't_ thinking about Rachel?"

Seth shrugged and shook his head slightly before receiving another slap. "Hey, I'm fragile here!"

"You're totally stupid," Summer stated. "You big…stupid…person. How can you like not be thinking about her?"

Seth leaned a little further away from her. "I'm scared any answer I give will get my arm broken." Summer raised a single eyebrow. "We're doing the friends thing now. I'm cool with that."

"Liar."

Seth screwed his face up. "Okay, so I don't really have a choice but there is nothing going on I need to worry about," he said with a definite confidence in his voice which only seconds later vanished. "There _is_ nothing to worry about, right?"

Summer shrugged. "There's totally always something to worry about in this town."

* * *

Rachel couldn't help but laugh as Trey told her his few humorous stories from prison. She never knew that the experience could be so torturing and yet so entertaining all at the same time. Yet there was still something behind her brothers eyes that told her these experiences were few and far between. 

Her eyes ticked down to his chest which was partially exposed through an open shirt. There were scars there made from objects that she didn't even want to imagine. There were bruises. None of these were ever a part of the old Trey that she knew. The one before the stolen cars and prison cells. The one before any of this – Newport, the Cohen's – had ever happened.

"Don't worry about it girl," Trey suddenly said having noticed Rachel's preoccupation with the markings. "I took care of my own."

She looked away from him. "Yeah…why don't I find that surprising?"

Trey went quite for a time looking strongly at Rachel before letting out a small laugh. "What the hell happened to you girl?"

Rachel turned back to him. "What?"

"You've gone soft. Back in the day bruises and cuts and stuff never surprised you. Come on, get back into the swing."

Rachel stared at her brother for a long, quiet moment before letting out a small laugh. "Right, the '_swing'_."

"What?" Trey inquired.

"Nothing."

Trey frowned slightly at her silence, at the way she almost seemed annoyed at him and at the same time slightly disappointed. "No, seriously…"

Rachel let out a sigh and stood. "We should go."

He remained seated for a time before slapping his hands on his legs and standing. "Alright."

It didn't take long for Trey to jump behind the wheel and kick the car into drive. Rachel sat beside him not really knowing what possessed her to let her brother take over. She was perfectly capable of driving. If anything though, Trey being in control would probably attract less suspicion.

"Where do you reckon I should head?" He finally asked after they'd been moving for almost half an hour.

"Maybe you should hi-tail it to Mexico," Rachel commented dryly. "I hear they have nice food."

Trey laughed though he knew she was being sarcastic. "Yeah, sounds cool."

Again silence swept over the car. Trey honestly didn't know what to say to Rachel. Here she was again, by his side, helping him like she'd done so many times before – even when he didn't deserve it. He owed her so much now. She was putting her own future on the line so that maybe _he_ could have one for once.

"Here, I wanna give you something," he finally spoke using his free hand to fish through a small backpack he had.

Rachel turned her gaze to him for a moment before looking away. She heard a soft 'dammit' and looked back to see Trey take his eyes off the road for a second having dropped the object he wished to present her with. Every few seconds he would look up to see out of the windscreen before again trying to find where the present had gone.

It only took Rachel a second to see what was about to happen. It played in her mind a moment before it played in real life. "Trey, look out!"

Her voice seemed to be lost in the sudden screeching of brakes as Trey turned the wheel hard to the left trying with all his mite to avoid the oncoming truck which suddenly pulled out in from of them. In the split second that it took for the two vehicles to collide, Rachel could only think of one thing, and one thing only.

_Seth doesn't know I still love him._

_**TO BE CONTINUED………**_

(Wow, next chapter is the last – it will be a hell of a long one – and possibly complete final of this series. Actually I think it might be. Unless some magical inspiration comes my way. I hope you liked the little Trey surprise. It will be concluded, no worries. Everything gets tied in next chapter so I hope you don't miss it. I can't wait. Please review)

The song playing is _Everlong _by Foo Fighters (big, romantic, hilarious Michel Gondry video clip, rock, ballad, mix-y, thing)

**Meezardra**: Ryan's a moron…okay then lol. yeah I wasn't the biggest fan of sending them back either (go figure) but I think it was something they had to do eventually.

**KillerRubberDuckiesR**-J: First of all your username kicks ass lol. Thanks for reading my stories it's pretty amazing. I always forget about the other two mostly cos they were done so damn long ago that I just kinda brush em aside. I don't like to think much about em cos them everything just starts repeating and let me say…boring. So thanks it's so cool to know you like the stories.

**Leentje**: Aw thanks for the compliments. I really feel good when people say nice stuff mostly cos it just seems weird that someone would read the story and go omg. Cos I'm like that with other people and it just seems strange that people are like that with me

**ChaiGrl**: Thank you very much. It's good to know you still like it cos otherwise I wouldn't really have a reason to write now would I:)

**Joy** **Moody**: Uh…finally someone has asked. I was beginning to think that something that wasn't meant to make sense _did_ make sense…which uh…would be bad? I dunno. Anyways. The whole loose ends thing was a quick, simple way for Rachel to pretty much just make Luke shut up about the whole 'why are you there' thing. It was really the first time that she hasn't been totally honest with him because there weren't really 'loose ends' per say. It was like they were going to just end something that started a long time ago. Hope that helps. If not…well then I have no idea

**OcandHarryPotterFan**: hahaha. Thanks. Good to know you like it. Hope I don't disappoint later on. But I'll tell you…only 1 chappy to go so hopefully the ending won't suck.


	18. The Lie

**The Lie**

_Guilt stains on my pillow  
__Blood on my terraces  
__Torsos in my closet  
__Shadows from my past_

_- Life is real  
- Queen_

_A flash of light streaked across Rachel's face as she felt her body was thrust forward. Instantly smoke erupted all around her and she struggled to get the oxygen her lungs were screaming so loudly for. In the distance she could hear someone saying her name over and over, a clear panic in their voice. _

_Coughing loudly she turned to see Trey struggling to get her seatbelt undone. It was then that she realised what had happened…Rachel could smell the gas, not yet burning but she knew that at any moment it could happen._

"_Trey…" she whispered, her voice faint. "Trey you have to get out."_

"_Come on Rach, help me out here girl," she heard him say though the sound was distant. "We've gotta get you out of this."_

_Rachel looked away and saw red from her shoulder and disappearing below her shirt to her chest.. She tried to force her mind to work, to register anything. Forcing her brothers hands away she unbuckled her seat belt but was yet again overcome by another coughing fit._

"_Come on," Trey began kicking his door open and climbing out._

_Rachel turned to her own door as the smoke filled her lungs. There was no way that it would open, not in the state that it was in. She turned back to Trey who was waiting for her to move. She could hear the sirens in the distance, getting closer by the second. She could hear people screaming._

"_You can't stay," Rachel managed looking to her brother. "They'll find you, they'll take you back."_

"_I don't care Rach, you just have to get out. Come on, move."_

_Rachel coughed again. "Please, just go, I'll be fine."_

"_I'm not going."_

"_You have too!"_

_A silence fell over them then as Trey stared at his little sister who seemed so vulnerable at that moment. He looked out across the road. He could now see the flashing lights as they gained on them. He knew that if he had a chance of ever seeing Rachel again, he would have to leave her for this moment._

"_I…" he began, the words choking in his throat._

"_Trey if you love me, you'll go," Rachel pleaded. She didn't think she could stand to see him be taken away by the police._

_Trey took a step away from the car, no words escaping his lips. He watched as Rachel forced herself into the drivers seat, trying to set the scene that she had been alone in the car. He heard her forcing back the cry of pain as she clutched her side, the blood draining freely. _

"_Rach…" Rachel heard the familiar voice calling her. "Rach, can you hear me?" A hand grabbed her shoulder…_

* * *

Rachel shot awake with a start gasping for air. She could feel her body shaking. Her chest burnt like a newly lit fire. She could hear someone saying her name and looked up to see Seth's hand was resting on her shoulder, his voice clear now.

"I thought I'd lost you for a minute," he said.

"What…?" she stammered her eyes finally coming into focus.

She was lying in the pool house, the final rays of sunshine peeking through the blinds. There were comic books scattered around the bed, clearly Seth's attempt to entertain her. Swallowing hard, Rachel tried to collect her thoughts, to calm her body. She went to sit up…

"God, you're bleeding," Seth stated looking at her collarbone.

Rachel let her fingers graze over the injury, not quite remembering how it had come to be there. Though the pain seemed unbearable it almost came with a numbness that allowed her to quickly brush away Seth's attempt to help in some way.

_Three stitches, _she thought. _No…four._

"I'm going to get you a towel," Seth said.

"No, I don't…"

"Will you shut up with what you don't need and let me help you?" Seth suddenly burst out.

Rachel flinched at his words, looking everywhere but at him as he walked into the bathroom of the pool house. What had that been? He'd never yelled at her like that, not when he was trying to help her. Not when she'd done nothing wrong and his world wasn't spinning out of control.

What had she done to make him act like that? She couldn't remember anything about what had happened a few hours before she had awoken. Had they been talking? What had she said? Had she pushed him away again? Had she hurt him? Was it because she hadn't called him after the accident? Did he know about Trey?

Rachel closed her eyes for a moment trying to block out his outburst and yet hearing it over and over in her mind. It reminded her so much of…

* * *

_"Rachel, what happened? Where are you?" Ryan's voice yelled over the line. _

_"Ry', I can't…"_

"_Rachel, where are you? Get a grip and tell me where you are!"_

_She stumbled out of the car, catching herself on the bitumen and coughing the smoke from her lungs. "Down by the old farmhouse museum," Rachel managed. _

"_What the hell are you near there for?" His voice was so powerful, so hurtful._

"_I…" she struggled to breathe as the smoke stuck to her throat. "Ryan please just…"_

"_Rachel, what the hell is going on?"_

"_I need…" she let out another burst of coughs. "I need you here Ry'…"_

* * *

Rachel snapped back to reality and watched as Seth dabbed away the blood, which had escaped from her wound trying not to show the emotions that she felt. Instead she stared blankly as he attempted to reach the very bottom of the gash.

"Rach, you'll have to…" he left the request unfinished.

She knew what he wanted. She also knew what she was willing to _give_, even to someone that she loved, that she was in completely in debt too because of everything that they'd done for her.

"No," she whispered.

Seth pulled back and looked into her eyes. "I'm trying to help you," he said frowning slightly at her silence. "We need to clean this up and if you have that top on, I can't."

Rachel cast her eyes down almost ashamed to look at Seth at that moment after his request. "Just leave it."

Seth was silent for a time. "I know I shouldn't ask this Rach, and believe me, now that we're not together I normally wouldn't but this is for your own good."

He watched as her eyes began to glisten with unshed tears and she closed them to hide it. There was something about what he'd just seen that chilled Seth to the bone. She'd given him the look that had been on her face the night that she had been brought home after running away. After finding out she was carrying the child of a man who had violated her.

Seth removed his hand from her flesh. She looked scared as though any moment he might force her to do something she didn't want too. Something that could hurt her.

_I just tried too_, he realised.

Seth placed the towel on the side of the bed before standing and staring down at the girl he loved. He could see the pain on her face, feel it as he stood by her. He could almost breathe in her fear and it made him feel physically ill.

He leaned down and placed a light kiss on her forehead feeling the tears as they ran down her cheeks…

* * *

"_You've been in a car accident," came an unfamiliar voice from beside her as she felt herself being lifted onto a stretcher. "I need you to tell squeeze my hand if you can hear me."_

_Rachel squinted her eyes, biting down hard on her lip as a wave of pain shot through her side, burning her ribs and blinding her for a moment. She knew she could move. How else did she get out of the car? She knew she could talk. How else did she call Ryan? But there was something about the request of the paramedic that paralysed her._

"_Miss, I need you to squeeze my hand."_

_It was then that she heard the familiar, worried voice. "Let me through, that's my sister."_

"_Sir please step back," another voice said._

"_Miss, if you can hear me…"_

"_I have to get to her…"_

"_Sir, please remain calm…"_

"_Miss…"_

"_I'm Ryan Atwood, she's my sister Rachel, just let me see her dammit…"_

"…_Squeeze my hand…"_

_Shut up, Rachel thought. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!_

* * *

Rachel stood staring at the closed door, her heart beating faster than she could ever recall. She tried to push away the images of her brother as he dashed from the accident. As he disappeared into the smoke, maybe never to return again. There was something about that which had driven her to stand at this very spot.

Knocking lightly on the door she pushed it open and entered when bid too. "Rachel, it's good to see you up and about," Sandy said with a smile on his face.

She returned her own weaker one before looking down slightly. "Can I talk to you?"

Sandy looked at her strongly, his face suddenly very serious. "Of course," he said before offering her a seat on the edge of the bed. "What is it?"

Rachel sat down slowly and took in a long breath, closing her eyes before speaking, her voice soft. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"No, don't say that," Sandy replied.

"Can I just…" He fell silent. "I know that you don't wanna hear it and I know that, if anything you're the last person who will hold it against me but," Rachel stared down at her hands. "I…I _am_ sorry for…_everything_ I've put this family through since I got here…and I know that it sounds stupid and cheap but I mean it. You and Kirsten and…Seth…you let me into this house when you didn't have an obligation too…and…I just…I feel like I just keep letting you down." Rachel looked up to Sandy with sad eyes as his brow furrowed slightly. "I know what happened was an accident but…it just _keeps_ happening and every time you act like it's nothing and that I'm _not_…causing complete havoc in your lives. Part of me almost wishes that I'd never come here because I've put you through _so _much when I shouldn't have and…I feel like the _one_ chance I'm getting to have a family and to have a home is just…I just keep screwing it up and…I'm sorry."

Sandy gazed at her sadly having remained silent throughout. He let on a small smile before pulling Rachel into a tight embrace. She rested her head on his shoulder, and for the first time felt as though there was someone out there who loved her as a father _should_ love a daughter.

"Now you listen to me," Sandy said still not letting her go. "We all love you, Seth included and there is nothing more that breaks my heart than to see you bringing yourself down over things that are completely out of your control. Never _once_ has something gone wrong because you made it. Never _once_ have you had any control over the circumstances that you may find yourself in. I know that it may feel like there is always something bringing you down and it pains me, as a guardian, to know that there are things in this world that can hurt you or Ryan or Seth. But something that will never change and that we _have _power over is the love that Kirsten and I have for you kids. There is _nothing_ that you could _ever_ do that would bring that to change or would make us want to care for you less. So you may feel bad for things that have happened. But the only thing that we can do now is help each other through and work as a family to overcome these problems." Sandy finally pulled away and looked at Rachel strongly. "Kirsten and I _love_ you and you are a part of this family. There will never be _anything_ that we wouldn't do for you, no matter what the price." He smiled before kissing her lightly on the forehead.

* * *

Summer stood riffling through the racks of designer clothes before her not really paying too much attention to anything other than the task she had. To find the perfect outfit for the Cohen's party.

There was nothing here that she couldn't afford, or at least her _father_ couldn't. So like a typical girl of Newport Beach she was particular about each and every inch of whatever it was she was going to choose.

Marissa let out a long sigh letting her fingers graze uninterested over the garments before her. She was tired, having spent the entire night on the phone to Ryan trying to get him to work through the recent events in his life. Most of which consisted of Trey.

"Come on Coop, you normally love shopping," Summer said off-handedly. "And we have like all afternoon to kill with like totally nothing to do so…"

Marissa smiled at her friend. "Yeah I know, sorry Sum. My heads just everywhere but here."

"If I have a dollar for like every time my step-mum said that when she was like on a total Valium high then I would be like rich, okay?" Putting the dress she was looking at back Summer turned to Marissa. "Do you like not wanna shop or something?"

"No, I _do_, it's just…" Marissa ran her fingers through her hair and looked out across the store.

"Look," Summer began. "Ryan can totally take care of himself alright? Sure his brother is like this homicidal maniac who is like totally running loose on the streets waiting to rob the next poor grandma who just like wanted help crossing the street but come on, I'm sure he can like totally handle it." Summer gave her friend a sad look. "Coop, this isn't your responsibility."

Marissa shrugged. "I know."

"So, we're gonna find you a totally hot outfit to wear to Sandy and Kirsten's second wedding or whatever you call it and you're gonna stop worrying about something that you can't fix."

Summer nodded her head, satisfied that her little speech had its wanted affect. But Marissa simply smiled in a fake attempt to make her friend happy. She knew that she wouldn't stop worrying. Not until everything was back to normal.

_In Newport?_ She thought. _Yeah, that'll happen._

* * *

There was a soft knock at the door before Seth entered, his eyes falling on Rachel who stood staring out of the window.

"Hey," he said before stepping inside. "I thought uh…you might like the company, with Ryan out banging Marissa and all."

Rachel couldn't help the smile that crossed her lips at his words. It took her a moment before she summed up the courage to turn and face Seth.

"I'm sorry," they both said in unison before each letting out a small laugh.

"I shouldn't have pushed you away," Rachel admitted with a solemn look on her face. "I know you were trying to help, I just…"

"Help? I was being an _ass_," Seth admitted. "I shouldn't have forced you to do _anything_."

Rachel nodded in understanding. "So we're good?"

Seth smiled widely. "I made you some hot chocolate. Actually it might be more like _luke warm_ now."

"That's nice of you."

"I'm a nice guy."

Rachel smiled. "You are."

A silence fell over the pair as Seth sat himself down on the edge of Rachel's bed and she leaned back against a wall, tilting her head slightly and gazing at him.

"So," he began. "How 'bout them Yankees?" Rachel stared blankly at him for a long moment before she burst into a fit of laughter. "_What_?"

"Seth you're more convincing talking about _Barbies_ than sport," she stated sitting beside him. "And baseball season's over."

"But I made you _laugh_, are there bonus points for that? Maybe a chocolate treat or a gold star?" Rachel looked at the mug of cocoa. "I wouldn't drink that. There's a Madcow disease break out at the dairy farm so that milk will have you mooing in five seconds flat."

"Can we try it on you?" Rachel asked looking cheekily into Seth's eyes.

He smiled. "I quite like myself without two stomachs and black patches."

Seth looked down to Rachel's injury, to some extent feeling a little odd for staring at her chest. Pushing the thought aside he let his fingers lightly graze over the top of the small bandage which began near her shoulder and disappeared beneath her top.

Rachel watched him closely trying not to let the feel of him so near to her effect her thinking.

"You look tired," he said.

Rachel shook her head. "I'm fine."

Seth gazed at her neither of them making a move to break their eyes contact. "I should go," he said standing and making his way to the door.

"Will you stay with me?" Rachel suddenly asked.

Seth paused in shock. _She didn't just…? She did right…? She wants me too…?_

"Sorry?" he asked.

"Will you stay here tonight? Just to keep me company," Rachel asked again.

"_Company_?"

"As a friend."

Seth locked his eyes with Rachel's his mind flashing back to a time when she didn't even have to ask for him to slip into bed beside her. But this wasn't like that. There was something different, and not just they're new friendship status. There was something about the accident that had really shaken her up.

"I can do that," he replied.

He wondered over to the bed as Rachel lay down and watched as she closed her eyes. After a short moment she said his name to which he replied with a quick, _'yeah I'm here'_ before slipping under the covers.

It took Seth by surprise when she shifted a little and curled her body up close to his. He closed his eyes taking in the smell of her hair, the feel of her so near to him. This was something he had missed so dearly. Just simply being able to hold her like there was nothing in the world that could tear them apart.

Smiling slightly Seth mentally kicked himself for getting so carried away. Their lives were excellent now, just as friends, nothing more, nothing less. If anything he felt closer to Rachel _now_ than he ever had. She didn't pull away so much. Didn't feel obligated to be perfect for him.

"Tell me about Captain Oats," Rachel murmured ripping Seth from his thoughts.

"Why?" he asked having been taken aback by her request to know about the toy.

"I just wanna hear your voice."

Seth smiled slightly before beginning the tale of his friendship with the plastic horse. After a few minutes he looked down to see Rachel sound asleep. He himself settles down allowing his fingers to glide gently over the side of her face. Finally closing his own eyes Seth felt the tug of the land of dreams.

_Friends, _he thought as he slowly drifted off. _I can live with that_

* * *

"_Get out your books and open to chapter thirteen," Mr. Mekin announced to the class. _

_Ryan stared out of the window, watching the trees sway strongly in the wind. There was something about the way they moved that made him think about Chino. The roughness of…_

"_Mr Atwood that includes you."_

_Ryan looked up with a start, shaken from his daydreaming. Before he had the chance to answer Seth moved and sat down next to him turning his back slightly just enough so that Ryan couldn't see his face. _

_Ryan turned his eyes to his textbooks which sat stacked in front of him. Frowning slightly he opened the first one only to be confronted with blank pages. He flicked through it. Still nothing. Not knowing exactly what had happened he pulled out the next book. Still the same. _

_Looking up to Seth he noticed his friend was now sitting on the opposite side of the room laughing with Anna. Every so often he would look Ryan's way with a disapproving gaze only to go back to his conversation. _

_Suddenly feeling a panic run through his body Ryan began to throw his books from his table, searching through the blank pages before finally standing in a hurry, noticing how the teacher was completely unaware of his actions._

_Rachel walked in then, her hair pulled back into a lose ponytail, cross pendent around her neck. Ryan recognised her outfit. It was one she had worn when in Chino. Dark coloured. Lifeless._

_He watched her as she walked up to the desk in front of Seth and sat down, elbow on her desk, chin resting in her palm. Arturo was already sitting beside her. Within only moments she was being tapped on the shoulder by Seth who, when she turned around, whispered something into her ear causing her to look at Ryan and laugh._

_He didn't understand. Why was he alone, by himself, the single most unimportant thing on everyone's mind? Ryan felt as though he was being isolated by the people he loved._

_Closing his eyes Ryan tried to block the thought from his mind. On opening them again, he was confronted with the Cohen's residence. Standing in the kitchen he watched as Sandy and Kirsten went about their daily routine, preparing breakfast and getting ready for work. _

_Seth came bounding down the stairs, completely ignoring Ryan's attempt to ask what was going on. Instead he breezed past, picked up the newspaper and disappeared into the lounge. Ryan watched as he sat beside Rachel who was busy watching television. Except on closer inspection, it was not a proper show. Instead snippets of memories –_ Ryan's­ _memories – were playing over and over. _

_He walked slowly toward the room, seeing the world tilt slightly as he did. Watching the television, Ryan noticed it was as though it were playing a tape of all the significant moments in his life. Yet only the enjoyable ones._

_Watching carefully the images changed from Chino, to Newport. Pictures of his first day at Harbour, meeting Marissa, helping Seth with his many girl troubles. _

_Then suddenly it went blank. _

_Ryan blinked a couple of times, not understanding. He looked down to see Seth still flicking through the newspaper. Gazing at Rachel he then realised that had happened. The images had played chronologically. The last one to show was a phone conversation. One which he remembered all too well. One which had put all the events from then until the present into motion. It was the one conversation which changed his life. _

"_Hey Theresa, is she there?" He'd asked._

_There had been a short pause. "Yeah, but I don't know if it's a good idea you talk to her."_

"_Why?"_

"_Ryan, you just left," she'd said. "You don't know how much you hurt her, how worried she's been. She's changed Ryan."_

_Ryan had almost laughed at the comment. "Just put her on."_

_There had been another pause. One which could have only lasted seconds, but it felt like a lifetime._

"_Hello?"_

_The voice had been like a saving grace and he'd had to close his eyes just to savour it. "Hey Rachel."_

_Again a silence. _

"…_Ry'?"_

"_Yeah, it's me."_

"_What are you calling for?"_

"_No, how are you?"_

"_Don't even try it."_

_He remember having felt a brick hit his chest at the tone of her voice. There was nothing more crushing than to hear her total hatred toward him, her total disappointment at what he and Trey had done._

"_Look, I know I screwed up, and we could go on about it all day but…"_

"_What?"_

"_I think I know how to fix it."_

* * *

Ryan awoke with a start. It was then that he realised why. Why everything had happened. Why they laughed at him. Why he couldn't get Seth's attention. Why Rachel walked in dressed the way she had. It was because of him.

From the dayhe had made that phone call Ryan had promised himself things would be different. They were. Everything had changed. For the bad and for the good. Yet he couldn't let go. Not after seeing what he'd seen. After knowing that it was him and Rachel out on their own now. He just couldn't conceive it. His mind wouldn't let him. He refused to believe it was all real. That things were the way they were.

Nothing was the same. Nothing would ever be the same. Part of Ryan couldn't help but blame himself for that. Despite what other people might say. Despite how they would disagree he knew that it was _him_ who had lead the people to each other who would never be the same again

* * *

"Seth?" A girl Rachel had only seen in passing suddenly appeared beside them at the lockers a large grin on her face.

"Victoria," Seth replied an evident shock in his voice. "Hey."

Rachel looked at Seth expectantly, immediately noting his uncomfortable state. There was no denying that the new arrival was what many would call 'one of Newport's finest' with long blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and pearly white teeth to boot. This was obviously an only-in-Seth's-dreams moment.

"You're Rachel?" Victoria asked off-handedly. "Well, I suppose the _ex_ won't mind me stealing Seth away for a while."

Rachel blinked at the comment before putting on a fake smile. "No, _the ex_ doesn't." She looked at Seth who seemed to be in two minds about how to react. "I'll see you later," she said before walking away.

"We're still on for the movies tonight?" He called after her.

"Might have to take a raincheck on that one."

Seth turned back to Victoria. "Can you…if you wouldn't mind…just…stay here…" He sprinted after Rachel catching up to her at least fifty feet from where they originally stood.

"Seth, what are you doing?"

He stopped for a moment to catch his breath. "You just left."

Rachel frowned at him. "You kinda had your hands full."

Seth looked at her strongly. "You're not _weird_ about it?"

"If you mean by the fact that some hot, blonde girl was just flirting with you right in front of me then…" Rachel let out a small laugh and stepped closer to Seth giving the front of his shirt a slight tug. "We're _friends_," she murmured. "I don't rule your life and you can talk to whoever you want. You're not obligated to revolve _your_ life around _me_."

Seth looked down slightly at her words. "I guess."

"So go on," Rachel continued giving him a push back the way he had come. "Go back to Miss-I'm-A-Skanky-Ho and have all the fun you want. But just letting you know in advance just in case you end up going out…I don't like her."

Seth laughed at her playful comment. "Noted."

Rachel nodded before spotting Marissa further down the hall and beginning to walk toward her. "Movies. Tonight," she yelled back at Seth. "I'm buying."

She gave him a small wink before jogging through the people and meeting Marissa beside her locker. "Hey," she said stopping near her.

Marissa looked up clearly surprised by Rachel's sudden appearance. "Uh…hey. How are you feeling?"

Rachel smiled in reply. "I was hoping we could talk."

"Okay…"

Rachel took a long breath. "Look, I dunno what happened between you and Ry'," she began before seeing the look of worry on Marissa's face. "No, just hear me out. Frankly, I've decided that I don't _need_ to know. But this whole thing with _us…_We used to be _really_ good friends Coop. We both knew it would always be Ry' in the middle but…we _pretended_ it wasn't like that so we could be happy. I get that you had your own stuff going on and the Cohen's had theirs and sure Ry' was stuck in the middle again but…it changed a _lot_ of things."

"Rachel…"

"I've never had to _share_ Ry', you know, he's always just been mine and only cared about me and…but you changed him…and not in a bad way, I just…I suppose I never really got used to it." Rachel let out a long sigh. "This whole thing, it was never between you and me, it was between me and Ryan and the only reason why it went on for so long was because we were both too stupid and caught up in it to realise we had our own issues to deal with. I know it was stupid and selfish of me to expect him to not care about other people and to always be there but…it's pretty much all I know. I'm _sorry _that this had to come between us I _really_ am because I know how much of a good friend you are and I…but _I_ screwed up and…I'm sorry."

Marissa stood in silence for a long moment taking a long time to process exactly what Rachel was saying. This was the end of it. They could finally go back to the way things used to be. After so long. It had taken so long.

"I just…I hope we can start fresh," Rachel finished.

Marissa looked away from her for a time before turning back and extending out her hand. "Marissa Cooper," she introduced.

Rachel stared at the gesture before shaking Marissa's hand. "Rachel Atwood."

"Oh," Marissa said with shock in her voice. "You're Ryan's sister, right?"

"That would be me."

Before Rachel could say another word Marissa pulled her into a close hug.

* * *

Seth walked along the sand feeling it curl between his toes, kicking up in front of him. The sun was warm on his face the breeze adding a slight cool every few moments. Despite the fine weather, however, there were few people to be seen where he was. In the secluded back-beach area of the Orange County strip.

Rachel walked beside him, the water lapping at her ankles as she fixed her sunglasses on her face. Neither of them had spoken since they had arrived. It seemed as though the only thing they could say to each other about the ocean was '_remember when…'_ in reference to their past, to their relationship.

Rachel smiled at the awkward silence between them but as she turned to speak a figure caught her eye behind Seth that made her stop dead in her tracks.

"Little sis!"

"What the hell are you doing?" she whispered more to herself than anyone else.

Seth looked at Rachel bewilderedly before turning to the new comer who greeted him with a total lack of interest. "You must be Seth," he said. "Gotta say, a bit different to good old Kurt eh Rach."

Rachel looked at him in shock. "What are you doing here?" He only laughed at her comment dropping the bottle of vodka he had been carrying. "Trey…"

The moment she spoke the name Seth's heart began to beat a little faster. This was the brother that he had never met. The one that had meant so much in Rachel's life. The one that had landed Ryan in jail. The one the police were hunting for.

"I just wanted to see that you were okay," he slurred slightly.

"I'm fine," Rachel replied quickly before adding. "You need to get out of here."

Trey stepped closer. "I never would have left you in that car girl, it's just, you know how it is, cops of my back and all. Figured, like you said, you could handle your own."

Seth's head tilted slightly at his words and he looked at Rachel who immediately felt his heated gaze on her in total shock. "He what?"

"Seth, not now," she murmured in reply never taking her eyes off Trey. "Look, you _need_ to leave. You can't stay here and expect no one will find you, it doesn't work that way."

"But you were helping me," Trey replied.

Rachel felt Seth's eyes on her, her own heart dropping at the thought that she had lied to him, to Ryan, to the entire Cohen family. She took in a short breath and tried to block out the feeling of disapproval she was sure Seth was presently sending her way.

Seth stepped in then. "Look, buddy, the cops in New Port aren't the friendliest so how about you just take off. Maybe come back when the heats died down."

Trey took a long stride forward until he was within a foot of Seth. "You know what _buddy_, you might get in the sack with my sister but that don't mean you talk to me like that."

"Trey, cool it," Rachel warned.

"We can work something out, we're at the beach, it's meant to be peaceful," Seth suggested.

Trey let out a small chuckle before he sent a mind blowing punch flying forward, hitting Seth's face with a sickening snap. "I've got it worked."

Seth went down onto his knees cringing in pain as Rachel crouched beside him screaming at her brother as she did. "Get the hell out of here Trey! I don't give a damn if you never come back, just get your ass out of this town before you screw things up even more!"

"Ow," Seth murmured as Rachel placed her hands on either side of his face to take a closer look.

"Jesus," she whispered in response to what she saw. "Nice going Trey, real smooth," she growled only then noticing Seth's cell-phone lying close beside him, flipped open, Ryan's number dialled. It only took her a moment to realise what this meant.

_He said the beach,_ she suddenly realised. _Seth just told him where we were_.

"I'll go," Trey finally said, "But not before I say thanks for everything you've done for me girl. Taking a car crash and lying to everyone. Must have been damn hard."

Rachel slowly looked up then. "You have no idea," she whispered feeling the sudden dread as another familiar face appeared behind Trey.

"Cops are coming Trey," Ryan said causing his older brother to smile.

"Ryan my old boy, it's been a while. How you doing?" Trey asked his words mixing almost into one.

"Why'd you come back Trey?"

"Wanted to see my little sis."

Ryan nodded. "You've seen her, now get going."

Trey looked strongly as Ryan as the sounds of sirens drew closer and closer. "You ratted me out little brother."

"I'm looking out for my own."

Trey only laughed. "You couldn't even if you tried."

"You wanna bet?" Ryan asked his hands balling into fists as he stepped forward.

"Let's do it then," Trey replied

A second before the fists started flying Rachel spoke up standing between them. "Don't!" she cried. "Not now. Not like this."

In that moment the screech of tired filled the air and each of them looked up to see police cars lining the road nearby. Each officer yelled their own commands, guns poised, bodies shielded by their car doors.

Trey smiled slightly before looking over to Rachel and winking, giving her a quick thankyou. Before any of them could react he dashed away, weaving through the sun tents and few people who instantly scattered.

One last order from police. Two shots fired. Rachel turned her eyes away, burying her face in Ryan's chest. He simply stared on in disbelief. Seth cringed. Trey fell to his knees with a deathly silent thump. He looked up with glazed eyes staring blankly at the sky. His body became weak. Blood spilled from his shirt. His eyes closed. He hit the ground.

**TO BE CONTINUED………**

(Okay so I lied. I guess this chapter wasn't the end. It was meant to be but then I realised I'd written so much that I might as well make it into 2 chapters to keep you guys happy. The next one is definatly the end. And its gonna be huge! It's already half written and waiting to go. I'll just let you take all this in first :P Please Review)

**ChaiGrl:** thanks. Good to know u liked it so much. Yeah it will be sad for it all to end but that's jus the way it goes. There might be something in the mix but well have to wait and see.

**Duchess4ever** Yeah it's been a while. It keeps getting longer and longer every time which I feel soooo bad for. Sorry about the late updates but life is so crazily busy right now! I try my best

**meezardra** I can feel the inspiration lol. yeah I think one of the main things that comes out of the Seth/Rachel thing is that things don't last forever and that everything has to come to an end somewhere, or at least be stopped for some perspective.

**Leentje**: wow good to know u liked the chapter so much. I never gaurenteed a happy ending though. Things can't all work out properly cos then…well its kinda boring. I'll post asap with the final chapter


	19. The Forever

_**THE FOREVER**_

_I never lived before your love  
I never felt before your touch  
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive  
But then again, I wasn't really living_

_Before your love  
__Kelly Clarkson_

Rachel and Seth sat in silence in the common room of Harbour High. She had her head resting lightly on his shoulder, his hand calmly stroking her knee. It turned out that practically the entire school had found about what had happened with Trey. Though most were friendly and kept their distance, some gave strange looks, stared or whispered.

"Uh, hey guys," came a quiet voice from near them.

Rachel lifted her eyes to see Summer standing before them, a mournful expression on her face. She smiled weakly at her friend.

"Hey," Seth replied.

"Am I _totally_ interrupting?"

Rachel shook her head. "It's okay…"

Summer nodded slowly. "If there's anything you need…"

"I know."

There was a small silence in which Seth stood stating her would be back soon. Summer took his seat and looked down to her hands for a time.

"Have you spoken to Ryan?"

Rachel only let out a sarcastic laugh. "Not since it happened."

"You should. It will make things _so_ much more _totally _better."

"I know, but we're Atwood's."

"True."

Seth returned then handing both girls a coffee each and sitting on the edge of the table in front of them. He watched closely as Rachel eyes her beverage before lifting her eyes to his and holding his gaze a fraction too long. There was almost a _need_ in her gaze, not for comfort, but for _him_.

"Hey."

Seth looked up trying to mask his shock at the new arrival. "_Ryan_! Hey man, how you doing? Summer and I were…"

"Just leaving," Summer finished. "Because we have this totally huge…"

"…science project."

"So we're gonna like go and, you know, finished it."

They both dashed away.

"That was weird," Ryan stated.

"Yeah," came the small reply from Rachel.

"So," he began. "I was thinking we could go for a walk."

Rachel looked at her brother. "Not really in the walking mood."

"…or we could sit," he finished dropping onto the couch beside her. "I just want to know what happened." What he received was Rachel rolling her eyes. "What?"

"_Now _you wanna talk?"

"Why _wouldn't_ I?"

Rachel just should her head in disbelief. "You're unbelievable," she said before she stood and walked away.

Ryan was quick off the mark to follow her having subconsciously anticipated the move. He blocked her way once she entered the main hall. Ryan reached out to touch her face buy she pulled away defiantly.

"Rach…"

"I'm not like you Ry'," she said quietly. "I don't have button to switch everything off any more."

"What?"

"We never talk because _you_ don't want too," she continued, her voice extremely calm. "We're _not_ gonna talk about this. I'm _not_ gonna tell you what happened because _nothing_ I say is gonna bring Trey back. I _know_ that."

Ryan stood silent for a long moment. "This isn't about _Trey_."

"No, it's about _you_, it's about _us_ and how we're not who we _used_ to be." Rachel looked directly into his eyes. "You can't say something and make it all better any more Ry'. You can't turn me away one minute and then care the next because that's _not_ how it works."

"Rach, I'm not…"

"You _are_. Ever since Steve it's all been about when _you_ feel like it. Why do you think we _never_ talk? Why do you think I _never_ stay at the Cohen's and always sleep at Summer's? Because I can't stand the thought of having to constantly turn Seth away because I just wanna talk to my brother and you're _not_ there." She ran her fingers through her hair. "I don't wanna pretend like I can suddenly turn around and open up when it's _convenient_ for _you_ to talk."

Ryan looked at her with a guilt-ridden expression. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Because you _don't listen_! If you _did_ then you would have known about

Trey _before_ all this." She paused for a moment. "You would have _been _there."

* * *

There was a loud knock on the door and when Kirsten opened it she was confronted with two police officers looking all the bit pissed off. "Can I help you?" she asked.

But before she had the chance to say anything else a thick bundle of paper was thrust into her hand. "We have a warrant for the arrest of Rachel Atwood," one spoke seriously before pushing past her into the house. "Is she here at the present time?"

Kirsten looked at the document in shock trying to form words. "What is this all about? Rachel hasn't done anything wrong, her brother was just shot by the police I don't see what that has to do with…"

"Is she here or not ma'am?" They were starting to get pushy.

At that moment Seth came wondering down the stairs going to see who was at the door. He hadn't even made it half way down when he overheard the demand and sprinted back up to the top. He ran down the corridor as fast as he could and burst into the guestroom where Rachel stayed.

She looked up at him startled by the sudden intrusion. It took her only a second to read the look on his face. Rachel went quickly to the window and looked out at the driveway. A marked police car was parked there.

"They're gonna know," she whispered.

"Who?"

Rachel turned back to him. "Your parents."

"My dad will get you out of this."

Rachel looked up at Seth seeing that he was just as worried as she was. "I could get out of here," she said quietly.

"_What?_" Seth exclaimed. "You can't do that, you can't…" he left the sentence unfinished.

Rachel let out a shallow breath. "They've got enough to put me away Seth, even if I am a minor, and I know how these guys work, I've seen it, they'll look at Ry' and Trey's records, plus my mum and automatically associate them with me and they'll take me away and I'll never see…"

"Hey…" Seth said quietly stepping up to her and placing his hands on either side of her face even though her voice showed more signs of anger than actual fear. "They'll just talk to you. Tell them what happened, there's nothing else you can do. My dad will take care of the rest. You'll be fine."

Rachel fell silent then. She knew that part of her was afraid of what would happen the moment the police walked through the door. She had seen enough arrests, visited jails on too many occasions to witness first hand how corrupt the system could be. And she knew she'd crossed a line that was never given lenience.

"I don't want you to be here," she whispered to Seth not meeting his eyes.

He gave her a strange look pulling his hands away from her. "Rach…"

"Don't make this harder."

As the last word left her lips the door was pushed open and the two policemen forced their way past Seth. Rachel didn't even resist when the man who had been silent when Kirsten opened the door pushed her against the nearby wall and cuffed her. There was a clear rage and almost sleaze in the way he did this.

"Rachel Atwood you're under arrest for unlawfully assisting a fugitive. You have right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one… "

By this time she had tuned out to what the other man was saying. Rachel could feel breath on her neck and she closed her eyes momentarily.

"You're just like your brothers," he whispered into her ear tightening the handcuffs. "Only a lot more…_useful_."

Seth noticed a slight shudder go through Rachel's body and it killed him to not be able to stop them when she was pushed out of the room and down the stairs. He didn't follow his mum. He barely even heard the words when Sandy appeared and not only announced his role as her attorney but also gave her a strict instruction to not say anything.

He sat down upon her bed and stared blankly at the floor. Seth could only imagine what Ryan's reaction would be. He knew she'd helped Trey, but there was still nothing to prepare him for this. For the knowledge that his sister had ended up in the very place he and Trey had.

Seth lay down on the bed. He could smell Rachel's sweet scent on the sheets, sweet and welcoming. He stared at the ceiling hoping more than anything that Sandy could get everyone out of this.

* * *

Rachel felt Sandy sit down beside her and felt her muscles stiffen slightly. They were waiting in the questioning room of the police station neither one saying a word and yet both knowing that there was a good chance that this wouldn't end nicely.

"Miss Atwood," one of the police said as the two who had arrested her walked in. "Sandy Cohen, I'm Constable Locke and this is my partner constable Monohan."

Sandy stood and shook their hands before beginning to speak. "So why is it exactly that you've brought Rachel here?"

Locke sat himself down. "We have strong reason to believe that she helped Trey Atwood – a federal fugitive – in his plan to escape from police capture." He passed Sandy over a manila folder. "This is the file."

Sandy flipped through it quickly feeling how uncomfortable Rachel was. Setting down the paper he looked up at the Constable's, Monohan in particular who had a close eye poised on Rachel.

"I have to ask you Atwood, why so quiet? If you're innocent then it's not like you need to hide anything," Monohan said.

Rachel slowing raised her eyes to his. "I don't like cops," she spoke calmly.

"We're FBI," he replied pointedly.

"Cops with _ego's_."

"Rachel…" Sandy warned.

"Your ego clearly must be getting the better of you," Monohan continued. "Coming from your background, the mansion by the beach, millionaires for guardians and a private schooling education mustn't look too shabby. Correct me if I'm wrong," he said riffling through her file. "Your mother was an alcoholic? Her current boyfriend is wanted on four counts of narcotics trafficking? You lived in a trailer park worthy house for fifteen years, your biological father committed suicide and your last boy toy was shot in a gang related incident? What was his name again…_Kurt_?"

In an instant Rachel was being pushed back into the chair by Sandy as she went to lunge at the man in front of her. At that moment she didn't care if that one action caused her to spend some serious time behind bars. She'd lived through worse.

"You don't know what you're talking about," she growled.

"Your brother Trey," he continued. "He was a fine piece of work…"

"That's enough," Sandy stated harshly feeling Rachel tense. "If you have nothing to ask my client then I suggest you leave."

Monohan smiled slyly. "Just one thing actually." He looked Rachel dead in the eye as he spoke. "How do you feel about spending most of your pretty years locked in a cell?"

* * *

"Ryan," Jimmy said in greeting as he answered the front door to the young Atwood. "How are you doing?"

Ryan nodded slightly. "I'm alright."

"Marissa's not home yet but you could come in and wait if you want."

"Yeah, thanks."

Stepping into the home Ryan could see that it hadn't changed in the slightest since he had practically moved in not too long ago. He remembered long nights of sitting up and contemplating his life as Marissa would toss and turn in bed.

He would contemplate his current situation, sitting alone in the dark whilst his new family was falling apart at the seams. Whilst Sandy and Seth were packing their things to leave their loved ones indefinitely. Whilst Kirsten was drinking wine in the kitchen watching the clock. And whilst Rachel was struggling to keep everything together.

"How are things going at home?" Jimmy asked as he walked into the kitchen to get them both a beverage.

Ryan sat down on the sofa and thought about his response for a moment. "Good, bad, everything," he replied.

Jimmy gave him a sad smile. "Get rid of one problem and another one comes to take its place."

"Something like that," Ryan said shrugging.

Walking over to join him, Jimmy handed Ryan a coke before sitting down opposite him. "Sandy and Kirsten are going well?"

"Yeah, I guess. They're not fighting any more and they have the whole second wedding thing coming up too."

Jimmy listened nodding his head as he did. "And Rachel?"

Ryan went quiet then. He didn't know how to reply. He could say she was fine, if anything that was the truth. But he couldn't say that she was fine in the context that the situation could also be viewed in. The one involving the law, peaceful lifestyles and staying out of trouble.

"I saw her the other day," Jimmy spoke knowing that Ryan wasn't ready to open up just yet. "She told me about the accident…and about Trey."

Ryan looked up at him then, total shock on his face. "She what?"

"She told me what happened, and how she wanted to tell you so badly." Jimmy let out a sigh. "She said that she thought Seth had caught on to what had happened and that she was going to tell him eventually, she just needed to find the right time. I think that's what the walk on the beach was for."

"What else did she say?"

Jimmy looked at him for a long moment. "She was scared," he said slowly. "Scared of what you would think of her if you didn't find out from her but…" he stopped then.

"But what Jimmy?"

"But she was more scared of seeing the look on your face if she _did_ tell you. She was scared about what you might say, or how you would react."

_She's scared of me?_ The thought made Ryan feel physically ill.

"Why would she think that?" Ryan asked quietly.

Jimmy shrugged. "I'm not the person you should be asking that to."

* * *

Seth leaped over the back of the sofa and landed beside Rachel who was busy looking over her notes from class. "Cappuccino?" he asked handing her the cup.

"You're gonna start charging me for all these coffee's soon," she replied with a slight smile.

"I like the idea of making a quick buck," he stated.

There was a long silence in which he let out a sigh and leaned back against the leather seat. He couldn't believe the luck that they'd had. Sandy had somehow taken care of everything. Seth didn't know if he'd lied or if he'd worked through every loophole in the book but somehow he had managed to get Rachel walking free without so much as a black dot on her record.

Seth knew that the entire situation had the entire family slightly rattled, especially after the seemingly perfect lives they'd all been leading for some time. It wasn't so much the deed itself which had hurt them, but rather the consequences. This is exactly what moving to New Port was supposed to keep Rachel away from. Now she didn't only have to deal with the death of her brother, but also the repercussions.

On that thought Seth spoke. "My dad took care of everything for you."

Rachel's eyes remained on her work, silently hoping that maybe if she didn't look at Seth he wouldn't be able to see straight through her. "I know."

"You might…I dunno…want to talk to him or something. He seemed kinda pissed the last time I saw him."

Rachel paused what she was doing and slowly closed her book. She looked at it for a moment. "I dunno why he did it," she whispered.

"My dad?"

She shrugged.

"Or Trey?"

"Both."

"Well," Seth began trying to choose his words carefully. "You want to know what I think?" Rachel turned her eyes to his and waited. "I think it's because they both love you. My dad shows it by being Mr. Lawyer Man and Trey…okay so he made a bad call but it was because he couldn't bare to be without you…"

Rachel looked down to Seth's chest. "I just dunno why you guys bother any more. I mean…I've screwed up so bad and I've put you guys in danger so many times and…but no ones…I figured at least Sandy would have…"

"What?" Seth asked. "Kicked you out? You're part of the family Rach. My parents love you and until the day comes that they realise they would rather enjoy their hugely overdone home without three teens running wild they'll never let anything happen to you." Rachel looked at him then. "And neither will I." There was a long pause in which they simply gazed at each other, neither speaking. "Because _I_ love you too."

Rachel looked at Seth for a long time feeling her stomach flip at his words. She became keenly aware of just how close they were, his hand on her thigh, her head tilted toward his.

"Rach…" Seth murmured moving an inch closer.

"Yeah…?" She replied just as quietly.

He simply smiled at her. "You're gonna be late for class."

Rachel let out a breath feeling him move his hand away from her body. "Yeah, I should…" Seth watched as she gathered her things and stood turning to give him a warm smile. "Thanks," she said.

He simply nodded in reply.

* * *

Rachel sat down warily in the seat across from Sandy, her eyes downcast to the files which lay on the desk between them. She didn't want to be there. She didn't want to have to admit that she'd really crossed the line this time. She didn't want to have to feel his disapproval.

"Well," he began letting out a long breath. "I guessed you're really an Atwood now, aren't you?"

The words cut Rachel deep. They hurt her more than anything she could ever imagine became they came with a harsh reality that she wasn't sure she was ready to face yet. There was nothing in Sandy's tone which let up on how much he wanted her to suffer the consequences for what she'd done

"Now at your age, drugs, alcohol, even stealing I understand," he continued. "But harbouring a fugitive is just beyond me. You put yourself in so much danger, not to mention jeopardising your entire future in New Port."

_Keep it together Rachel. You deserve this. Just take it_

"And lying to us. To _me_, right to my face. You had every chance in the world to tell us what was going on, to let us help you but you just ignored everything. Can you imagine how Kirsten must have felt when she opened the door and found the police standing there? How worried? She must have been beside herself. And Seth, knowing that he would have to watch you get dragged away after everything that you two have been through…"

After a long pause Rachel finally spoke. "What do you want me to say Sandy?" she asked her voice barely a whisper. "That I'm sorry? You know I am. Or admit that I screwed up? I _have_." At last she looked up at her, seeing the anger in his eyes and yet forcing herself not to pay attention to it. "But I'd do it _again_ if I had too."

Sandy looked at her shocked before leaning forward. "I don't think you understand the severity of what you…"

"I _completely _understand…I think if anything _you_ don't." he voice was deathly calm. "Trey is to _me_ what Kirsten and Seth are to _you_. He's _everything_. Him and Ry' are the _only_ people who have _ever _cared about me. They're all I've _ever _had for a family. If I broke a bone, _they'd_ take me to the hospital. If I got on the wrong side of somebody, _they'd_ take the fight." She paused realising just how much she was revealing to Sandy. "I promised myself a _long_ time ago that I would do _anything_ for them to repay what they did for _me_."

Sandy stared at her. "We took you into our home on _faith _that you would respect the privileges that you'd been given. Now I understand that a lot of what's happened in you life was _not_ your fault, but there is a line, and you, Rachel have crossed it."

Rachel leaned back in her chair and looked at him. "If you want me gone, I'm gone."

Sandy blinked at what she'd said. "After what you did I would be crazy _not_ to kick you out of my home." Rachel swallowed waiting for his next words. "But that would also be letting you off _easy_ and I am _not_ willing to do that. So, from now on there are to be some rules layed down…"

Sandy paused for a long moment realising exactly how he was using his tone to be…

_Her father…_

He looked at Rachel closely, not seeing _her_ but rather himself as a young man from the Bronx, the wrong side of town knowing what it meant to be willing to do _anything_ for those who would do anything for _you_. He had seen it in Ryan the first time they had met. The vulnerable kid covered in the exterior of a thug.

Sandy took in a breath. "You can go now Rachel," he said quietly.

* * *

Hailey watched Kirsten as she flipped through the decoration book sitting upon the kitchen countertop. "Can I ask you something?" She inquired.

Kirsten didn't raise her eyes from the book. "Mmm."

"What _really_ happened with you and Sandy?"

Kirsten stopped suddenly letting out a sigh and looking up at Hailey. "It's none of your concern."

Hailey shrugged. "Just curious is all."

Closing the design book slowly Kirsten turned her eyes to Haileys. "There was a woman," she began. "At Sandy's work. They spent a lot of time together. Maybe _too_ much is what I thought. One thing lead to another…"

Hailey looked at her in shock. "You mean he and some bird got it on?"

Kirsten shook her head. "No, nothing like that. They just…well…he and…" she stopped to gather her thoughts. "It doesn't matter any more, it's over now."

Hailey was about to say something else when the doorbell rang and Seth came into sight from upstairs. "And the madness begins," he said.

"Very funny Seth," Kirsten replied trying to mask any thoughts he might have about what she and Hailey had just been talking about. "Could you please answer the door, it must be Rachel and Luke with the lighting. Go and give them a hand honey."

"Oh I'm sure they have all the hands they need," Hailey interjecked. "Hands everywhere, what with all that heavy lifting, someone's bound to get a little hot. Hands here and hands there"

Seth stared at her before walking out into the hallway to find Luke standing at the door. "Hey man," the newcomer said extending his hand out.

Seth flashed back to Hailey's speech and didn't shake Luke's hand. "Hey."

"Luke, come on help me out here!" Came Rachel voice from the front drive.

"I'll go," Seth was quick to say pushing Luke into the house. "My mum needs help choosing some colour pallets or something and I know how much you love that stuff."

"No I don't," Luke began.

"Sure you do," Seth insisted pushing him all the way into the entrance before slamming the door behind.

"Luke, what's taking so…" Rachel stopped dead when she saw Seth standing at the front door. "You got left with the heavy lifting?" She asked.

Seth smiled at her. "Well I offered to do colour pallets but Luke _insisted_."

Rachel gave him a strange look. "Come on and help me out."

Seth fell into step with her as they moved over to Luke's truck, the back of which was filled with lighting and electrical equipment. Rachel braced her hands on the edge and pulled herself up onto the back and bent down to take the first light and hand it to Seth.

"Wow," Seth murmured before he realised what he was doing causing Rachel to look at him. "_No_, I mean…the _lights_…with their…you know…"

"Don't worry," she said with a smirk. "I still check out your ass." Seth smiled. "So I'll pass you everything and you go and run it inside."

Seth nodded and so the work began. Upon walking back to the house to deliver some of the load Luke appeared in front of Seth again.

"Look man, your mum doesn't need me, plus I'd rather be helping Rachel anyway," Luke insisted.

Seth shook his head with a fake smile on. "What are you talking about? We've got things covered, so you go on back inside and get those flower arrangements set up." He pushed Luke back through the front door. Letting out a breath Seth went back to see Rachel preparing to jump off the back of the truck, the last light in her hand. "Here," he said taking it from her and placing it on the ground.

Seth turned back to Rachel and placed his hands on her waist, feeling her take a loose grip on his upper arms as he helped her down. When they were both on ground level Rachel looked up to him with every intention of saying thankyou but stopped momentarily.

"You check me out, huh?" Seth asked quietly.

Rachel smiled feeling his breath on her face. "You still do too."

Seth leaned in closer. "Can't help it," he said playfully.

His breath was warm against Rachel's neck and she felt her head begin to spin slightly before she too leaned in. "What are we gonna do about that?" She murmured.

Seth smiled, they were so close now. But before he had the chance to say anything both their names were called from inside the house. Snapping out of their trance they both stepped back from each other and fumbled around for a moment before quickly walking inside.

"What took you kids so long?" Sandy asked, he'd now joined Kirsten, Luke and Hailey.

Seth stammered. "Didn't want to break anything."

Rachel looked away from him. "You know, Seth with his chicken arms. Heavy lifting doesn't really work for him."

Seth nodded in reply before Ryan walked into the kitchen, car keys in hand. "So you were just needing some extra plates?"

Kirsten stepped forward. "Yes, thankyou for doing this Ryan."

He only shrugged. "No problem."

"Why don't you and Seth go and Rachel and I can help out here?" Luke suggested.

"Good idea…" Sandy began before Seth cut him off.

"_No_," he protested a little too enthusiastically. "I'll stay, Rach and Ryan can go."

Rachel gave him a strange look. "Why?"

He shrugged looking at her obviously. "Chicken arms, remember?"

Ryan rolled his eyes at Seth's attempt to ensure Rachel and Luke were seperated. He knew that his friend was jealous of the relationship they had. That maybe it would become something more and Seth wouldn't get the chance to have Rachel back.

"Why don't you and Rach stay, and Luke and I go?" Ryan finally said trying to keep the peace.

Seth's face lit up. "_Perfect_! So everything's settled."

Rachel narrowed her eyes at him finally catching on. "_No_," she said forcefully forcing Seth to look at her and her annoyance. "I'm going with Ry', you stay with Luke." She couldn't resist adding at the end. "Have _fun_."

* * *

Rachel let out a tired moan as she awoke in an all too familiar bed. Groaning she leaned across and turned the bedside clock around to face her. 3am.

_Dammit._

Hearing the soft breathing of another person she looked over the side of the bed to see Seth sleeping on the floor below.

_Why is he…?_

And then she realised what had happened. They'd been finishing off decorations which they'd brought home for tomorrow's ceremony and she must have fallen asleep, leaving Seth with the decision of whether to join her on his bed or take the safe route of the floor.

"Seth," she whispered trying to wake him. "Seth, get up." He murmured quietly. "Seth," she tried again.

"Eighteen Miss," he replied.

Rachel couldn't help the smile which spread along her face at his reply. "Wake up and I'll tell you the right answer." She let out a sigh. "Seth, sweetie you have to wake up."

_Sweetie? What was I thinking?_

Slowly his eyes opened and came to rest on hers. "I could think of a lot more comfortable places to be right now."

"Sorry," she replied. "Get into bed, I'll leave."

Seth shook his head with a tired cringe. "Stay, I don't mind."

_I'm sure you don't._

"I have my own bed," Rachel answered.

"It's not as comfortable as this one."

Rachel smiled. "I'll give you that one, but this isn't my bed any more."

Seth let out a sigh sitting up and cracking the kinks in his back. "Just stay."

"I _can't."_

"Look, I'm not suggesting anything other than you're already here and I have no problem with you staying," he was quick to add. "In a non-sexual way of course."

Sighing Rachel stared at him as Seth rubbed his eyes and ran his fingers through his un-tame locks. She _could_ stay, there was nothing saying she _couldn't_. But if she _did_ there was no telling what would happen between them.

"Seth, if I stay…" she began.

"What's the worst that could happen?" He asked.

"Oh, I can think of a _lot_ of things."

Seth looked at her standing from his spot before falling down onto his bed with a grunt. He leaned back against the headboard and stared at the dark ceiling for a moment. Rachel looked at him still fighting the inner demon which told her to kiss him then and there.

"Why do you hate Luke so much?" She asked sitting with her legs crossed on the bed.

Seth shrugged in reply not wanting to tell her the real reason was jealousy. "Just don't like him."

Rachel let out a sigh. "Yeah, well I wish it wasn't like that."

"Like what?"

She shrugged. "You and Luke…you and _me._"

"It doesn't have to be," Seth murmured.

Rachel looked at him sadly as he shifted closer. Slowly Seth leaned in bringing his hand to rest in her hair. "Yeah it does," she whispered in reply.

Seth drew her closer. "We can change that," he said pressing his lips tenderly to hers making sure not to move too suddenly. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her off.

Rachel melted into Seth's caresses. He felt so right. Yet at the same time she knew he was so very wrong. He deepened the kiss running his free hand down her side to her waist and pulling Rachel closer.

It was then that she broke away from him. "It _does _have to be like this Seth," she stated quietly. "We can't keep this up."

As she turned to leave Seth jumped up and followed taking a hold of her arm just as she reached the door. Rachel spun around to face him and in doing so found her back pressed hard up against the closed door, Seth standing mere inches away from her.

_This isn't gonna end well_

"I care about you Rach," he said.

"I know," was her short reply.

Seth looked at her strongly. "You can't deny that you still feel _this_."

"There isn't a _this_ to feel, we agreed on that."

"No, _you _decided," Seth almost growled at her.

Rachel narrowed her eyes at him. "Well I'm sorry if I know what's best for me and _you're_ not it," she stated sarcastically.

"You and me both know that this whole situation isn't right."

"What? The fact that you kissed me or that I'm being held hostage in your bedroom?"

Seth sighed. "Don't be like that."

"Like what Seth?" She demanded, both of them starting to get extremely agitated. "How the hell would you know what I'm feeling or how I'm acting?"

"Well considering I've had to put up with you for the last two years, you'd think I'd have a pretty good idea."

Seth watched Rachel's face as she comprehended what he'd just said to her. The words so full or anger. So hurtful. Her expression turned from anger, to shock and finally to sadness. But Seth wasn't finished. He wasn't going to let her out of this one that easily.

"I've gone through _everything_ you have. I've had to live through your personality changes and wacked-up mental stability with a smile on my face. I've had to pretend it doesn't effect me to watch you slit your wrists open or run off to Commando Kurt. I've had to be there to hold you _every_ night when you're shaking and make you believe I think you're telling the truth when you say you're just cold and pretend I don't know you're terrified." He took a step closer causing Rachel to press herself even further into the door. "I've had to deal with being pushed away so many times by you and then brought back when you _needed_ me to be there. I've kissed you, and _slept _with you having to live with the fact that the _only_ other two people who have done that _violated_ you."

Seth paused and stared at Rachel not feeling any better having released all his anger. Instead he felt that he needed to tell her one last thing. Something that had been haunting him for months. Something that would never leave his mind. Ever.

"When I left with dad, I didn't do it because I wanted to be with him." Rachel slowly brought her eyes to meet his. "I did it because I wanted to get away from you and all of this." Seth watched as the tears glided down Rachel's cheeks almost in slow motion as his words sunk in. He hated to hurt her. But he hated to lie. "But I still love you. I never _stopped_ loving you. And I want you to be here. And I want your problems and your crazy life and your mystery. I want to hold you and know that I'm the only one who will." He let out a long breath. "I want to be with you."

Rachel continued to stare at him as the tears rolled down her face before she felt around for the doorhandle, turned it and walked out of Seth's room.

* * *

Rachel lay awake staring into the darkness, not quite wanting to sleep and yet knowing tomorrow was going to be intense. But most of all still feeling the hurt that had been brought to her by Seth's words hours earlier.

She let out a long breath trying not to think about how empty the bed felt, and how foreign the room was. She still wasn't used to not having Seth beside her. Even if it had been over a month now since he'd been absent.

Rachel didn't need him to tell her he still had feelings for her. She knew because she still had feelings for him. If anything they were stronger _now_ then they had ever been.

Frustrated with her wondering mind and lack of sleep Rachel kicked the blanket off and trudged sleepily from the room. Walking down the moonlit corridor she passed Seth's room before stopping and going back. Facing the closed door she let her hand come to rest on the handle before taking in a long breath.

* * *

He woke to the sound of the door closing lightly and looked up to see a familiar figure enter the room and move toward the bed. They barely paused as they reached out, lifted the blanket and crawled in.

He watched her closely before tucking the blanket lightly around her. "You okay?" Ryan asked quietly.

Rachel settled down and looked at her brother for a time. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

He smiled tiredly at her. "Don't be," he replied. "We're okay."

"Are we?"

Ryan looked at her closely. "_Yeah_, we are."

There was a long pause.

"I miss Trey," Rachel said, her voice cracking slightly.

"I know," Ryan answered her.

She let out a long breath. "I keep thinking, maybe if we saw him more…"

"Nothing could have changed it."

"How do you know that?"

Ryan was silent for a time thinking whether or not he should finally tell Rachel the truth about why Trey had broken out. "His sentence was extended," he finally spoke.

"What?" Rachel asked shocked.

Ryan took in a long breath. "Something went wrong at their end. It's not your fault he broke out. He got stir crazy, you know what he's like."

Rachel closed her eyes tightly and let out a sad laugh. "What an idiot," she breathed.

Ryan looked at her closely. "How are things with Seth?"

Rachel opened her eyes slowly knowing he wasn't trying to change the subject, more get to the point about why she was here now. "I can't stand being near him," she spoke honestly.

"Why?"

"Because I think of how much I've changed him with everything that I've…"

"He loves you."

Rachel nodded. "I know," she whispered.

"Do you still love him?"

Rachel looked up at Ryan, holding his gaze but not letting the words pass her lips. He already knew the answer.

"Trey would have wanted you to be happy."

Rachel smiled. "I am."

Ryan looked at her, nodding his head slightly, though he knew full well that she was lying.

* * *

The next morning Rachel jogged down the steps into the kitchen, all the while her left hand clasped the back of her dress in a deathly grip. "Kirsten!" She called, looking into the family room, dining area and hallway.

When no answer came she turned to head back upstairs only to run straight into Seth who smiled awkwardly. "Oh, sorry."

"No, it's cool," she replied not looking at him, not after the previous night. "Just got the whole falling-out-of-my-dress thing going on."

"Oh yeah," Seth began. "Do you want me to…?"

"I was gonna get Kirsten…"

"Yeah…that's…no…you should…"

"But if you…"

Seth looked down at Rachel and smiled at their uncomfortable state. "Yeah, turn around."

Rachel hesitated before turning her back to him and letting the dress go when she felt him take hold. He took a step closer so she could feel his breath on the side of her neck as she subconsciously watched him out of the corner of her eye.

There was something about his demenour that let her know he was still thinking about his previous words to her. Yet there was no remorse. Maybe for goof reason, but that didn't mean her heart stopped breaking.

"So how does this…?" Seth inquired taking a hold of the ties which crossed along her otherwise completely bare back. "No, wait, I've got it." He pulled the fabric into place, letting his fingers linger a little too long. "Done."

Rachel turned back and smiled trying to mask the effect he was having on her and the pain she felt inside. "Thanks."

Seth shrugged. "No biggy."

She nodded awkwardly. "You look good."

"Well I try," Seth replied. "Black shirt."

Rachel laughed and nodded looking at his outfit. "Guys always look hot…"

"…in a black shirt."

He remained silent for a long time simply staring at her. "About last night…"

"Don't," she was quick to cut in. "I deserved it. I even _understand_ it. At least part of me does." She finally let her eyes come to rest on his. "I've put you through a lot Seth, _guiltily_, yeah, but mostly _selfishly_. And you've lived with it. And I'm sorry you've had too but I can't change who I am or what I've done." Again, silence. "I'd better go. I don't think your parents would like it if I turned up with no make-up and a bed-head," she said in reference to the fact that the only thing that made her look dressed up was what she wore. She turned and walked away.

"Hey," Seth called after her causing her to stop and face him. "You look beautiful, even without all the other fancy stuff." There was a clear sincerity in his voice.

Rachel nodded at him before walking away.

* * *

Music played softly in the background as Seth spoke to Hailey. "I'm starting to get used to these," she said. "A little champagne…a little music…and two-hundred of Newport's finest to keep us entertained." Sarcasm filled her tone.

"You _really_ need to get out more," he stated.

Hailey only laughed. "Shouldn't I been saying that to you?"

Suddenly Rachel appeared before them, and Seth nearly choked on the drink he had been sipping. "Hey guys," she said a little rushed.

"Wow, Rachel, you sure know how to work it so guys fall over themselves for a piece of you. Doesn't she Seth?"

Seth coughed slightly as he tried not to gawk. He'd seen the dress but… "Uh…she…well…"

_God he looks good,_ Rachel thought, mentally kicking herself.

"Did Kirsten help you choose the dress?" Hailey continued.

_I can't believe I used to sleep with…_Seth pulled his thoughts together before they began to run wild.

_Don't stare at him idiot, look somewhere else,_ Rachel instantly looked away from Seth.

"It's really pretty," Hailey went on.

_Think un-sexy thoughts,_ Seth chanted.

_This is hell_, Rachel thought.

_Her eyes, that smile, those boo…shut up brain!_

"So, Hailey," Rachel finally spoke. "Kirsten needs you in the kitchen."

"Her my mother out of there!" Seth exclaimed.

"She hired caterers Seth," Hailey reassured. "You kids have fun now." She walked away.

Rachel watched as she disappeared before turning back to Seth whose gaze instantly snapped away from her figure. She smirked. "I might go and find Summer," she said. "Make sure she's not hitting on too many people."

Seth laughed awkwardly. "Are you enjoying the party?"

Rachel went to walk away before smiling at him. "I'll let you know."

* * *

Rachel stood before the mirror in the guestroom trying to figure out why she'd been staring at herself for the last twenty minutes. Maybe she was attempting to find the one thing Seth couldn't let go of. Maybe she was trying to find the one thing holding her back.

_Or maybe I just don't wanna be at the party_, she thought.

Her thoughts were interrupted however, when there was a soft knock at the door. It quietly opened and Luke walked in.

"How you doing?" he asked casually.

Rachel smiled and turned to face him. "I'm hiding in a room, attempting to stay away from Newport's finest…how do you think?"

Luke smirked and watched as she moved over and fell back onto the bed, hands behind her head. She stared up at the ceiling for a time before Luke sat down beside her.

"These the new digs?" he asked referring to the room.

Rachel nodded. "I got sick of shacking up with Ry'; and for some reason that sounds really dirty."

Luke laughed at her comment and lay down side on to her, his head propped up on his hand. There was something about being alone with Rachel now that made him flash back to the conversation he had with Summer many weeks ago.

Luke knew that deep down inside he _did_ have feelings for Rachel, there was no denying it. However, he also knew that above all else, being her friend was his main priority.

"Are you having fun?" Rachel asked softly.

"I am now," Luke murmured.

Rachel gazed over to him, looking straight into his eyes without hesitation. She saw something there that she'd missed so much since leaving Seth. Love. Unconditional love.

It was then that Rachel did something totally unexpected on both hers and Luke's part. She slowly sat up and stared down at him, her hand gently coming to rest on his bisep. Without thinking, she leaned down and pressed her lips to his.

Only one thought ran through her mind as Rachel kissed Luke. She had to know. She had to know if she _did_ feel something for him. She needed the answer to the one thing that had plagued her since the moment she fell into his arms after the soccer game, so long ago.

Luke kissed Rachel back, hesitantly at first but then found himself overwhelmed by the feeling. This was what he had wanted – _needed­_ – for so long. To have the chance to see what it was that lay between them. If there was lust or love or simply friendship.

As the kiss grew deeper, Rachel felt her heart thumping loudly against her chest. She could feel Luke run his fingers through her hair, his touch so foreign. She could hear the voices telling her how wrong she was. How selfish.

In that moment it all seemed to be amplified. The feel of Luke beneath her, the voices, the conscious thought of how could this be happening?

"_I knew it! You totally have like always wanted him," _Summer would say

"_What the hell do you think you're doing? Grow up and stop just thinking about yourself," _was Ryan's disapproving voice.

"_You and Luke huh?" _Seth's voice echoed in her mind_. "That's cool…I mean…you're happy…that's…yeah that's cool."_

It was then that she knew.

Rachel pulled away from Luke and stared down at him. She knew that her own expression mirrored his. "Thankyou," she whispered before pushing off him and disappearing out the door.

* * *

Seth snuck up behind Rachel and sat down close to her, resting his chin upon her shoulder. "Hey," he said.

He had seen her walk into his room not five minutes earlier having watched her slip away from the party. She'd sat down on his bed with a sigh, taking in her surroundings sadly.

This is how he had found her, knee's pulled up to her chest, Captain Oats in hand, playing with the horses mane. He wasn't going to question why she was there. Not yet anyway.

Rachel smiled slightly. "Hey."

"You missed the much anticipated throwing of the bouquet," Seth explained leaning away from her. "Those girls can get nasty when their desperate attempts to get hitched could get a boost."

Rachel laughed slightly. "Well when their husband could be the next rich boy of New Port, you'd be surprised what people will do."

"My theory – if you want to know."

"I'll end up hearing it anyway."

"All you have to do," Seth began. "Is marry some rich, old guy, force him into not writing a pre-nup, and then when the best opportunity presents itself…push him down your million dollar staircase and get all his money."

There was a long pause before Rachel spoke again. "We _really_ need to get you a hobby."

Seth only shrugged. "Here," he said producing an amazing array of flowers to Rachel. "I thought you might like them."

Rachel sat speechless, staring at the flowers for what seemed like an age. "You _didn't_," she exclaimed turning to face Seth who smiled. "Seth, you _stole_ your mothers bouquet?"

He shrugged again before receiving a playful hit. "Hey, what was that for?"

"I can't believe you," she smiled.

There was a long silence then between them as each became lost in their own thoughts. In a sense, the situation they were in should have felt odd, it should have been foreign, but for some reason neither seemed anything but content.

"Your parents are gonna have a fun night," Rachel suddenly broke in, trying to get some sort of conversation going.

Seth gave Rachel a strange look. "Uh…okay?"

"It's technically a second honeymoon."

Seth's eyes widened in absolute, utter shock. "Don't say that!" He screamed. "My mind's too innocent to have those images in it."

Rachel couldn't help the smile which spread along her face and before she could stop herself the words came out. "Come on, it's not like it's anything we haven't done."

Seth felt an instant pang within his stomach at her words as an array of memories came flooding back into his mind. They had done some special things. But he tried his hardest to hide the fact that he had instantly become more aware that they were both sitting together…_on his bed_….

Instead he simply let out a sound of disgust. "Oh God stop!" He cried.

Rachel was quick to stand, trying to get some distance between them as what she said began to sink in. "Hailey seems to be having fun," she suggested gazing out of the window at the crowd below.

Seth moved up beside her and looked over her shoulder. "Yeah, the whole clan is." He smiled slightly before letting his eyes come to rest on her face. "Why are you up here?"

Rachel looked down for a moment before shrugging. "Quality time with Captain Oats," she commented with all sincerity.

"Oh, I see," Seth replied. "So I guess I should leave you both to it then."

Rachel laughed at that. "I might end up as crazy as you if you leave me with nothing but a plastic horse for company."

Seth raised his eyebrows. "You think I'm crazy?"

Rachel laughed again, she couldn't help it. "Maybe," she replied looking at him playfully.

It was then that Seth did something neither of them had expected. He grabbed onto her, his fingers tickling her sides leaving Rachel laughing madly and trying to break away. There was nothing she could do however, and the more she fought, the more he seemed to get a better hold on her.

It wasn't until they both tripped on the end of the bed and went tumbling onto it that they realised what had just happened between them.

Rachel instantly stopped laughing when she looked up and registered the position they had found themselves in. Seth lay atop her, his eyes gazing into hers. Both had stopped dead in their tracks at the situation they were now in.

Seth looked down at Rachel as she breathed deeply being sure that his own face mirrored her shocked expression. He knew it was because they truly shouldn't have been caught like this. He knew he should get off her, move away. After everything that had happened between them the simply pleasure of being together was now awkward. Or maybe the reason for his uneasiness was because a simple act that fate had brought them to a position where they finally had to make a choice.

"Rach…" Seth began but was cut short by Rachel pulling him down toward her and pressing her lips to his.

"What?" Rachel whispered between breaths knowing that soon there would be no air left in her lungs to speak.

"Maybe…" he began. "We shouldn't…" he pressed her deeper into the mattress, feeling her hands glide down his back. "Do this…"

Rachel let out a small moan as he pressed his lips to her neck. "I know," she answered. "But…"

Suddenly she tore away not knowing why she had done what she did. She felt Seth let out a sigh against her neck and rest his forehead on her collarbone. Both of them knew that they shouldn't be doing this. Not now. Not after everything they'd promised themselves. Not after the previous night.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Seth shook his head and looked at her. "It's alright," he said before pushing off her and walking a little away.

Rachel pushed herself into a sitting position, her legs over the side of the bed, head in her hands. She felt like she was on fire. Everything about kissing Seth felt so right and yet for some reason they had both decided that it was so very wrong.

Seth bit down on his knuckles, pacing slightly before letting out a long sigh. He didn't know how long he could keep this up for. Denying them both of something that they knew they needed but at the same time had ruined so much for them. Everything about the way their lives were now was perfect. There was no obligation. Just friendship.

It felt like a brick had hit his chest when Rachel had kissed him. Like nothing Seth had ever experienced because it was something he had wanted for so long and yet had decided not to have.

_Pull it together, _he thought to himself. _It was just a bad move by her. You know nothings going to happen._

Seth turned then and looked at Rachel as she sat, head down, fingers tangled in her hair. How he loved her. There was no question. There never had been. He couldn't _stop_ loving her. No matter how much he had tried over the past few weeks. No matter how many times he'd told himself to move on, to stop procrastinating, to just accept that it was over…

_You can't have her Seth, _he began thinking. _But you want her…but you can't have her…you know you…_

He stopped suddenly. Stopped pacing. Stopped thinking. Stopped caring about anything that would happen…

"Seth, I think we should…" Rachel began looking up.

Her sentence was left unfinished however as Seth stepped forward and kissed her like he'd never kissed her before. Rachel fell back onto the bed as her mind spun and her heart beat hard in her chest. She had almost forgotten what it felt like to be with Seth in such a way. It amazed Rachel at how much she had neglected them of by trying to keep her distance from Seth.

Seth pulled away slightly and whispered. "I love you."

Rachel stared back up at him. There was a long silence. It was enough for Seth to feel that she'd ripped out his heart and bounced it around like a basketball.

He couldn't describe the look on her face. It was one of total sadness and yet at the same time almost fearful. She finally had to decide exactly how the situation was going to go. If not for now, then for forever. Seth couldn't keep feeling the way he did. He loved her. He'd just told her that. But she simply stared at him as though he'd told her the football score. Why couldn't she understand that he was in total anguish because he wanted her so much yet she refused to let him in. she refused to…

Finally she spoke. "Then why'd you stop kissing me?"

Seth blinked at her reply before face grew a smile as he let her wriggle her way to the top of the bed, covering her body with his and kissing her again. "You're so beautiful," he murmured against her lips.

Rachel smiled against his mouth causing Seth to pull away. "You said that the first time we kissed."

"I would have been an idiot if I didn't," Seth stated.

"You're an idiot anyway."

Seth shrugged. "That's something I can't deny."

Smiling Rachel leaned up and kissed Seth again. "I love you."

* * *

Seth watched his parents dancing about having the time of their lives thanks to the music, the surroundings and the alcohol. Hailey and Jimmy soon joined them making an attempt not to spill their drinks as they moved to the music laughing and bopping away.

What felt like hundreds of people were packed into the Cohen's backyard sipping Chardonnay by the barbecue area or gossiping by the tables. Seth himself sat by the pool running his finger uninterestingly along the rim of his champagne glass and thinking about what had happened down at the beach a mere few hours earlier.

A slight smile crept along his face at the thought that his life was finally back to normal. No more drama. No more moves. Just happiness to sit back and lap up.

He only then became aware that Rachel was whispering to him, her lips lightly brushing against his ear. "What are you smiling at?" she asked.

Seth grinned even wider and pulled her closer to his body as she sat on his lap. "Just thinking," he replied.

"About me?"

"And ruin a perfectly good thought?"

Rachel smirked and took the drink from him, downing the remainder in one swallow. She looked back at Seth teasingly. "Let's just say," she began, wrapping her arms around his neck. "That _hypothetically _speaking you _were_ thinking about me, what would said thoughts contain?"

"Well," Seth said smiling again at the intended cheekiness of her question. "They would, of course, be all questioning how _any_ woman could possibly win over this swingin' bachelors heart, let alone share his bathroom, hid pool and his bed without him going _completely_ mental."

Rachel looked at his playfully. "You just can't resist the thought of walking in on me getting dressed."

Seth thought for a long time. "Yep, the would be it."

It was then that a woman approached them smiling at Seth and giving Rachel a quick once over. "Seth, how are you?"

Seth grinned back recognising the woman as Karen, an attorney from his fathers old firm. He could recall her being a guest at many dinner parties over the years, mostly those to do with charity.

"Good," he replied. "This is Rachel."

Karen nodded at the girl perched on Seth's lap. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Rachel replied.

She turned back to Seth. "You know I wouldn't normally ask," Karen stated. "But I have to go and discuss something with Caleb and I need someone to watch Emily just while I'm gone."

Seth only then noticed the young girl hiding behind Karen's leg. She peeped out and gave him a shy smile before disappearing again. He let out a small laugh and looked at Karen.

"I'd ask your parents but they're…"

"Too busy getting drunk," Seth ended jokingly.

Karen smiled. "Please, it would mean a lot and I won't be gone long."

Seth stammered for a moment not knowing exactly how to reply. If Rachel hadn't been with him then there would have been no problem but there was something about her own ordeal with losing a child that made him stop and…

"Sure." Seth looked at Rachel completely shocked by her answer. She gazed back at him running her fingers through his hair and gave him a smile. "Seth has a knack for taking care of people." It was easy for Seth to pick up the double meaning in her words.

"Thank you so much," Karen said. "Em, baby you can stay here with Seth and Rachel for a little while."

Rachel moved off Seth's lap and crouched before the little girl as she revealed herself and Karen left. "Hey sweetie, you can stay here with us for a while."

Emily giggled at Rachel's words before pulling her close by her wrist as if to whisper but in reality spoke at a normal volume. "He's handsome," she stuttered looking at Seth.

Rachel couldn't help but grin at the youngster, no older than six, as she attempted the long word. She turned at gazed at Seth. "I know," she replied.

Emily laughed again and Seth smiled back at his companion.

* * *

Hours passed and before long it was time for Sandy and Kirsten to take up the podium and thank their guests. Silence fell over the garden as Summer and Marissa joined Seth, Ryan and Rachel at the front of the crowd. Rachel offered Marissa a smile, which was returned warmly.

"Thankyou," Sandy began. "We won't take up much of your time because we know how much you'd all rather be drinking than listening to us."

"Here, Here!" Seth chanted loudly causing Kirsten to look at him strongly.

"Those of us who are _old_ enough to drink," she said jokingly.

"Anyway," Sandy continued. "Both Kirsten and I would just like to say a few words of thanks. Firstly to everyone who came today, our close friends and relatives and work colleagues. It's not often we all come together like this and it doesn't involve the opening of something, or a charity event. So thank you all for taking some time out to celebrate with us."

"We just wanted free booze!" Seth called out receiving a swift elbow from Rachel.

"Thank you Rachel," Sandy said with smile. "_Most of all_ thankyou to the three young adults standing in front of us. None of this would have been possible without our beautiful kids standing by us. Not that they're _kids_ any more. They've all grown up quicker than we would have hoped but in ways we could have only imagined. You've all proven just how special you are, no matter _how_ you became a part of our lives. You _never_ fail to surprise us. Whether it's caring for the people around you or caring for _each other,_ a moment never goes by where you have to question just _what_ you all mean to us and to each other."

Summer smiled at Kirsten's words looking over to see Seth with an arm around Rachel's waist and Ryan with an arm around her shoulders. They all had smiles on their faces. Ryan's almost a sad one.

"And now at least I'm not so outnumbered by the boys," Kirsten piped in causing Rachel and the rest of the guests to laugh. "But like Sandy was saying, the love you three show _each other_ is enough to make _any_ parents proud. It's _unconditional_ and _endless_ and more powerful than _anything_ either of us have _ever_ experienced. And we give it straight back to all of you. Seth, Ryan and Rachel, you're our children, and we give back the love to you that you give to each other. _Unconditionally_."

* * *

Seth awoke late that night of the party to find Rachel sitting by the window staring out into the darkness. He quickly climbed out of bed and wondered over to her.

"Did I wake you?" she asked softly as she felt his fingertips brush along her bare shoulders.

Seth shook his head, he could tell she'd been crying. "You okay?"

Rachel let on a small smile turning to look at him. "I will be, go back to bed."

Seth watched her closely. "Do you want to go for a walk?"

"What?" Rachel asked with a laugh. "Where?"

"Wherever you want."

"Seth, it's _three_ in the morning," she stated.

Seth tilted his head slightly. "Believe me, I'm _well aware_ of that," he replied. "Come on, get dressed"

Rachel stared at him for a long moment not quite sure what his plan was exactly. Nevertheless, she walked over to the dresser, pulling one draw open before spotting a piece of paper which had fallen from the top.

Leaning over she picked up the object, flipping it over to reveal a picture of herself and…Trey. Rachel froze. She'd never seen the photo before. She couldn't even remember it being taken.

"He asked me to give it to you. It was what he wanted to show you in the car." Seth's voice floated into her consciousness.

Rachel stared blankly at the image before looking up at Seth in disbelief. "You…how…?" Her brow furrowed. "He…"

Seth took a wary step forward. "He found me the day before the thing at the beach," he explained noting the disbelief on her face. "I didn't want to tell you what had happened just in case you…"

Rachel swallowed hard before nodding her head slowly. "It was Ry's birthday," she whispered so softly that barely any words came out at all. "I remember."

Seth watched as a slow stream of tears trickled down her cheeks. He let out a long sigh before stepping forward and taking her into his arms. But just as he went to rest his head against hers Rachel pulled away and stared at him. Her expression resembled one of confusion, as though she'd only just remembered that he was there in the room with her.

"I'm so sick of this," she said.

"Of what?" Seth asked trying to hide how her reaction had hurt him.

Rachel looked up at him taking a step backward. "I just can't let it go, and I don't know why."

"You watched someone be shot, of course it's going to…"

"I've seen it before," she admitted causing Seth to look at her shocked. "It's not new."

Seth looked closely at her. "It was your _brother_ not some thug who thought Chino was his war field."

Rachel gazed at him. "I know," she said softly pausing to take in a calming breath before continuing. "I miss him."

Seth nodded in understanding. "I missed _you_."

He moved toward her placing a light kiss on her forehead before Rachel pressed herself close to him taking in a long breath and finally letting him comfort her.

* * *

"_There's gonna be a rainbow!" Rachel squealed as she ran through the run-down garden, rain pouring from the sky._

_Ryan blocked the shot as Trey aimed a lay-up at the make-shift basketball net they had managed to construct from a flat bike tire. He turned momentarily to look at the ten year old girl, part of him so uninterested in what she was saying._

"_Hey, we playing or not?" Trey asked demandingly._

_He didn't try to hide the fact that as a young teen he had the most power over the two in the garden with him. A few years older than Ryan, Trey was not in the habit of controlling his siblings._

_Rachel ran up to them both, stealing the ball and throwing it as far as she could. "I win, get over it!"_

_Trey hit Ryan upside the head. "Go get it stupid."_

"_Don't call him that," Rachel stated._

_Trey stared at her. "Shut up."_

_Rachel stopped short at his words. Within only moments her face had turned from shock to anger and she punched him hard in the chest just like Ryan had taught her. _

"_I hate you!" she screamed._

"_Yeah?" Trey asked. "Well I hate you too. Deal with it."_

"_Trey, just shut up and play," Ryan finally spoke._

"_You don't care about me," Rachel continued. "You're my brother, you're supposed to care about me." She pushed him back hard. "Why don't you care about me? All you care about is yourself."_

_Finally, Trey picked up the basketball and threw it violently, missing Rachel by inches. "Grow the hell up Rachel!"_

* * *

Rachel sat watching the ocean the morning after the party as the waves crashed upon the shore. Looking out across the sand she could just make out the images of Sandy and Kirsten. Somewhere close by Ryan and Seth were buying tools to build a sandcastle just to prove the point that neither of them had a mature bone in their body. She had been left alone for a while waiting for them to return. Waiting, just as she always seemed to, for what was coming next.

Ryan had always told her that the stronger people were, the bigger their weaknesses. Part of her knew he was right. She knew that no matter what there was nothing that she could do about their past, about their weakness. She couldn't change what had happened, how many people she had hurt, how many people she had lost.

There were people around her however, who had made the choice to become the strong holds to her weaknesses. Sandy, Kirsten, Luke, Summer, even Marissa had all began to be the material to mend all the wrong. And Seth…he had the _choice_ to love her and still did.

The moment the thought had passed she felt a small kiss being placed on her neck before it was nuzzled affectionately. "You got what we need?" she asked laughing slightly at how he tickled her.

"Mmm," Seth replied absently. "Sent Ryan to give it to my parents." Rachel glanced at the tiny figures in the distance, seeing the large objects Ryan was carrying. "You okay?"

Rachel turned to face him and smiled and genuine smile. "Yeah."

Seth nodded before kissing her. "You ready to build a mighty fortress?"

Rachel raised a single eyebrow. "I highly doubt a Seth Cohen made sandcastle will be mighty."

Seth's hand flew to his heart dramatically and he fell back onto the sand. "You wound me, right here." He thumped his chest. "I can't even muster a masterful comeback I'm so hurt." His eyes went wide as Rachel looked on in amusement. "Oh the pain, the pain of it all!" He let his body slump, eyes rolling back, tongue hanging out of his mouth.

After a long pause he opened one eye to see Rachel smirking down at him. "Not exactly Oscar Award winning," she said. "More like, _The Valley_ meets _91210_."

Seth frowned and leaned up on his elbows. "But I'm better looking than the guys on those shows."

Rachel smiled leaning in closer. "Works for me," she said leaning in close and teasing him slightly. "You gonna drop the act yet?" She asked kissing him.

Seth scrunched up his nose. "Not sure," he replied. "Give me one more."

She kissed him again.

"And…one more."

And again.

Seth smiled inwardly. "And just one…"

But before he could finish his sentence Rachel slapped him hard across the arm. "You little perve."

"What did I say?" he asked grinning.

"Ry' would cut you into little pieces if he knew some of the things you do."

Seth nodded his head leaning in close as though it would make what he said even more believable. "Ryan knows a _lot_ of things I do and I still have all my pieces."

Rachel tilted her head. "You're just lucky he's known you longer than I have because otherwise he would be hunting you down with a pick-axe."

"Ooh, slice-n-dice- Seth," he replied in wonder. "What kind of burger could they make me into?"

"They'd feed you to the dogs," Rachel joked.

Seth put on an over the top, forced laugh. "You know you'd eat me any day."

Rachel screwed up her nose. "In the words of Summer…_ew_."

Seth leaned back in shock. "You do that too well."

She laughed before being cut off by his lips on hers. There was nothing like being with Seth. Nothing like knowing that no matter what nothing between them had changed. Nothing like seeing there were genuinely good people in the world.

"Some of us are _actually_ waiting to build a sandcastle."

Rachel tore away from Seth at the sound of Ryan's voice behind them. "We were coming…"

"Yeah," Seth stated. "Ready to build a mighty fortress." He helped Rachel stand. "Seeing as you're here now Ryan I'll race you back."

Both Ryan and Rachel gave him and odd look "Are you serious?" Rachel asked.

"Go!" Seth cried dashing off toward his parents.

Rachel looked at her brother and laughed before he said to her. "If he does anything more than kiss you…"

Rachel only rolled her eyes and Ryan's attempt to be brotherly and jumped onto his back wrapping her arms around his neck so he could carry her. "You're about a year and a half too late Ry', and you _know_ it."

"We'll see about that," he replied before taking off after Seth.

Rachel screamed with laughter as Ryan streaked across the sand. On catching up to Seth, Ryan eventually tossed Rachel off his back and she landed on the sand beside Kirsten.

"Wow, that was classy," she mumbled.

"I, _Seth Cohen_, outran _Ryan Atwood_?" Seth asked with amazement as Rachel moved up to sit beside him.

"You didn't have to carry _her_," he stated pointing to his sister and sitting down beside Sandy who was unwrapping the picnic which they had set up.

"I'm not _that_ heavy," Rachel protested.

Ryan looked at her. "You're heavy _enough_."

"You calling me _fat_?"

Sandy laughed then. "Be _very_ careful about how you answer this one Ryan."

"_Well_…?" Rachel said.

Ryan smiled at her. "_Yeah_."

Rachel's eyes narrowed. "You and me, later buddy and I'm going to kick your ass."

"Ooh, this could get ugly," Seth chimed in.

"Well before anyone gets a black eye how about we get stuck into this food," Kirsten suggested causing both Ryan and Rachel to stop paying attention to each other.

Everyone reached in and began to fill their plates with salad and cold meats chatting about the previous night as they did. Rachel sat back and watched for a moment, her mind trailing back to that day in the backyard with Ryan and Trey. She couldn't shake the feeling that maybe that was where it had all began. The reason why she'd tried to become an adult too quickly.

After everything that had happened things finally seemed to have become exactly how she had wished them to be when she was child. When she played outside with her brothers, when she ran through the rain or cried herself to sleep listening to the abuse of AJ.

"You going to eat something?" Seth asked wrapping an arm around Rachel.

She snapped out of her thoughts and leaned in to take a piece of fruit. As she did she caught Ryan's eye and he smiled warmly at her. The protector. The one who was there. The _only _one who was still there and yet for some reason that didn't matter. He was the only person Rachel felt she _needed_ now anyway.

Rachel watched the family eat. _Her_ family. The ones who truly _did_ care. Who loved her. Who supported her. A smile came over Rachel's face as she moved closer to Seth and took a bite of her apple.

She _had_ grown up and now all that was left to do was to live.

To live the life she'd always intended to.

With her family.

**_THE END…_**

(Wow, it's been a long ass journey – and an even longer chapter – but we've finally come to the end. Well at least until someone gives me the inspiration to write more. But I would like to do one big thank you to all my reviewers and all the people who have supported this story from the beginning, even through the not so great parts. It means a lot to me that you guys enjoy my writing so thanks. Cheers Amanda!)


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